All Comments on 'How High a Price - Early Finds a...'

why don't you try writing something of your own. The way you switch characters is very confusing, and the introduction of a character from another story with no set up totally fucked up the flow.

A good conclusion to the original. However, your follow-up did not attribute the story source to the original author, The Troubador. All the other authors that posted a follow-up showed the courtesy of mentioning the original author.

Boyd

when she is riding up and down strickner's cock and shew is worried about the poll of cum leaking out that does sound like the Susan from the original story?

No it doesn't...

Thank you for your direction on where complaints should be addressed.

The ending you wrote to "How High A Price" is the equivalent of throwing paint on the Mona Lisa. You have ignored the character developement of Susan and Early by creating two new characters who bear no resemblance to those in The Troubador's tale.

Your story switches narrative perspective without warning and fails proper syntax repeatedly. There are so many problems with this story that one can only hope you avoid further desecrations if you ever chose to write again.

she got caught cheating and payed a heavy price.that what writers should see and understand.a man dick don't get hard watching others fuck his woman.

In my opinion guys like you in fact are the really true wimps, not the guys who enjoy seeing and enjoying when the one they love has fun.

With the bad writing added onto the usual unrealistic revenge drama this story never had a chance. Just one hint, for a beginner like yourself don't try and change narrators halfway through.

I couldn't even get through the first paragraph. The most confusing bit of trash I have ever been exposed to.

Well done, Author. Keep them coming.

It's one thing when you write your own stories. It's an entirely different thing when you write a continuation of someone elses story. I agree with Harry and most of the other Anonymous commentors. This was a poor story. This is written as if you never read the original story so there was no continuity or intensity.

For Anonymous - True Wimp, you were even more off base with your comment than the author of the story. If it was a joke it was poorly told and if it was serious? Man you either need to read the original story and then this or you just plain need help

Read ya later (uh no)

Bishop

that the good authors of cheating wife stories are posting somewhere else. Since many of the good writers were older, maybe they have just stopped writing. I do not know what the reasons are, but there is a real paucity of good stories in the "Loving Wives" category.

Most of what is left are about wimps, multiple partners, wife sharing, cuckolds, etc...very little that requires a real plot, character development, or the writing of a good ending that is consistent with the story. It's a shame!

C'est la vie!

This revisionist story reminds me of neo-conservative radio talk show hosts; skim the surface and blast everybody. Sort of a satire on the original story, certainly nothing new or interesting.

This was not like throwing paint on Mona Lisa. It was like painting Cows in the Meadow and calling it Mona Lisa. The only resemblance to the original story and characters are the names.

Many comments were on the actual writing. The ones that were not, defined the no-wimp group that reads, and trashes, Loving Wife stories that do not include revenge, and reflect the polarization of LW readers.

If you want revenge - not consequences but revenge - you loved it notwithstanding lack of character development and lack of plot along with seriously flawed writing. Anything other than total annhilation brings the "wimp" label. Anything immediate and over-the-top forceful is highly regarded, even if the writing only approximates English.

Louguy, if credible writers are avoiding LW these days, I suspect that is a good part of the reason. If massive retaliation is a required element of a story to get good comments, score well and avoid you-should-be-killed abuse in comments and email, why not just post elsewhere? I don't know if LW is being avoided. It takes time to write a consistent story, get the plot and characterization right, correct grammar and write credible dialog. If you can pump them out quickly, they probably won't be very good.

I know I will think seriously about no-wimp, I-don't-care-how-it's-written gang before I write another.

Yeah, I'm keeping it anonymous. I've seen stories bombarded with 1s because their author left a comment on somebody else's story.

Incoming:

You've corrupted a classic. "Anonymous in Minnesota" pretty much expressed my feelings on this story. You put catsup on filet mignon; you drew a mustache on "Whistler's Mother"; you painted flames on a Rolls Royce and hung foam dice from the rear view mirror; you polluted a story that has much acclaim and has long been the cause of much discussion, consternation and appreciation.

I must also fervently agree with "louguy35." At one time this genre was thick with enjoyable stories written by talented authors. Now it seems to be populated by submissions from hacks who pander to the interest groups who represent the extremes. It's either cuckoldry in its most pathetic form, or it's uninspired, unimagininative and ridiculous retaliation for the sake of revenge.

I agree that it's a shame. And the truly sad part is that there is little liklihood that it will improve.

the original story --- which didn't receive a very high rating, either --- was supposed to be about EMOTIONS, not pure "actions" like this sequel.

this like, she did that and I did this, and she went out of town. fini.

well, there's no emotions, or even an attempt at them, in this "conclusion" so no one can realy take it seriously. in "real life", it is the drama, the tears, the arguments, the tantrums, the emotions, the hate, the love, the tragedy, etc., etc. that make a story worth reading or listening to or watching,,,,

but when you cut all those and just tell us: if you play, you gotta pay, it jsut don't do squat.

that's not to say any thing about the author; he/she's a very good writer. it's just that the writing just sucked, that's all

P.S. the phrase "women who use their head" should not have been wasted on a non-story like this; the author should have reserved that phrase for a more developed, true story of his own creation,,, alas,,,

After reading this story I'm almost too confused to even attempt to comment on it. I wish the Writer well in future endeavors but perhaps his saving grace might be an Editor.

I thought your story was hilarious - put a big smile on my face. And this was before we had a couple of lawyers reaping what they sowed. Well done!

Dear Sultan,

I don't know why so many hacks (yes, I said hacks!) feel they now have to take a perfectly well written story and twist the shit of out of it lately?

This piece of trash didn't credit the original author, did not remain consistent with the already established characters, and was poorly written to boot!

I agree that the really good writers are either posting elsewhere or have moved on into "paid" work. The fact is that in the area of the "Loving Wives" and "Erotic" are barren of really well thought out submissions any more. Instead we have mindless, tasteless dreck spewed out and increasingly it is "based" on a prior published material.

This author needs to stick to writing about his own weak ideas and leave the classic stuff alone.

Regards

C

A disorganized ramble at best. Any connection to the original story is purely accidental so I suppose one might quip, "The names have been retained to protect the guilty," which, in this case, is the author. The original characters were recklessly discarded and plastic blow-up dolls were substituted for them in this story "for the timid and weak." I can only guess the intended audience; sheep perhaps?

Instead of a thoughtful husband who considers his actions, the "Sultan" gives us Rambo on steroids who, by his example of swift, decisive action will ensure liberty, truth and justice for all. Please, spare us. No such substitution is wanted or needed. I will refrain from commentary on the "new and improved" Susan as it is impolite to use such words in public.

Insofar as a plot is concerned, I found none. Instead, the author tossed out a set of poorly done vignettes that do not connect well. There is no flow between scenes and the constant "I did this, he did that, she did this, they did that" is boring and gauche. The overblown moralizing at the end of story adds nothing of value.

Excellent fiction this is not. This double-aught is for you and it's richly deserved because this is trash fiction at its worst.

Not Well Written, A Little Confusing, But At Least A Happy NO WIMPS ENDING. U Coulda Smoothed it out, into a real well written piece of Satire. Poor Early finaly grew some balls!

Were you under the influence of something when you wrote this? The story is just plain poorly written. Forget satire, your story was at times incomprehensible. Since your other submissions evidenced some writing ability I'm at a loss as to how you felt compelled to release this mess.

the first ending would've ended much better if the writer had any balls.trying to play mind games,when your mind can't hang.this was the first writer mistake.you showed incoming the common sense about the story.

Was this piss-poor story written by an illiterate step-child? Or by a sick motherfucker? Why did I waste my time?

this isn't a writing contest or rewarded for the best story.this was a story of justice and revenge on a cheating whore and her scumbag lover.if you want to read a lot of bullshit go to writers who write about everything but the story.this was a simple payback story,straight to the point.great story and keep them coming.

assume they dont like what was said. It was a well writen easy to follow story and very good ending of the original story. The woman and her lover got off easy to some peoples way of thinking including mine.

No this is not a term paper. just a mexican term. I'll kick your essay if you think Early is a punk. I liked this Early only b/c he did it the right way. With no violence. This Susan was really a slut. She thinks with her pussy. Which isn't a bad thing, but leaves us dicks feeling left out. I only wish Early finds a good woman. Regards Luis.

i hope most people use common sense in judging others.your story was what it suppose to be a revenge story on a cheating wife. a lot of writers can do that and so they take it out of the writers that can.by writing off handed comments.their are the few who really enjoy this type of story and we thank you for not being a wimp or weak writer.give us the last of the photo story please.

the action against them was quick pointed and effective. there was justice

brief and to the point

the bitch had it cumming to her

I wonder how many Literotica stories have the Mendoza twins mentioned? I've often wondered if there are only a few Lit. authors writing under different names. Interesting story twists over other LW stories with similar themes.

The sultan of Brunei is gay

anybody who can and will carry a grudge and a big stick. TK U MLJ LV NV

I'll be sure to mention your consideration to him as I rot in the scorpion pit.

5*'s

i loved it. 5 star rating.

For the read.

I notice it has been several months since this unacknowledged continuation of a classic 'starter story' has been abused. It STILL deserves the abuse heaped upon it by so many. Consider it 'Kicked In The Ass' again on all the counts!

...for a sane response to a cheating wife! I am so tired of heart break and lunacy. We need more real men to kick the stupid bitch to the curb and move on with their lives. Women are just people, there are some good ones and some bad ones. You only get to go around once so the odds are some of us are going to marry a turd. When you find out your woman is shit, flush her and start looking for a good one. Now at least you have some experience and stand a better chance of finding a decent person. To all the cheaters out there, do the rest of us a favor, stick to your own kind. It will be better for everyone, we won't get cheated on and you won't get a beating.

This is by far the worst attempt to finish this story ever. It is poorly written, brings in unrelated characters and is as shallow an effort as I've read in awhile. That is remarkable considering the story, plot and characters were a given. I want cheaters to pay but this is contrite and unbelievable. Ugh, a waste of time.

I would rather see her burned at the stake...........

Great conclusion to this tale. The cheaters got what they deserved.

Usually it is fun to read the various sequels to How High a Price, but this one isn't worth the effort.

Worst sequel to this story.

Not worth reading at all.

Not a lot of angst, breast-beating, tears, emotional scenes of deep despair, or cosmic tragedy. Oh, well. I don't get the screams of anguish from the other commentators. This works for me as an optional ending.

knowing what was going on while on his way home? or before hand? calling and getting a PI on a Friday along with the evidence?,,wow, what a guy.

Is there another story I should have read before this one? How does Bill Jackson know what is going on?

I thought this was a great ending, quick and to the point.

This is the best variation on this story! I could never understand how anyone could imagine staying with a cheater. It is not just the betrayal. It is not just the sex with someone else. It is not just the possible exposure to every disease under the sun. No, what it mostly is; is the total lack of respect for the marriage and the offended spouse! It is the total lack of love! It is the death certificate of the marriage. Proof that the relationship is dead. If she had just said she wanted out, well then no hard feelings. The cheating demanded a response, and exposing the truth is always a great response!

Good story but I have to say ..... You have a very warped mind when it comes to revenge I love it and she most absolutely deserved what she got.

Who the hell was Phil Jackson? From one sentence to the next you went from third person for Susan to first person. For a second there I thought the husband was screwing the guy. Then you have her and the husband both using I in the same paragraph. Terrible writing. One star.

Gave it a 3.

I just came across this one again and my thoughts are still the same. I enjoyed the emotionally controlled reaction of the Early. I am tired of the crybaby husbands in these stories. Cheating and divorce suck but are not a life and death situation. If anyone has ever been involved in life and death situations they know the difference and they also know that reacting emotionally is the worst thing that you can do. You need to keep your head and follow your training for the best outcome. As far as "loving" your wife/exwife after a divorce for cheating - that is just silly. You see, love is a decision we make, it is not beyond our control. In fact it takes effort to love another person. To think about them and to act in ways that benefit them takes effort and no small amount of energy. The warmth you feel from loving someone comes from the love that YOU make (not them) for them. So yes, if you stop loving a person your life may be a bit cooler for a while, but only until you find someone worth loving again. However, it will not take long. Loving people are in short supply and love is the most valuable commodity that we have. Many other people will value your love and desire it. Treat your love with respect and don't sell it short to those that do not value it.

What do they have to do with the story? Why?

Apparently Bill Jackson is the unluckiest guy on earth, because he shows up in EVERY one of Incoming's stories, and has been married multiple times, ALWAYS to a wife that cheats! Maybe that says more about good old Bill, than his many former wives!

There are over 7 billion people on the planet. They're not ALL named Bill Jackson! Try to think of a new name for your next characters. Might I suggest Jack Billson, just to change it up a bit?

It would have been nice to see little confrontation. And I found it impossible to believe that a lawyer would just accept the divorce without a word. Totally out of character. And what exactly were the terms of the divorce? And, just an fyi, nobody gets divorce papers filed in a day.

“A few hundred air miles away, Susan was doing a reverse cowgirl on John... I rose up and John Stickner's fat cock flopped out.” – WTF! Story starts in first person Early, switches to 3rd person this paragraph, then switches to 1st person Susan mid-sentence!

“Early landed at LAX about 6:00 PM on Friday... I drove home and went inside but no one was there.” Argh, person issues, again! Switches back to 3rd person, then 1st person Early mid-sentence! Pick a point of view and stick with it!

have a little fun, will ya? I think Bill Jackson is a "signature". I think it is funny that the name re-appears in different stories. Some artists like to include repetition in their works. A flower here, a fig leaf there, hidden initials... What's so wrong with Bill Jackson? Hey, he could have chosen Howard Johnson. :o)

Thanks for the effort.

Not very inspiring, in fact quite boring. 3***

More than a waste of time. I would suggest you try to do better next time, but after

re-thinking what you wrote, I would suggest you just stop writing, period. Or, if you

really feel compelled to write, maybe go back to school. Perhaps if you finished the

third grade, you might do a little better.

Just my opinion, don't kill the messenger.

Better learn the difference between 1st person and 3rd person. Bizarre trying to read this story.

You put it in a nutshell and stripped the pontificating and platitudinal rationalizing which made it pretty humorous.

A different take on the usual drawn out psychobabble many authors use as a pretentious reason for reconciliation,.

I love revenge stories👍🏻

No ending!!! Who was the guy on the plane? Who was Ellen? This story needed to be refiled. In File 13!

To spring for a creative writing course. You jumped person, tense and time while ignoring plot and character development. Alternatively, you might consider some previous commenter's advice and return to your crayons. Just sayin'.

I don't agree with most of the comments I have read, and the reason is simple. It was easy to follow, the reader knew everyone's thoughts. It was quick, and clear. I do have to say that, had the husband (who I associated with) done all those things, I would have wanted to know what happened to the cheaters. So how about it?

Nah, despite all the criticism, this was really a good ending to Troubadour’s original story. The story he couldn’t be bothered to write an ending to. So thanks, Incoming, for going to the trouble to write a good ending to the story. D

That's the way to do it.

result. Poor craft to get there.

How come he didn't she the firm.He sued Strickner,so why not the firm.

The reason why Early didn't sue the first BEFORE the divorce is that it would count towards their combined earnings. By waiting until after the divorce he would be paid the amount due him. Speaking as a retired paralegal, I can almost guarentee this would never go to court for the following reasons. #1: No law company want's to be sued for such a situation- and lawsuits are usually public information. #2: Only 1 out of every 20 lawsuits filed ever go to court- about 5%- the rest are settled out of court. #3: Seldom is a company self-insured- especially a law firm for malpractice. So that means they have an insurance company. An insurance company will bend over backwards to avoid going to court because people, in general, feel like they get screwed by insurance companies. By being on the Jury (Or a Judge who has it in for them) people feel like they're getting revenge on the insurance companies- that's why you see these huge multi-million dollar damage lawsuits paid out.

...but the score isn’t an “entertainment value” score, it’s reflective of your story’s clear and direct response to a slut at cross purposes to her stated commitments and desires.

It could have used considerable expansion into a real story, sir. I think it would have had a much greater impact and left a much better impression.

Nope, the Sultan of Brunei gets nothing from me, but you do. Four stars and a review reflective of the offering.

That version of the story was quick.and to the point. Good burn of a soulless bitch.

Oh the smell of cooking flesh in the morning!

Instant action with no thought of forgivness!

At last a man of action story,not the usual one about a wimp.

Burn bitch and she was 🔥 fired

As he

Alienation suit good

But fat cock?

I see a lot of authors do this, the have a good beginning and then rush to finish it off. I was left hanging wanting to know what Susan had to say. It went from first person Early, to first person Susan, back to first person Early. Just need to Susan's reaction, remorse, regret, something.

Early didn't mess around in this.one. I like it.

Like that.

As Jackie used to say.

"Hi, I'm Early." Bill Jackson looked Early over and shook his hand, "That's one way to catch 'em. You'll never catch 'em if you're late." Pretty well sums this one up. For the commentator who wanted a little more followup on Action Jackson, here it is. Signed: BTW

Your contribution is the shortest of all endings I've read. You didn't spend the effort to get interested in the characters. Three stars.

Need relief from all the weenies writings

You provide it

Good take on the story, but not enough revenge.

And typical of “I” short, to the point, with minimal, if any, character development.

Truly, they would be a very good outline for a much longer story. But I appreciate them for what they are; FLASH endings to other’s stories.

4-stars

more urrgg

Nice btb...

Story seemed alil rushed but still one of the better redux out there.

Dry, blant and boring !

That bit about flight is just ridiculous ! Early found out after he landed not before !

Excellent

Short and sweet. Fuck you cunt. Fuck you asshole.

Ha

Was written with only basic knowledge of the language. (American English). Not much meat put in this story, just bare bones and many mistakes. I am rating it exactly as it is written an rating of 1

Hopeful this author will improve as story concept was better than a 1 ----

nothing to write home about.

1 star - waste of time

Average at best

I do like the revenge stories. Where the one who committed the offense is punished for their actions.

Great ending short sharp and nasty What all cheating women deserve (jaybee186)

Decent short story, but I still think he needed a better burn.

Even if you want to but the not wanting to leave Stickner with blue balls, how does that translate to anal?

Who is Bill and how does he know so much? Where did the Mendoza brothers come from? The 1st person perspective changes between characters without any warning or indication. It was very confusing.

⭐⭐⭐ 1/2