by davidmcman
Please know, not only did I use some of Addie-Q's text (and her help in writing) I also used a some text from RainierWriterII. He gave me permission to use the details about the lighting storm and the girl's fears. I loved his story. So a big thank you to him and his work.
RainierWriterII's story:
http://www.literotica.com/s/thunder-and-lightning-2
Quite possibly the best father/daughter story I have ever read on literotica.
This really was quite lovely.
A lot of typographical mistakes, but the overall flow of the story, the characterisation and the situations were very compelling. This is better than the story you borrowed from, by far!
You are quite right to laud love and tenderness. Those are the things that incest is ideally about. Forget the orgies, swapping, multiple partners, toys (ad infinitum, ad nauseam in extremis) that clutter up and ruin too many other tales to mention. Love and tenderness are where it's at.
This story has the smack and savour of truth about it: the pain of the loss they felt in losing two loved ones was believable. This sort of thing happens oftener than you'd think. I would have preferred it if the daddy had deflowered Carrie, but why quibble?
You get top marks!
And the squirting, don't be ridiculous, that was total BS, keep it real please. Otherwise not a bad story.
Just cos you have never seen someone squirt when they cum, doesnt mean it doesn't happen. I squirt when I cum quite regularly.
The redundancy was mind numbing. Besides repeating the same feelings again and again and again, you said "little baby girl", "tiny baby girl" or variations of those endlessly. Every feeling dad expressed was "beautiful". How much imagination does it take to repeat 'I've got you" all those times? You referred to the dead wife ad noisome. The same description every time. It seemed that you were trying to see how long you could drag this story out. I bailed out finally when it seemed Carrie was having intercourse, then to turn out she was jilling off on his dick, again and again and again. That was it for me. I can only take so much aggravation.
BTW, You made it seem like Carrie was really about 10 years old. Was that deliberate?
...there was too much repetition. You do not have to say the same thing, over and over, to get a point across. This single problem, made an otherwise, delightful story, too long, and, some times annoying. Other that that, I enjoyed, what I consider, a very realistic story. Thanks!
Don't! The story is listed where it is for a reason.
I do have to agree with the "repetitive" comments. And why at the end did the word "perverted" start in? Making the adult daughter seem much younger was also a tad strange. If he was comforting a sexually active adult, her "womanliness" should have been emphasized. He was supposed to be getting her away from acting like a little girl.
I thought it was great. Every word painted a picture. Thank you for sharing.
People !!!!!! come on are you jealous of just thinkinking and wishing it was you that it was happening to. MY DAUGHTER OF 35 YEARS OLD SQUIRTS ALL OVER ME AND I LOVEEEEEEEEEE IT. Oh yes we have been together for 12 wonderful years..
I love stories where daddy makes his girl squirt, and this one made me squirt so hard!
I liked your story line and was enjoying it until you started to get repetitive. Sit back, reread the story with the comments in mind, make adjustments and your next story will be much better. Keep writing keeping the corrective criticism in mind. Ignore the haters.
This is my new favorite daddy-daughter story. I loved every owrd and would not change a single thing. I loved the slow, gentle love and the intensity of his emotion. Perfect! Thank you and please write more.
please more of daddy-daughter romance... it's very hot and never a bore to read... yes it maybe repetitive but I still love the flow and the slow and loving build-up of the actual love making... please keep writing more stories like this... thanks... 5 star...
Good story but .... it's "lightning" not "lighting", plus other examples.
Very well written story and good innocent start to the dad fondling her, please ignore naysayers. They know what they're reading so fuck em' man. Please give us another sequel please, maybe at a public swimming pool where it's public sex and fondling in changing rooms and pool with her in a tight one piece. Love it, MORE.
Child porn. Pure and simple. I know you said all characters are over 18, and don't get me wrong, you're a great writer but you did a hell of a job making the girl seem very very young. Too young.
never young, or small, or short -- always "little". Despite your claim that she is 18, and the examples of her in high school with a boyfriend, you did everything in your power to convince us by your context that she was much younger. This is not appropriate on Literotica.
Well done, you had me jerking off and that's what it is all about. Maybe an editor could have pared your redundant phrases out and helped with a little spell check but overall, well thought out. The dialog was fun, just a bit repetative. Keep it cumming.
One of the best stories I've read on here, I can't wait to read more, loved the squirting part.
I love your descriptions. I felt I was there watching and became very wet while reading it. Thanks for the experience.
Good job!
When I read seemed overly wordy. But you took six pages to write What could've been said probably only three pages. It was beautiful, But I marked you off for being long winded.
SCHUPPINZIGH
That was incredible! I liked the length, drew it out to a long and very hot seduction. Look forward to a part 2!
I absolutely loved the very slow build, the gentleness, and coming together of these two people. It was so amazingly hot and detailed. I am usually a get to the down and dirty kind of girl but this really had me going crazy. My pussy is drenched. The only thing I would suggest is dividing it up into parts it's quite long. Sometimes you just need to get to the end of a part before you can close your eyes and dream about what you've read so far. Keep up the amazing work!
I loved it, I was hot the whole time and it was amazing on so many levels. The only thing that did bother me was that you were a little repetitive with words like passion,love,beautiful,etc. Theres nothing wrong with passion and love I just felt like those words were a little over used. Anyways great read!
I loved the way you built up the characters and built up to the "sexy times" lol. I also really enjoyed the length of this. You don't find many that are this long.
I love this story!It's just so cute how they are talking and...I just love it!!!
I am not going to repeat the statement that everyone else has said about the repetition, I think you have the point. I love this because it was romantic, not just fuck and get on with it. You created 3-dimensional characters, which is rare to find in an erotic story. Kudos. Great story.
Seriously, how can this be on literotica?? You make a point of saying this "baby Carrie" is 18, but then EVERYTHING you describe about her makes her sound MAYBE 12, from her puffy little "boobs" right down to her ridiculous little ponytail... seriously disgusting
So achingly romantic. I just loved the development. It reminded me of my almost but not quite relationship we built with my own babygirl. This was perfect. Romantic. Sweet. Respectful. Vulnerable. Perfect.
Listen to the morality police. Yet, incest is okay to assholes like you.
Lit's rules state that characters involved in sexual situations be 18 or older. So, the author did just that. If you can't handle that, then fuck off.
Carrie!!!! Says dug from king of queens.
That's what this story reminded my ass of.!
I did find it a little repetitive but glad you reinforced the loving nature of both characters. The perception that you depicted Carrie as underage I believe is inaccurate. Her father spoke to her with affection and any reference to her as a little girl was more as a term of endearment.. daddy's little girl. Very erotic story!
Yes there is repetition, and yes Carrie seems younger than 18. So what? She did revert psychologically to some degree after Danny's death, after all, and she reacted to the fucking like any turned on woman would. Good she didn't compare dad to Danny. I had to read this after Pam's story, and I thought that to be even better, but this is a fine story too. I'm sorry davidmcman hasn't continued writing here. He's good! Hope he will do some more.
Very good emotional built up. Wish if Dad had deposited some seed into her presumably experienced womanhood whilst she was not on the pill, to add some intrigue, and the start of a romantic incestuous relationship.
Nice and well defined but would like to have given you a six instead of a five if she hadn't made her pussy hairless. At Last - a story with small boobies instead of 38DDDDDDDDDDD's that some write about. You did a great story and I once had a long term relationship with a squirting babe, but I never knew if she was urinating or shooting her pussy juice. Either way, it certainly made a mess of the bed. Still it was terrific and lovely and terrific Barb is gone and at a age before she should have. Keep up your stories and ignore those who are critical of your wording or those who can't write themselves. You deserve the five I gave you and they are few and far between.
This is one of the best stories I've read, Very realistic and lovely..Part Two please
Kudos !!!!
This would have been a good story, because I love loving, tender reads... but... the daughter was infantilized. To the extreme. From her clothes, to her size and body, to her voice. And the narrative continually emphasized and repeated those elements, with only brief asides to counterbalance it. You SAY she is 18, but the story didn't SHOW it at all.
One has the terrible suspicion that this is poorly disguised child pornography :s
I don't know if that's the case, but even if it's not, it's simply bad writing to make the reader suspect such a thing.
Either way, I've reported it. It's innapropriate.
The people commenting on this story are absolutely incredible, get a grip. You're reading a stroy about father/daughter incest and still feel it necessary to moan about morals? Get over yourselves, he stated that she was 18, that's more than enough for Lit. This isn't child porn, this is a fictional story with made up characters, there doesn't have to be justification for thr way he writes thr characters, you just want to feel better about your incest fetish. Also, boohoo it's written poorly, this person wrote smut and stuck it on the internet for you to get off to, not to win a Pulitzer Prize, you all take this so seriously and it is honestly mind boggling.
It is a good story. But it would have been twice as good if it was half as long.
I thoight it was fantastic. It was a bit longer than usual, but an awesome ride, great work!
at first, I was not going to comment for to me, this is an emotional, lovely story expressed really, really well. I have studied behaviour in animals{and people} for years. So, the age, quite clearly defined is 18, but for those who have totally shown outrage, please be aware about maturity. There is such a thing as being a "mature" 18 year old{girl or guy} and a "young" 18 year old. I have been aware of both while at college and just from studying behaviour.
Consider this, there is a very strong emotional thing here. The wife and mother died, was taken away. Having lost my own mother who I was very close to fills one with a huge loss. Also, The chap "Danny" was not only a friend but also became her boyfriend and lover, then died in a horrific way! So, yes very emotional. I picked up very quickly that Carrie was a young 18 year old, very vulnerable, scared shitless of storms and obviously close to the only person left, her father. Human emotion is a huge thing and I feel the author painted the picture very well.
If there were more chapters of their ongoing relationship it may have been better rather than just suddenly stop after this first episode. I for one would certainly like to see it and feel very strongly that this was very well done hence me giving it 5 stars
There is something about the erotism of her stories that makes me revisit them after so many years, reading them with fresh eyes and a hardening penis. Your two stories are ones that i revisit as well. Love it and wish you had written more.
Lol, just read the last post and laughed a bit because while I was reading the story I was also thinking that the style was burningly similar to an author whose name I just couldn't pull out of memory, and there it is!
... But, like AddieQ's stories, it was thoughtfully done, enticing and deliciously sexually charged... But unlike the last poster, it's maddeningly painful to read for the same reasons as hers is. Though I'll happily say that it didn't seem to go to quite the annoying extreme, I think. Been a while since I've read any of her stuff. While reading it you just keep saying to yourself, 'get ON with it! Quit repeating yourself over and over and over!' till eventually you're either skimming or just stop reading it, switch to something else for a while, then come back because it's so maddening!
But that and this are a bit different. There was repetition, but it was spread out better, and for a lack of better... Well let's just say the sickly sweet ooze was spread out a little better, hehe. I enjoyed the story, regardless, and it may be old hat, but you can't go wrong with getting a cute girl in bed with you with a good ole thunderstorm!
... Though I can't imagine why the guys dick wasn't right back in her when she started coming and squirting. Why stop the friction that got you there? Hey, if I suddenly stopped licking my girl just as she started cumming, there would be hell to pay! Hehehe!
Thanks for the story and will enjoy reading your other posts!
It took a while, but you finally got to it and let Dad really fuck his beautiful daughter. Thanx for the Read.