How I Met Paula Billings

At the last split second I yanked the bike quickly left and knocked her hard to the ground. My helmet, pads and face shield protected me from the impact with the unprepared jogger.

Her phone had been knocked from her grip by the force of our meeting. I grabbed the electronic treasure and secured it into my backpack. I removed the zip lock baggie that contained my personal letter to Paula.

As I saw her lying there dazed, I instantly changed my mind about the letter. I had her phone and had struck back at her. Getting her phone replaced and brought back up to espionage speed would, I hoped, be a consuming task. Let her worry about any and all information in the memory.

I mounted my two wheel escape chariot and pedaled casually toward the end of the block. As I rounded the corner I noted that Paula was still down on the ground but setting upright. There were no good Samaritans hovering over her looking and pointing in my direction.

At this juncture I hoped everyone figured that she was just a victim of random urban street violence.

Just out of sight of Paula, I stopped and removed my lime green safety vest and stuffed it inside of my pack. Nothing but Navy Blue showed after that.

My cadence was about 85 until I came to my four wheel escape vehicle.

I disengaged the front wheel from the forks and stuffed all of the parts into the back cargo area. I pulled the vinyl cover over the bike and closed the rear gate with a double-click of the remote.

At a small convince store I stocked up on junk food and water. I also got a roll of aluminum foil and wrapped her Android inside of the entire roll of foil (A cheap Faraday cage). Good luck to anybody trying to ping that phone. (ping; the cell phone's service provider covertly asking the phone what are its Lat-Long coordinates. A law enforcement procedure).

On I-90 and headed back to the left coast I had no regrets.

They say that the human animal is the only one that can be skinned more than once. Who knows, maybe in another year or two I'll go back to the Windy City and ride my bike again.

The note that I didn't leave for Paula?

I know who you are and what you do. In the course of your past endeavors you crossed the line.

Your deceitful greed damaged and disrupted some very good people's lives. Those people were my people and this is personal.

Live your life so I do not have to hunt you down again.

Life went on.

It was just after Easter that next year when I got the call over the office intercom. "Jack, line two in your office please."

I hustled into the office complex (cube farm) and answered the blinking light on line two.

"Hello, this is Jack."

She began in a voice that was both sweet and confident, "We have never met but my name is Madelyn Bacladeau. Paula is my daughter and I need your help."

I immediately went into defense mode. My first fear was a scam from this person on the phone. Paula had figured out that I was the one that body slammed her to the sidewalk in Chicago and this Madelyn babe was here to get a confession out of me.

"Ain't gonna happen sweet cheeks!" flashed through my mind and then I answered, "I haven't talked to Paula Billings in several years. Not since the day she broke up with me and moved out. So I don't know what makes you think that I can help you."

Her voice added a bit of excitement as she replied, "Oh but Jack, you have already helped me. I did not know that you and her were an item or that she lived with you. Why did you call her Paula Billings? Her name is Paula Bacladeau."

"Well, Paula introduced her self as Billings, Paula Billings. Apparently you and your dear daughter didn't dialog very much back in those days. We dated for about three months and she lived with me for several more." I flatly stated.

"Oh but Jack, we have always talked five or six times every week since she left for college. I thought that she and I had a wonderful relationship."

"Well, I thought Paula and I had a wonderful relationship right up until the time that she moved out. Now if you will excuse me I have to get back to work. If you have any more questions, ask your daughter."

"Jack please, is there a number that I can call you outside of work? I really need your help."

"Sorry, I'm not interested in anything to do with Paula whatever her last name is." I hung up the phone.

One minute later line two blinked on my phone. I let it go to voice mail. Of course it was Madelyn Bacladeau again pleading her case. She desperately needed to talk with me and asked me to call her any time day or night at the number she left.

I deleted the message but it hung in the back of my mind until the next day at 11:23 am.

"Jack, come to the front office to meet with a customer please," Gabrielle's voice sweetly announced over the intercom.

I wasn't expecting any customers but seeing the lavish looking lady that turned to greet me my defenses rose up into the detectable range.

It had to be Paula's mom. She was Paula plus twenty years. She was Paula plus twenty very good years.

Madelyn Bacladeau extended her gloved hand and as we did a courtesy handshake, she began,

"Jack, I am so sorry to intrude on you this way, but if you will just give me some of your time I promise to never bother you again, please, I implore you.

If I need to get down on my knees and beg you I will but if you have any compassion for a mother that just wants to help her daughter, you will grant me this one request."

I turned and spoke to Gabrielle, "I'll be down at the tavern for lunch. If I don't come back it's because I've choked the living crap out of her (a quick head nod toward the well dressed lady) and the police have me."

"Do you have a car?" I asked of my lady lunch date.

"Yes, my driver is in the front," was her earnest reply.

"Go sit in it and wait for a red Ford pickup to come to the lot. Follow me to the tavern for lunch. You've got one hour of my time."

I wondered when was the last time anyone told her to go sit in her car and wait. She made a beeline for the door. I once again turned to the office genius and said, "Paula's mom."

Gabrielle rolled her eyes and gave me a fake smile. She knew that Paula had dumped me and left town.

At The Tavern,

She ordered a garden salad and iced tea. I ordered my usual, Bubba's Big Berger with a billion fries and a Blue Moon chaser.

She began, "Jack I hear overtones of hostility when you talked about Paula. Could you tell me what happened that created such an animosity toward her?"

"Sorry, Mrs. Bacladeau, that's between Paula and I. If you want Paula's side, ask her. You get nothing from me. And just why do you want to hear anything from me anyway? I meant nothing to your daughter. I was just a pawn in her game of high stakes chess."

"I see." she mused. After a bit of a pause," Where did you meet Paula?"

"At the coffee shop right down the street" I answered.

"Here in Seattle?" with a confused expression on her face.

"Ah yeah, it's actually Auburn, but yeah right here within two blocks of where we are sitting right now."

"Well, where did she live while you were dating?"

"In the apartment complex about three miles from here," I matter of factly stated.

"I'm confused." She said, "When did you live in Chicago?"

"I've never lived in Chicago. I've always lived in Washington except for my tour in the Army and my research in Tampa and Venezuela. (Catatumbo Lightning )

"You and Paula lived together here in Auburn?"

"No she lived here while we were dating. She then moved into my house in Puyallup. We lived there for about three months until she dumped me. She said that she was headed back to Albuquerque."

"Oh my, so you knew her as Paula Billings from Albuquerque?" She questioned.

"Yeah, Paula Billings, first grade teacher from Albuquerque. Now you're telling me she is Paula Bacladeau from Chicago. Was she ever a first grade teacher?" I asked.

"No. She was a consultant for a firm in Chicago. To my knowledge, she has never taught school, or lived in Albuquque or Peralleyulip with you."

The firm and confident Madelyn Bacladeau sounded slightly deflated. She thought for a few seconds, regained her composure and came right back at me,

"Jack I am sorry that we got off to a bad start. I had made some assumptions that apparently were far from the way things really were. Let me start over, please."

The now confident and composed mother reached across the table and grasped both of my hands with hers as she spoke,

"A while back my youngest daughter was hurt seriously in a crash. Physically she has recovered fine but she has some cognitive issues that manifest themselves in selective memory loss.

One of the things her medical team suggested was that I try to jog her memory with pleasant experiences from the past. I had her open her computer pictures and she and I started through them. She remembered some pictures from a long time ago but nothing since the time that she was apparently with you.

When she came to the several hundred selfies that she had taken of you two she beamed and said your name. She asked me what happened to you and if you had called.

I was at a loss as to how to answer her so I said that I would try and find out what did happen to you. At that point I assumed that you and Paula had dated during the time of the date stamps on the pictures. That was pretty clever of me wasn't it?"

A smile came across her beautiful face.

"I also assumed that you had lived in Chicago during that time. One of the pictures had your company logo in the background. I was surprised to find your company in Seattle. So I made another assumption that you had moved to Seattle after you and Paula stopped seeing each other.

I also assumed that you and she were on social speaking terms after you stopped seeing each other.

When I called you yesterday I got blind sided by your genuine distaste for my daughter. I have never met anyone that did not just adore her. I was flabbergasted to say the least. You caught me way off guard.

Let me show you her picture. That way we can be sure that we are talking about the same young lady."

The proud mother pulled out a portrait of her pretty daughter and turned the picture toward me to purview.

In no uncertain terms I said, "That is Paula Billings from Albuquerque. The first grade teacher that lied to me, broke my heart and then dumped me."

"So you had feelings for her and she was not able to reciprocate those feelings." Mom said.

"Apparently!" My very sarcastic reply did not even sound good to me. Paula has been gone for over a year and now the memory of her caused me to be nasty to what appears to be a very nice lady just trying to help her daughter.

"Oh I am so sorry Jack. But now I'm more confused than ever because when she sees pictures of you two, she is positively radiant and asks where you are and if you have called. And she always calls you by name. Where is Jack? Did Jack call while I was out? She did not have any other boyfriend pictures on her computer or phone, just you."

The silence was thick as she pleaded with her eyes, "Jack, what happened that was so terrible that you hate her all this time? I know that sometimes young ladies trifle with men's affections, but that happens in the normal course of interpersonal relations at that age. Don't you think that it's time put that anger behind you?"

I knew that the lady from Chicago was right. I had to let go of my feeling for Paula. At that point I suddenly realized it wasn't hatred that was bothering me, but that part of me still loved the lying little kunt.

"Mrs. Bacladeau, you are right, I have to let my feelings for Paula go. I just realized that I have feelings of warmth and caring for your daughter. I hate what she did to me. That is the cruxes of my lousy attitude toward you.

"Oh Jack! Please don't let positive feelings for any of god's creatures get taken over by hate. Tell me what happened so we can work through the bad and hopefully salvage some of the warmness that you need. Please talk to me right now."

I asked, "Tell me though; what kind of consulting work did your daughter do for that company in Chicago?"

"I was never quite sure, but an Acquisition Consultant was her title. She did tell me about one of her jobs with a commercial real estate firm that needed help showing a customer the various benefits of the proposed deal. She helped people see the true value of the pending sale. She helped people!" Mom said with a satisfied smile.

I thought to myself, "Yeah she probably just fucked some guy 'til his dick almost fell of and then he signed the sale papers that fucked him again."

"Alright," I said, "I will tell you my story, but I can assure you that you are not going to like what I have to say. This may be more painful to you than it is to me because I have already lived it. However, I have observed one thing."

"What is that?" she asked.

"You and your daughter are a lot alike." I replied.

A smile spread across her face until I continued, "You both just want to use me for your own benefit."

My cold hard stare slightly unnerved the lady across the table and she could not hold my gaze. She looked down.

"If you want to hear my story, give me your purse."

As she handed me the fancy MK purse she asked, "Why do you want my purse?"

"You have to listen to my story in its entirety. I'll give you back your purse and you can leave when you understand my position," I stated.

"And you think your story will want to make me run out the door in horror?" she asked lightly.

"No. You may want to beat me with that huge lethal weapon. And besides, you may still be laboring under more false assumptions."

Her smile put her back firmly into the elegant lady category. I began my tale of woe.

The coffee shop meeting, the early dates, the fun that I had just being with Paula. She was bright, fun and enjoyable. Having a killer smile and body was another asset. (She looked just like her mom.)

We started having sex during the fifth date. She was a willing and responsive partner. It wasn't long after that she moved into my house with me.

The town is called Pew, like stinky hold your nose, pew. Then All, like the detergent. Add the direction Up and when you put all three together you have Pew All Up.

The next month I was going to have a talk with her to see if she wanted to become more than room mates with sex privileges. We never got to that talk.

I found out that she had accessed my lap top. When my lap top lid is opened the onboard camera is activated. It showed a perfect picture of Paula.

She than inserted a Compact Disc into the drive. That CD had somewhere as upward of 700,000 passwords. She was trying to break into my computer. Her attack was unsuccessful. My computer security guy had it pretty well protected."

I could tell that Mrs. Bacladeau wanted to ask questions, I shut her down.

"No questions until I'm done." I stated.

"That next week I had all of my files relocated to another computer. I put the lap top on my desk again the next Sunday and left it as bait for Paula.

The next Monday when I looked at the internal video file there were two people trying to hack into my lap top. One person was Paula and the other was a guy that I have no idea who he was. The two of them were in my house trying to steal several million dollars worth of my intellectual property."

I finished my Blue Moon, sucked the orange garish and continued.

"The lap top had my technological breakthrough in the files that could be worth north of ten million dollars. (Ok, I may have exaggerated just a bit)

Paula and I had discussed the project but never its location on my laptop. She however, knew where to look.

She had to have gotten that information from one of the companies that I was negotiating with for the sale of the lap top and its treasured files.

The next night I searched her purse and her car. I found her Illinois drivers license. The car that she was driving was leased to a company in Texas.

I became afraid that if Paula was not successful in stealing my information, the company that Paula worked for might send thugs with body part removing tools.

Another possibility was that one day Paula and my lap top would just disappear. They would finally get into its contents and when they found nothing but garbage, they would send more dangerous people to steal my ideas.

The only way that I could think to possibly save my life and my technology was to make Paula and her bosses think that I had sold the lap top.

It took me several days to put my scheme into motion. I came home one day and told her that I had sold my laptop for two million dollars and that we were going to Mexico for a week in the sun.

Of course she couldn't go to Mexico with me because she would have to show her passport and identification to get on the plane.

At that time she confessed that she didn't think that we had a future together and that she was moving out.

I haven't talked to Paula since that day. I didn't go to Mexico. I checked into the Hyatt for a week and drank way too much."

Mrs. Bacladeau was pondering my tale and formulating her thoughts, "So you see Paula's and your entire relationship as a fraud perpetrated by her on you. She gained your confidence so that she could steal the files on your lap top."

"Yes." I said definitely, "She was part of a team effort to steal my files. Her part was to fuck me and gain access to the computer. I was never her boyfriend. I was just some dude that was between her and a hefty payday. In my minds eye that makes her a corporate whore."

Mom winced at that wording. I handed her back the alligator bag that sat on the floor by my side the last twenty minutes.

"Jack, thank you for explaining to me the source of you pain. Is there any possibility that you misinterpreted her actions?"

"In the most hostile answer possible, NO FUCKING WAY! I have all of the video files safely stashed away. Now YOU are starting to piss me off. I thought you were going to listen without assumptions. You assumed that I had made a mistake, go to he..."

I stood up abruptly to my full 6'1" height and glared down across the table, "Alright, you got what you wanted from me. Now be just like your daughter and leave."

The look on Madelyn's face was one of pain.

Actually I was the one that headed for the door. The thought went through my brain and out of my mouth so quick that my social filter couldn't catch it before I turned and said,

"Madelyn you are considerably better than your daughter. You got what you wanted from me and you didn't even have to take off your panties."

As I reached the door I heard, "Jack, I am so sorry."

I didn't go back to work. I went out to the range and killed a bunch of clay (eco-friendly) pigeons.

Many Months Later

"Jack, please come to the office." Gabrielle's pleasant voice came over the squawk box.

It was Mrs. Bacladeau. She wanted to buy me lunch. I followed her limo back to the Tavern.

"Would you please talk to Paula? She needs to listen to you and she has some things that she wants to tell you. Please, please."

Mom went to the bar and I went back to the table where Paula was waiting. She had tears in her eyes but other than that was looking very good.

The summary of the conversation was that I felt better that she knew that I was hurt.

Armed with my story Paula's medical team used hypnosis therapy. That allowed her to remove the blocked out section of her life. Once her memory returned, she confessed to shame and embarrassment for what she had done to me.

She needed to apologize in person. Kind of like a twelve step program I guess.

She told me how she had gotten into an unlivable situation. She had fallen in love with me and did not know how to reconcile her deceit and her heart.