All Comments on 'Hospitality'

The story has a wonderful start, good content, an interesting character and an intriguing premise. The following is constructive criticism. It's not done to bash you or your talents as a writer. Everyone needs help and sometimes the help comes even when you don't ask for it. Did you know that Stephen King threw his novel Carrie, in the trash? His wife fished it out and the rest is history! You really need an editor. I couldn't finish the story because of it. I got as far as him sighting the house. You use commas like your story is an ice-cream cone and the commas are sprinkles. You use the wrong tense constantly (past, present and future tense). You include inanimate objects unnecessarily into a descriptive sentence, your sentences run on and at times you blend sentences that have no reason to be connected.

I have to agree with your other 'anonymous' comment; it's no good at all having a well constructed story (which this is) if it is spoiled by bad grammar. I suppose this must sound like just 'nit-picking' - but when you are enjoying what you read and suddenly it become a mish-mash of tenses, mis-placed commas etc well, it spoils a good thing.and turns it into something mediocre. That's a shame. There are many willing and able editors available to you - use them.

I have to agree with anonymous here: especially the part about tenses.

For once the anonymous posters are right (never thought I'd say that). This story was pretty sexy, but the tense switches did throw the sexiness of the story off a little bit. Get good editor, and keep doing what youre doing, and youll be able to make erotic gold! And again, never thought I'd see a non-trolling anonymous comment, since this site is full of asshole Anons.

Wonderful story, as Lily takes control!

I have to throw in with the other commenters here. This poor story is just infested with tense changes. Worse, there are frequent improper pronoun changes. There are commas where they don't belong and no commas where they are needed. And last, but not least, there are a number of run on sentences. Really, almost unreadable in its present form.

And yet... and yet it is a really good story if you can get around all that. Spooky and haunting enough that it could easily have been placed in the Erotic Horror category. Sexy and erotic enough to get off on if (Spoiler alert) being captured, bound, mind controlled, ravished and enslaved by a sexy forest nymph is your kind of thing. I was intrigued enough by this story that I copied and pasted it into Word and fixed everything, and the effort was worth it!

This author has a wonderful imagination. It's just too bad his knowledge of how to write does not match that imagination. Still, for me anyway, that imagination has proved good enough that I plan to try some more of his stories. I suppose I will have to take the time to fix them too, but, hopefully, it will be worth it!

Well, they all can't be good stories. This one started off a little shaky and steadily got worse. I'm no English major, hell I had to take it twice in high school, but when Lily tells Roy he doesn't need to "worry about nothing", even my dumb ass knows that's wrong. And yes, switching between tenses was bad. Story just didn't make much sense after a bit and the ending was just as awful.