All Comments on 'I Never Heard The Comma'

A story with a punch line, so refreshing. Full score from me, an enjoyable read.

Even for a writer of English English! :)

I really enjoyed it. Please write more.

The readers who only enjoy evil women and detest hearing about evil men will give it a pass but for those who like a good story well told, it's welcome.

it's "eats, shoots, and leaves." The commas, not the comma. Even more so in Queen's English. And "between David and I?" No comment.

I thoroughly enjoyed the story and the punctuation less :). Nicely done and I look forward to more.

Thank you

I liked it. It was a very good storyline. I would like to comment about the preface comments about the grammar issues. I'm one of those who occasionally comments about bad grammar. I don't usually mean punctuation though. Sometimes a misplaced comma does really affect a sentence too adversely to be ignored. Most of the time however, it is bad spelling that gets to me. Or when an author switches a characters name right in the middle to something else. Or else he changes facts around that have been established earlier as something different. That's when I and others like me become grammar nazis. There are some who take it to an extreme. They make it seem like these stories are to be treated as essays by students looking for a good grade.

I gave you five stars. Loved the storyline and the way you told it. Keep up the great work.

Before I even read more than the intro (nor the comments), I must point out that a MULE (not the drug-carrier) is a horse/donkey cross-breed (and sterile)! The animal 'ass' is a donkey or burro (equus africanus, also asinus)!

Impressed by your use of the colon! Don't think I've ever seen it used on this site before, and though I'm happy myself with the 'semi' version, never feel comfortable with the full wammy. Your punctuation however worried me. Not sure if this is some new wave thing, or you were just sloppy. everything seemed to start with " , and ended with a ', regardless whether it was spoken or not. I'm not sure if I'm reading the words of a new guru, or you just got it wrong. Perhaps others will enlighten me? By the way --- Good story ( what's with the ---, S(s)houd 'good' start with a capital? Oh blimey; this could go on forever.

In Australia, Alan would be regarded as a Wombat. The Wombat is described in a local fauna book as "Eats roots and leaves"...the punctuation is now up to you !!.

The reading difficulty I found (granting it could be my own insufficiency) had nothing to do with what side of the pond influenced the author. There were a LOT of characters, and (I found) the identity/role of many of them might have been explained or suggested once, but not refreshed. For readers whose social IQ is higher than my own SIQ of 8 (average SIQ is 100, 95% of people between 70 and 130), keeping track of Richard (and Simon and John and Alison and Priscilla) may be no big deal, but it interfered with my reading comfort.

The other major disorientation came with the transitions between 'Sweetie telling the story' and 'Sweetie talking to Hubby!'. Some device (such as italics, or bold print, or a line of asterisks) would have been appreciated greatly!

The base story is good. Sweetie is portrayed as very naive and trusting, but her personal history and eventual career are consistent with that. We do not meet Current Hubby except as a decent-seeming guy who appreciates a good sex-partner. Old Hubby is easy to dislike from early on, since he was distant from his own son from birth. Most mothers would probably have become more cautious given that paternal ennui!

4*

Simply mendous!

not near a schoolyard, stay 100 yds away you nonce!

Being a Brit I can appreciate written word from a fellow Brit.

keep up the good work.

Well done! I also like the clever title.

... you really need to have someone who is actually adept at proper punctuation proofread this story. If you do, I believe you'll be shocked.

As far as the story itself, I gave it 3 stars which included a 1 star deduction for, of all things, bad grammar. Go figure.

first of all, reading this was as pleasurable as pulling a tooth with rusty pliers, and though i am english i can understand why the rest of the world laugh at us when pompous twats like this author try to convey they are cleverer than the rest of us, thank God for the americans, they write much better stuff than this!

...don't write naughty words on walls if you can't spell. Be prepared.

BORING IN ANY LANGUAGE.

but a little hard to follow. Still, it is better than 9 out of ten of the new stories on this site.

NIce to read about a successful revolt of the inferiors against the "Superiors"!

In reality, ninjas of the corporation, descended on her and removed all evidence....

Lot of fun. 5 stars.

It always makes 'you and I' laugh!

I was uncomfortable with the pov, the male author taking on the female voice doesn't sit easily. I much prefer a third person narrator, using he and she. It creates far more literary license to expound the inner narrative, what the protagonists are actually thinking. When there's an "I" speaking she/he can only deliver half the story. You get me I hope.

Thanks for writing.

.. for all the comments, both positive and negative. Lickideesplit, your points are well taken and, with the others, much appreciated. I will try to learn from them, With regard to the "two commas", (Anonymous 2/11) a comma before the "and" at the end of a list is called an Oxford Comma, and is optional (it is not a requirement for Queen's English!). And yes, the date is in UK format..

You're correct; whether to use the serial comma is an issue of its own. In contemporary usage, the serial coma is often omitted. It still has incredible importance in contracts and other legal documents, where the lack of a serial comma, for example, can change inheritances and other asset distributions. Many of these grammatical options have been established for the convenience of the printing trade, especially including books and newspapers.

[The absurdity of extremity in this practice was the unfortunate attempt by The Washington Post newspaper to issue a style guide in the 1970s omitting the terminal "e" in words like "employee," trustee," etc. Fortunately, "employe" never caught on and the Post's style guide was once again rewritten.]

The title of your story points particularly to the use of the comma in the phrase "Eats..." Adding the serial (Oxford) comma would have added a little more dry humor to the word "shoots," in my opinion. Of course, then the title would have to be in the plural rather than the singular. <g>

Great story, though! I agree with the need for delineating the POV and timeframe shifts, but that's an improvement rather than a major repair in this case.

Four stars!

Only problem i had was during the bit where you were taking jabs at the comments section.

I agree with everything you said about us horrible commentators. BUT it did feel like it pulled me away from the story. Maybe it just went on a bit too long?

Don't know.

Otherwise a fine story, Keep up the good work!

...simply BRILLIANT !! - HAHAHAHA

wow that was one fine story. please write another. the way you filled out the characters and the ending line. sooo GREAT. thank you

You tell a bloody good story.

The sycophantic speech, the dripping sarcasm, all came out very, very well.

But what really got me was that it is in English English, complete with obscure references to the North/South divide and old-fashioned attitudes to sex.

Thank you for a damned good story; I look forward to reading more.

HP

Just a comment on your tirade against those-with-poor-grammar critiquing others' grammar. Please reread your own writing!

-long time reader without a login

Good story, gave it 5 stars, keep writing.

A boring story written by an arrogant, pretentious person.

There's several issues which are distracting enough to make the story almost unreadable. 1)The story doesn't flow- the quotes about "Punctuation and how it helps" is true. However, as they teach in law school's and paralegal schools: "When a writer takes the time to use small words for easy understanding it means they've spent a great deal of time thinking about the subject and their audience. When large words which are convoluted are used, it means little thought has been given to the readership". 2)The interplay between the people is good; however the lack of physical surroundings made it confusing. 3)This may sound like a cheap shot; but each character needs a completely separate name and not spelling or sounding alike. With a serious rewrite, it might be possible to salvage this story. Maybe.

The story was riddled with poor grammar and punctuation mistakes. I don't care if it was English English or American English. It lacked in character building and contentuity. I usually try not to attack a writer, but I felt justified. In the future you might not wish to attack your readers in the telling of your story.

It was interesting enough that I had to finish what I started even though I wasn't very amused. I wish the story would have changed views instead of having someone speak it...this is a good fit for a flashback. It's difficult on this screen to tell the difference between "' and '" and I imagine it's not a unique problem. It competes with the part of the brain used to enjoy what is being read.

I admit skimming...and the story is about Allen...but it missed a logical connection with Phil. It felt pasted, or tacked on like pin the donkey. It was too long for proving a point, and the punchline was a bit weak in proportion to length. Was that mentioned near the start of the story? It didnt keep my interest to read every word.

Stories based off of jokes are essentially the opposite of funny. They have the same punchline, but a joke is highly condensed and this was 6 pages. By the "condensed" guideline, this story did not accomplish that goal.

When a story becomes self aware or mentions literotica, I instinctively reach for my torch (burning stick) to kill it with fire. Please don't do that.

Thanks for allowing comments, and especially anonymous ones. Sorry to dispense disparaging discourse denigrating your work.

Having Julie recite the story while in bed with Phil was a distraction, and added nothing. Otherwise, nice story.

I am American.

An Ass is a Donkey, or Democrat, Mule is what happens When Jenny gets too frisky with a stallion.

Except for being unable to Procreate it is better than a donkey, or Democrat.

Such a picky little thing from a great story.

Seems like just too much of a change in Julie's personality, from prude to cock lover overnight.

What a great story.

...and so well written.

Thank you for sharing it with us, I look forward to reading more of your work.

"I mean, if one of my A level students described something like this in one of their creative writing essays, I would have just thrown it back in his face, and told him to grow up!" ;-)

This was actually a creative, well written tale. Thank you!

My main takeaway from this tale is that putting every single part from Julie's retelling in quotations is a really bad idea. Quotations help separate dialog from regular prose, so when you use them gratuitously, it makes reading a real slog. Having breaks in between the narration and her present day interactions with Phil would've been a preferable alternative.

Tedious.

Sadly, I have only today found this one. 6 out of 5. Full marks on all counts - nothing wrong with a bit of English English, in language and style. PS - that autheor was/is Lynne Truss

Brilliant. First class writing.

Thank you for your efforts.

Wonderful! Loved every minute of it. Well written and well developed.

Charming story laced with humor.

Boring as fuck

I liked the shot made at the audience in reference to our comments. Other than that, I felt the story was a bit superfluous. It seemed more like reminiscing about her past rather than describing the heinous acts that led to her current situation. Other than the length and redundancy, I think it was well written. Great job in avoiding anything and everything over the top. Thank God for small miracles.

I love this story