All Comments on 'I Am Jack's Life Ch. 09'

by Finis

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  • 6 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Confusing thoughts and actions make the story confusing, instead of enlightening.

"She and Todd had broken up again. Strangely though he and I still talked and hung out. In a weird way he was my best guy friend. Life is fucked up."

This observation or analysis, coming from the smartest person in the high school? Sorry, but it is your plot that is becoming fucked up. The former cruel heartless bully is now his best friend? Oops, best guy friend (?). Because he finally started treating him with some semblance of respect? Naw, Todd is a selfish self-serving prick, and he is becoming a boring tool for your plot. And at this point we hardly care about him, or Beth. Beth is supposed to be intelligent and kind and good. So what is she doing dating the prick? If Todd is his best friend, then lets hear through Todd why his relationship with Beth is so rocky, sporadic, ephemeral. Beth is starting to become a tool to, isn't she? It's like you've parked her on the side until her next big scene. So the interest you are creating in my mind is not about the story nor the characters, but the author, who is so close to having a really good story here, but keeps stumbling by inserting faux pa's through his characters thoughts and actions. Weird. Which word you use way too much. To explain that which really does not make sense. Weird.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
lmao

soo am guessing everything was perfect when you were 18

am guessing you were never confused about anything

am guessing you never made errors of judgement

never got mixed up in , or lost in your choices of direction or friendships.

Recap.

Jack had no real social circle before hooking up with Beth & Co.

by hooking up with Beth & co. he loses touch with the few old friends that he had.

The Asswipe / Bully character , is the only other guy that has a long term involvement

with the group ( even if it is an on/off .. on/off .. sporadic one ..

soooooo does it really take a genius to work out , Who/which guy Jack is going to be Friends with , at least until he branches out and gets to know more people socialy .

Context ... something the Author has tried previously to explain ..

&

you sir/madam ... take one or two sentances from everything previously written & lose all sense of Context ..

xxxhugsxxx

RickfromillinoisRickfromillinoisabout 9 years ago
A good story line.

Gee, a guy who was a real jerk in GRADE school changes over the years and actually becomes a decent guy later on, and someone finds that hard to believe? As for him becoming one of Jack's closest guy friends, read the story. Jack has spent most of his time hanging around the 4 girls and had little regular contact with other guys outside of school. I don't find anything remotely unreasonable that he comes friends with the guy.

patilliepatillieabout 9 years ago
I have not commented until now

but I have to put something down after this chapter. It is truly a 5 star effort, the writing crackles, the tension high, the possiblities as to who his wife is, and who the oldest daughter's mom is, is still not very clear.

The emotion you evoke, as we all put ourselves in highschool again, is truly awesome.

Thx for your efforts and hope no one bothers me the rest of the day so I can finish this. I only found you when you posted in loving wives, the only category I tgo to. So glad I did. And when are you going to post more of the other story?

TxYanksFan53TxYanksFan53about 9 years ago
Really good series

I am really enjoying this series of stories. Very well done. Good writing. Good plot. The opening was crackerjack. I can't wait to see how you tie it all together. I only wish my high school nerdiness had turned out this well!

bruce22bruce22about 9 years ago
I hate writing speechs!

well I suppose that the only thing I like to write are letters.. But the alternative game is played out in a lot of do-over stories. Since I am happy with my family and friends I do not worry about doing anything different from what I did do.

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The eBook version of Jack's Life can be found on Amazon here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00T1XMHKS Of course, please feel free to read it for free on Literotica, there is no difference between them, no different endings, no new scenes.

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