All Comments on 'If You Can't Stand The Heat Ch. 01'

Perhaps the young girl can take his need for sex and put it to good use for herself.

I was wanting him to fuck his mother while they were in the park, and blow his load deep in her pussy.

Perhaps he will still get to fuck his mom along with the young girl, when they get home.

Thanks for the read.

Definitely waiting for the next chapter.

The first paragraph of this story made no sense. "trees flitted through Shawn's window"???, "their droning a soothe for his mind as the train cut though their wake."??? I stopped reading right there. I'm afraid I'm not a good constructive criticizer.

Much as we do see some excellent writing on this site, let's be honest, it's mostly cliched jerkoff material for the masses. Which has its place, for sure, and Literotica shows a myriad different styles.

I think what's confusing you here, is the distinctive, unique writing style, and the trees, etc..? It's a vivid depiction of what it's like to be sitting on a train, with the world sweeping on by. Me, I was on a long journey yesterday, trust me, I identify.

I'm trying not to be rude, truly impolite is not my intention, but I hate to see the stereotype-seeking masses dishearten true talent.

This guy can write. And reading his own comment here, his mission in writing this is clear.

Great job.

;)

Seriously! What does this stuff even even mean?

"Trees flitted through Shawn's window, their droning a soothe for his mind as the train cut though their wake."

"The physical proof of these burns were more flagrant than the emotional. His arms were terrible and currently brazen in his white tank-top. It appeared as if a sizzling snow-board had woven down his forearms."

And that's just from skimming it. You're trying to sound so smart, but it comes across as being extremely pretentious.

Look, we can understand you're trying to be a good author. But if you want to write something, make sure the readers don't have to solve a puzzle before they can understand it.

Sums it up.

Skimming is great. It has a purpose. That purpose is to seek the words that'll make you cum, not to read a tale.

Read.

I've read it, so will translate... The trees bit? The main man is sitting on a train, not playing with his laptop or listening to his iPod; he is staring idly through the window, where the trees have become one with the noise of the train, and the whole thing? Well, it's the train-travel joy... you switch off.

The surf-board burns? As is apparent from the first few paragraphs, Shawn is a cook. Cooks burns their forearms. I cook sometimes, just like family meals and stuff, so even I get these burns. His burns? They tell you something of his life.

I don't see pretention. The ability to write figuratively is NOT pretentious. Fear of 'letting go' perhaps, and appearing pretentious is what holds people back and maintains the cliched style of writing so often seen on a site where, let's be honest, just about anyone can get published.

Skim to cum. Read to think. Just a thought.

Listen, to each their own.. Read what you enjoy. This is my style, so I write it. I didn't come on this site to write like someone else or to satisfy people who don't like my writing.

I am proud of the story. The characters, the situation, the mother's resolve to take care of her son and her horror at how much she enjoys doing so. I have been cooking professionally my entire life. And we burn the fuck outta ourselves. And if you ever look at a professional Cook's forearms, yea it's riddiculous. Snowboard is being kind, my arms look like an Ice capade.

When it's all said and done, this is me. It's how I am, it's who I am. And if you hate it/me, that's fair brother. I am just gonna write, you don't have to read.

All the best,

Incedble sex scene on the train and the promise of much more to come.

Good writing. Good story line. Good honest pornography.

Always appreciate an original approach to a genre which generally oozes cliche.

Lovely, fast. funny and sexy