All Comments on 'In the Navy'

That was good and better ENglish than you might have thought.

i thought it was a well written, heartwarming story. i hope you decide to make a part 2

I very much enjoyed your story. I am no english major but I think too much editing takes from the heart of a story. The scene setup and the first hand view was honest the way it is as if you were just talking to a friend.

keep it up just the way you are.

I think the title says it all!!

Loved it! Don't change a single thing! Sehr gut!

I agree it would be fun to learn what happened next.

Your insecurity and vulnerability made you a more sympathetic character, it made you more accessible, and as a result, your choices of action in the story were more appealing to the reader, and persuaded the reader to be on your side and to approve.

The minor translation errors only add to the effects of the characters struggling to overcome their language barrier.

But then, I'm sure you are aware of that. In the story you have, as the protagonist, a charming naivete. As the author, you clearly have a very different level of sophistication and presumably, experience.

Wow! So many comments and mails in so very few hours. You’re great!

I didn’t expect a reception like this. So THANK YOU!

@ ‘better English than I might have thought’

Thank you, but…

Didn’t you miss… well… about a hundred commas, or something?

I’m more or less confident that I can make myself understood, but the grammar… Oh the grammar… ;-)

@ ‘very nice story’

Many thanks! I hoped for that. And I clearly plan to make a part two. The story isn’t told yet.

@ bakersboy

I’m really glad to read that. In comparing the story to something told to a friend you show me that I reached the goal I had. And regarding the editing… I think I understand that. But I really dislike too many errors. And I’m pretty confident that there are some… ;-/

@ ‘Thank you’

Well. Thank YOU then! ;-D

@ ‘Very hot’

Aww… Danke schön! ;-)

@ ‘Excellent’

You are too kind. Thanks!

You are right in assuming that I’m not an inexperienced author. I wrote dozens of stories in German and I am pretty confident there. So… Yes. I’m aware of that. But I’m also happy it actually worked in English.

The ‘minor translation errors’ are in fact real language issues. I didn’t translate the story for I wanted to make this up completely in English. Thought that would help me to better get a grip on thinking and writing in English.

But I’m glad that they happen to add to the flavor. That wasn’t intended, but I won’t complain… ;-D

Also… Thank you for your analysis of the main character and his actions. I really hoped for that effect, but I couldn’t be completely sure it worked out.

Your english is exceedingly good and the flow of your writing is clear and easy to follow. In fact, you surpass many writers on this site who were born into english-speaking homes. You should be proud of your skill level in english.

I will e-mail you a few corrections and ideas.

Great story, and hot! You write very well

I have a few wee niggles, but nothing major. Wish my German was as good!

a very,very good story. I'll edit for you if you really think you need one.

reach me at alphawolf59@hotmail.com

Far less editing needed than you made out to be. You have a much better grasp than you think. In fact, better than most English speakers. Including myself. Thank you for sharing.

Yes, I could tell, by some word choices, and sentence construction that English was not your native language. Beyond that you are a great story teller, have a remarkably good grip on the English language, and put a lot of work into this story. Since I see in the other comments you have offers for editing help I won't bother, but I WILL look for more of your work. I leave you with a term from our Navy, BZ (pronounced Bravo Zulu) meaning "Job well done!"

Sie haben eine wunderbare Geschichte geschrieben! Ausgezeichneter Job, gut getan! Mein Deutsch ist nicht besonders gut jedoch! Very nice job, and your command of English is excellent. You have only a few grammatical and spelling errors, and have otherwise done quite well. Keep up the good work!

…almost overwhelmed how well this got received. I clearly didn’t expect anything like that. And I didn’t even remotely expect the voting I got.

Thank you so much!

@ Jon

Thank you for your corrections. And thank you for your kind words.

I may say that I already suspected surpassing some native speakers. It’s like in German: Not every native speaker actually mastered his or her own language.

Being proud would be going a bit too far for now. But I’m glad that I manage to write somewhere above High School level. ;-)

@ ‘sexy’

Thank you very much. ;-)

@ Scotsman

Oh… I love that. ‘Wee niggles’… *snickers*

I actually wish I had a better grasp on Scottish English. I pretty much like that! ;-D

Thank you!

@ wolfarmy

I don’t really think I’m putting me down. At least I don’t intend to.

I really know that I can make myself understood. But maybe my aim is a bit higher. I’m not satisfied with writing okay or even good. I want to write very good or better. And I need to get a better grasp on English (and learn not to mix it up with thinking in German) to reach that goal.

If you wouldn’t mind I’ll send you this sorry. After I get it back from somebody else who is so kind to help me. I don’t think I can get ‘too much feedback’. Everything helps to learn more.

@ duchess

Now… You’re too kind. But I’m thankful nonetheless… ;-)

I hoped so, but to be honest I just have no idea how much errors in punctuation occurred. Maybe I’m a bit biased by German, where we use LOTS of commas and stuff. Seems to be a little bit easier in English…

@ ‘Well done!’

Tango Hotel X-Ray, then. ;-D

Thank your for enjoying that and for the kind words, of course.

I hope the parts revealing my heritage add to the general flavor instead of being disturbing.

I’ll try to work fast on the next installment. Dunno how long it will take, though…

@ erotikos

That’s pretty well understandable German. The grammar is English, but there’s no difficulty in understanding it at all. So… Danke schön! Sehr freundlich von dir! ;-)

I enjoyed it thoroughly, and I'm not so certain that you should change any grammatical errors; I think they add a pleasant something to the story. None of the characters are native English speakers, and it ends a charming air, a verisimilitude. I hope there's another chapter someday, and I wish the happy couple well.

...makes me wish I'd joined the Navy...

You conveyed an excellent story, especially for someone who's not a native English speaker. I think you should carry on and tell more of your tales.

-Doc

I enjoyed your story very much.

As far as grammar there are a couple of errors but frankly your writing is a damn sight better than many people on this site whose primary or only language is supposed to be English!

Your writing is excellent and your story very well crafted. While not a great deal of character development, this is a situation in which it would seem pretentious to try to convey more than the contact over the radio between the two main protagonists.

Three cheers for valor!

Your 5 star ranking is well earned!

I went ti sea

to see the world.

but what did I see?

A storm, my dinner hurled.

MS, don't let yourself get bollixed up by the grimmer nasties. Who worship at the tombstone altar of the dead language of academic english.

In my opinion, we are communicating in the Britamerican language. Not only influence by Global Broadcast Britishisms but by assimilating thousands of other languages.

Some from lingo's of only a few hundred people. Some from languages unspoken for thousands of years.

Your story was a delight to read. You have a definite writing style I enjoyed. Context is king, especially in erotica with a healthy dose of humor and clever adult characters.

... kind comments I never replied to. Let me say thanks to all of you. This story isn't dead, even if the sequel is taking its time. ;-)

the writing made up for them nicely.

I assume you've found an editor buy now. Please don't stop writing.

loved the sense of discovery and epiphany moments

I thoroughly enjoyed your story...it was well written and delightful. Makes me reminisce to my younger days, with one of my first *real* lovers.

Unfortunately, I was too young at the time to know that German Air Force man was probably the best lover I would ever have.

Thank you for reminding me of that....

Keep up the good work!