All Comments on 'If You Believe'

Good start. It started off seeming to be a re-telling of Cinderella but then went into your own creative story later so that was good. I would suggest you get an editor to help you smooth things out. Even the best writers have one or even more. They'll help you with spelling and grammatical mistakes and can give you feedback which may help you better the story.

I think you have a great cast of characters. I just felt like Sam was all over the place. I kinda had whiplash following his emotions. First, he loves this guy so much but he runs away from him? Then he was so shy according to George but later he gets a bit assertive and even aggressive with Scott. He seemed to do too much of that running away. I also felt you could develop the relationship a bit more slowly. Let them talk and get to know each other a bit more and that would have let the reader get to know more about them too. We really knew next to nothing about Scott in the end.

I look forward to Noah and Jarad's story and hope that this may help you as you write. Though we know the boys want each other, you can have a chance to fully develop the characters by letting us get to know them. It will be nice to get Riley's story too!

Hey! This story has lots of potential, but it probably should have been split into a few parts and expanded. There were a lot of moments where there seemed to be no connection between behaviours and motivation (e.g., why was Sam so determined to hide from Scott if he was in love with him? What made him change his mind when he did?). Those are the sorts of motivation questions that a longer piece could have handled.

The story has potential the execution was just off.

Not enough details, too much jumping around, and many typos.

I gave the story 4 stars and I do plan to read you other stories because somehow you did get me to read all 4 pages.

There were too many storylines going on. Also, the transitions between the stories were too abrupt. I had to reread several passages to figure out what I was reading. I prologue, explaining the sexual relationships between the members of the band might erase some of the confusion. Also, I can't wait for you to complete Blaine and Chad's story.

It has potential, but it was just off a bit, jumping around a lot, I think there needs to be some more back story for Sam. There was some places where I wasn't sure if it was Sam or Scott you meant, had to re-read a few times to understand it. I think it would also help if you settled on one story line with maybe another woven in, but as it is, there was just too much going on in this chapter. As others have said, you need an editor, I'm sure you'd be able to find one through Lit.

good story

A solid set of characters, but the story itself is all over the place. The addition of the other band members confuses me -- I don't know who's gay or straight or who wants a relationship with who and who is related to whom. I'd consider this a rough draft and try to write it again, focusing on the Cinderella angle and leaving the band members for another story. And the commenter who said Sam's actions were confusing is correct -- he loves the guy, but runs? (There's too much running, BTW.) And why won't he let him see his eyes? And he manages to avoid eye contact for a whole month? And one of the stepbrothers is in love with Sam, too? And why were the visiting twinks there? It's a jumble!

Hi, Thanks for all the advice I just wanted to say I do have an editor her name is Jezebell875 and this is only or 2nd story together so I hope everyone takes that into consideration. Thanks for reading.

Baby and I are a work in progress and all of the feedback is very much appreciated.

As my dear editor once said to me about the first chapter she ever edited... you got a diamond in the rough here. Fact is this is like any relationshhip, it takes time to get to know each other. The longer y'all work together the easier it will be. Wicked can damn well finish my sentences now, lol!

Can't wait for more. :)

I agree with the other comments but have to say I enjoyed the story. I think your stories will become more polished as you work with your editor and I'm looking forward to reading what you write in future:-)

the story was great in terms of the concept but it felt a bit rushed in some parts could have been explained more and prolonged to really get the full experience of this new couple

I have to great with nomoretears I loved the story, and can't wait for the continuation of the story and Noah and Jared that is so going to be fun to read... but don't forget Riley he is adorable

great beginning and a lot of potential, look forward to reading your next selection

I think I liked the story. I definately want to read the next one. This one was just a bit confusing and hard to read because it seemed to jump all over the place and there weren't definitive breaks between scenes. I agree with the others that this story has a lot of great potential and just needs a bit of expanding of certain bits such as the rushed ending and parts of Sam's point of view and his feelings/motivations.

Looking forward to the next book.

You have a great story going for you, but I would make one suggestion...it needs tidying up, see if you can get a proofreader/editor, so that names can be consistent and the timeline can be either expanded or cleared up. As I said you have a good start and your idea needs the attention it deserves. Good luck!

My comments/thoughts echo what others have already posted. Nice start, slow down and get both a beta reader and an editor.

when are you coming out with the other ones

from the film cinderella story except the gay guy.

when are u gonna put up Noah and Jared's story?

This is an amazing story. Really hope you put Noah and Jared's story up soon. I can't wait to read it. Very much looking forward to it. Xxx

I liked how you chose, classic Disney's theme. In between I got confused who was talking to whom. Hope there's sequel and what happened to step monsters and others.

Wtf did I just read?! This story went way too fast. There was no build up. Did Scott and Sam even like each other?! And the other band members’ random stories just thrown in didn’t make any sense and took away from the flow of the story.

Please post Jared and Noah's story!!! And then Riley's