by GatorRick
I enjoyed the story but the nightmare scene threw me until I read several times. Also I think you missed an opportunity to expand the story of their romance during the weeks he spent recovering from his gunshot wounds.
For the most part a good story. Semper Fi.
They should have a successful long term relationship was ever shown in the story. No common interests, no communication. Hero worship just not enough.
You have done better.
But no where near your other stories. Plenty of potential, yet so many blanks that left it unfulfilling. You know exactly what I mean too. Many weeks, or two years glossed over, no true romantic conflict. You write better than this outline.
Such a pity. 3 stars
There is one thing that I don't if you chose to leave out or you didn't know about.When his Dad died the each member of the family would have received survivers Social Security checks on on his Social Security,including his Mom(until the last one was 16) until the children were out of school.While they would not have been well off they would not have been in the dire straites the you had them in.As for the anonymous comment of no reason because of no comunications or common interest,this commenter has no idea of what may have transpired in the time of the two year break in the story so it has no merit.
we never saw a romance develop, didn't see them become close, and only saw the differences.
as a constructive criticism (I hope) it was often difficult to know who was speaking. from paragraph to paragraph. it was not clear who was the "I" we were hearing from.
You are one of my favorite authors.
This story seemed less than your others. Seemed truncated somehow.
I think more of the separation, the continued contact then the reunion and marriage would have helped.
The nightmare part needs to be redone a bit.
Still, great writing and please keep them coming, your work is truely appreciated.
You made my eyes water and not the first time.
I like your stories very much.
Thank you again
D.S.
"When she told me she didn't have a passport, never needed one, it complicated things. This was a problem my father, even with all of his connections, could not fix."
why would that be such a problem? (I'm not american btw)
As for the story, nice but imho more about infatuation and hero worship than romance...Liked it anway :)
It takes several weeks to get a US passport, which are currently needed to travel to any other country and return.
Was good story but ending way rushed.
Also you can get US passport in 1 day if needed.
was not one of your better stories
seems to be a lot of gaps
it could have evolved into more (the time period of two years)
thanks you
keep writing
Perhaps a replacement if you already have one, but if you don't?
Many, probably most Americans have never had one, especially the working poor.
It was good but not one of your best.
I wouldn't know about getting a passport, if I want snow I go to the white mountains. See the ocean, I go to the Cape. I have everything I really want in the US. So why bother to leave.
I can tell where you were planning on stopping the first half and then continued on to conclude the story. There seems like there is so much more to the story told. It feels unfinished and rushed. I still gave it five stars just on the enjoyment factor
All rather formulaic, I'm afraid. Too predictable and you failed to manage the part where Rick was shot at all well. You went from describing a lifeless body to a miraculous (and predictable) recovery. If Emily had been knocked unconscious by the fall to the ground, you wouldn't have had to use the word 'lifeless'.
There was little tension because somehow I was sure all would come out all right.
" I had originally intended this to be a two part story, But I got so caught up in it that it begged to be told in one part. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it."
........
Had big expectations after reading the opening comment
i guess i have been spoiled by one or two of the Authors other tales
have to much respect for the Author to say anymore than that.
In light of many comments and concerns I have almost finished a part describing the missing two years. Should be ready to post in few days. Thank you all for reading my stories.
I await the missing years. the stories you write are good and have improved since the first stories you posted. in the beginning you never gave the details of them growing from infatuation to love then you started including a space of time for that to happen and that is what was missing from this story. as for people who complain about parents who can make things happen they obviously have never made friends in the military. to this day I still know who to call to make things happen if what I am asking is justified. case in point a brigade commander was not going to let a nephew come home for a funeral he found the hard way that rules are meant to be followed. keep writing it is always a good read. former NAC.
This is what a romantic story should be, you have set the benchmark for the genre.
Too many "romantic" stories are just sex in disguise, you stand out by omitting the sex but still delivering a well-worked and enjoyable story. Keep writing!
This is a good story, although the pace is too fast. And I observe that you are English, not American but you set your story in the US. We call it college, not university and semester instead of term. But all in all, this is a good story. Doesn't need to be sexual for it to be enjoyable.
Don't Ya love the negative comments? Well I liked it 10 stars. Love you all! Bye. Greg
You should do more research if you want it to come off as more realistic. At the same time, when you do research for a story, you don't need to make it obvious. Going into extreme detail about the rifle he uses comes off as showing off, and it's time you could've spent fact and spell-checking. The most significant facts I would research more about are the Marine unit compositions. I understand that a sniper team would be different than a regular rifle squad, but a 2nd Lieutenant is not likely to command such a small team, and also there would probably be significantly more security accompanying that team. Sorry if this comes off harsh.
If you are going to go into such depth about non-plot related elements of your story, you really need to do the necessary research. You describe the character as able to shoot 1/4" groups at 400 yards with iron sights. There isn't a rifle used in the military capable of that kind of accuracy. That is roughly 1/16th of an MOA. In fact, the world record for a sporter rifle at 300 yards in benchrest (shooting sport where the entire goal is to achieve the smallest group possible, using HIGHLY specialized rifles and scopes) competition is 0.247". My point is, if you are going to put in those details, please make sure they are correct. The details won't be missed by someone who doesn't know the subject. For those of us who do know the subject well it is bothersome, and affects the flow of the story.
Listen num nuts Gator Rick can write what ever He wants it's His Story not yours !
I liked it that's what counts to me!
Thanks for sharing this Fantastic story with us!
I have become a huge fan of your stories!
See ya
Can't downplay the differences but they both have a lot of growing up to do.
Unfortunately, I read the next chapter first, but that does not detract from this story.
And for purists, this is a fictional romance, not real life, the author has every right to use literary licenses.
5 * for you.
I apologize for my English (yet and forever), isn't my native language.
Their "Right" to "Write" how they see it. To embellish is to make a rather boring story a better story.
With tears in my eyes though some of this story i was able to finish reading it. As a retired military man my self I can see what some of others can not see. We (most of us) would put our own safety ahead of others when the need was suddenly there.
A good story for the most part, but it had a huge 2-year gap followed by a very quick ending.