All Comments on 'I Created a Monster'

Nothing worth reading or even making much of an effort at commenting on today.

The only trouble with this fantasy is that people that cheat do not have the capacity to love/care about other people. They have zero empathy (sociopaths) and cannot learn to love. They only fear cheating out of the feat of someone getting over on them. They have little self respect because they are aware of their lacking character and are terrified that others will find out and treat them accordingly.

You saw that Stranger Things was the hit of the summer so you decided to sprinkle some 80's references and call it an homage.

Doesn't really work that way, but I get it...

Welcome back. You have imagination and you make your point succinctly and with wry humour. What's not to like?

Well , I wondered if your hiatus was ever going to end , glad to have you back.

I liked it .

The shoe didn't fit very well when it went on the other foot. Nice.

No massive erections from watching his wife with someone else , nice.

I am glad you tied up the career change , because I just couldn't fathom that part , but you tied it up , nice.

So now the only real gripe I have is , what took you so long !

I remember that you and the Big 3 started posting roughly around the same time , we could have had the big 4 !Lol.chuckle .

All joking aside , I enjoyed it . Thank you for sharing it with us.

5 * ' s

Yeah, now if I can manage to finish one of the multitude of half done stories. lol

Only laughable!!!

What a diabolical mind! The cheating whore got what she deserved. And she was played like a violin. As I've said before, ye reap what ye sow.

PLUS FIVE STARS

She is a slut,whore and monster.Her husband was a wimp and moron,Now he is a man. 3*

A very good story...Maybe one of the best in the cheater's point of view...All the cheater's symptoms are there...Just an add up: she didn't created with her actions, just one monster...she created two! Her daughter also was hard to her!! 4*

the evil bitch is delicious and essential.

...so I don't understand the vitriol in the comments. You did an excellent job presenting the tale from the perspective of the cheater realizing what they could lose and then losing it. They're not really going to ever accept full responsibility for their actions after all.

But it was just too forced, or contrived? They kind of switched places, with her becoming the needy submissive and him becoming the dominant cruel one. And without much more description and explanation the character morphing didn't make sense. In fact, the whole setup didn't make sense. Why did she want to marry him if not to have children and use him financially? And why didn't she leave him after she got her one kid and he stopped making big money? He also left the playing field open for her by becoming a cross country truck driver. Why would he do that if he loved his wife and daughter? And why did he respond so vehemently and decisively once he had absolute proof, but did nothing while harboring suspicions? He could easily afford a private eye, or fake a trip out of town while performing his own surveillance.

So it was dramatic and suspenseful and emotional, but not consistent or believable. It was close, but no cigar.

Anybody that can throw that many "Big Trouble in Little China" quips deserves 5 stars.

"I have a sex addiction and Jack is not up to my level in the bedroom" - And if you weren't up to HIS level, it would be okay if he cheated?

"You see, you now feel what I felt. You know what it feels like to wonder every day if the one you love is going to throw away that love and trust for a simple fuck" - I realize we are seeing everything from her POV, but I wasn't aware that he had any doubts about her before he saw that video.

This cold, cruel, evil, selfish woman constantly fucked around on her husband for years, admitted that she married him for the money, and clearly hates her "bitch" of a daughter, who she wishes she had aborted.

This may be the most vile wife character ever created. Does this woman have a single redeeming quality?

Yet...we're supposed to believe that when she is caught by her bitchy daughter humping some random guy, hubby is so upset about it that he busts his TV. Why? You'd think he'd be happy to get rid of such an evil bitch! Just kick her out and be done with it. We're also supposed to believe that he had no idea his wife cheated on him so often. Is he that dense? He must be. Except...

We learn that this guy intentionally chose a career that pays far less -- for the sole purpose of screwing over his evil wife at some point in the future. Seriously?

But that isn't even the most implausible part! Hubby then issues an ultimatum: he's going to put his dick in another vagina! That'll teach the evil wifey! But wait...why would she care about that? It's already been well-established that she doesn't love her husband. Why would she care?

And yet...she does. Because this is BTB Land, where all cheating wives must experience their "Come to Jesus" moment where they suddenly realize how evil they are, and beg for forgiveness.

Of course, it doesn't end there, because this is BTB Land, and the wife hasn't been thoroughly destroyed yet. The wifey-shaped piñata has been stuffed with sweet revenge. Now it's time to beat it. Wifey is mentally tortured for a year, wondering whether hubby has put his dick in another vagina yet. She manages to lie to her therapist. She's so stressed she's losing her hair and looks like shit.

She can't take it anymore. Did he do it yet? Ah, now it's time for the next step in the BTB template: the serving of the divorce papers by the cold, stoic, emotionless husband to the evil, yet now meek and repentant, wife. Revenge is best served cold, as they say. You can almost hear the husband's cackle as she slinks away with her tail between her legs.

But wait! It's not over. There's also the video tape, which was somehow recorded without either lover noticing. The evil bitch daughter hasn't had her revenge yet, so she uploads it somewhere, and...the wife somehow loses her job over it. Say what? How did that happen? Did the daughter upload it to America's Funniest Home Videos? How did the wife's employer see it? You know how many videos are on the Internet? He/she just happened to see that one? And the wife's face was undeniably recognizable? And there was a clause in her employment contract about not cheating during off hours?

Nothing about this story makes a lick of sense. Which is why the BTB Brigade loves it so much.

P.S. Did we really need several paragraphs on the hymen?

Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big ol' storm right square in the eye and he says, "Give me your best shot, pal ... I can take it."

Nice diabolical story- you really brought out the critics: "hey, this is implausible", "I didnt like this woman because X Y Z", "stop feeding the BTB crowd, it supports their bad habits", "hey, this wasn't erotic- now what am going to jack off to?". This story fulfills Oscar Wilde's "the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about" maxim. I don't need to say it, but it bothers the star counters: 5 stars.

Yep, you're right. It brought out you, didn't it?

Damn, you think too much.

We really didn't need several paragraphs on the hymen, what we really were all craving and hoping for was several paragraphs from swingerjoe! Oh yeah, now there's some fine stuff!

That penetrating insight, that breathtaking swoop to the lofty heights of entertainment, all contained in such stultifying prose. Remember, he's written fifty stories, all as obtuse and bromidic as his comments. Don't get mad, now, Joe. You know the very earth yearns in anticipation of your next fascinating comment. Everyone loves you and we lie awake at night, dreaming of what clinquant and coruscating beauty may be revealed when you next deign to comment for us lesser mortals.

Over the top, of course, but a fine cautionary tale. The narrator's voice is very believable and I wouldn't cut a thing. Thanks

Kimi I think I love you but in a purely platonic way.

@sbrooks103x

The feeling that she was cheating on him was implied by his decision to change careers, just in case, and was summed up in dialogue near the end. "...I'm not stupid, Gracie. I've had my suspicions for a long time and I'm fairly certain that student wasn't your first 'outside man'. I let it go because of our daughter and because I loved you then as much as you love me now." He had deep suspicions, but I didn't want to do the canned "got a detective to follow her years ago" thing.

@swingerjoe

I could go down the list of your concerns and answer them, but it wouldn't really matter since you are predisposed to dislike any btb story. Let's just say I am happy that I annoyed you enough to get you to post a rant. That alone is street cred for any btb story, "Did it upset swingerjoe?" "Yeah, he ranted on it." "Sweet, must be a decent btb tale."

p.s. Just kidding, sorry you didn't care for it. Swing and a miss.

Yes, well, Plato has always been my idol, anyway. Love you right back. You're always so mean to Luedon. Gotta love that. Just kidding, Lue <3

....that husbands are good and wives are evil.

Liked this plot more so than the last one. Either way enjoy your writing style quite a bit. Bet you will be up there with some of the old gang of writers in popularity very soon. Thanks for sharing

Thanks for the offering.

When some wild-eyed eight foot tall maniac grabs your neck taps the back of your head against the barroom wall and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks if you if you've paid your dues? You just look that big sucker right back in the eye and you remember what old Jack Burton always says at a time like that. Have you paid your dues jack? Yes sir the check is in the mail

I gotta say, the first couple of lines I read from BTILC, I had to re-read them to be sure. That kept me reading this one, liked how you worked them into this tale of woe.

I like it! 5.

Thanks.

...than your story.

This was an interesting idea. And here, interesting ideas are rare as hen's teeth!

I liked it as far as it goes, but wifey was a bit too blasé about her affairs and her "couldn't care less" attitude towards the marriage and her open dislike for her daughter were all a bit overdone.

The transition to her totally loving and being emotionally dependent on him, was also a bit too brief and so, made more extreme in its brevity.

Daughter, sadly, was a one-dimensional bit part.

I understand that you can't dedicate multiple pages to character development and storyline in a flash setting. But, I would suggest that reading it out loud and softening some of the narration in editing it to more humanistic realms might make the story both better and more engaging.

Thank you, it was a master stroke that you finished when you struggle so much to do so. I'll look forward to other stories. Good luck.

and I love it. Late in, early out, 3 characters and 1 location, 5*

I never delete comments. NEVER! It's a pet peeve of mine when others do it. However, Lit has a wonky comment setup. If there are more than a few comments, sometimes not all will show unless you refresh multiple times.

but then I have a thing for obscure words and phrases

That said, I enjoyed the read

Thanks

MFH

A very interesting POV. Entering the mind of the villain. A novel concept. Congratulations on writing something unusual. Good work. I hope you find the inspiration to finish some of those other stories.

@Kimi, You are rapidly becoming one of my favorites. Sweet and nasty. You sent me to the dictionary. Hilarious! Just don't skewer me with that wit, please. I surrender in advance!

Gave you 4*s.

Your story was entertaining enough for 3* rating. It is the "...worse than a winter attack on Russia..." sentence. So creative and very true , it gets you an extra star⭐.

HA, HA, ha.....

AMerryman

Very emotional but there is 1 big flaw...

Hubby, if he could make it from College Station to San Francisco--a distance of 1863 miles--in 24 hours means he was running totally illegal, both in speed and hours. Legal hours for 1863 miles should be 36-37, plus a 10 hour break. I'm sure he was running at least 2 logbooks and 1 of them was very illegal.

Average speed of most trips is about 50 mph due to potty stops & food stops. To do that distance in 24 hours means he was running 77 mph with no stops or slowdowns. Not gonna happen!

Also, I'm surprised he didn't have 1 or more accidents because he fell asleep--or at least was drowsy--behind the wheel.

Having spent 40 years in the transportation industry as a driver and other positions, I speak from knowledge and experience.

I know this is fiction, but his speed, distance, and miles are science fiction. Please do some research on trucking before you put long distances and short hours in your stories.

As a person who has seen "Big Trouble in Little China" and having a functioning memory, I would hope that any further stories you write don't rip the names (Jack Burton, Gracie, Eddie, Margo) and quotes (Hell of being cut to pieces, I only drive as fast as I can see, It's all in the reflexes, If I'm not back by morning call the president, etc.) directly from movies, particularly from silly action/adventure comedies given the subject matter.

Even though there r some minor issues the Bitch got what she deserves...4*

Jack and Gracie met at TX A&M, but the story never tells us where they live now. Consumers in San Francisco aren't going to be all that anxious to buy pork from TX, so they probably live somewhere in Central or Southern CA. :)

Personally, I like to imagine that Jack didn't actually have to drive his runs continuously because he was secretly sharing them with an attractive female trucker he hooked up with soon after discovering that Gracie was really a cheating slut.

I wanted to hate this and rip it to shreds because of your recent comments on my stories but turns out you are a great writer so I gave you 5 stars. I'm sorry you were so offended by my story, and if it makes you feel better I'm changing the category of my story to "erotic couplings" as soon as I can figure out how...

and now must live with the aftermath and fallout, TK U MLJ LV NV

Big bonus points for inserting the little Easter egg gems into your tale.

However, I would have been slightly more impressed with some of these drops...

"We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn't we, Wang?"

"You just remember what ole Jack Burton says at a time like this... Yes sir, the check is in the mail."

;) LOL loved it.

Oh, yeah. The tale was really good too. I found her turn-about only slightly unrealistic - only because she seemed so completely void of guilt at the start. That said, her change in perspective was really well motivated.

short story that shows this manipulative wife get her comeuppance; it was a particularly clever ruse to use her POV throughout.

The fact that I wanted more of the story shoes the skill of the author I think.

I just stumbled across your stories. I want to tell you that I enjoyed them ( loving wives) and hope you will start posting again.

I don't believe with today's societal decay that ANY "vet" would be dismissed for adulterous fornication. Be real! "I don't want that $160/hour flea infestation guru/adulterous slut to touch my precious shitzu!"

in that case, if i were the employer I'd have to fire her. bad pr no one wants to do business with someone who employed a publicly known slut. and today she'd lose in court if she tried to sue

She got exactly what she deserved. When you play, you pay.

Good reduction of unnecessary words to come up with a high word to story ratio. This is what happens when women get the power, and I put some blame on the man for not smacking some sense into her before it comes down to this.

Whether he was a ninja or not, her contempt made her seriously underestimate him. I like how the story comes from the cheaters perspective, and stuff like becoming a truck driver doesn't immediately betray his intentions as if it was his narrative. The releasing of the tapes to porn sites...is there really any fallout from that? Theres just too much porn for one extra person to matter. Anyway, thanks for all the fish.

'It was created by evil intentions whereas Frankenstein was just trying to show that he could create life. I admit that the monster in this case just stopped outwardly loving her whereas in Shelly's book it actively pursued the "good" doctor.

"you probably live in a trailer and drive a Ford. I drive a Mercedes S series and live in a fucking mansion" - Um, those aren't the only two choices!

"Worst of all, I began to obsess over and (dare I say it) really love my husband." - The WORST thing is that she might actually be falling in love with her HUSBAND? Oh, the horror, oh, the humanity!

Not saying it can't be done? But I just cant see a vet moving a horse, cow, sheep or pig by a little Mercedes coupe

Only an Aggie could be so smart, yet so stupid. He played the long game, and took her too the cleaners. Well-designed burn. But only an Aggie would give up a vet job to haul pork chops.

Another good story. I just finished reading a bad day. A good job of writing to let the reader really see what a heartless conniving bitch she is. Then the year long revenge. 5 star. Thanks!

Loklie

Read it in the characters voices. Good job! haha

Satisfying ending. If someone cheats, but genuinely deserves forgiveness, and/or a second chance, then I can live with that, but some, like 'Gracie', jus don't, because they're pure evil. In any case, it's always good to see an evil bitch/bastard burn!

5*

poor story with worse writing

A great story of a psychological burn that was truly devastating and much deserved. The daughter's reaction was icing on the cake.

But I wish the LW authors would quite trying to prove what a "good guy" the husband is by having them turn down alimony and/or child support.

BTB, she deservedly got hers.

Someone who plots her search for a life mate with such a cold attitude cannot possibly maintain the facade. It's bound to be discovered and I'm glad Jack saw through it as early as he did. The mind fucking he gave is the best I've read in a while.

what a bitch, she tried fool him once again.

Lw authors need to get over this superiority attitude for the man. In addition to whatever burn is written, any normal fellow would also do a max financial burn too, anything else is just dumb. Take all alimony, all retirement and all assets as possible. For example, buy out the cheaters half of house now,then sell ten years from now for max capital gain....

This is one great story in all respects. Mordbrand, come back and write again.

You reap what you sow. I like to see the faithfull ones win.

I doubt a cold bitch like Jer would really be that destroyed by hubby's actions. But it certainly makes for the perfect btb.

Dark, but an interesting variation on this. The husband's transformation was easier for me to buy than the wife's. Empty sociopaths rarely start loving.

Not sure why you’re so insistent on downgrading other stories. This was unoriginal and trite with moronic dialogue and a ridiculous premise. Stick with being a viewer rather than contributor.

2 questions

1 why if he had suspicions did he become a trucker?

2 where is this express route?

Its 1200 miles from Austin the San Deigo

thats 2400 miles round trip,

and truckers can only drive 14 solid hours

.

That requires a speed of 175 mph,

not accounting for the 3 weigh stations,

or loading and unloading

or inspections

or getting gas

or food

or taking a shit

Really a fan of "Big Trouble in Little China" huh? Fun take.

Thanks for a story about three people I would never want to meet. Yikes...

Loved the "Big Trouble in Little China" references - and Gracie - she was a lawyer not a VET! Good story, interesting revenge.

.

It's nice to think that maybe there really is a Jack Burton out there on the roads driving his Pork Chop Express, keeping his reflexes honed as he alternately shakes the pillars of heaven or stares into the 'Black Blood of the Earth.'

.

Five thumbs up.

Bye bitch. Don’t let the door hit you on the azz, in your way out!

5 stars

Great story. Loved it.....And to lujon2019. This piece is not your tale. This is the authors tale and in it the trucker can make the trip in whatever time the author wants, and still be within the authors law. This is FICTION. LP

Twist it as it goes in the chest.

a waste of mine and others time, why do you even try

didnt make any sense

You should have had your wife edit the story for you. Bryan is not also known as College Station. 2 distinct towns, just next to each other.

Perhaps, she at least recognizes sarcasm. Also, you either don't live in Texas or you're simply a pedantic nimrod. People here always have called it by both names, just like Dallas Fort Worth. For your perusal: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bryan%E2%80%93College_Station. Also, perhaps to clarify the fact to discombobulated village idiots, the actual board of regents OF Texas A&M actually voted a while back to consider the metro area of Bryan College Station to be the official recognized term for home of said university.

I've lived in this area since I was 12, I am 49 now. I guarantee that anyone who has been here longer than a brief time would instantly know what someone was talking about when they used the name of that area

⭐⭐⭐⭐ I'm truly sorry that I only gave this story 4 stars. It is well-written. But... the wife is a TOTALLY UNREPENTANT, SCHEMING, SERIAL CHEATING WHORE! While the author told his story his way, it just didn't work for me.

Didn't work imho

No...

A sociopathic bitch as described at the beginning isn't going to turn into proper wife material. As they say, "Can't make a wife out of a ho"..

Thanks for the great nod to a classic cinematic character:

"Have you paid your dues, Jack? Yes, sir. The check is in the mail."

"We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn't we, Wang?"

5*

I would loved to see a little more elaborated one.

Too much questions aren't answered.

I love this type of stories.

But ended too soon.

So happy to read a story where the lying selfish slut gets some of what she deserves. Her pain still wasn't enough, but it was better than most!

Okay, this was inventive. Perfect revenge. Daughter was just like the mother, but used her powers for good. Choices matter a lot. Husband was never stupid, just trusting. Never mistake kindness for weakness. He couldn't have orchestrated a more perfect revenge.

This has to be one of the most imaginative fantasies I've ever read!

Liked this one and it does have the proper ending.

That was great, and the ending is almost perfect.

One of the best story tellers on this site!

EH.

Loved the way the story was told from the cheaters point of view and how Jack turned the tables on her. Kind of funny at times but it was a true BTB story. Five stars