All Comments on 'In the Sleep'

Too difficult to read and totally implausible story.

It had the makings of a good story, but the poor English and grammar ruined it. Please find an author to help you before you publish anything else.

Boring, badly written and trite!

In all the years I have been reading stories on Literotica, this by far rates as the poorest written story.

It was awkwardly written, hard to follow, and just plain waste of time.

The first thing; a woman's hymen is not inside her. If the head of the cock is inside, you have passed through it. The hymen might, or might not be something of a membrane across the vaginal opening. The opening will be bigger perhaps if something like a tampon did not cause the opening to be larger. Natural child birth will usually finish off the hymen. Look it up, there are no cherry trees hiding inside a woman that must be broken. The story itself is very unlikely, most women are not so gullible that they would develop a friendship without ever seeing the friend they are talking to about sex. Get someone to help you with a story you want to tell so more than just you knows what the story is to be. It takes balls to publish a story and you will be called down every time a mess, like the tale you tried to tell, is published.

RS

I figured out that English is not your first language when you explained the Gold Sofa Seats at the PVR. Western Audiences will not understand this story, but other than the grammar and language errors, it is not a bad story. Good luck with future endeavors.

Reading through other comments made on this story, I think it's safe to say this story, and your writing style are not for everyone. Some people just cannot suspend their personal beliefs on the way things work for the sake of a good story. I wouldn't call this story trite, and a waste of time... I would say it just needs a comma here or there. The story line, the plot was a very good, very hot and steamy story.It was not, I repeast WAS NOT the worst thing I've ever seen written. My advice is for you to keep writing, and only listen to the constructive critisms; and don't listen to the destructive critiques that have already commented before me. Your writing has potential to be truely great, but like all great authors it needs some practice to get there. Keep writing. :)

This was truly an incredible find, and I couldn't keep my eyes off the screen as I read this.

I must have read the ending 3 times before truly feeling bad for the brother, even if he is fictional or not.

Anyways, this was wonderful! I really loved it!

Please, tell me that there is a second one on the way.

I agreed with the upper comments and was surprised with later comments.

This is really a good story. The sequence ingredients is ideal and the progress quite comfortable.

An editor might greatly improve the sprinkling of grammatical and location-driven situations.

Non the less, the more you write, the more comfortable you will become. With that, you will also learn more of the North American style that readers expect to find on literotica.com

Please continue.

The grammar mistakes interrupted the flow of the story 4 stars because the setting was great. Your description was very hot and intense and interesting. I especially liked when he popped her cherry. Most authors on here don't even write about how the first time with a girl can be painful and bloody. I'm very impressed you were accurate about breaking the hymen is for both of them. I remember the first time I did it I could feel breaking her hymen. She made me stop because it hurt so much. Good story!!