Imogen's Gift

"NO!"

I played the intro and Imogen began to sing. The mood of this audience was more upbeat that that of last night's audience, it was as if they were wishing us all the happiness and good health that we'd need to see ourselves through this.

Imogen was showing signs of fatigue after the final show so I had no hesitation in refusing Gavin's suggestion for concerts in Melbourne. Gavin had assumed the role of our manager and was the bearer of good tidings, CD and DVD sales were going gangbusters and the money was pouring in to the 'Imogen's Gift' bank accounts, we would soon have to make decisions on who, apart from CanTeen, would benefit. We knew that we'd made it when the fictitious 'true stories' appeared of Imogen and I, and our relationship, not to mention our child who, we were reliably told by the glossies, was a boy and would be named 'Matthew' after my father. There was even an article that suggested that Imogen was not suffering from leukaemia at all, that she was in fact anorexic. Gavin had a lawyer on that case, and a retraction and apology was published in all media.

We were kept busy, Imogen was asked to give regular motivational talks to CanTeen kids and I went along to lend my support and make sure that she didn't overdo it. She suggested that I could give talks to the families of kids on living with cancer sufferers. At first I wasn't sure that I could do it, but she convinced me to try. "Living with Imogen is not what I expected it to be when I first met her. I expected that I would have to do everything for her, but that hasn't been the case. She has a strength of character that never ceases to amaze me, and she credits me for that but I don't know. I see my role as supporting her in every way, but not doing everything for her. If I don't allow her to be herself and be as self-sufficient as possible I would be telling her that she has no hope left and that she should just go ahead and die. These are the things that I bring to her, love and hope. She is in no doubt that I love her, and that knowledge, along with her love for me, gives her the hope, and the motivation, to make every precious moment that we have together, as good and as happy as we can."

"When she had her pregnancy confirmed we had to think long and hard about our situation. We were faced with two choices, the first was for Imogen to have a termination, and her doctor would have had no hesitation in granting that if that was our decision. Disappointed yes, because he knew that she had a strong drive to reach her life goals. Our second choice was to go ahead with the pregnancy and pray that the outcome would be positive. We have around us the very best medical team who have our happiness in mind, and are dedicated to our health and happiness and that of our child, who, despite what the media has speculated, we don't know whether is a boy, or a girl."

"We have made the decision to cut back on our public speaking commitments, so this will probably be the last one until after our baby is born. We will resume when Imogen has recovered fully. Please, would you pray for us, the three of us?"

There was a drama just after Imogen entered her third trimester, she was suffering from abdominal pains and there was a small amount of blood coming from her vagina. She spent a week in hospital until she managed to convince the doctors that she would get better faster at home. When she reached her eighth month I spoke with my parents and, because it was a lot closer to the hospital than our place, they invited us to stay with them until after the baby was born. Mum and Imogen spent a lot of time together, I think they talked a lot about me because Imogen suddenly knew more about me than I had ever discussed with her.

"She's a lovely girl Simon, I can understand why you are so besotted with her. You must take very good care of her, and the baby, because if you don't you will have me to answer to."

"I am taking good care of them." I assured her.

"I love Mum. She is going to spoil us rotten, you realise that don't you? And, for a while at least, I'm going to let her. For a while, but not forever, I want to be standing on my own two feet as quickly as possible. I wonder how old he or she will have to be before we start doing concerts again."

"Don't think that far ahead, we have to get through this bit first."

"But if I don't think ahead I might not get through this."

"Yes we will, we will make it, we will survive."

It was two in the morning when Imogen woke me. "Simon, I need to get to the hospital, fast."

I helped her out of bed and into a robe, scribbled a hurried note to Mum , grabbed her bag that had been ready for the past week, and put her in the car. Before starting it I rang the hospital to prepare them for our arrival. Half an hour later she was being pushed into the Neo-natal unit by worried looking nurses. Charles was on his way.

The next hour was the longest year of my life, if I'd been a smoker I would have consumed a pack in that time. I paced up and down, casting glances at the TV showing something or other until Charles came in and told me to take a seat. This did not look good. "Simon we have to make a serious decision. I know Imogen wanted a normal delivery but I don't think she has the strength to go through with that. Her labour has taken a lot out of her already and to prolong it could be dangerous for both her and the baby. I think that we have no choice but to do an emergency 'C' section, I know we have no choice. It's up to you now."

Shit, what a decision. "Go ahead, I want both of them to get through this." I hadn't even finished before he'd got up and was almost running to the theatre.

The next half an hour was longer than the previous hour. Eventually Charles came out. "You'd better come with me, your daughter's fine, but it's taken its toll on Imogen, I hope that seeing you will help."

I bent and kissed her through the mask that they made me wear. Her eyes flickered open and she smiled up at me. "I did it Darling, we have a daughter, they tell me she's beautiful, that she looks just like me."

"Yes she is, she does look like you. How are you feeling?"

"I've been better. Simon, I know that I don't have long, just minutes probably. Please hold me. I love you and I know that you'll look after our baby, she's my gift to you, now kiss me without that mask." I took the mask off and kissed her good-bye.

There were two funeral services, the first a small private affair with just a few family and friends and, except for the Millie, the media were excluded. Imogen Porter slept, in her baby capsule, between her grand-mother and a nurse through the whole show. "There has never been a woman like Imogen," I began, "I fell in love with her even before I met her and that love grew until it was taken from me three days ago. Our lives together involved our charity 'Imogen's Gift' that I'm proud to announce, has exceeded all of our expectations. It was the driving force that gave her the motivation to succeed in that project. Her other motivation began with her falling in love with me and the inevitable consequences of that love that's asleep in the front row. It was her wanting to see our child born that carried her through the pregnancy. In her final words to me she told me that Imogen was her gift to me. Apart from her surviving her ordeal, I couldn't have asked for a better gift, a beautiful daughter who will be a constant reminder of my life with Imogen, my love for Imogen, and her love for me. Go in peace my love, go to that better place."

Ps: The public memorial service was HUGE, Segments of the 'Imogen's Gift DVD were played on a huge screen and we had eulogies from people that we'd never met, praising her talent and her resilience. The boss of CanTeen gave a moving speech about her work with them and how money they'd been given by our charity was being put to good use providing more counselling services for cancer kids. The final part of the service was Imogen singing 'I Will Survive' and, as had become the fashion since that very first concert, when she reached the last 'I will survive' the crowd joined in. She will survive in the memories of a lot of people, and in the heart of at least one. I will never forget Imogen.

I now work full time running 'Imogen's Gift' with a dedicated group of volunteers, many of whom have come from CanTeen. Imogen is growing into the spitting image of her mother and is already singing along, not very well yet, but I can hope, with her mother's DVD. There is no other woman in my life although Millie has been spending quite a lot of her spare time working with us as a volunteer. I suppose that I could do worse.