All Comments on 'How I Met Paula Billings'

I mean ... really?

Some people just hate any reconciliation and toss out that weak label. Grow the hell up. Every story doesn't have to end in a Guatemalan whorehouse.

The writing was very odd. It was good, but odd, and the author has no clue about things such as dialogue, quotation marks, and etc. That being said, the phrasing and word usage and order was odd. Not bad, but not usual.

Everything went well and I read it all until the plane. After that it devolved into a mundane list of unnecessary and numbing detail and I began to skim. Four plus stars until the Chicago inanity, two stars for that. A three is the best I can muster. I encourage you to keep writing. Find a good editor. A ruthless one who will prune this down to something tight. Thanks for the story.

The only compelling part of the story was trying to see if the author would at some point, make sense!

It was nice to have a happy ending, even if the morons hated it.

"Lightening" is something you do to make something weigh less.

"Lighting," the other word you used, describes a device or system that provides light.

"Lightning" was the word you wanted.

This had possibilities.

It looks like the author put thought into the storyline and even with all of its faults this was infinitely better than a lazy by the numbed btb or cuck story.

Apart from editing(which is no easy task) a plot hole for me was the fact paula came from a rich family, there are some rich kleptomaniacs but hard to believe someone from a wealthy background would take a job being a whore/thief.

Keep writing and trying to improve.

No Loving Wife??No sex??Needs a editor,,Many misspelled words,,

Maybe in Non Erotic so not a waste of time reading!!!

Good job.

But absolutely needed more substance.

I really liked the plot! It would be great to do this one again, examining Paula far more in depth.

Why she became a whore. How long? How did she live with herself? Did she immediately start fucking another target?

More was needed on the protagonists side and the mother as well.

Great outline for a story but not a great story as is.

Jack sells his soul to his ex after being so mad at her for so long. This did not make sense. The girls (mom and daughter) entice him to come to Chicago for 1 mil. Show him the good life. Surround him with lots of booty. This does not work for me. Should have made Paula crawl from Chicago to Seattle on her knees with the damn check. Good story but could have been so much more!

It may be a good exercise for the readers of Lit to identify and list the mind numbing mistakes made in this story. Learn object and subject pronouns, and when to use each. "scrambled egg size titties"? WTF? You have to wonder exactly what those tits looked like. Then there's "a small convince store"? We all make mistakes but this story sets the bar pretty high. I would suggest that you keep writing as your basic plot had promise. Please use an editor. Read the story slowly to yourself and you'll find some of the mistakes, but mistakes like "between you and I" will require an editor as subject and object pronouns simply confuse you. You have a good imagination but like your lightening, lighting, and lightning, it has not been properly harnessed thus far.

but still the best of the day's offerings

The story worked well. The idea of his collision with her being the engine for her redemption was a good twist.

That's all I've got.

Interesting story. All of your posts have an original very creative character, plot device, or incident. I like it. Unfortunately, they seem to run down to inanity, and mundane endings.

Madelyn was the other person who loved Paula and was surprised by Paula' action and profession. Telling her part of the story from her point of view, discovery, confrontation, resolution, would have improved this story.

Gave you 3*s. You get my encouragement keep at the writing business. Good luck 🎯

AMerryman

Paula comes from big bucks. Why would she be involved in stealing something he only wanted $2Million for? Her family could have bid on the tech and sold it for a profit. Was it just a case of rich girl rebellion?

Good plot, would take a lot more science to actually capture useable current from lightning though. So I just glossed over the specifics of the McGuffin, to enjoy the story. And I did enjoy it - but the real holes in the plot are (1) why is a mega rich girl whoring herself in an industrial espionage scam, (2) you live with a girl for three months and never meet co-workers or family, (3) real remorse was not displayed- your antagonist really was a cardboard cutout.

Ok start, needed work - but more entertainment than many detractors are complaining about.

fun but aside from the whole thing being squirrely, you do NOT get handed an 870 at a fancy high dollar gun club. You get handed a very expensive over and under. The security guard might have an 870 handy but the members and guests do NOT touch 870's.

Great plot and started really well. By the end it was suffering from excessive tire wear.

It's "Pauline French" - not "Paula French" - whom you met with JPB.

About the plot & storyline: as many others, I missed an explanation for Paula's betrayal.

I apologize for that dumb mistake. Imagine a couple dozen new stories about meeting the lovely, sexually unequalled Pauline French, all posted on the same day by different writers. She has the single most recognizable name in LW. Who doesn't long for one night with Pauline? We all feel like we know her intimately. Pauline French Day in LW. It has a ring to it!

And end the wrong category

If there were two dozen such stories of Pauline, twenty-three would be of unrequited love. The lust would certainly be there, and the stories would all be incandescently hot, but the heartbreak as Pauline moved on to other men, not being ready to be tied to one man, would cause a flood of depression across the LW readership of pandemic proportions.

I could only attempt such a project if Harlina Collins, Beverly Abbeg and Nancy Wilde were included as stop-gap measures until Pauline was ready.. I also understand that XYZ corporation isn't hiring, so we have to find the guys jobs at the Landing Strip. The difficulties are mounting, but maybe we can work them out.

""A cyclist ran her down one morning when she was jogging. The creep didn't even stop and help her up or see if she was alright."

I was startled as a thousand scenarios flashed through my mind's eye. I kept my mouth shut. I figured that I would sort that all out later.""

Very funny. He was the only person surprised by that plot twist!!

You got it!

As for the jobs, they do not pay for the jokes on open mic night at the landing strip.

That was a really fun read - thank you.

@SKHP & @Harddaysknight - I was going to give HDK credit for making a joke until he admitted his mistake!

Story very muddled for me.

I'm surprised that he didn't have at least an internal chuckle at the "acquisition consultant" bit!

Thats where I live.

So what the hell did he do with the phone? Another story needs to be written about revenge on the PNG and the comapny that hired her also the people at Shark Tank that sold him out.

The weakest point of this story is the same one that @ScorpioJJ pointed: Not being explained why a woman coming from big bucks would be involved in stealing something and whore herself to achieve it! There are other weak points, but they pale in front of this one...2*

Congrats to the author!

It's about time to read such lovely and enjoyable story.

This story is well written, great context, full of passion, very creative and so sweet to read.

Please send more stories like that. The LW readers will stronger appreciate.

Lovely,

KP

Even admirable. I'm bothered though by his ease with the clothes and ways of the very wealthy -- that stuff needs learning and that's not his background. Then again, by his equanimity when he learns that he gave his former beloved a physical injury, a concussion with brain damage, years of inaccessibility to her full mind, and yet is untroubled by it (and never troubles to let her know it was he who dunnit). A dishonesty maybe matching hers, however the tale ends for both of them.

Thank you for writing this; I enjoyed it tremendously.

But...

The climax was anticlimactic. The resolution was short and unfulfilling- as if you reached a point, got bored, and said "I'm done. How can I wrap this up?"

In these types (if you follow the formula) we hear Paula's motivations and dreams. A desire to gain riches on her own away from the family's fortunes? We also get a better understanding of the corporate espionage at play and the pencil necked geek or her boss. I understand staying in the first person and all of the associated limits but it was unfulfilling.

And, sadly, none of the three graves were used.

That said- I very much enjoyed this story and would love to see a rewritten piece that cleaned up the loose ends.

I have whiplash.

We were watching the discussion in Chicago one line later they're married with children.

Convenient memory loss. The car lease. PNG. Arizona corporation. Fake ID. If she wasn't teaching what did she do during the day?

He should have stayed away from Paula who? but her mother pussy whipped him into submission, Paula's masters will never give up, they will always get to her.

It started off fine. The idea of reconciliation didn't bother me too much but once he got on the plane things got weird. He gets dropped into this other world that immediately makes him forget about all of the crazy/bad stuff she put him through? I don't know. A different ending would have gotten this one a higher score from me.

Well written with good characters. Burning question to me is why a Multi-millionaire would also be a corporate whore or spy? Maybe she was not supposed to be a whore? Some more development around why Paula was doing what she was doing would be good. Very enjoyable - nice job!

Thanks for the fun read.

Frankly, I was surprised that he got into the car and then the plane with no concern for his safety! Nobody knew where he was or who he was with, the could have just disappeared him.

This was AFTER he insisted on going to the local restaurant in separate cars!

An interesting story, though the convenient mind wipe was a stretch, and accepting back a woman who clearly played you for a chump and had the resources to not whore herself out was another stretch. These aren’t minor quibbles, but I do like happy endings, so kudos for that. The whole 2 day riding shooting eventathon was kind of weird.

While I enjoyed your story there were times that I shook my head and thought " no he wouldn't do that". Lucked into a wealthy family with all the bells and whistles. If that much family money why sleep with someone for more money? Then everything is sugar and spice. Just a bit strange for me.

Thus a worthless plot. Ick

.

little flick . High marks from me.

Thank you for your thoughts and comments. I am schooled in "lightning". I should have stayed with BRUTUS:

" The exhalations whizzing in the air

Give so much light that I may read by them." (Act 2, scene 1)

Loose ends and unknown reasons? I live with those all of the time and so my stories seem to reflect my life.

My life is learning and so I have learned that one cannot post latitude and longitude coordinates in a story. Why? Unknown.

The last paragraph was supposed to convey the reality that when we make plans, the god's smile. Paula's mom does pop in unexpectedly and whisk the kid off. I no longer live in 308 days of clouds (Seattle). My residence is Chicago but we winter in Hawaii. All Lat-Long data from public source. It was supposed to be a puzzle to be solved.

Respectfully, Thank You

Jack from Seattle

I enjoyed the first part. However, I was put off by some obvious plot holes.

Why pay for a girlfriend when it would be relatively simple to have him mugged and the computer stolen?

Even with Paula, why try to hack it, steal it!

For a corporation to try to steal an item, the cost justification must be high. It'd been safer for them to offer him a couple of million. Much more timely and less likely that anyone else could get it.

Corporate espionage is real. But, if another corporation backed him, she left DNA, finger prints and photos. Tracing her would be easy.

Your typewriter comment had me laughing out loud. It would be much easier to do it in a school or other business. (Tracing printers is harder than you think, even though there is a code embedded in each sheet). It's there mainly to prove a printer was used, not to find one, the proverbial needle in a haystack.

Finally, why the HELL would an heiress do such a thing?

The wealthy family made this story become absolutely ludicrous. Wealthy people have to protect their assets (family members). There is no way mommy wouldn't know where her precious daughter was.

I am not against reconciliation but this one made no sense.

tom

I mean it couldn't be all bad with new boots and a pump shotgun. I would guess that Paula didn't do what she did for the money but for the "kicks" she got from finessing corporate booty out from under unsuspecting marks. Wouldn't be the first "spy" to use her pussy to get what she wanted. Was a good and easy read. Flow was good and the characters weren't too far over the top. So I say, thank you for sharing your talent with us and for your story.

pappy

Paula revealed nothing new about herself to change his mind. The mother pleaded her case, but she just played the same attentive girlfriend she played when she was spying on him. I didn't understand why the change of heart?

Also, you need to learn "then" from "than". Still, a fun story.

Not bad but a massive plot hole, she comes from a boatload of money so why the corporate shenanigans.

Good.story, a little stiff, but I did enjoy it. Spent a short tour at Fort Lewis years ago. Incredibly beautiful area, but Seattle has gone completely to help the past few years.

Too many holes left, unanswered questions, mysteries and loose ends.

This could have been really good with more work.

Titties the size of scrambled eggs. What exactly IS the size of scrambled eggs? I am envisioning some mushy, misshapen boobs.

Nice story. Though a bit disjointed. Why was Paula doing corporate espionage if she comes from a rich family? In the note Jack was, initially, going to leave, he included this line, "Your deceitful greed damaged and disrupted some very good people's lives. Those people were my people and this is personal." Who were those 'people' he referred t and how were they 'damaged' and their lived disrupted? How did Madelyn find Jack?

Do not get me wrong. The story idea is a good one. The story could have been better written. Of course SeattleJack actually wrote stories, and I have not written any. So credit were credit is due.

Thank-you for the read.

Pasqual

This is fresh and original. Not perfect, but worthy of five stars.