All Comments on 'Hotboxing'

Interesting idea... I like it!

hi, very interesting. It did not rise, (pun intended) to my standard , which is my erection level, but it is very well written. Almost but not quite believable. There is something needed earlier in the story to enrapture her, perhaps some way for the machine to plumb her mind for what turns her on or the invocation of an old memory. or touching just the right spot in just the right way? I feel you need one thing early to really grab her psyche. I question??? Did she cum??? One little trick. make your sentences shorter and quicker near the climax. All in all, very well done.

Robert,

Thanks for the compliments re Hotboxing. In the original draft there was a longer section that was essentially backstory for Jen--her past, how she came to be a car thief et al, including a section about fetishes. I cut that out for space and condensed the backstory to two, three sentences at best. I am already incredibly brutal when it comes to editing my own work as I try to keep things to 2500-3000 words max. Most people's attention drifts after that, so I try to keep the story as short and sweet as possible.

Interesting that you bring up the lack of passion--I got a response from another person a few months ago that referenced that very thing, but it actually was a turn on than anything else. She even took. "bubble bath" afterwards!