All Comments on 'Insatiable'

Get off this premise there are too many of you on LW and stories are always stupid.

But still a good read. I hope the next submissions from you are complete stories. Thanks for sharing.

Gawd, almost every LW tale is a cheating wife. Author, break away from the pack..you wrote very well but a cheating wife?

you can fool some of the people, But there always is?????TK U MLJ LV NV

she i whore

1*

she is whore-1*

Not erotic in the least

This could be a seed for a future expansion of the tale... As of the way this has been presented, it is incomplete.. a 2 star with hope you care on with the tale

no story just a whores actions of being a cum dump

You are obviously married to blob, so go to your lover as often as you can. You deserve it. Much praise for your first story effort. This is exactly what LW needs, a female POV of female needs and a hot wife who has the courage to use her sexual desires. Very hot story! Please write more. 5*****

Decent grammar and pacing. Well told tale of a conflicted lady lost in a loveless marriage. Thanks and keep writing.

That hell you are living is all thanks to you. If your husband doesnt fulfill your emotional needs leave that fucker. Or you just see him as a meal ticket?

Ignore these anonymous brats who can't leave a decent message. This is after all where you are supposed to be writing these kinds of stories. I loved it - keep up with the writing.

With the "no story" comment. There's no real build-up, and the characters are pretty wooden, to be honest. I couldn't empathize with any of the characters, even the wronged hubby. I gave it 3 Stars, because there is potential in your writing ability. There are no attempts to talk to hubby before starting the affair, and no other excuse than his inattentiveness given. The sex is hot, but being a good storyteller is about more than just sex. If you wanted to write a quick jack tale, it would have worked better in another category like Erotic Couplings. The added "spice" of the affair just didn't work without a build-up to the event.

Overall, not a bad first effort. It could have been much better, though.

With respect,

I.D.

instead of cheating and staying in a miserable union.

I liked it, although it would have been better if the story started from the beginning where she first succumbed to the temptations of illicit sex. Thanks and keep writing.

Thanks for the feedback both negative and positive. I knew this would be a polarizing story and it's really more of a metaphor than a reality but people are welcome to think what they want about me! I plan to write more on this and other topics and I promise it will get better!! (:

I just hate to see a whore get away with cheating. My hope is she gets home to changed locks and all of her shit is on the front lawn. If she is tired of her husband she needs to leave him and then hook up. I hate cheaters of either sex.

The best part of this rendering was the title. The story did not meet the promise of the title. We are given a married woman (age and length of marriage not provided) there are no children, A good thing because she is too retarded to care for them. How does she cheat she makes out in a movie theater just like a teenager. Then she fucks him in his car. What a sport! couldn't spring for a room. Maybe if she tried these ideas on her husband she wouldn't be so bored. If all he is her meal ticket let her divorce him.

Pretty good story. While I would like to know more about these characters and how their affair started, that part of the story can be told later -- it's actually good story telling to start in the middle and fill in the beginning as the story proceeds. It's a shame some "critics" can't separate fiction from reality; ignore them and keep writing.

not too good. the whole setup is a puzzle with no answers.

It was more than a little annoying, his inability to pick up on what should have been obvious at least on some level, but whatever.

so what ? bad marriage ? dumb husband? so why is she there ? no kids ? why is she still there ? bad sex ? is it just that, sex ? the usual woman shit, he treats me bad, is looking good, he even sometime beats me = he really cares for me ???

But by the time I had started my car I was in tears, choked up by so many conflicting emotions. I wondered why I kept putting myself through it, but doubted I would change anything.

is she sick ? does she have a schizophrenic disorder ? what is she so happy about in the last paragraph ? so many strange thoughts in that last paragraph. I would guess a mixture of booze, shit and extasy, otherwise I can't see me having so many jumbled thoughts in a second.

for now I had to get dinner

of course and what ? she should start acting like an aduldt and not some braindammaged 4 year old. you don't get in that situation just so, you have to do something to get there. it's not an accident.

well for a stand alone story it is not much, for a series it is to short and nowhere indicated as such.

I thought it was very good. We didn't need to know all the details of the relationship, what she looked like etc. Our imagination did that. Only question I had in my mind was why both the movie theater and the back seat of the car in a parking lot. Seems like it doubled the risk of someone seeing them. Look forward to more.

The sex scene was well written, so all in all I gave it a 5

Plus you get credit for writing in the category with the most nut cases.

Chilley

I liked it.

Not because you gave me a novel-length tome about why your protag did what she did, or why her husband was a self-absorbed boob (as some men are wont to be), but because you gave me just enough to see how within about two hours of this woman's life I found out a lot about her feelings.

This is a woman who got on a train to anywhere, and she doesn't know where it's taking her or on how to get off.

Speaking for the men in the audience, you have the unique ability to give your protags (now and in the future) more feelings about <b>why</b> they do what they do. Why would she cheat on her husband -- not suggesting that there is a good excuse, but that gives the men who read your stuff some insight into the mind of a woman. Why would she risk her marriage for a quickie? Why would she, as an earlier responder had mentioned, bother to meet in a theater and then drive to a secluded car park, so that she could be satisfied? Why not just find that "love nest" in the first place?

If she is into taking risk -- because of a psychological issue -- let there be one or two times where she is almost caught and the "tension" of being caught/exposed breathes a new/sustained thrill into her. In other words, she recommits herself to continuing, knowing full well that it will end badly, all for the cheap thrill.

There are lots of ways to use your insight as a woman to bring out to the male audience such quirks, qualities, deficiencies in the female character.

Good job for a quick slice of life of this woman. Don't let the nay-saying bastards get you down.

Get a divorce first.

Hubby is not much of a companion. Unfortunately, I see little to assure me that Bull is much different. Yeah, there is the novelty aspect, but that will wear thin pretty quickly (and may well be close already). Outside of coming up with excuses, the excitement of risk is pretty much over, between diligent planning and an unconscious Hubby. I found the title unsupported..."Horny" might be more accurate.

As forbidden as it may be I can assure you that being a man's mistress after 14 years of marriage is very erotic. I was faithful as the day is long for 13 years and having become roommates rather than lovers was very lonely. These daring rendezvous and phenomenal sex are a real life saver for both of us. We have an amazing secret relationship and we are both committed to our spouces. We are just enhancing each others lives. All in all it has made me more patient and caring toward my husband. I can be an unbelievable vixen with my lover as I don't have to look at him across the dinner table at Xmas. I am having better sex than I ever knew was possible and feeling wanted and desired... I am the lasted person that would ever have cheated but I only regret not doing it sooner!

I like the details. You don't just say the husband is inattentive, you show him being inattentive. The dirty floor was a nice touch-it showed what she was willing to do. Keep a bit of focus on emotions-giving in to conflicting emotions makes the sex scenes hotter. I hope you keep writing, and ignore the critics who don't like stories about infidelity anyway.

OK, so what do we know?

He's a juvenile pothead-gamer.

She's equally irresponsible and acting out on her anger at the blob with the wedding band.

I get it.

They never should have married, but did.

He shouldn't ignore her, but does...absorbed in his games and pot.

She shouldn't be cheating, but is, apparently needing some excitement or just substituting sex for absent affection.

Why do people cheat?

Because they aren't committed to their counterparts, have no will to communicate themselves to their chosen mates and/or lack the will to act responsibly, possibly 'punishing' their spouse for not stepping up, by stepping out.

Well written.

Not my favorite subject, but it feels a little like walking into a room just as an argument winds down to the final posturing.....a great way to engage us.

Now please go on an tell the rest of the story from here, filling in the back story, so we know where they came from and how they got to this place and into this catastrophe of a situation.

Neither can be blameless here, but both will surely act wounded and vengeful...or one of them must simply walk out and disappear.

You've got me....now what are you going to do with me?

hope she get AIDS and dies for fucking around on her husband

Of course, there will be comments based on moral outrage, but, this is an well-constructed stroke story without much character development. We get only a few strong lines and understand what is going on.

Best story I have read in awhile.

Really well done for a first effort. There are some good constructive comments that should help you write a better story next time. Unfortunately, what you describe is all too common and just hints at the "why" of a woman unhappy in her marriage.

The tip offs of course are many, the total lack of character development for her husband, the minisciule amount of explanation as how and why the wife got herself so fucked up. The brush over of her feeling love for her fuck toy, because love would dominate her life and persona and not be a sentence in the story. Also when she was with her lover after having lied once again to her husband where in the detail (much too long) of the sexual encounter did she feel or actually show love to the cock she had selected for her rebellion.Because the story is more about a middle aged woman acting out by doing immoral, nasty things with someone in reality she hardly know

Also every well adjusted woman knows that most men on the planet fuck them pretty much the same way, plus there is hardly a chance in hell that next one you desire would anything substantially different and especially would spout the words of love for one more chance to get some pussy.

I think that's pretty good for a first story..erotic..good descriptions..detail.. right length..yes, pretty good I would say. Plse write more!

Your story of beautiful infidelity reads as reality rather than fiction :)

If she starts her divorce from her husband some weeks later, she CAN GIVE MORE TIME PRESENT TO HER HUSBAND TO LOOK FOR A SECOND CHANCE WOMAN. If the husband gets earlier divorce he will be able to start earlier the new woman mate hunting after the healing up from the shock.

My stories are succesful second chance woman findings, so I see these sort of stories from other POV.

come up with a new concept, the writing was ok, but this category know as loving wives is nothing more than cuckolds, and whores on wheels.

Great job. I thought you did very well.

Another slut that get's off on betrayal. Just leave your husband you piece of shit bitch!!!

Your happy now but will that happiness continue when you get caught (cheaters ALWAYS get caught in the end) and it destroys your husbands and life and your whole family finds out? How are you going to feel when your lover is the only person in town who will speak to you? You can act like it won't happen and things are great now but that will change eventually. I've seen it happen and it was not at all pretty!

Okay, the husband's a stoned couch potato, but she should really be honest both with him and herself. The marriage is over. Time to move on.

1st submission? I loved it. Good job. Try reading some of mine.

Author wrote 30 stories and never got any better.