How I Spent My Summer Vacation... Pt. 02

"We got robbed!" she yelled. I heard what she said that time but it still took me a minute to comprehend it. I was in a fog. Actually more than a fog, my mouth was dry and my tongue felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. I sat up slowly because it was the fastest speed I was capable of.

"Robbed?" I asked.

"The money I left in my room, some of my clothes, my PDA. And two paintings are gone too." She was really angry, her face was red and none of it was from sun.

"Fu...fuck."

Kim looked back at me and suddenly her anger was replaced with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said. I started to stand, but my legs were having none of it and Kim managed to grab me before I fell face first on the floor. She helped me into a chair. "I'm just...a little...hung over."

Kim put a hand to my face. "You sure? You're white as a ghost and you're skin's kinda cold."

Maria and Isobel came down from upstairs. Maria strode confidently, holding a carving knife in one hand and a bread knife in the other. Meanwhile, Isobel held this stubby little paring knife and her fearful eyes kept looking around. I would have laughed, but I was pretty sure laughing would have made me puke. "No one is here," Maria said. "Are you going to call the police?"

Kim hesitated for a moment, and then said, "Call an ambulance, right now."

"No, I'm fine," I said. "Where's Gwen?"

Kim looked at me. "Who's Gwen?"

"The girl I was with."

Kim became stern. "She was here?"

"No, there," I said as I pointed at the couch. It made perfect sense to me at the time.

The ambulance came and Kim insisted on riding with me to the hospital, holding my hand the entire way. She kept cursing Gwen, saying she was a thieving bitch and that she'd hunt her down and kill her for what she did to me. At the hospital the doctors pumped me full of fluids. They also tested my blood and found, along with plenty of pot and booze, a drug that is used to sedate people. When the police showed up I thought they were going to arrest me for using drugs, but all they did was ask me a hundred questions about Gwen. Turns out there had been a string of crimes involving an American woman who targeted rich people, both locals and tourists, by seducing them at a bar and getting them to take her home. Then she'd spike their drink with the drug and rob them of small but expensive items before they woke up. I was the first one to end up in the hospital. The doctors said some people have a bad reaction to the drug. The cops showed me a sketch of the suspect, which looked just like Gwen except her hair was darker.

Kim was by my side the whole time acting like a concerned mom, holding my hand, giving me little kisses and telling me she would take care of me. Kim's been sappy with me before, but never to this degree, and I remembered that she said she loved me, but now I was starting to get an idea how much. An ache started growing in my chest, nerves about what I intended to do and how hard it was going to be now. But I also remembered school and how important that was to me, and my parents, and how I didn't want to let any of us down. I decided that when Kim and I got back to the house I would do the deed before guilt hit the brakes again. It was at that moment that a thought hit me and I realized I had to check one thing before I went through with it. I was released after Kim paid my hospital bill with her credit card, adding more guilt to my conscience.

When we got back to the house I said, "I'm so sorry about all this, bringing that bitch back here."

"Don't worry about it. And don't worry about the paintings, all my dad's shit is insured."

"Yeah, but he'll be angry as hell."

"Not when his little girl lays it on thick," she said with a wink. "Now I want you to lie down on the couch."

"Actually, I'm going to lay in the bedroom. I need some sleep."

Even thought I could have done it myself, Kim insisted on helping me up to the bedroom and tucked me in. It surprised me how much this whole incident brought out the mothering instinct in her. But as soon as she was out the door I got up and went to the dresser. It was the something that dawned on me in the hospital, wondering how thorough Gwen's search was. I knew Kim left her money all over the place, so I couldn't be sure if Gwen just grabbed and ran.

Turns out it was thorough enough, my escape money was gone. So was the story I'd given Gwen. I sat on the bed and cried quietly, not wanting to bring Kim into the room. Just last night my dreams were within a moments reach, and I thought my life was about to change drastically. I should have remembered what my mom always told me about those get-rich-quick schemes on the infomercials, "Anything that comes so fast and easy exits the same way."

CHAPTER 8: ANNONYMOUS CLUB DRUG SEX

Throughout the following week I fell into an old pattern- going out with Kim and partying. Of course, I know now that getting drunk and stoned every night was my attempt to forget the disappointment and shame over my failed plan, as well as the guilt for what it further cost Kim. But that's the problem with hindsight- it's never there when you really need it. All that guilt was self-inflicted since Kim acted like I did no wrong. According to her, I was the victim more than anyone else and she blew off the fact that I'd cheated on her by saying it was a result of our argument and that we both acted badly that night. Part of me was uneasy about Kim's attitude toward the whole situation, but I since I felt so much guilt about what happened I was just thankful she wasn't angry.

Kim was also happy that I was finally loosening up and having a good time. She had no idea I was trying to numb myself and forget my predicament. We spent our days on the beach, the exhibitionist in me getting the most out of it, and the nights going out to clubs and dancing, usually ending up with Maria and Isobel in our bed. But like anything that was too good it had to come crashing to an end, and it started the night we were at a club with Maria and Isobel. We ran into a group of their friends. There were these two girls who, when Isobel introduced us, I immediately forgot their names for some reason. I figured I'd ask again later.

Kim was at the DJ booth, trying to get the guy to play a KMFDM CD she'd brought with her. The two girls whose names I couldn't remember were going to the dance floor and asked me to come. They said if Kim got the DJ to play the song they wouldn't know how to dance to it, since it wasn't their type of music, and wanted me to teach them. I rarely dance to club music, but I was stoned and on my third drink by that point, so I easily agreed. On the dance floor the two girls were grinding up on either side of me. The bass of the music felt like it was going straight through me, like I was a part of it, my heart synchronized with the rhythm. Suddenly I noticed the people around us were no longer dancing, apparently our antics had attracted attention and the people on the dance floor simply stood around us in a large circle to watch. The girl in front of me rubbed her breasts against mine, and the girl behind me ground her crotch into my ass. I was so high on the moment, enjoying the way these girls were dancing with me and turning me on. All the people watching us just seemed to add fuel to my fire, the exhibitionist in me coming out again.

The girl in front of me grabbed my head and kissed me. As I felt her tongue collide with mine, the crowd erupted in cheers and yelling encouragement. I felt something else enter my mouth, small and hard like a pill. Suddenly the object was at the back of my throat and, fearing that I might choke on it, swallowed. The girl ended the kiss and stared at me with a big grin on her face.

"What the hell was that?" I asked.

"A little surprise," she said as she started to dance again. My naughty side was in command those days, so I didn't worry too much. Not that it would have mattered if I did, I'd already swallowed the thing. The girl behind me put her arms around me and slid them down until her hands were at my crotch, her fingers pressed down and I felt a jolt. I didn't know if the crowd could see what was happening with the other girl standing in front of me or if my face gave it away, but another round of cheers, louder than the first time, erupted in the room. I pressed myself back into her body, feeling her large breasts against my back and she pushed her crotch into my ass. We must have gone too far for somebody because a pair of bouncers came through the crowd and asked us to break it up. We separated from each other and just started dancing, and the crowd started dancing again as well. A few guys came over and started trying to dance with us, so we decided to leave the floor and grab some drinks at the bar.

We found Kim talking with a few other people at a table. Her attempts with the DJ had failed because "they didn't play that type of music here". It didn't surprise me when she explained her next plan was to offer to let him watch us kiss if he would play it. When Kim wanted something, 'no' was not in her vocabulary. I told her about the dance floor and we laughed our asses off.

Right after that I started to feel it. Not exactly like feeling lightheaded, more like I could feel everything and nothing at the same time but I had no control over which at any given moment. Ah, fuck it. Putting the physical sensation of tripping into words is impossible (at least I assume that's what I was doing, I never really found out what I took). But describing what I saw defiantly isn't. Looking around, all the light seemed to have shadows and even people did too, but they were colored shadows following behind them. Afterwards I realized the shadows were the color of their shirts and I was seeing trails.

Everything after that happened in some kind of heightened reality. I needed to ask that girl what she gave me, but when I looked around the table I realized she and her friend were gone. Somehow logic was still present in my brain and I thought they must have made a trip to the bathroom, so I got up.

"Hey, slutknocker, where are you going?" Kim asked.

"Hunting for clues." I responded. I didn't even think to ask Kim if she knew where the girls had gone. The walk around the dance floor seemed like a slow motion adventure, and even now I still remember some of the faces I saw on my way. Some guy complimented me on my performance; it wasn't until the next day I realized he was talking about my ménages e trios on the dance floor. I just said "Thanks, whatever," as I walked away. I don't know if he heard me.

Walking into the bathroom was like walking into a vacuum. The loud music and people talking were reduced to a muffle through the wall. And no more color trails because this room was a bright antiseptic white, the lighting made the walls and the floor almost glow. It was the brightest bathroom I'd ever been in. I had to stand there for a second just to get oriented. This is what Heaven must be like, I thought. Then where is God? Had to be in one of the stalls. The first two were empty. The third was locked so I knocked.

"What?!" The voice was heavily accented European.

"Are you God?"

"Fuck off."

I thought for a moment, maybe closer to a minute. Then it hit me. "Are you the girl that kissed me on the dance floor and gave me drugs?"

"I don't fucking kiss girls."

"Oh my God."

Those words didn't come from me, I heard them out of the last stall and they were followed by a giggle - a very cute giggle. So I went down there and knocked. The door opened and the most stunning Asian girl sat on the toilet. She wore a tube-top and a pair of shorts that I'm sure looked better on her hips than her ankles where they currently resided. She had long hair, dark exotic eyes and a diamond stud in her nose. She was so beautiful that I just stood and stared. This had to be Heaven, because this girl was an angel. She smiled back at my stare.

"Holy shit," she said in perfect English, via Southern California, "you're that girl from the dance floor." My witty response was to continue staring. She giggled again and said, "Sorry, I'm not God."

"I want to eat your pussy," came out of my mouth without my internal censor even looking at it. Who am I kidding - my internal censor was off to the moon with the rest of my brain functions. The Asian girl's eyes widened with surprise, and then settled back into place as a smile that was part wicked and part innocent crossed her face. She nodded, so I entered and closed the door behind me.

"I've never-" she started, but I cut her off by putting a finger to her lips. "Shhhh," I said as I smiled. I took the finger away from her lips.

"Hold on a minute," she said and grabbed some toilet paper to wipe between her legs. When she was done she took her feet out of her slides and shook out of her shorts. She put one leg over the toilet paper rack and braced her other leg against the door. Her hands spread open her flower and she looked up at me with a smile.

"Go for it," she said. I got on my knees and put my tongue to work. She tasted bitter but not pungent. I licked all around as she began to moan and groan. No idea how long I went at it or if I was even doing it well, but I knew I was having a good time. I remember teasing her clit to the point where she begged, or maybe yelled angrily, for me to suck on it. I did so and pressed my finger inside of her. She was actually pretty tight, so I left it at one finger and pumped in and out as I sucked her clit. The Asian girl put her hands on my head as her body shook and I licked up her cream as it came. The girl was breathing heavy and she laid back, her head resting on the wall.

A strange feeling washed over me. My body felt numb and I felt like I couldn't breathe. This place was too quiet, too sterile, and too empty. For a moment I wondered if I had really died. Like a wave crashing over me, the urge to get out of there struck with overwhelming force. I stood, said "Thanks," and slipped out of the stall. Two girls were standing near the sinks whispering. I avoided their gaze as I walked briskly to the door.

Outside the bathroom I was blasted by the music again, the smoke and the lights, the people gyrating on the dance floor. It was great. I knew I was alive. Suddenly I realized it was KMFDM that was playing.

"Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" I screamed in joy and jumped into the crowd on the dance floor and danced like I never had before. The music was pulsing through my body and I felt like pure happiness was coursing through my veins. A hand grabbed my arm and I saw it belonged to the girl whose name I couldn't remember, standing next to her was her friend whose name I also couldn't remember.

"How do you like it?" she asked.

"It's fucking great!" I yelled. They started dancing with me and at one point I grabbed both their heads and pulled them into a three-way kiss. Soon after, the three of us left the club together, and that was the last thing I remembered.

CHAPTER 9: IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS YOU DON'T REMEMBER

Suddenly there was water. It smelled like salt water- hitting me in the face, swirling around my neck, slapping against my breasts and stomach, tickling my pubic hairs, sliding over my legs and foaming between my toes. I coughed, sputtered and gasped for air as I pushed myself up from the sand. Then there was light, not a bright light, but brighter than the darkness behind my closed eyes. I opened them, but they couldn't focus immediately. It actually took me a minute to realize I was cold. I could finally see that the sun hadn't completely come up yet, half the sky was lighted by the dawn as last night's darkness retreated over the other half. And there I was lying naked on the beach. I looked around and saw that no one was with me, and my clothes were equally absent. The only thing I was wearing was body jewelry.

When I crawled up the sand to escape the waves of high tide I felt a sharp pain on my waist, just above and to the left of my crotch. I went to grab at it and felt material other than my skin. There was a bandage there. It was small, about two inches square. A dozen questions filled my mind. Who did this to me? Or did I do this to myself? Where did I get bandaged up? Where the hell are my clothes? And how the hell did I get here? Part of me wanted to pull off the bandage and see what was under there but part of me was afraid to face the answers to any of those questions.

The decision to leave came with the noise of people from somewhere behind me. I was stark naked in a public place. As much as it would have normally turned me on, I had no idea how I got there and I was worried about what was under the bandage. My head felt like there was nothing in it, but I managed to stand up and started walking. Looking around, I recognized some of the houses and realized I wasn't far from the Ross house. Hugging myself with my arms against the cold, I could feel my nipples were rock hard from the wind coming off the ocean.

There was a part of me that felt like crying. I'd hit rock bottom. I came here to get rid of a problem and it had only gotten worse. Now I was waking up in strange places without my clothes after getting so fucked up that I couldn't remember how any of it had happened. Even worse, apparently now I had damaged myself. I looked out towards the ocean, then back towards land. There were a few people in the windows of their houses and I passed by some early morning walkers who stared. I remember hoping this didn't take the pleasure of exhibitionism away from me. The pain on my waist was still there when I walked into the Ross house. Kim was sleeping on the couch. I shook her awake, her eyes widened when she saw me.

"Oh my God! Where the hell have you been?"

"Body surfing. I need you to look at something for me."

We went into the bedroom as Kim told me how she had looked all over the club for me. Finally she came home in case I was here. She also told me she finally got the DJ to play KMFDM by kissing first Maria and then Isobel when the guy got greedy. I lay down on the bed and pointed to the bandage.

"What the hell happened?"

"Just pull it off and tell me how bad it is."

Kim peeled off the bandage. "Holly shit!" she said.

"Oh my God, is it that bad?"

Kim looked up at me, then back down at my waist. I had a hard time reading her look.

"What?" I looked down and saw a black mark on my skin, and at first I thought it was a burn. But looking at it I realized it was a design.

"You got a tattoo," she said.

I looked at it closer. "What is it?"

"I don't know. It looks like it's one of those Chinese characters."

"What does it mean?"

"It means you got a tattoo without me." Kim climbed off the bed and walked out of the room without another word. No outburst. It was more unsettling than if she had screamed and lost her temper. I felt this huge horrible feeling wash over me. I realized it was guilt.

Kim and I had talked about getting tattoos together. Not that we were planning on getting the same one, but we did promise we would share our first together. It had to do with experiencing something together that would last forever. I remembered, before I started planning the break up, how much I was looking forward to getting a tattoo and how special it would be getting it with her. That was why I understood how hurt she was at that moment. That's why, even though this was a perfect chance to break up with her, I followed with the intention of begging forgiveness.

I found Kim sitting on the couch in the living room, doing a line of coke. I sat down in the chair across from her.

"I don't even remember getting it," I said.

"That's not the point." Kim snorted another line.

"Then what is the point?