All Comments on 'I Saw Her at the Party'

Realistic

They weren't married, so it can't be Loving Wives.<p>We'll ignore that, however, and concentrate on that jarring shift to third person toward the end. Why? Why not continue the first-person narrative?<p>I'd have graded it higher, except for that major problem, and that it isn't significantly different from any other such story.

...effort. Some spelling errors and the shift in person at the end.

Nice morality story. What book of the bible is it from?

Well written story but it's like story with no beginning or middle, just an end. She acts like slut, he dumps her, no happy reconciliation, end of story. Not bad but no real personality portrayal of either party. Nice writing but too brief, almost like an outline for a later story.Her actions kind of unbelievable . Need some explanation.

the Ct.Yankee

Big, big no-no occurred here, my friend. Your story went from first person to, quite drastically, third person at the end. For no apparent reason, and leaving the reader with a big question mark.

If I'm gonna wager a guess here, I suspect that something similar -- if not this very situation -- happened to you in real life. You used your writing skill, and this forum, to exercize some demons haunting you about it, probably embellished the ass kicking part a little.

So, while a major story problem, the switch from first to third person has some real psychological implications to it, especially since the switch occurred at the rushed ending where you "forgiven" Sarah. Seems to be that you really haven't forgiven her, and switching to "Jason" instead of the first person is a way of just saying you forgave her when in reality you still fantasize about grabbing her ankles and ripping her out from beneath the bathroom stall and pummelling the man with the bigger cock.

Freud would be having an orgasm right now, that's for sure....

and went from first person to third person.

<br><br>

Otherwise I enjoyed it.

I guess that I did not feel that the investment was not

so great that he should be destroyed. If they had children

and a home after 10 years of living together then it would

have been devastating. As he said, thank you for letting me know before the wedding! One thing that I thought strange was his complete lack of interest in finding out who the guy was. He was in the position to put pressure on them both to

come clean, but let the guy get up and walk away. Obviously

his GF invited the guy..... For a while there I had the feeling that the whole scene was a setup!!

time now. Are you plagerizing someone elses work or what? Your profile says that you just published it today.

well written. First or third person, who cares really. But some hints could use some resolve. Did she really cheat before? What's the history about that? If she did, were her friends all aware of it? Did those "friends" chat him up to keep him away from her for as long as possible? Who was the guy in the stall? It would be nice to get some answers but if you don't, so be it. In any case, it was better to find out now than later. G.Belgium

finally some man who does not spoil his whole life over one single bitch and keeps on going toward a good future because he has a healty amount of self-confidence. the only thing I would have liked to know more, was which of my so called friends knew it. As for the writing style keep more concentrated. that was only a short story.

For those who don't care about such things as spelling, grammar, verb tense, voice, etc., this story is "ok." For those with standards, this story fails in a number of areas. First, it drags on for far longer than it should. The "message" was made when the guy found whatshername in the toilet giving head. He told her off and the story line was complete. What this writer did, and it's a common mistake, was to force MORE (ending) confrontations and belabor the point the writer was making. Curiously, the words in each "confrontation" were almost exactly the same as the first, and no plot advancement was made. In other words, writer, say what you want to say--say it--and then get out of the story. Don't hit the same idea again and again and again and again--you get the point. Others have remarked on the voice change. If you want to improve, listen to them. You NEVER change the point of view in a story without a transition that makes it very clear (and plausible) about what you're doing.

Good pace, even some (dark) humor. We know the rant, and true, more build up or perhaps somewhat less ‘bare knuckled’ characters could have improved the story. But I believe that the story provided for the reason most are in this section for…

The story line was well put together. Look forward to reading more of your work. I like the fact he took a stand. Seemed real.

That's what a lot of those that think it's okay to cheat don't get. It not what the cheater thinks about the affair, it's what the cheated on person thinks about it.

Thank you for the story.

You definitely have talent and a fresh way of looking at and expressing them.<P>

So now what? Editor if you wish to get better - to grow. Next recognise that scores and positive reader reinforcement stems from not just talent but strongly from the subject.<P>

Marital Consequence (and this was close to marital) is an enormously emotional arena where anyone can play but not all are credible and draw respect.<P>

Here you wrote to life and some would say its largest most offensive wart. Then you took it beyond the norm into the very feeling many of us have had - it mirrored life in its tangible mind numbing reality.<P>

Very credible and will draw respect - you are appreciated. Lastly and again, an editor relieves you from part of the stress and minutia to allow you to dwell on the talent and imagination as well as the neat ability to write as one would speak - not easy - plus your ending was quite good - again a tough task for many more than rookies.<P>

I hope you remain credible as you have the talent and imagination plus the ability to express it. Selfishly I say - Don't blow it - please.<P>

With Regard [and perhaps more in time]

Excellent story.

Have a little more respect for your readers. If you yourself can't proofread, hire someone to do it!

Something about the holier than thou attitude, waaaa - I'm gonna take my ball and go home. My way or the highway. No interaction, no admitting that two people don't always see things the same way, but my way's the right way. Left a lot to be desired, along with the technical problems.

Great girlfriend too. Wouldn't ever be able to trust a liar, especially one you caught red handed.

Literotica has a number of volunteer editors, and the use of one would have helped your story out. Aside from the jarring switch from first to third person, there were a number of words that were used incorrectly (i.e. "entangled" should have been "disentangled", "circumspect" should have been "suspect"). An editor would probably also have recommended reordering the story - "It wasn't love at first sight" would have been an excellent starting point for the story, and fleshing out that history more would have given us an opportunity to get to know the characters and perhaps care about them. I'd say that history should have been about half the story, the party and discovery in the bathroom about a quarter of the story, and then the aftermath the remaining quarter of the story. It seemed like you had a good plot idea in mind and then wrote it all down as a train-of-thought; having an editor look over your story and make suggestions would have alerted you to the first/third person switch and other errors, and you really ought to consider taking advantage of the volunteer editors for your next submission.

The thesis of the story was good but right when you had the emotion and passion flowing, the drama in full effect you type her instead of he. I wound up having to go back and reread sentences to be sure of what you were trying to say. Take the other posters advice and find a good editor.

The story, though not my type, was not too bad. However, refusal to have it edited, or even proof-read by yourself, cost you points. You obviously don't have any respect for your readers and this is one reader who will pass over your stories in the future. Are you getting a clue from others who are upset with the lack of editing?

I liked it a lot, makes a change to have a consequence story. Nice emotions too.

You really need to find an editor, you had numerous typographical errors, you changed voice from 1st to 3rd and back, you changed case. It was a good start of a story, but the obvious errors kept getting the way. In my job, I write non-fiction professional documents all the time, & have done it for more than 30 years. I use an editor all, so there is no reason not to use an editor. Literotica even has resources available, people (even like myself) who will volunteer to edit for you.

these characters.Sarah, because she says she is sorry for spoiling his celebration night(not to mention the fact that she was caught sucking another guy off!).Jason, because when Sarah's sister phones him he says to himself "I swear that those two must be related" I wonder what gave him that idea.

You commented with this gem: "Something about the holier than thou attitude, waaaa - I'm gonna take my ball and go home. My way or the highway. No interaction, no admitting that two people don't always see things the same way, but my way's the right way." ---- WTF??? The protagonist in this piece was looking for a 'exclusive, monogamist, relationship’. So, what's to interact about? The slut in this tale was luckier than hell. I'd have sued her ass blind for exposing me to God knows what kind of viral infections. --- Jeezz, I can't believe you actually wrote: "No interaction, no admitting that two people don't always see things the same way." What in the flying fuck is wrong with your brain?? Are you demented? ---- To the author: Thanks for writing a tale where fidelity and honor actually mean something. Keep writing.

the content made the point, she was a trolop. there was no point in forgiveness and reconciliation. the guy got his due, and she is known for what she is. and jason, he got away from a problem, and no financial hits

one of the legal brothels will love to have her so she can continue being in meaningless sex that doesnt mean anything. To women like this cheating is meaningless and doesnt mean anything. To them their body is special and anyone they want can use it. A shame women dont see mens bodies as special and they can have anyone they want for meaningless sex without affecting or effecting the spouse or lover.

Yes two people can see things differently that is why these two are splitting up and the girls reputation all the way around is ruined. She saw things a very different way where sex with others really doesnt mean anything, just a slab of meat to be used.

what happens next? i think a chapter 2 is needed.

So much or a worthless piece of trash. I use to wonder where all the barflys came from and the blowjobs for a drink girls but you easily describe how and what.

Writer's stiffness with personal emotions limits the range of feelings between the couple. Putting the end in the third person made the story just trail off.

he dealt with it and moved on, just because he wasnt crying over spilled milk. doesnt mean he didnt care.

Not that you didn't describe emotions, but they were held at a distance. The possibility of a great story was missed.

I liked that he didnt go soft, he acted. He pulled her ass out of the stall and the smashed asshole with the door.

What kind of cheap slut does it the bathroom anyway? That's just pure trash.

Then I skipped to the end and rated it 1*.

Not sure that is the right word - it was simple direct, straightforward all good in most cases. Lot's of emotional language, just too little real intensity considering what happened - and i am not sure why lol.

Maybe it was just too short and sweet, at party, look for GF find her sucking dick confront her walk off - the end is near - the end.

Not a horrible outline but that is almost the whole story maybe??

I try to be helpful with a critique but find myself just feeling this was too simple to work well.

Another chapter. Not finished. Wish authirs would finish good stories.

she thinks menopause is a button on the remote control

why do you leave us hanging?

and seeing I split. TK U MLJ LV NV

I don't understand why some authors seem to think that there should be more after a story ends. One of the great guidelines of entertainment is "Always leave them wanting more." Too often authors on Literotica drag out the story after the climax. To often authors even add another chapter to "explain" what happened or to show the other party's side (Oops, I did that myself in my Emails stories). Sometimes it is better for us to just imagine what comes next.

The story just kind of fell off a cliff at the end with a trailing wimper

I thought this was a porn site, not some testing ground for lame ass wannabe writers.

Most of the stories posted here (by wannabe authors) assume husbands and men (in general) are cream pie cluck loving wimps. By extrapolation one can therefore assume that the majority of the wannabe posters are limp wrist losers. Can't hold a woman or satisfy one.

Sara = Whore! Hope she contracted an STD .. the fucking SLUT!

Really liked the characters & the story...maybe a sequel from her perspective?

Sweet read! Thanks for sharing.

A short feel good story - got to do some physical damage to the "cocksuckee", caught the bitch before he proposed and then moved on with his life. Good deal for him~!

It was a good story but I was disappointed about what was missing. In their final conversation, she tried to explain it as if the guy was a stranger who had almost forced himself on her. I very much wanted him to ask her to explain her comments about not being able to give his cock up. That obviously was not the first time she had been with the guy nor would it have been the last. She needed further evidence that he caught her in a lie and he would have needed her answer to that question to really find closure.

Great story, piss poor ending. Sad this author can't seem to finish anything.

the ending was there he ditched the unfaithful slut, what more needs to be said

A complete story. He caught her cheating at a party she threw for him, and he left her. Cut and dry. Even forgave her. But was smart enough not to stay with her. No wimp here. Just a man taking care of business. Lucky enough to catch her being a slut before they were married.

Don't cheat

Great story, I am happy to read a story with a rational protagonist that does what has to be done.

Well thought out story.

... I liked the way he handled it.

Panther Fan.

It was well done except for the part where he felt nothing for her anymore; love is not a faucet you can just turn off that way. If he loved he it would take a lot more than one night to over the her no matter how much she hurt him.

Love can disappear in an instant. And don't forget that love works both ways. She had already proven that she had no love for him, without love for each other, there is no love. No wallowing in endless self-pity. End it, it's done.

Excellent story, 5* without a doubt.

I was in college on one side of town. My high school sweetheart was in nursing training on the other side. We couldn't get together every weekend so she started dating on the sly. Some guy 'got her'. I found out through a mutual friend. She apologized up the ass, but it was over. Did my feelings for her simply end? No, but the trust was certainly gone. I felt bad; my dad had a saying, 'stand them on their heads and they're all sisters.' Here is where I was an asshole. All through high school I'd never taken advantage of her affection for me. My sister had warned me I was saving her for someone else. I never let myself fall into that trap again; if a girl wanted it, she got it. That was until I met the woman who became my wife. Talk about a hold out. Damn her Catholic upbringing! Finally got her, but I had to marry her to get it. Glad of it too. Anyway the deal is trust. Love dies pretty fast when there's no trust. Oh I still think warmly about high school and that girl, but I was lucky. She would have made my life miserable. I asked my wife once if she ever thought about any other men. She didn't bat an eye. She told me after she met me she never even looked at anybody else. She said I chased her till she caught me. We've been married since 1969, have three grown children, seven grandchildren, and I know I'm one lucky son of a bitch. How's that for a loving wives story!

When you find out that someone is a cheater, or in some other way has been deceiving you as to the true nature of their character you realize that this is not the person you thought you knew. When you discover a major deception like this, it is like finding out that someone has died. The person that died was the person you thought you knew. When a person dies, you mourn and move on. The love you had for that person may never really die, but it does fade as that person is no longer present in your life. Even if the body still exists, walks and talks, it is not the same person. The worst thing you can do is to try to live with this reanimated, possessed corpse from hell. Shut the door on it.

Good post.

No explanation of why she cheated, or if she really did know the guy from before or if she had cheated with anyone else.

Glad that there was no explanation for her cheating. People do stupid shit sometimes and that's the end of it. So many stories in this section do what your did in 4 to 8 pages, you got it done in 1 and it was just as good.

looks like you blew a load in your 'grippers' in the closet .... you really know how to punish the WHORE ..... NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.....maybe, next time you'll tell her to sell her slimy hole on the corner when your at work!

WHAT A PUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe it's just me, but that kind of statement seems to only be viewable in one of three ways...

Either she's BEEN having it and feels no reason to stop... or...

This is the first she's had it but plans to keep having it... or...

She doesn't plan on leaving that bathroom stall at any time...

Since she already later on admits to cheating with multiple guys no reason to believe this was a first with this guy...

but now the crying is over and a new life has begun, TK U MLJ LV NV

Fucking cunt. Cheating fucking cunt. Luckily he found out before he gave her the ring. Gets better every time I read it. Five stars

It did him good, personally, to forgive her. And this way she could move on, also, as he would probably have had to kill her when she did it after they were married. Once a slut, always a slut; this is true about 98% of the time (this percentage is my guess). I broke up with one that did me that way a long time ago, had nothing to do with her for a year then we became good friends. Of course we were not going to get married anyway, my wife would not let me so I guess she was justified. Such is life. Good story.

Bf

He didn't lose much. In the end all he gave up was a year of his life with a woman that wasn't the real love of his life. During that year he had a date when he needed it and a live in sex partner. I'd call that a decent trade. So, he is fortunate to catch her being who she really is - a cheat. It was not a mistake, she knew a proposal was coming, she knew the importance of the party to him. If she couldn't hold it together for one night, she wouldn't make it in a marriage either. No, she isn't marriage material and she certainly in not mother-of-your-children material! Forgive her, because she is what she is and can't help it.

Very well done.

Actually he was lucky to find her out before he proposed. As the story said, no legal ties, no child support, no messy divorce. And of course he was well rid of her. Now he can move on and find a decent woman and let the cheating skank get passed around.

Once a cheater always a cheater so she will probably either end up with a reputation as the good time that can be had by all or find some poor fool to marry her and then kick her ass out when she cheats again.

the correct response.

""It...it...didn't mean anything..." she muttered through gasps. "I just wasn't thinking..."

I stopped her. "You see, this is why it's over, dear Sarah. For you it meant nothing. For me, it meant everything."

Because her caught her before it went to the next level we didn't get to hear what he would have said to the next most frequently spewed statement when caught,

"it was only sex"

nicely done. very fortunate for him.

this is what im talking about. if you catch someone your dating cheating on you dont fucking marry them. how hard is that to figure out.

Learn what 'circumspect' means.

Next ... Write down a 10 (or less) word summary of each of the following aspects ... Jason's history, Sarah's history, history of their relationship, circumstances of the party, the toilet-stall escapade, Jason's subsequent acts, Sarah's subsequent acts, denouement!

Then, count how many sentences belong in each category. (They should NOT be equal, or even close!) See if the timeline makes sense.

Something similar happened to me. When I was young, my girlfriend who I planned to marry was seen with another guy. I confronted her and she admitted yes, she had been fooling around with another guy but nothing serious. She thought perhaps we could stay together but see other people. Basically, be together but not be exclusive.

I told her absolutely not and before I could tell her it was over, she broke up with me and the next thing I heard, she was going out with the other guy, exclusively. I'd see her around town every so often and she smiled and would try to talk, but I just smiled and would excuse myself. They moved in together and all seemed roses for her. She was and still is, an elementary school teacher.

During that time, I met a girl who was my bosses daughter. She was a true virgin and planned to stay that way until her wedding night and seemed surprised when I thought that was cool. My previous girlfriend and I had sex a few times but with my work schedule, not often. We started going out and I was a gentleman because I truly believed it was neat she wanted to stay pure. I didn't even try and touch a booby but still we became more and more serious.

During the time we were becoming serious, my ex's love life was tanking. Apparently this new guy thought he didn't need to be exclusive to her and was spreading his dick all over town. She caught him and they broke up, then forgave him and they moved back in together. When he didn't stop cheating, he eventually broke up with her and she moved home with mom and dad. I didn't see her during that time because of work duties and the long hours. Besides, I was spending much of my time at my bosses house with a girl I planned to marry.

I popped the question after only 3 months, this girl was everything I wanted. She wanted to be a housewife and mother, living the life of a 1950's wife, which is exactly what I wanted! She didn't care about parties and going out, other than as a family. In front of her family I went to one knee and asked her and she accepted. Our engagement was six months and the day finally came when we married. During that time, I saw my ex-girlfriend a few times and was pleasant but always alone. It seemed she thought I hadn't found anyone and I heard through the grapevine she wanted to reconcile with me, she'd made a terrible mistake in breaking up and wanted to build a life with me.

One afternoon I happened to see her in the local supermarket with some of her friends while shopping. I smiled and was pleasant but continued on and didn't talk. Her friends apparently decided she needed to step up and stop me, forcing me to talk to her and that is what she did. I went around the end of an isle and there she was, waiting for me. She asked if we could talk and I mentioned she had made herself perfectly clear the last time we talked, she wanted someone else but if she wanted to talk, she'd better hurry.

She began by apologizing for breaking it off and told me she didn't realize she was most happy when she was with me and asked if I could forgive her. Of course I could forgive her I answered and had many months ago. I saw the hope in her eyes and realized I had said the wrong thing and she asked if there was any chance we could get back together, I was the best thing she'd ever had. She was in tears as she professed she'd never stopped loving me and hoped we could regain our former love.

About that time, while she was still crying, I felt an arm wrap around my own and I turned to see who it was. My ex looked at me in confusion and I decided it was time to put her out of her misery and introduced her to my wife of three months. Her mouth gaped open in shock as she looked back and forth at us. When my wife held her hand up and showed her the modest rock on her ring finger, my ex turned and ran from the store with her friends in close pursuit. I didn't see her again for a few months until at another store and I only smiled and said hello. It surprised me when she burst into tears and fled again.

Fast forward 7 years. My daughter was moving into the second grade my wife and I had to have a meeting with the teacher she'd have the next year. Imagine everyone's surprise when we walked into the room and her teacher was going to be my ex! It was uncomfortable but we all made it through. It turned out, my ex never married and from what I could understand, hadn't even dated since the last guy she'd left me for, immersing herself into her job instead. She did a great job with our daughter and would have our son in two years.

I guess she learned a painful lesson but it wasn't driven home until we happened to see her at our local city park while we were out playing with the kids. All four of us were having a picnic with the kids playing like kids do when I noticed a woman watching us. It was my ex. She just sat and stared, I don't know, perhaps imagining it could have and should have been her. It didn't make any difference to me, I had never felt love until I married my TRUE love and I seldom if ever thought about her.

She was crying when she left, of that I was certain. And shortly thereafter, quit her job teaching and moved away. Our children grew up and married, having children of their own. I never thought of my ex again until one day my son called me and asked me if I knew a particular name and I did, it was my ex's. It turned out my grandson's 3rd grade teacher in the city he lived in was my ex. Unbelievable.

Bill, it was in the wrong place. Nice work/try though....

5sss..... Nice write

lol funny

one of the best flash tales on this site.

or maybe I can come up with another excuse, TK U MLJ LV NV

...wanted to finish so badly that you simply jumped into the last paragraphs? At least that was my impression..

That's the way to do it! "I can't give up this cock"? That statement says it all, she had the cock before... The only other thing to do after forgiving her is to ask her to think about what might have been, what likely would have been if she'd been faithful, if they had gotten married and had a life and a family together. Planting that in her head is payback.

A good flash story which for me wnded a little to quickly.

Dislocated his shoulder. A little pain and recovery time might have taught him a lesson about respect. Don't diss a guy with his woman at his own party. Protagonist should have ignored Sarah and given him a lesson he wouldn't forget.

How much disrespect is a guy supposed to take from his live-in girlfriend? Luckily he found out the truth in time and did what he had to do.

As I always say: Girlfriends or even fiancées aren't wives because as he said: "No legal entanglements, no divorce, no lawyers, no splitting of assets, no child support. I really was lucky to find out about the slut before things could have gotten complicated."!!! And she was still a girlfriend!!! Not even the $16,000 ring she had in her finger!!! So he was very lucky!!! What if he found out in his wedding party? 3*

My gf would fuck other men. That's so hot. I like it when she fantasizes about but cand wait for it to happen. I wouldn't kick the guys ass either.

Could u add more to this already good start of the story..

There's no there, there. Short set up, she cheats, he's gone. So?

..It was on a lunch break when I hurried home to pick up some tools I had forgotten earlier. There was Tom, standing in front of my couch, his cock out of his pants and in my wife's mouth. Years before, he was the one who popped her cherry and banged her hard for a year or so, before cheating and they split. Yet, there she was again, doing what they had used to do.

I got over my shock well and just continued moving through the living room and straight to our bedroom. The bed was still made and didn't look like they had done 'it' yet but went right to work packing my shit. Jodie was in with me, soon afterward, crying. It was really hard to say what it was she was crying to convey, it all all messed up around the crying, sobbing and hiccups. I ignore her and finished my packing.

It took me about a half hour with her right behind me, as I packed. Toward the end as I was loading it all in my truck, it got kind of quiet. I guess she knew. It wasn't until I was pulling away, that I realized I hadn't said a word to her.

I didn't go back to my hometown for six years. Never in those years did I make contact with Jodie, either. I assumed she had divorced me for abandonment, but wasn't sure. Through the gravevine I heard she moved in with Tom, he knocked her up, then left.

Did you even read this? You're a lazy fucker. More mistakes per paragraph than I've ever seen.

Not sure how this fits here. Not married, no real love. It's a story about catching a girlfriend cheating and dumping her. Not erotic, interesting or original.

He did not back down like some guys in this stories do.

Some details of a serial cheating wife are posted on Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com. She lost her college instructor position in Helena Montana because she coerced married male student into sexual relationship. College administration received Facebook details and much more including sex photo. If you are into now 60ish tattooed breastimplanted grandmothers, her contact info can be had from profile

She set up party

Most people there were her friends

She had invited guy then

Couldn't give up his tallywhacker

But she just didn't know what happened????

She is hilarious

......it was a totally heartbreaking crushing story. So much hurt. So much pain. There is a certain beauty in a gut wrenching story as this. 5 statrs

I read a couple of reviews and thought I was going to read a great story. I was wrong. Content wise, it was a mediocre story at best. Writing skill wise, it was terrible. So many mistakes for such a short story! Words missing, words misused, and then there was the constant going back and forth between first and third person. I gave the story 3 stars and that's giving it the benefit of the doubt.

A fun read, but too strait forward.

This is a good story and told well, except for the tense chane at the end which throws off the reader.Aa