I Know What I'm Doing Ch. 02

"Poetry, my friend." Sam emphasised. "How many high school boys do you know who write love poems in hopes of getting a free lesson on grammar and poetic flow techniques?"

In those moments I knew what it was about Sam that rubbed me the wrong way at times. It was Ethan. Sam shared a past and a comfortable intimacy with him that I would never be able to compete against.

/Is that what you want to be, though? Competition to the other men in Ethan's life?/

I hadn't noticed that I was staring at him until he shifted self-consciously and I heard Sam's tone harden a little in the middle of a joke.

I sat through more stories that revealed Ethan's character to me a bit at a time. He was shy and a bit naïve, sure. But he was also extremely intelligent and funny. And the man didn't possess a shred of arrogance or vanity.

After the meal, Ethan's face lit up so irresistibly when I suggested ice cream for dessert that I found myself following him as he made a dash for the kitchen.

I rinsed the dirty dishes and loaded the dishwasher while he raided the freezer.

"Which flavour should I take out?" he asked, his voice muffled.

I turned to find that half his torso had vanished into the upright freezer. The sight of his excited digging made me smile, then laugh.

"Whichever you prefer. Anything's fine by me."

He lugged out a tub of chocolate-mint swirl. It took me another minute to notice that he was unsuccessfully searching for bowls.

"Top cupboard, to your left," I instructed.

He held spoons and the ice cream in one hand and tried to reach the bowls on the top shelf with his other. It wasn't working, but he didn't even consider relinquishing the cold dessert.

"It won't make a run for it if you put it down for a minute, you know," I admonished as I approached to help.

It was only when Ethan inhaled sharply as I stepped in behind him and grabbed three bowls that I became aware of how closely we were standing. My shorts brushed the back of his jeans and my inhalations teased me with whiffs of his shampoo.

I lowered the bowls slowly, but didn't step back. My free hand held onto the counter, trapping him as I leaned in even closer.

"What are you doing?" he husked.

I'd had every intention of letting him go after a few more seconds. But that was before the smoky tone of his voice pulled me deeper.

"Did you know that you have a tiny birthmark on the back of your neck?" I whispered.

"Yeah. My mom used to tell me it looked like a- Oh!"

His cry was softer instead of louder. I'd expected the opposite when I licked the mark. What he lacked in volume, however, he made up for in passion; and his reaction excited me.

I ran my cheek along one side of his neck, listening to his breathing speed up, before switching to the other side and burying my nose in his hair. I pressed forward when he leaned back obeyed the instinct to nibble on his earlobe.

"What..? Aiden, what are we...? Oh..."

It was like he was singing. Low, sexy, drawn-out notes that responded to my every touch.

I let go of the bowls and laced my fingers through his. My other hand left the counter so it could sneak beneath his untucked shirt.

I curiously traced the outline of his pec, enjoying the hardness of muscle beneath smooth skin. My fingers accidentally tickled across his nipple and the sensation made him moan and push his bottom back into my groin. It was a reaction too beautiful not to experience twice.

"You have no idea what you do to me," I rumbled in his ear.

I pinched the tightened nipple before allowing my flat palm to coast down his lean abs and over his pelvis. I could feel the trail of hair that began below his bellybutton and the awareness was so new that I followed it without thinking.

My exploration would have continued down into his jeans if Sam's words didn't shock us both out of our trance.

"Nobody told me there'd be dinner AND a show."

I cursed softly as Ethan frantically sought to escape the circle of my arms. I stepped back reluctantly and watched him rush to the dining room before I turned to glare at Sam.

I considered going for his head on a stick instead.

*

~Ethan~

This was one those days that I was happy to see ending.

After Mark and the police and Aiden, I was a veritable wreck. I ate my bowl of ice cream while Sam watched me with resigned disappointment. The heavy silence made me want to run. Again.

I tried to fake a confident smile but it didn't work. And Sam just continued staring at me. When he did finally open his mouth, his words made me cringe. My knuckles turned white as I clutched at my spoon.

"So Aiden, Ethan tells me you're engaged. Yet the more time I spend here, the harder I find that to believe."

"My fiancée is where she's prefers to be right now, Edwards. And soon it will be a permanent move, I imagine," Aiden continued eating his ice cream, though his green gaze had turned to frost.

"Trouble in paradise, then?" Apparently Sam had a death wish he'd neglected to share with me.

"That would be none of your business."

And that was all he said on the matter, but it was enough to make me wonder. Our spoons clinked in their respective bowls as I attempted my best Sherlock Holmes impression. When I'd arrived he'd mentioned going through a shitty time. Could that have been about her? Were they having problems?

I berated my thudding heart for hoping for something so horrible and concentrated on my ice cream. /It's elementary, dear Gray: None of your bloody business./

If Aiden wanted me to know about any imminent break-up he'd mention it. Until then I would not allow myself to play any more rounds of What If.

Aiden – astonishingly – appeared to be the only man in the room without a care in the world. His irritation with Sam's prodding had evaporated almost before it had fully revealed itself. A shaky engagement and an unexpected refugee were enough to rattle most people's equilibrium, but not his.

I watched him savouring his ice cream while making small talk; he didn't seem to care that no one else was in a talkative mood any more. He even had a second helping. Sam's attempt at... whatever had done little to dampen his good mood.

His behaviour made me nervous.

He was making me feel like those animals that start getting all freaked out before a natural disaster. I could feel something coming, but had no clue as to what to expect. I finally got to send up a prayer of thanks when Aiden tossed a nonchalant "goodnight" over his shoulder as he headed up the stairs.

Sam immediately turned to me. "You, my friend, are playing with fire."

I cut him off, "The exact words spinning around my own brain, Sam. So, skip the lecture please."

What could he possibly say that I hadn't already heard?

He went up to our room after that, leaving me to sift through my feelings in hopes of stumbling across a ray of sanity. Hours later I gave up. The sun had set and the dining room was completely dark. And all I'd gotten for my ages spent soul-searching was thorough hopelessness and a numb butt. Instead of turning on the lights, I chose to go upstairs.

Sam was wearing shiny pyjamas that I assumed were silk or something. He climbed into bed and pulled a sleep mask down over his eyes, still grumbling about my choosing to stay with Aiden. I sank into an armchair by the windows, clutching a fluffy towel.

If only it were as simple as choosing Aiden...

I had a hot shower, willing the water to relax me. I put my head directly under the massaging spray, more in an attempt to wash out wayward thoughts of my host than anything else.

Back in the bedroom I eyed Sam hogging most of the double bed. Half the duvet was scrunched up under him and his legs were splayed at peculiar angles that looked incredibly uncomfortable. I was glad this was only a one-night arrangement.

The decision was easy to make. I put on some light yoga pants and my oversized robe and picked up my laptop, deciding to either work or just surf the net in the lounge. There was no way I actually intended sharing a bed with Sam who was already snoring lightly. Maybe I'd find something to read downstairs.

I opened my door and almost let out one of those shrill girly shrieks you only hear on low-budget slasher films. Aiden filled my doorway.

I couldn't read the expression in his eyes as he took in my wet hair and the robe snugly belted around me. He reached out and silently pulled the bedroom door shut behind me. He didn't move back, though. His chest, oh damn. His heat was close enough for me to feel like he was softly caressing me.

All I could hear was our breathing, deep and steady, as I waited for refrigerators to fly by or a purple dog to start up a conversation so I could know that this is all nothing more than a bizarre dream. Maybe I'd passed out in bed with Sam after all.

Nothing. Just our breaths meeting halfway across the inches that separated our lips.

Just as I was about to say something, the inconceivable happened. Aiden closed the gap and caressed my lips with his. My eyes shot so wide so fast I gave up hopes of ever being able to blink naturally again. Up close I noted that Aiden's eyelashes, bronze and gold, were absolutely beautiful.

He patiently nipped at me, as if giving me time to get over my shock. His kisses were so devastatingly smooth I started kissing him back without hesitation. I'd never thought this would ever happen again, his lips on mine.

I closed my eyes on a moan and leaned into him. I hadn't forgotten. After all these years, his taste, his smell came back to me like we'd been sharing kisses every day since the first. No one had ever made me feel like this, simply by looking at me and touching me. I'd never experienced kisses before that made me feel like not a single other person on this green earth mattered as much as I did.

He nibbled on my lower lip then drove his tongue into my mouth, seeking mine and growling with approval when he found it. He dominated my senses, ruled me with his tongue. His chest pushed into mine and one of his arms circled my waist. Definition of heaven? This very moment.

My entire body melted. All I could feel was the thud of my heart as our lips fused and the answering beat of his as our joining became a desperate hunger. He tasted all of me within minutes. I felt like he'd reached into my soul and laid claim to it with his mouth. He was gentle and thorough and made me wish I could stop time. His large palms stroked my back, making me wonder if I felt half as good to him. Was he as intoxicated by my taste and scent as I was by his?

I wrapped my arms around his neck just before my knees buckled. My fingers danced in his hair without my permission and my grip tightened sharply when his embraced tightened unexpectedly. It was a moment of such release and passion, I had no hope of gathering any control. I made an unconscious decision in that moment: whatever he wanted, he could have.

I didn't care anymore. If he was gay, bi, or just plain confused, I didn't care. If this was how he planned on figuring himself out, I'm fine with it. I'd experienced more contentment in the briefest moments in his arms than I ever had in two years with Mark – and that had to count for something. He looked at me and truly saw me. He kissed me like this was his last day. Whatever else he had to share, I wanted to be there to experience it. Please, stars above, just don't let the man stop.

I'd jinxed it.

The very next second he pulled away and looked down at my flushed cheeks and swollen lips. The green in his eyes was flecked with lava and I stared in amazement. I couldn't stop my ragged breaths.

His gaze dropped to my lips again as if in silent debate.

/Oh yes, please please please.../

"Thought you'd be in bed with your boyfriend by now." he stated softly.

"Sam's my friend, nothing more."

"Sleep with all your friends, do you?"

"I could ask you the same question."

I watched in disbelief as a small smile played across his lips. I sagged against the door.

With another peck on my surprised lips, he disentangled himself, walked into his bedroom and shut the door. I stared down the empty hallway for the longest time, hating that he could have this effect on me, especially I knew casual sex was no more than a game to him. If only I could be as nonchalant. I stumbled downstairs to the lounge and managed to curl up on the couch before letting out my bewilderment.

"Holy shit."

*

~Aiden~

It was a perfect day for the beach. The summer sun had warmed the water fantastically. It rose in gentle swells more than full-blown waves, but that was ideal for the beginners I was coaching. I had a group of eight young people eagerly following my orders to the best of their abilities.

Two of them were pretty girls in skimpy bikinis. They seemed more interested in batting their eyelashes than battling the sea, but I didn't mind too much. As our two-hour session wore on they slowly realised I wasn't interested. One pouted a little then focused more on catching the waves as they came. The other only got more tenacious.

"Now that we're done with the do's and don'ts let me end off by saying that, above all, surfing is a matter of trust. You need to trust the water, trust your surfboard and trust yourself." I let that sink in for a moment. "And once that's kicked in, you need to let go."

The guys, most of whom looked to be somewhere in their late teens, progressed quickly, driven by their competitiveness. I studied the one who looked like he might be just a year or two younger than Ethan.

He had the same build as Ethan; even his hair was the same colour. But I felt nothing. No mysterious attraction, no heat in my chest whenever he laughed. I couldn't understand it. How could there be no other man who caught my interest?

"The moment you trust completely, will be the moment you let go. And that, that is ultimate freedom - a feeling worth working towards."

Maybe it was because his eyes were the wrong colour. They were brown instead of the whirl of silver that kept me awake nights. And his voice wasn't as soothing.

Maybe it was because he simply wasn't Ethan.

The tenacious blonde was touching my arm. She was asking me yet another inane question which I didn't hear because I trying to figure out how to extricate myself without offending her.

I put all the enthusiasm I had into a brief smile. "I suggest you spend some time out here with your surfboard. Just enjoy the water and practice practice practice. There is no verbal instruction I can give you that can compete with going out there and just doing it."

When my session with all of them ended, we splashed our way towards the shore. A quick wave towards the lifeguards' station let them know we were through for the day. I ignored the girl who still clung to me and focused on answering the guys' questions about wetsuits and board wax. The part of my mind that now belonged to Ethan wondered what he was up to and if Sam was with him.

I didn't have to wonder for long.

I spotted him up on the promenade, watching me. I stared back as I strolled across the warm sand. A lot of people had come out to enjoy the sun. Skaters, cyclists, and walkers were out savouring the same view Ethan was admiring. I was halfway up the steps to the promenade level when the flirtatious blonde intruded on my thoughts once more - she was still going a mile a minute. I tried a firm goodbye but she only grinned back.

"We're heading the same way, isn't that fab? My car's parked at the Pavilion, near the juice bar. Speaking of which can I buy you a...?"

I don't know why she bothered sustaining a dead conversation. I stopped listening the moment my eyes zoomed in on the ice cream Ethan was licking. Well, the licking more than the ice cream itself.

It was only when I reached him that I realised I didn't know what to say. The last time I'd seen him, I'd kissed him - and didn't yet know how he felt about that. If his expression was anything to go by, he wasn't happy at all.

No wait, he wasn't scowling at me... I still had the bloody bikini girl attached to me!

"Hey. This is Emily."

"Avery."

I blinked at her. Then turned back to Ethan.

"Avery. She was in my surfing group this morning."

"I know," he murmured. "I've been out here a while and ended up watching you guys. You were really good, Avery."

"Thanks."

He gave her a small smile, but I could tell that he was unhappy about something. It suddenly occurred to me that he may be unsettled by more than just our kiss. Had the police been in touch with him already? Or worse yet, Reynolds?

I shook the girl off and stepped to him.

"Are you alright, Ethan? Has anything else happened while I was out here?"

He looked into my eyes and the best part was that small smile didn't fade. I was relieved. Dare I hope that the rest of this day would be smooth sailing?

"No. it's been a quiet morning. I just came out to catch some sun and fresh air; I didn't know I'd find you out here with...

Sam's still at the house; he's packing."

"Okay." I could tell that something still bothered him, though. I hadn't noticed anything blatantly amiss, but still wasn't sure if sending his closest friend away was what he really wanted. "You're sure about all this, right? Sending Sam away?"

He hesitated. I didn't like Edwards. Truth be told, I had nothing against him per se. I was more annoyed by the energy he put into trying to keep Ethan away from me. Having him around was testing my patience but I would never sever their bond at the risk of hurting Ethan. His hesitation made me worry.

"He could stay, you know. There are two smaller guestrooms at the house. One's being used, but the other's just storing some stuff. I could have it prepared for him."

"No."

When he tilted his head towards my palm, I realised that I'd reached up to stroke his cheek. Touching him soothed him, but it wasn't all selfless. Soothing him calmed me.

"Oh! Oh wow, look at that. Okay, I get it. Sheesh, I had no idea. Okay, yeah... Yeah, I really need to get going..." bikini girl finally had something to say that I wanted to hear. I turned to find her gaping at the two of us. Oh. Right.

I couldn't find the strength to care. "Okay. Bye, Emily."

"Avery." It was Ethan this time; and his devilish twinkle spelt mischief. The smile he now gave her was a little shy, "You should keep up with the surfing."

"Oh, I will!" she grinned as she waved goodbye. "It's just about keeping head above water, right?"

Tell me about it.

*

~Ethan~

Sam's eyes bored into mine as we said our goodbyes out in front of The Montgomery. He tried repeatedly to get me to change my mind, either about him staying or me going with him. But Aiden politely declined for me, much to Sam's annoyance. He addressed me one last time.

"You know the drill, sugar. Call me the moment you need anything."

"That won't be necessary, Edwards," once Aiden had realised how much it irked Sam to be called by his surname, he hadn't stopped. "I said I'd take care of him and I will."

Sam drove off with a final scowl.

I wondered about my decision as soon as his car disappeared out the driveway. I seriously debated the merits of calling Sam and asking him to come back. Too late now.

Dan waved at me as we walked through the guesthouse. His smile was sly and one eyebrow danced suggestively. I quickly snapped my eyes forward and hurried away. I was fairly certain that Aiden was trailing me but didn't venture any glances back. I entered the house and snuck straight out the back to sit on the verandah.

How was I supposed to hold it together now that I found myself alone with Aiden again?

All day, memories of the night before had danced around my head until my anxiety was replaced by anticipation. He wanted me. There could be no other motivation behind his actions. The thought still made me shiver, despite the late afternoon sun. Despite seeing him with that girl at the beach.