In The Eyes of the Beholder

"No," she said, taking his hand and kissing it. "It was the perfect time, there couldn't have been a better time. It was just what I needed to hear, what I wanted to hear." She leaned forward and hugged him tightly, he responded in like manner.

When they loosened their grip on each other they kissed again, a hot passionate probing kiss. They'd picked up where they'd left off, as if their love making hadn't been disrupted. Again the erotic sensations returned to her, she wanted him now more than ever. But she had to interrupt one more time. Untangling herself from him, Gail stood up.

"I'll be right back, bear with me for a few minutes." She quickly scurried into the bedroom, closing the door behind her.

When she came out she was wearing pajama bottoms and a tee shirt. The front of the shirt hung lopsidedly from her chest; she'd removed her bra and prosthesis. He tried not to, but he couldn't help but stare. Then he saw her wane little smile and he forgot all about her chest. She held out her hand to him, when Bob took it she tugged on it gently.

"Let's go in the other room. It's more comfortable." She led him into her bedroom.

It was a small room, with a queen size bed. A nightstand with a lamp, telephone, and a digital alarm clock-radio stood on one side of the bed. The covers had been pulled back. Gail sat down on the edge of the bed, looking up at him.

"I have to ask you two things, first let me keep the tee shirt on. I'm uncomfortable with how I look, the scars and all. Second, I have to ask you to use something." She gestured nervously to the nightstand where a pack of condoms sat. "I know guys don't like them, but I'm not on the pill or anything. I hope you'll understand."

He nodded his head and sat down next to her. Of course he understood. The fact that she had the condoms meant she was willing, this wasn't a spur of the moment thing. He kissed her again, with their lips pressed tightly together she wrapped her arms around him and fell back on the bed, pulling him with her. It was as if their newly discovered love for each other had exploded, driving them into a world of desire and lust.

His one arm slid behind her head while his free hand roamed down her body along her flank, across her stomach down to the waist band of her pajama bottom. From there it slid slowly under both the pajamas and her panties, fingers raking through her pubic hair on their way to her vagina. She let out a low muffled moan as he began caressing her outer labia, sending the first shivers of ecstasy through her. A finger slipped between the outer lips finding her clitoris, manipulating it gently. From there a pattern was established as he rotated his caresses; massage the outer lips, slip in to pressure her clit, then tenderly rub her inner labia sending more waves of sexual pleasure through her.

She turned her head to one side, separating their lips. Her breath was coming too heavily for her to maintain such a prolonged kiss. As she lay there softly moaning, Bob began kissing her cheek, neck, throat, forehead, anywhere he could. There was little going on in her mind beyond sexual pleasure other than a feeling of loving desire. It was this sensation that separated their impending coupling from anything she'd experienced in a long time. She could feel a trail of moisture on her hip as his hand slowly retreated from her, she knew it was time.

He sat up and began to undress. Gail reached over and turned off the lamp leaving the clock radio to provide the only light. She sat up herself long enough to remove her pajamas and panties then slid onto the bed, under the covers, waiting for him. By the dim light of the clock she could make out his silhouette as he reached for the condoms, she heard the sound of the wrapper tearing as he opened the pack and removed one. She closed her eyes and waited.

Feeling the bed shift as he slipped under the covers beside her, Gail was overwhelmed by feelings of sexual expectancy. She wanted him as badly as he wanted her. They embraced and kissed each other fervently one final time. Her feeling were reminiscent of ones she'd felt on a roller coaster as it reached the top of the first hill; there was no turning back and even knowing it was safe, there was an anticipatory feeling of fear and excitement, of wondering just how it was going to affect her. She also knew that for better or worse their relationship was never going to be the same after this. Her sexual urges and desires, however, far outweighed any worries she had.

When he repositioned himself above her, Gail bent her knees upward and outward, spreading her thighs open for him. Then she felt the tip of his erection poking between her outer labia, finally pressing against her inner lips. Pausing briefly, he pushed his hips forward, driving his swollen member slowly into her. She emitted a soft, sobbing moan, savoring the exquisite feeling of penetration, his erect penis stretching her vaginal muscles and membranes on its inward journey. She accepted him hungrily.

As his erection began plunging in and out of her, she moved her lower body serpent like, rising and twisting to match each thrust. Every movement of the erect penis sent her deeper and deeper into a world of carnal bliss. She clutched him tightly to her, accepting every lunge joyfully, greedily, wanting more. A shudder ran down her spine as the sensation of orgasmic rapture enveloped her. She was lost to a realm of sensual delights caring about nothing but receiving and providing sexual pleasure. Finally she felt the climactic throb of his erection as he came into the condom; it had been a brief but fulfilling ride. She continued to cling to him until she felt him shift over, his organ withdrawing from her as he lay down beside her.

"Oh, son of a fucking bitch," she moaned with uncharacteristic profanity. She looked towards him in the dim light with half closed eyes. "I loved every second of it."

He responded by giving her a kiss, hard and passion filled. She reacted lovingly. They lay there for a moment locked together in a tight embrace. Then he loosened his grip and their lips parted, he sat up. She realized he had to dispose of the condom.

"The drawer of the nightstand, there are tissues, and a wastebasket underneath." In the dim light she saw him reaching for the drawer. She lay back waiting patiently.

When he finished, Bob laid back down. She cuddled up close to him. Her old insecurities needed assurances.

"So, are we a couple now? Just curious."

"Feels like it to me. You have any thoughts on it?"

She responded with a kiss, the same type of kiss he'd given her the night of the concert. Simple and pristine, it spoke more of her love than any words she could have vocalized. She could only hope her instincts were correct; that he felt the same way about her.

"Well my love," he said softly, "I guess we agree. We're an item. But that means we have to address the two hundred pound canary in the room."

She knew what he meant. "The shirt?"

"Yeah, why don't you just take it off? It's not out of morbid curiosity, but if we're going to go on like this, I'm going to see it sooner or later. Do it now and it's over, just like telling me about it. You told me and now it's not an issue."

She saw the logic and sat up on the bed.

"OK," her voice was heavy with reluctant resignation, "turn on the light."

He did so and watched as she pulled the tee shirt over her head and turned towards him. The scarred right side of her chest was a stark contrast to the small but well-shaped breast on her left. His eyes lingered briefly on the shiny scar tissue, and then moved up to her face.

"Not a pretty sight, is it?" Her voice had a flat tone.

"No," he put his arm around her reassuringly, "it's not. So what? You're not physically perfect, big deal. Look, something bad happened to you, you didn't do it, it happened to you. Shit happens and bad things happen to good people and all like that. I don't quite get why you seem to insist on blaming yourself. If somebody can't accept it, screw them, it's their problem. Let them choke on it if they want, let them choke on it and die. Let's you and I accept it and move on to something better. I want you whether life has damaged you or not. In fact, having survived some bad shit makes you more interesting. Add admiration to the list of things I feel about you."

"It's just that it has caused some rejection in the past."

"Ah, the ex-husband again; how'd you get tied up with that fool anyway? Was he like the first guy you slept with or something?"

"Third" she said plainly. She felt the need to offer an explanation. "The first was a guy I went out with in high school. In the cliché of all clichés, he got my cherry on prom night. About a month later he moved on. Later that summer one of his friends showed up. I thought it was the real deal, but it seems like number one talked and he thought he was into a sure thing. And he was right, but after he got laid a few times, he left. My ex was the first one who stuck around, so we got married. It wasn't the best marriage and the mastectomy pretty much put an end to it."

"So I'm only the fourth guy you've been with? At our ages, that's pretty good."

Her lips formed into a shy smile and she raised the hand closest to him up to the side of her face. She looked at him through her spread fingers.

"Sixth", she said simply.

"Well, beats the hell out of being seventh. And number seven can go screw himself. That's something he can choke on."

"Four and five were just some guys I got involved with after my divorce; I was lonely and scared of being on my own. Neither one could handle the mastectomy; both were freaked out and left. Not until they banged me of course. So, there you have it. That's why I'm so reluctant when it comes to relationships."

"Well, for Christ's sake, you're a bit of a jerk magnet, aren't you? And that doesn't say much for me does it, being that I'm attracted to you."

"No, you seem different. At least I hope so." She leaned back slightly and looked at him with the smile he loved. "What did you mean about number seven? Think I'm going to need a number seven?"

"No, not if I can help it. That's why I said he can go screw himself, because if I have anything to say about it he's not going to be screwing you."

She hugged him tightly, then they lay back down. Gail snuggled close to him.

"I've got one more question. Last night you seemed to bolt out of here rather suddenly. What was that all about?"

"How do I explain it? It may sound stupid, but I couldn't shake the image of you in church. You looked...angelic. How could I think of sex with that thought rattling through my brain? I wanted you badly, but I kept thinking I didn't want to destroy that picture. It would somehow be irreverent blasphemy. Sounds silly, I know, but that's the fact."

"Not silly, it's sweet. But angelic? How do I live up to that?"

"You don't, you just keep on being you. It's just that we'll probably never have sex on Christmas Eve. And understand this, you're not the only one in the room who's been lonely, I've had my share of heartache too. Then suddenly three weeks ago, you came drifting into my life. So, yeah, from where I stand, you are an angel; my angel, a saving angel, a Christmas angel, whatever. And I'll always love you for that."

Gail lay there, digesting his words. Well, she thought to herself, you've kissed your share of frogs, but maybe you've just come up with a prince. All the sorrow and despair of your miserable love life may have been worth it if this was the payoff. Don't overthink it, don't look for problems, just accept that this one loves you; that this one wants you as much as you want him.

"Staying the night?"

"Up to you angel, I'd love to. You'll have to set your alarm early so I have time to go home to get cleaned up and dress for work in the morning. After that we can start making better arraignments."

"Yeah ", she replied laughingly, "we can work out the details at work."

She was still amazed at how it had happened. In less than three weeks she went from a solitary existence to a committed relationship. All she knew was for the first time in ages she was content with her life. Never again did anybody at March's Department Store see the old somber expression on Gail's face.