I Know What I'm Doing Ch. 02

I'd thought the worst from the moment I laid eyes on them together. Mark had cheated on me often enough for me to know no one flirted as much as that blonde woman did if there was no reciprocation.

What had surprised me, though, was how little attention Aiden paid her. I'd watched them for a long time. By the end of the surfing lesson even I could see that he wasn't interested. That had calmed me for all of two minutes.

And then I couldn't help wondering what would happen the day he found someone who did captivate him. I was the first man he'd ever been with, sort of. How could I think his interest in men was permanent – or that he'd want to make any commitment to me in particular?

By the time he'd come to talk to me, I'd worked myself into something between depression and a hissy fit. Until he'd touched me. He didn't know the name of the woman he'd just spent two hours with and he'd touched me as if we were alone on that beach. Yes, that had made me smile.

The front door slammed.

I jumped up then immediately sat down again when I had no idea where to go. Aiden came straight to the verandah, looking for me. He sat in the chair next to mine without saying a word. A quick glance at him discovered a slight smile.

As the minutes drifted by my stiff shoulders loosened and my breathing evened out. I started relishing just being next him.

"How long have you known you're gay?"

I had to give it to him. The man knew how to pack a surprise punch. I waited for chaotic thoughts to ebb before responding.

"Um. Forever, I think."

He turned to look at me. "That simple, huh?"

I laughed. "Oh, believe me, it has not been simple. Try 'confusing, overwhelming, scary...', anything but simple."

"What scared you the most?"

I didn't hesitate. "Myself."

His eyes had never left my face and his surprise at my answer made him lean closer.

"You?"

"Yes. I'd always been a people-pleaser. My whole life I'd done what others want, said whatever made them feel good. I knew that accepting my sexuality would be tough for them; and that got me thinking about what I should do if everyone I loved wouldn't allow it."

"But no one Allows you to love whom you love. Right?"

"Exactly. I was forced to make the choice between being my complacent self or forging on into the discovery of who I really was. Am."

"And you chose your true self."

"Most of my friends dumped me and my dad couldn't stand the sight of me. He still can't. But it was worth it, you know. I ended up with fewer but better, more loyal friends; and my mother's love for me multiplied tenfold. Well, that's how it felt, anyway. I felt like she was getting to see and love the real me, all of me."

An understanding of myself that I had never claimed before was manifesting itself in the answers I gave Aiden. My whole life I'd classified myself as a runner and a hider, boxed myself as a coward. And now a new view of myself was hitting me right between the eyes. I was strong, sure of whom I was and what my heart wanted.

"So... what should we have for supper?"

Just like that?

*

~Aiden~

I had the same damn dream again.

It's not really the same every time. Sometimes I'm in a familiar place, other times not. Each time I'm in the middle of doing something different. The only true constant is Ethan, naked. And each time I want only one thing, I'm fuelled by his moans, feeling his skin and being caught up in the taste of sweet strawberries. Everything builds until the torture becomes too much I'm flung back into consciousness.

This morning was no different.

The bright morning light peeked through the drapes, happily illuminating the large wet stain on my sheets. I groaned as I rubbed my eyes. What the hell was happening to me? I was disoriented as I rose to strip the bed.

/Grown men of thirty do not have wet dreams on a daily basis./

It sounded like a good mantra, so I chanted it glumly as I took the soiled sheets downstairs to shove them in the washing machine. Hopefully my cock would take the hint and start being more obedient. Within mere days Ethan had filled me completely, without even trying.

/Within days only? Or has this been brewing since laying eyes on him five years ago?/

He'd never left my mind in all that time. Would he ever?

More questions than answers, that's all I seem to have lately. He walked into my life after all these years and turned the whole damn setup upside down. I've been excited and perplexed – and unable to keep away from him. Yes, he was the source of all my questions, but he also held the answers.

And I had him back, here, right now. And I'm staring at a bloody washing machine, allowing my brief shot at a second chance to pass me by. He won't be here for much longer and I wouldn't make it through another five years.

*

I knocked on his door and got no response. It was mid morning, he had to be up by now.

When he didn't answer the second or third attempts either, I turned the doorknob. It was completely quiet inside. I shut the door silently behind me and made my way over to the bed.

Ethan was fast asleep, lying on his stomach and clutching a pillow. His hair was in his eyes and the duvet lay in a pile on the floor. Only the sheet remained and that was riding precariously low on his hips. I placed the tray I was carrying on the bedside table and sat on the bed. Mr Gray was a deep sleeper.

I reached out to brush his hair out of his face. It was shorter than it had been at university, but was still long enough in the front to cover his eyes. My touch made him stir. He rolled over onto his back and I instantly noticed two things. Firstly, he had another birthmark, similar to the one on his neck, just above his heart.

And secondly, judging by the hint of pubic hair revealed by the lowered sheet, Ethan was naked. I pulled my hand back in a slight panic.

That is the moment he chose to slowly open his eyes, the moment in which all oxygen left the room and my heart exploded. It was a shattering combination: his sleep-softened eyes, his sensuous lips curving into a questioning smile; and the knowledge only a thin sheet separated me from all that I wanted to explore the most.

"Is this real?"

/Hold it together, Montgomery, for just two more minutes. Then get the fuck outta here./

I responded to his drowsy question, physically and verbally. "Yeah. Wake up, sleepyhead, I've brought you breakfast."

He sat up with a self-conscious half-smile. "Really? Why?"

"Why not?"

He seemed surprised my rejoinder. "I'm not used to people spoiling me, I guess. I've never been served breakfast in bed before."

I reined in the urge to ask if Reynolds had ever done anything good for him in their two years together. Today was about us and I would not waste my breath talking about that wretch.

Ethan had spotted the lowered sheet. I watched as he furtively secured it around his waist, his cheeks pink and his smile shy. "Maybe I should put on the robe. Could you..?"

I fetched it for him without a word but didn't offer him any privacy. He noted his dilemma and, in the end, decided to stand with the sheet. He struggled into the robe then released the sheet and sat back down.

I chuckled at his frown. "By the way, I'm taking you out to lunch later, so you might want to wear something other than the robe. It's cute, but I think it should be for my eyes only, don't you?"

The scrambled eggs and mini sausages I'd brought suddenly fascinated him fully. "Sorry. It's a great robe. It's a wonder all your guests don't give up regular clothing after visiting the Montgomery. I could live in this thing."

"Don't be sorry. And the robe and slippers aren't a complimentary gift. None of the other guests get them, they're mine. From my closet, I mean. And I've enjoyed seeing you in them. In fact, every time I do see you in them..."

I pulled him towards me by the lapel and planted a kiss on his lips. Nothing x-rated, just a prolonged, gentle peck, but somehow it felt more intimate than any kiss we'd shared thus far.

He surprised me by running his fingers through my hair and tugging at it, making shimmery tingles flare all over my scalp. There was that unpredicted sexiness again.

When he lifted his lids I was watching me. "You have forty-five minutes to get ready. We're going out."

He leaned back against his pillows. "No way. It's Saturday, for goodness sake. Can't I lie in and get up at noon to do lazy touristy stuff?"

I leaned over him, narrowing the distance between us until his eyes widened again. I loved it when he looked at me like that. Like he thought I might eat him alive. Like that might be exactly what he wants.

"No. I'm giving you forty-five minutes then that's it. Don't make me come after you."

"You have a lot to learn about hospitality, you know. Okay, I'll bite: why are you bullying me out of bed in the middle of my summer vacation?"

"We need to leave a little early if we're going to make it to Lookout Beach before the lunch crowd."

"Why are we going to the beach again?"

"We're not." I said, before giving in to the urge to give him another quick kiss. "We're going to a restaurant that's right on Lookout Beach. It's the perfect place for a first date."

*

~Ethan~

/Don't think of this as a date. He said it's a date, but that... I don't know. Just don't think of this as a date and everything will turn out just fine. Shit./

Aiden was locking the front door and I was in the middle of an hour-long cardiac arrest. His jeans and Spiderman t-shirt made me wonder if I was a little overdressed.

"Has Edwards contacted you since yesterday?" he asked.

"Yes. He said he had a safe trip."

"Oh. Good."

"Why do you do that?" I asked. My stupid, fluttery heart hadn't missed that he had taken my hand to pull me towards his Merc.

"Do what?"

I forgot for a second because Aiden had stopped to open my door for me. Again with the silly fluttering of the heart.

"Er, needle Sam all the time."

"Because. He's in love with you and I'm just marking my territory."

A vein burst in my left temple, I'm sure of it. It's the only logical explanation for the way I clammed up for the thirty minutes took for us to drive through town. My vision blurred and, off all songs, one I've always hated suddenly blared at the back of my mind:

'S.O.S!

Please, someone help me!

It's not healthy

for me to feel this way...'

I hadn't realised that I knew those lyrics. My silent stroke must've unlocked some dark part of my brain I'd never consciously acknowledged..

We pulled up outside an old-fashioned looking restaurant right on the south beach. It wasn't even noon yet but the tables out on the deck were already full. Aiden whistled happily as he led me inside. Little synapses fizzed and popped along the periphery of my skull. I could barely walk to the comfy leather booth the waitress pointed out to us. Aiden slid in beside me; I think he ordered drinks for both of us because the pretty girl left us shortly thereafter.

A minute later a tiny firecracker of a woman bustled over and started fussing over us. Half of what she said was in Afrikaans, but I understood bits of the conversation. No, I lie. I didn't, not really.

"Aiden Montgomery! It has been so long I have begin to think you no longer love me!"

Aiden grinned so freely, my stomach flipped. "Come on, Tannie Em, you know how busy it gets towards the end of the year. I've only just managed to get some time off, Dan's in charge of most of it for a while."

She petted his hair as her twinkling eyes turned to me. "Ek sien jy't 'n vriend saam gebring."

[I see you've brought a friend along.]

"Yes. Tannie Emma, I'd like you to meet Ethan Gray. Ethan, Emma Viljoen."

"Noem my sommer Tannie Emma, kind."

[Just call me Aunty Emma, child.]

I blinked, "Nice to meet you. My Afrikaans isn't so great though."

"Syne was ook nie," she ruffled Aiden's hair. "Maar hy't geleer en jy sal ook. Yes, you will learn."

[His wasn't either, but he learned and you will too. Yes, you will learn.]

Pretty soon the entire conversation flew over my head. I sometimes had the feeling I was the topic of interest, but couldn't be sure.

"As ek nie beter geweet het nie, kind, sou ek dink jy't uiteindelik iemand gevind wat jou gelukkiger maak as daai simpel meisies wat jy voorheen hier ingesleep het."

[If I didn't know better, child, I'd think you've finally found someone who makes you happier than those silly girls you used to drag in here.]

Aiden cocked his head back and smiled up at her. "Wat laat jou so sê?"

[What makes you say that?]

"Want ek het oë in my kop! Buitendien, ek ken jou jou hele lewe lank, kind. En ek't nog nooit dáái glimlag gesien nie."

[I have eyes! Besides, I've known you your whole life, child. And I've never seen that particular smile before.]

Aiden looked at me speculatively. "Dalk is jy reg."

[Maybe you're right.]

I blinked some more, "I'm sorry, was that for me? I really don't understand much-"

He turned back to Emma, er, Tannie Em. "Maar ek's nie seker nie. Ek't nooit iets vir 'n man gevoel nie."

[But I'm not sure. I've never felt anything for a man before.]

"Man" - I knew that word! Aiden was saying something about a man. Or was it the moon? What was the Afrikaans word for "moon"? I knew they were similar. Damn it!

Tannie Emma kissed his forehead, "Maak dit rêrig saak? Julle kinders leer ons ou mense deesdae baie oor liefhê sonder uitsoekerigheid. Daar's baie antwoorde waarna ons eindeloos soek en nooit vind nie. En ek't hulle nie meer nodig nie, want elke keer as ek my man se hand vat, maak dit vir my al die sin in die wêreld; en dis al antwoord wat ek in dertig jaar nodig gehad het. Vra jouself: hoe voel dit as jy sy hand vat? Ek, vir een, hou van sy oë."

[Does it really matter? You kids of today teach us old folks a whole new way of loving, without discriminating. There are many answers we all seek and never find. And I'm not interested in them anymore because I get all the answers in the world from just holding my husband's hand. It's all the sense I've needed in thirty years. Ask yourself: how do you feel when you simply hold his hand?

I, for one, like his eyes.]

She smiled at me in a way that made me feel like I was definitely under perusal. I smiled back uncertainly and mentally ran through the words I had understood. Something about "looking for answers"; and I think I heard the words "holding hands" at some point, but couldn't be sure. None of it made sense, so I gave up and stole a look at Aiden.

Tannie Emma's grin broadened, "En ek hou veral van hoe daai oë na jou kyk."

[And I especially like how those eyes look at you.]

Aiden looked at me. I didn't know what to do, so I simply looked back.

"Oh no, you've got to be kidding!"

For a second I felt a sense of triumphant achievement at having understood that sentence in its entirety; then my joy died instantly when I realised it had been spoken in English - by our pretty waitress. She put two large glasses of lemonade down and huffed dramatically at Aiden.

"Do you have any idea how long I've had a crush on you? And now look at you!"

Aiden looked surprised, but recovered quickly, laughing at her brazenness.

"Marie, I pay you to keep my customers fed," Tannie Em chastised. "Look at poor Ethan, he's ready to drop. Have you two ordered, Aiden?"

"We were just about to, Tannie."

She turned to our waitress, Marie. "Bring them the seafood platter for two - and a large salad also. Move it, girl!"

Marie bounced off with a wink and Tannie Emma followed closely. I didn't know what to make of anything that had happened since we walked through the doors, so I sipped my lemonade and took in the view of the beach and the families enjoying the sun.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt Aiden's fingers reached across the seat between us and twined with mine. My shocked gaze snapped to his bright greens and the first inane thing that came to mind slipped right out my mouth.

"What did you mean by 'marking your territory'?"

He didn't answer, just softly rubbed the pads of my fingertips and seemed to be listening to something internal. The tiny movements were being interpreted as erotic by my sexually deprived body; and I couldn't curb the shocks that flared through my veins and made my nipples harden till they ached. I eventually gave up on getting a response from him and turned back to the view. My penis was trying to do backflips in my pants.

"Why does he call you 'sugar'?"

He still managed to strike me dumb without effort almost every hour on the hour. I should be used to it by now, but...

"Huh?"

He simply looked back at me patiently and continued to rub my fingertips.

Then I got it, "Oh, Sam. We've been friends since we were kids. In that time, he's seen me practically live on chocolate, fudge, toffees, a lot of sweet things. He figures it's an addiction."

"You tasted like strawberries the day we first kissed."

The Judas in my pants was at halfmast and refusing to back down. "Uh, yeah. There're these chewy, fruity sweets that I really love - strawberry's my favourite flavour."

"Mine too - now."

I exerted all my mental energy on keeping my blush from turning into a total blaze. I didn't know what was happening between us. But I knew I was afraid of two things though: doing the wrong thing and snapping him out of this daydream; and doing the right thing and finding out what he had in store for me.

Our food arrived.

Marie took in our clasped fingers and sighed dramatically before leaving us. I tried to free my hand, but Aiden held on for a few minutes longer. The food looked wonderful. Grilled fish, prawns, mussels and calamari were laid out on a platter along with seasoned rice and baked potato wedges. The salad ingredients were so fresh they looked like they were still growing. Marie brought along two plates so we could serve ourselves from the platter and salad bowl. I watched her leave and wondered if Aiden found her attractive.

"I'm not sleeping with Faye Kelley."

Aiden seemed to have the phenomenal ability to steer many trains of thought simultaneously. He dropped and started topics with little concern for whether each made sense when linked to the previous conversation or current situation. The tricky part was keeping up.

"Faye Kelley? Your fiancée?"

He scowled at me. "No, the woman you saw at the house. She's a private investigator."

I blushed, "Oh! No, you don't have explain any- Wait, a what?"

"My fiancée's name is Carolynn." A bitter laugh. "I'm not sleeping with her either, not in the last month or two."

That shut me up. My heart began a petrified thudding.

He sighed before explaining about his fiancée's resentment and spite since he'd opened the Montgomery for business and decided to give up the glitzy city life for a quiet seaside town. I winced upon learning that she had been the one sleeping around, not him.

"Aiden, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made all those accusations; it was none of my business..."

"You know, the whole relationship has been so much damn work, now that it's over I wonder why I bothered trying so hard in the first place. I don't think I loved her. I suspected that she didn't love me... I don't know. I guess the inevitable can't be disguised or avoided."

Suddenly his green eyes were on me again. I focused on the thudding in my chest so I wouldn't start conjuring up fantasies that could never be. He stared for a long time before seeming to snap out of his introspection, "Enough gloom. I will deal with Carolynn when the time comes and not before. Right now, we have a seafood platter to tackle or Tannie Em won't let us leave this place alive."

The meal was so wonderful and Aiden such pleasant company. He told me great stories about his family. His parents lived in Cape Town with their live-in housekeeper and four dogs. His older brother who, if Aiden was to be believed, was as stoic as Aiden was carefree, was married to a glass artist and they had two children. They sounded refreshing and I could tell his childhood had been a very happy one. He'd studied architecture so that he could later join the family company. He'd excelled at his work, but he hadn't loved it, not the way his brother, Chris, had. So, when his grandparents had left him their house, he'd given it his all. The Montgomery's success was a reflection of his self-created happiness.