All Comments on 'Hybrid Story Ch. 03'

I dunno. Kinda lame....I was excited after chapter 1, but....you need to work on how you flush out your characters. You made both your MCs overly analytical which actually felt like a cop-out. Its easy and tempting to write characters like that since your the writer youself, but characters should be written into a metaphorical box of their own reality. It did not feel like that here, it felt like you wrote your fantasy superhero origin story with paper antagonists, no substance to them yet before you killed them off to progress the story.

Logical Failures I had issues with:

1. Especially with the whole I have earned 20 different blackbelts, but I amalgamated them into a fighting style of my own. I don't know if you've ever talked to an actual chinese person who practices martial art or not, but I have. To non-chinese speaking individuals, Kung-fu is a type of martial arts, to the Chinese the essence (definition) of Kung-fu is having achieved skill through long effort and hard work over the period of a decade or longer in which ever school of martial arts.

-Basically felt too artifical/quick to assign him that sort of skill, even when you showed him sparring with his Doppelganger it did not feel like the sort of dedication one might expect.

2. He showed great talent with magic in two fights after stating in 3 chapters that while he knew he had potential his magic was not skilled because of his experience! In fact who taught him magic anyways? You stated that both Weres and Vamps don't have magical abilities (besides inherent physical ones), so it certainly was not his mother or father.

~Harlequin

4*s looking forward to the next chapter my only real comment is to finish the story hate when someone starts a good story and shits on us by abandoning it

while i am enjoying the premise of the story i do wonder about some of the history and training. i mean sure he has been training since he was 2 days old in fighting with his dad. where did he learn magic and what about his mom nothing about her since his birth?

This being Literotica I imagine this won't be the most popular comment. But, the story is always more important than the sex. This story is holding my interest so far, keep going.

As a previous comment stated, concentrate on the plot because that's what should drive this story rather than sex. Anyhow, thanks for your efforts to entertain me and I look forward to the next chapter.

All tell and no show.

hope u continue the story its good so far

I read this story when it was posted and I just reread it I hope u continue the story things are interesting and they look to get more so

i haven't worked on this in a while but i will continue it....just as soon as i redownload microsoft word onto my laptop.

Dont leave us hanging!

8 months??

it's been two years..

if you are not gonna continue then don't write a good start..

asshole :/

It's a damn shame you aren't still writing this. Would have been a terrific story