All Comments on 'HouseKeeping Ch. 08'

Your story is the highlight of my day. I just wish I was in Todd's shoes. Lucky bloke. When's the next chapter due? Can't wait. Holtarn.

Stay writing in 1st person. You switched to 3rd some and it did not flow well in those parts. I like the story though.

keep it in the first person. I/he, him/me, his/my distract from the flow of the story, especially when used in the same sentence.

Hadn't noticed it before but this chapter had too many instances where the tense switched, even mid-sentence.

"As they entered their room, I kicked the door closed" he not I

Did someone else write part of this. It seemed like two writers, with differing time lines and viewpoints wrote this chapter.

I love the story, thank you. Please get someone to proof for you in the future.