All Comments on 'If You Want It'

That was a really nice, hopeful story. Thank you.

I liked this very much - such an enjoyable read.

I can honestly say I would love to have this happen to me. It got me hard very hard and very horny. And now I'm very lonely

Truly enjoyed this story. Thank you.

After I read this story I was very impressed with writing style. So then I just had to have more & went back & read your other five postings.

You are one great story teller !! Great character development.

Thank you. I look forward to more in the future.

I love that that focus of the story wasn't just sex. It had good messages such as male confidence and the issues homeless people face, especially women. I hope you write a full length book one day.

Thanks everyone for your very kind comments. Very encouraging! I realise the story is sappy, but hey... it was written for Christmas.

Anonymous: I do plan to do a real live ebook this year. Apparently we can link to such things in our profiles, so follow me if you'd like to get notified about that and other news.

You write with such humanity and sweetness, a wonderful open heart. There's a place in the world for your stories. Give us more! Don't stop!

So much of what I read here is sick at its core, but your tales are full of hope and love. Thank you!

R.

That's the most wonderful comment I've ever received, Anonymous. Thank you so much! I have more stories in progress as well as a book, so follow me here or on my blog (linked in my profile) if you'd like notifications.

Favorite author

Well, thanks very much, MusicGuy4Fun. Glad you enjoyed the story.

After reading one of your other stories I had to check out your substitutions, and I'm very impressed with I've found. This story was following the same old tried and true format but had a twist at the end. I bet most readers were expecting Kayla and Martin to move in together and live happily ever after, but it doesn't always work like that in real life. Great ending, even if a little sad, but another five stars. Thanks

Thanks, oldpantythief. Yes, it wouldn't have been believable for the two to wind up happily ever after. But I don't see it as sad... two lonely people found comfort, got frisky and helped each other escape from their individual traps.

What a sweet story! I loved your characters and how they went together. I love stories like this, with genuine warmth and respect. I’m gonna check the rest of yours now :)

Thank you, Omenainen. I tried to give the characters different voices, strengths and weaknesses. Looking forward to your comments on some of my other stories.

A lovely well-written story filled with sweet characters and hope until...he never sees her again!?!?? 5 ⭐️, but what a disappointing ending.

Nice premise.

Well written.

But sex, when it happens is too rushed.

Four stars.

Great story, great feelings. I like the writing style.

Outstanding! You're a very talented writer. I love the way that you're able to convey the story using almost exclusively conversation between the characters. That's a real skill. The story was wonderful and I like the characters. Only 5 stars since 10 aren't available!

Such a delight when older stories get new comments and are still appreciated. Thanks so much, Justanotherdirtyoldman (and buree). Some readers say I use way too much dialog. Great to know it worked in this story.

That's a great story Syleus. 5* I do wish they'd stayed together though!

Thanks very much, gordo. Given their different background and personalities it didn't see right to make this a "happily ever after," so I stuck with "happily for now." At least the confidence and experience he gained from her stayed with him forever :-)

It was a beautiful story and I have read why you finished it the way you did , but would you ever consider writing an alternative ending for all us sentimental Romantics just take the last nine or ten words away and continue writing I suggest you start with something like after a year or two Kayla turned up or she contacted me or we bumped into each other and how you both decided that you could not live without each other and / or now you were both at different stages of your lives you / we , find you are much more evenly matched and therefore develop a much deeper love for each other that turns into a much more lasting relationship and hopefully marriage and a family together , I could suggest a few things as to how you could write an alternative ending and further chapter , but I feel you don’t need them so will not offer them unless you ask as I don’t want to over step the line and offend you and your creativity. But I do feel this could be an ongoing story with either one more chapter or more than one extra chapter . So Please give this some very deep thought as I feel you are too good a writer to finish this story so quickly ; and many stories have been given an alternative extended ending after many years , much longer than the four years you have left it since publishing this version of your story about these two ie Kayla and Martin , and then those who felt/ feel that you ended this story correctly the first time can just ignore the second chapter and those of us who desire to hear more about this couple can choose to ignore those last nine or ten words and can then read on and have a more lasting romantic ending. Such as them living happily ever after together. So Please consider this , that they changed each other and along with other experiences apart they became much more compatible to be together with their life styles and experiences having now broadened that they were now suitable in experiences and at the same life stage now which means that they are now right for each other. So Please consider my idea and request , and what ever you you decide , I would like to Thank you very much for such a beautiful Story . All very Best Paul Hayboys I would give you 55 stars all the way if I could but as I can’t it’s five stars All the way from Me ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💦💦💦💦💦

Thanks very much for the comment, Paul Hayboys. Clearly you enjoyed the story! I decided on a "happily for now" end for this tale because it made sense given the differences in background of the characters... they're from different socioeconomic worlds. They have sympathy for each other, but I couldn't picture a future for them. I think the way it ends adds a nice bittersweet poignancy of the story.

But with fiction anything is possible. Your idea of them meeting in the future much changed could work... for example, a classic "turn the tables" with Kayla having become a rich successful artist while he's lost everything and lives in poverty. If I turn this story into a novel maybe that would be worth doing.

Dear SyleusSnow ,

Thank you very much foryour comments on what I said , and as I said, I had a few ideas how this story could continue , but did not want to influence you as to what to put into this story , unless asked but it seems you and I where both thinking along the same lines of a role reversal . I think this would make a very interesting read / wether as another short story or a novel .I hope my idea has intrigued you enough to cause you to have a rethink and explore possibilities of extending this short story into a much more involved story evolving a much longer time span of their lives and what evolves as they live them apart and then together again,after time has greatly changed their life experiences ( Heads becoming tails and vice versa ) in which they both experience the same life and economic backgrounds at different stages in their lives so that they have both experienced both sides of the coin .I think you would do a fantastic job of writing such a story . So please do have a really good think about embarking on writing such a novel or series of short stories / chapters and maybe if you write it in sections you could gage by peoples comments how to evolve such a story and then once such a series has been completed you could evolve it into a novel or just go straight to writing it as a Novel Please have a very good think on it as I think with your talent this could turn into quite a hit among your fans and a wider reading audience . Please take very good care , All the very Best Paul Hayboys ( I normally use my log in name of Hayboys but I noticed I have been post as anonymous and did not want to try and log in as Hayboys as when I have tried this in the past I have lost all what I have written ) Paul is my actual real first name which I Post only when I feel a really big affinity to a writer Such as yourself .

like it. like the "street person" jokes and word play.

Wow. Thank you! Just a damn good story. You sir, are a damn fine storyteller! Accolades!

Thank you so much, Silenus636! I think I'm only a mediocre storyteller, but glad you liked the story. And thanks also, dirtyoldbiman... I like putting a little humor into stories.

Wow. Just wow. That was one of the best stories I've ever read on here, thank you for writing it.

5 stars lovely tale

It's heartbreaking he never saw her again or learned what happened to her, but that's what makes it a perfect ending.

Great "Romantic" story. But... terrible ending. He should have finished the job that day and flown out to where she was going and been waiting when she got off the bus. I remember leaving a similar situation when finding "that person". As I sat on the plane about to fly away, even though I was a hard, tough guy, it was like I had a hole in my soul. Luckily I had her number and called as soon as the plane landed. Unfortunately, my good Uncle had business for me in a silly old war in Southeast Asia, but we wrote letters and about a year later I came back, taught her all those things your story talked about, and then married her. Not all stories have that sad ending yours did. :-)

Dear author,

I really liked your story. I did not like the ending, but still give you your 5 stars. Another lovely young lady, and Martin reminded me so much of a dear friend of mine in my youth: he got hearth surgery at 16 and was fixed too.

Thank you.

Thanks, Anonymous. Happy to know you liked the story. It's one of my favorites. The ending was an experiment in poignancy. It's supposed to sting a little... and maybe remind us of encounters we've had that were sweet and memorable, but we knew couldn't (or shouldn't) be anything more.

Dear author,

Thank you for the reply, I appreciate it.

I get what you are saying and that is Martin’s point of view. The reason I dislike the ending is related to Kayla.

Kayla the Feral Beast, as you describe her, is a delightful and talented young woman derailed by life in the harshest way. She is a gold mine, and the right guy that puts the work in (a lot of work) will find gold. Martin strikes gold, but he is not around enough to make the mine operational.

Kayla owes Martin big time, for the trust he puts in her even after she steals from him, for the time and resources he spends to put her back on her feet without thinking about his own return. He didn’t have to, he chose to.

So Kayla owes Martin to let him know she is safe, that she is successful, that all he poured into her bore fruit.

Her complete silence, to me, had 2 most likely explanations.

Kayla was really a transactional person, so when she said thank you, that was it. Martin is out of the picture, he cannot do anything for her anymore and vice versa and she put the homeless episode of her life behind like it never existed. She doesn’t think she owes Martin anymore. On the other side, Martin knows what he owes Kayla, even when he moves on.

The other one is that Kayla never made it to her brothers. She is dead and someone stole her works. More of a punch in the stomach than a sting.

That is why I wrote I did not like the ending. I still think it is a 5*. I still think you are one of the best writers here.

And this is your story, so whatever you write is the right thing. I am a mere observer, and my comments are given for free, just like your stories, without the intent to change your work or your point of view.

"one of the best authors here"? Thank you, Anonymous! I try. Regarding the story: I very much appreciate your insights. It gives me some things to think about.

I think though that if anyone owes anyone, I'd say Martin owes her... it was easy for him to buy a bus ticket and give her some money. And trust is part of his rather naive nature. I'd say Kayla teaching him about sex and boosting his confidence was a lot more effort and had more value, though she very much enjoyed doing it. But neither of them owed the other: each helped the other freely... out of sympathy, charity and the innate human desire to help, with no expectation of reward.

As to why Kayla broke contact with Martin afterward, my own theory is she felt too ashamed for stealing from him, and at being seen at such a low point in her life. And though she always remembered him fondly, knew they were too different. Or maybe Kayla feared Martin would turn into an obsessed stalker :-) I leave it to the capable imagination of readers to decide.

Kinda wish she had left at least his laptop and phone when she did take his things...but I am extremely satisfied with the story as a whole. I am slightly disappointed they didn't actually get together in the long term, but the story itself was rather amazing honestly <3

Thanks, InfiniteXaos. Glad you enjoyed the story. She was desperate and I don’t think someone in her situation would leave high value items behind. Good thing she felt ashamed and returned everything.

Great story; a little bittersweet we never find out Kayla's fate, but sometimes the best stories let the reader decide for themselves.

Found your story on Twitter BTW so sharing it there got you at least one new reader lol.

Sorry, but I can only give 3 stars for what seems to be a unfinished story. By all appearances... You just ran out of ideas and shipped her off. Then you did a snippy, never to be seen again synopsis. I am sure that you intended to convey something different. But, that is how I perceived it. Nonetheless, Thank You for your efforts and submissions.