All Comments on 'I Am the Bride Act 01 Scene 01'

Hmm it is a good story and I did enjoy it but the way it was written did make it read a bit werid its not bad but I am more use to stories that imply who is talking/thinking rather than saying it out plainly like this story did but it is still a good read

That was amazing; the best I have read ever.

That is not how you do it. It completely ruins the flow of the piece. What a shame; it had potential. You completely ruined it because you either could not be bothered to learn how to do it properly, or you thought you were being cool and different. Either way, it did not work out well!

I agree. Learn to write dialogue. The story isn't bad but the format blows. Looks like a fucking SCRIPT for a play or a movie. Lazy writing.

I greatly enjoyed this and I would love to read more.

Sure wasn't erotic to listen to his whining and her brutalizing him. If he wakes up (maybe he died?) I'm sure he'll just beat the crap out of her and leave. Who wouldn't? Try to get some help. The dialogue must have been written by a 12 year old. UGH!

Loved it

Personally didn't have a problem with the dialogue or format. I thought it was a great story! Keep it up, can't wait for the next chapter! :-)

ME: I'm Loveforpantyboy, and I wrote a really good story here about putting on girls' clothes and getting one up my ass!

HER: You gotta be kidding! Good? If you think this is actually good, with the thing looking and reading like a script for an X-rated play, then you really are stupid. I hope these things I'm putting up your ass aren't doing any brain damage!

The reads like script for a move or TV show. What's with all of the ME; & HER: and etc. You need to learn to write in a dialog form. This is fairly unreadable and the script format takes away from the flow any eroticism you are trying to achieve

Guys, the way it opens makes it look like a script. Act 1 scene 1. I enjoyed the first page, second page didn't interest me as much. The format wasn't that bad, could be better, but the sound effects written out are just weird. He squealed and his squeal was "eeehhhh". Who squeals like that? And some of these others sounds they make when they moan or whatever are just weird in my opinion. Also, the editors still missed quite a few typos.

ME: Wash your face

And wipe your nose.

Accept the fact

This story BLOWS!

ME-YOU-Fungo! Accept the fact this story's SCREWED!!!!!

Enjoyed the story, but, if I could recommend, drop the "ME" / "HER" each time the character speaks. It is implied, if written correctly, who is speaking. It gets old very quickly, and, takes the shine of a somewhat polished story.