I Know What I'm Doing Ch. 03

Shit.

I was soaked by the time I ran through the Montgomery gates. Everyone was up and bustling about, their bags already lined up in the foyer. Dad waved a fork at me from where he stood guard over a pan of sizzling bacon.

I tried to kiss Gram's cheek when I passed her on my way up the stairs, but she ducked in time.

"Try me again after your shower, boy."

I grinned and headed towards my room. Everything immediately dropped to a bitter chill when I saw Carolynn rushing my way.

"We have to talk, darling."

"No, Carolynn, we don't."

"You can't carry this anger of yours forever, Aiden. It's getting us nowhere. Don't let one terrible mistake define our entire relationship. We need to talk so that we can work our way towards forgiveness. Don't throw away everything we had, darling."

I slammed my door behind me the moment I entered my bedroom. I went to the phone and dialled Ethan's number again. Still off.

I didn't stop to process through any sort of reaction because I knew I'd go crazy if I did. I had to find him. I sat through only half of the noisy affair that was breakfast, before saying early farewells and hurrying down to the Montgomery. I didn't see Carolynn again.

I spoke to everyone I found, asking them whether they'd seen Ethan leave or knew where he'd gone. When that proved fruitless, I pulled up a contact list of the staff who'd been on duty. The young woman who'd manned the front desk with Dan mentioned that Dan had left in a hurry when he'd spotted Ethan rushing down the driveway looking upset.

I hung up and stared at my tightly clenched fists.

Dan had to know where Ethan was. He had to. If this turned out to yet another dead end I'd lose the fragile grip I had on my self-control.

"Hello?" Daniel answered a lot sooner than I'd expected.

"Daniel? It's Aiden. Where's Ethan?" Smooth.

"Pardon?"

"Ethan, where is he? Jane said you mentioned that he was upset yesterday and went help him out. Do you know where he is?" I was unravelling. He had to know.

"He's here with me."

"What?"

"Look, nothing happened. He looked really torn up and when he asked me if I could find him a place to stay, I brought him here. Peter and I have been trying to cheer him up ever since."

"Peter?"

"My partner. We live together."

"Oh. Good." Good?

"Look, I don't know what's going on, but I do know that Ethan isn't looking forward to seeing you. I told him to call you and let you know where he'd be last night and he flat-out refused. So give him some time, okay?"

"No." Not if it meant another night like last night.

"You have to, boss. He's already doing much better than yesterday. Just give him a few more hours. Peter and I were going to take him to the club -- you could meet us there. Okay?"

A few more hours and I'd get to see him again. Gods, how do I even begin to sort through this mess and get him to come back?

"Boss?"

The word implied that I was in charge yet I'd never felt more clueless.

*

I arrived at the club wearing dress pants, a charcoal shirt and black jacket. Peter met me at the entrance to make sure I got in without any hassle. I shook his hand, hoping I didn't look as agitated as I felt.

"Is he here?" I cringed at how obvious I was being.

Peter nodded. "Yeah. Dan and the others are inside with him. Let's go."

Others?

The club's entrance was higher than the interior's floor level. When we walked in I had a clear view of the dance floor and bar to my left. It was early yet but the place was already half full. Every dark head caught my eye and I found myself anxiously scanning faces for Ethan's.

When I saw him my chest filled and I forgot about Peter beside me. There was a semi-circle of tables and tall stools in the far corner and booths curled around low tables further to the right. Ethan was sitting alone in one of the booths.

Moments later a tall man approached him and handed him a drink before sitting down next to him. I shrugged my shoulders because they'd suddenly tensed. The man whispered something to Ethan and he looked confused for a second then smiled. After another whisper Ethan laughed. When the man leaned even closer to carry on the conversation I moved without thinking.

I heard Peter's voice calling to me but didn't hear what he said. In no time I was pushing through the gyrating bodies on the dance floor. A hand on my chest made me pause. I looked down at it then up at its owner. A slim guy with spiky hair was smiling at me.

"Hey, gorgeous. You here alone?"

"No."

I pushed on single-mindedly. Ethan was still smiling and the other man now had his arm around Ethan's shoulders. I wanted to slam the bastard into the nearest wall.

Ethan spotted me just before I reached them. His smile vanished instantly and my step faltered. He suddenly looked wary and afraid. He didn't want me here.

My mind computed this but my body wasn't interested. My feet carried me all the way to their booth. The other man finally noticed me and looked me over curiously.

"What are you doing here?" Ethan's eyes gleamed the way they had the day Reynolds had hurt him. Why?

"I was worried about you. You haven't been in touch since yesterday afternoon and you don't know anyone around here. I waited half the night for you to come back and was worried when you didn't."

"I did."

That surprised me, "Last night?"

He nodded, "I... bumped into Carolynn."

How could I feel so cold while lava was pumping through my veins? "What did she do?"

He shrugged, "Nothing really."

He looked down when he said it so I didn't believe him, but didn't want to upset him in public.

He suddenly remembered that we weren't alone, "This is Jordan; he's a friend of Dan's." He looked up at me, "I spent the night at Dan and Peter's."

"Yes, Dan told me when I finally tracked him down today. Can we talk?"

Apprehension flashed in his eyes and I knew why. This had to be like déjà vu to him.

"Nothing like that, I promise. I just need to talk to you. You can trust me, Ethan."

He looked down at his drink again then turned to Jordan. Jordan nudged his shoulder, "Do what you need to do, bud... right here... just shout."

He had to be drunker than he looked because I didn't understand much of what he said. Ethan, however, was smiling again and getting to his feet. Just then Dan and Peter arrived at the booth with another man in tow. He looked a lot like Jordan and I assumed they were brothers.

Dan's eyes were wide and he looked back and forth between Ethan and me.

My greeting came out gruffer than I'd intended, "Daniel."

He was about to respond when Ethan interrupted him, "Later, Dan."

His eyebrow shot up at that but he stepped aside with a grin.

Peter handed Ethan a key, "Use my office. It's the most conversation-friendly zone you'll find in the whole place."

Ethan took the key, grabbed my hand and pulled me to an area with softer lighting and less noise. His hand was warm and mine heated at his touch.

We entered what looked like an open lounge area. After crossing it we approached a large man guarding a half-concealed door. Ethan showed him the key and said a few words. The man nodded and opened the door for us. He pointed out the correct door at the end of a thickly carpeted hallway.

Once we were safely in Peter's office we simply looked at each other. The club music was muffled back here. Ethan was the first to drop his gaze. He went to sit on the leather couch. I sat beside him but made sure to leave some distance so he'd be comfortable. My fingers itched to touch his again.

"Why are you here, Aiden?"

I studied his neutral face, "Did Carolynn say anything to upset you last night? Is that why you didn't stay?"

"Does it matter?"

Of course if mattered. He had to know that she had no right to run him off. How could I make him understand that the one element that made sense in this delirium was the bond I felt with him? I needed the perfect words, a declaration that would make him want to stick around.

I reached across and brushed his hair out of his eyes. His lips parted and a rush of warm breath fanned across my wrist, but he didn't say anything. He licked his bottom lip but I don't think he meant the gesture to be as alluring as I found it.

My fingers slid through his hair till my hand rested at the back of his neck.

I leaned closer to him, "Ethan... This is really difficult for me. I'm trying to find the perfect thing to say that'll make everything okay, but all I can think of right now is that you're here and how badly I want to kiss you. Can I just-"

His lips met mine before I could finish. There it was again, the heat and peace all whisked together. His skin was so warm and smooth beneath my fingertips. My fierce craving unfurled and eased to a low hum when I was sure that it would be sated.

I let him conduct our joining, wanting him to feel my sincerity. I'd never wanted someone to trust me as much as I did in that moment. He put his arms around my neck and I could no longer differentiate between the music's drumming tempo and my thudding heart.

I traced my fingertips along his jaw and down his neck. When they explored across his shoulders and down his back, he trembled. There'd been a hint of ginger in his drink; the taste of it made me want more. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and, the more of him I tasted the better I liked the ginger.

I was so hard.

He pulled away and I protested with a growl. So much for no pressure. I opened my eyes to find him smiling and edging closer. He lifted a leg over me and when his erection met mine he licked his lips again.

Damn it, what was he doing to me?

He leaned forward to continue the kiss, but this time I was the one to pull back. Confusion showed in his eyes before he lowered them.

I lifted a hand to his chin and tilted his face back up, "Don't ever run away from me like that again."

I saw some of the earlier hurt flash in his eyes once more, "What other option do I have? Not only are you straight, you're engaged to a gorgeous woman who would toss me into the next continent if she could."

My hand on his chin held him still, never allowing him to break eye contact. The other slid beneath his shirt to stroke his lower back.

I touched my forehead to his so that the words I spoke would fall onto his lips, "I'll say this as many times as you need to hear it: she does not matter; what she wants is irrelevant. It's what you want that matters to me. And as for the 'straight' part..."

I pulled him closer to me to remind him of the erection I had that was now threatening to cut through my pants.

"Now promise me you won't disappear on me like that again. I spent the night half out of my mind and that is not a state I would willingly revisit."

"I promise."

"Good."

"But you need to promise me something too."

"What?"

"Can we talk? About all this and what it means? I feel like I've been spun through so many complications I no longer know which way is up."

The thudding was definitely my heart, "Yes, we can talk."

His hands reached for my belt, "Thank you."

"Hang on a sec. What're you doing?"

"We'll talk later. Right now we," he smiled on the emphasis, "are testing the strength of your contradiction of my 'straight Aiden' theory'.

I would've chuckled, had it not been for the sudden shock of his hand beneath my shirt while the other continued to work on my belt. He stroked my abs, smiling when the muscles jumped beneath his fingertips.

With my belt undone he used both hands to unbutton my shirt.

"I think this is the first time I've seen you in an actual shirt," he whispered. "What is it with all those superhero t-shirts anyway?"

"I uhh..." my response trailed off into a moan when he leaned in to lick my nipple. "If I'd known you liked shirts this much I'd worn one weeks ago."

His tongue nudged at the tight bud then his teeth snapped onto it. My back arched off the couch. I sunk the fingers of one hand into his hair when he turned to the other nipple. My other hand pulled him tightly against me.

He was rocking back and forth on my lap, burning away at my self-control with his sensuous teasing. I'd never known love making could be like this. Neither of us was overpowering the other, we met halfway and savoured one another.

He danced his tongue across my lips and I opened myself to him. His kiss was fervoured and turned me inside out. I leaned back, running my hands up his back and inviting him to explore me. We tasted each other for the longest time. Nothing else existed and no one else mattered.

His lips moved to my throat and back down my chest. I took back every time I'd ever called him shy. I hissed when I felt him unzip my pants with a deft tug. He smiled at me from beneath his long lashes, biting his full bottom lip between his teeth.

I undid his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. His skin looked warm and inviting in the soft lighting -- it reminded me of the time I'd watched him doing yoga in the sunlight.

I stroked his lean torso and pulled him down towards me as I sat up. I knew that the bites I planted behind his ear and down his neck were savage but I couldn't stop myself. I latched my mouth to the base of his neck and sucked hard. I had to clamp my hands on his thighs to still him when his writhing sped up.

"Aiden, wait. You can't... you'll leave a mark..."

His lost moans were sexy but it was the image that he'd unwittingly planted in my mind that excited me more. I wanted to mark him. I wanted him to feel me on him long after we parted and I wanted others to see the bites and know. I wanted everyone to know...

I sucked harder and twisted his nipples, making him cry out.

I tightened my hold on him when I realised he was trying to rise off my lap, but I quickly relaxed when I felt his hands at the waist of my pants. I helped him pull them down, along with my boxer briefs. Half undressed for the first time with this man made more of an impact than any time I could remember with all the women I'd known. I'd never wanted anything more than this.

Ethan stood before me with a cautious smile, I knew he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. My heart stuttered in my chest when my eyes fell on his groin before me. I pulled his pants open pushed everything down.

His cock.

I didn't think, I couldn't. I just reached out and wrapped my fingers around him. His cock was in my hand. It was swollen and leaking precum; and it was perfect because it was his. The precum was silky and warm and I spread it from his tip to his base.

He was so hard. I squeezed my fingers around his length the way I'd done to myself almost every day since he'd arrived. He cried out and I felt the tremble that rose from his knees. I stroked him faster, wanting to draw out all the pleasure I could from him.

One of my hands brushed against his balls and his hips jerked. I looked up at him as I cupped them. Diamonds blazed down at me, his expression incredulous. I wanted him in my mouth.

I leaned forward but couldn't reach him because he was sinking to his knees before me.

"No, I can't let you," he husked. "I'll pass out if you do that now. And I need to taste you first. I need you."

He pushed me back and wrapped his lips around the head of my erection before I could protest.

Fuck.

His tongue stroked my length as he lowered his head. I gritted my teeth with the effort it took not to thrust all of me into that sweet heat.

"Oh shit, that is so good, so good..."

He released my cock and ran his tongue around my balls. When he drew each into his mouth I wove my fingers through his hair and pulled him closer. I had to. The blinding frenzy intensified as his mouth worked on me. Stars shot across the darkness behind my shut lids.

/Look at him, look at him. Open your bloody eyes./

"Fuck..."

He was back on my cock again, his full lips sinking down around it, sinking without stopping. How was he able to-

"Oh fuck, baby!" I sank into his throat.

He lifted for a few seconds then sank back down, right to the bottom. Gods above, his throat was massaging my dick. His tongue lapped at the base, his hands stroking my balls. He was pushing buttons I didn't even know I liked. My eyes were closed again.

/Open them!/

Only one hand was stroking my balls, the other was... Shit, he was touching himself. I watched him pleasure himself, seeming to get more turned on the more I responded to him.

"Oh baby, you're so hot. Do you know how hot you look right now? You're gonna make me come, Ethan. I don't know if I can... fuck..."

My balls tightened in his hand and I knew he was aware of what he was doing to me. The sight of his hand speeding up on his own dick was my undoing. I came with primal grunts, lifting even higher when he started moaning on my cock.

He withdrew a little so my roaring blasts landed in his mouth, bathing his tongue. My hips thrust all through my explosion. I wanted to sink into him, take him into me, make him mine.

Sweat glistened on my heaving chest and my brain tried and failed to reassemble itself. Ethan was still on his knees, cheeks pink, looking a little uncertain of himself. I reached down and pulled him up on the couch beside me.

"You're incredible," I kissed him softly, before curiously slipping my tongue between his lips.

He let me sample his new taste till I was satisfied. When I stopped his shyness returned.

He tried to reach down for his pants but I stopped him, "Relax."

I stood and tucked myself back into my clothes. Then I went down the hall to the small bathroom and brought back tissues, some moistened, some dry. I used them to clean first him then the floor. Ethan watched me the entire time. Then he straightened his clothes and I joined him on the couch again.

We sat close, knees touching, looking at each other.

"I'm glad we could have this talk," I smiled at him.

He shook his head wryly, "You're too much. We still have plenty to sort through, Aiden. But I don't think this is the place." He pushed his hair back, only to have it sweep forward again, "I'll be staying at Dan's a little longer, I need the space to think."

"How much longer?" I wasn't very happy and knew it showed.

"A day or two to clear my mind. Being around you messes with my head and we both have a lot going on right now."

"Fair enough."

"I want to work through a few points on my own first, things we'll need to discuss together later." He stood up, "Until then, I don't know if chasing orgasms is a healthy first priority for us."

I stood with him, reluctant to break out of our temporary bubble.

"Fine. You're right," I said then grabbed his hand when he turned away, "but there's one urgent point I need to clarify right now."

He looked up at me; the shine back in his eyes, "What's that?"

Without a word I captured his lips again. I pulled him flush against my body and tightened the fingers of one hand in his hair. The other cupped his arse, pinning him against me. I plundered his mouth, gentleness forgotten. His moans rose and his arms circled my neck so smoothly I knew it had to be instinctive. Minutes shuffled around till time made no sense and still I held him.

Something beyond words happened every time I held him in my arms -- I just hoped he got the message. I deepened the kiss when his arms tightened. I used the hand on his arse to fuse him to me and half lifted him off the ground. I wanted to world to know this beautiful man was with me.

"Aiden..."

I wondered how many times more I could get him to say my name like that.

"Aiden, I get the point."

He looked breathless, so I loosened my grip and grinned at him, "Oh, that wasn't the point, baby. That was the preview."

*

~Ethan~

I agreed to lunch with Aiden two days later because I'm a fool in love.