Interview with a Domme Ch. 01

Erica was bemused for a moment. "More than enough to get started with." she eventually replied. "Why don't we begin with one of the simpler examples. You said that you're clothed and he's naked, but I can't help but notice how smartly dressed he is at the moment."

Amy laughed.

"I guess that I have implied that we live this lifestyle 24/7, and in very real ways we do, but in general we only do it overtly in private. The greater part of our lives are spent in public. The large majority of our many friends, and all of our family members, as far as we know, live vanilla lives. We share a great many happy and enjoyable times with all of them, and it wouldn't be polite or particularly nice for us to be 'in-your-face' with them about our orientation. Nor would it be prudent. Raef is a highly successful executive in his company, the youngest Vice President in his firm. He's well thought of, well liked, and necessarily hard charging in his profession. When we're out together in the public he's allowed to be forward, to speak first if necessary, to voice his opinions to others without my leave, and to appear to make expected decisions which don't involve me, on his own. He is always respectful and solicitous of me in these circumstances however, and I happily play the partner wife. But the 'real' Raef is always on call. It only takes a certain look from me for him to know that he needs to defer to me immediately, and we have a code word that signals to him that his instant obedience, while not to be made obvious, is nonetheless required."

Amy stopped for a sip of her iced tea.

"But to get back to your original question. Yes, when we're home alone I do like to have Raef naked much if not most of the time. I don't think anything quite so visibly reinforces our relative stations than the fact that I can and do wear whatever I want, whenever I want, and he has no rights to any attire at all without my consent."

Her ever present smile grew even larger.

"And maybe the more important reason is that I truly savor the sight of his body and being able to oogle it any time that I desire. You may not realize how extremely fit and trim he is, and I keep him on a strict diet and workout regimen to keep him so. I'm also a very touchy-feely person and I especially like being able to pinch a nipple, or give him a crisp smack on the butt whenever I'm passing by ... or whenever I feel like it for that matter. I also really enjoy idly fondling my 'jewels' when I'm sitting here reading a book or talking on the phone with a friend or whatever, and he's kneeling by my side holding my drink or waiting to take care of any other need that I might have."

Amy paused once again, a far away look in her eyes, and seemingly unconsciously began softly caressing the back of her husband's neck. After a few moments though she snapped her attention back to Erica.

"You might be wondering then why he's not naked now even though we're here at home. Well, even though you're well aware of our orientation and lifestyle, this is still a somewhat public situation we're in, and I had no idea what your sensibilities might be, so I thought that it would have been very rude and insensitive of me to impose and flaunt something like that in front of you." She now smiled brightly again. "But if it's something you think you might enjoy, I'd be more than happy to have him strip for you."

"No, no, that won't be necessary at all." Erica hastily broke in. She sought to rapidly, but subtly shift the focus of this particular topic.

"One of the things that I've read about is that a lot of Dommes like to dress up men in women's clothes, to feminize or sissify them. What are your thoughts on that?"

Amy sat back in her chair, pursed her lips, and chose her words carefully.

"I certainly don't pretend to speak for all Dommes, or that Raef and I in any way represent all D/s relationships. I guess that if some Dommes are into a form of gender-type reversal, and the Domme likes to be more 'masculine' and dress like it, and then likewise feminize and even sissify her male, there might be something to that."

She frowned for the first time of the afternoon.

"To each Domme her own of course, but I have to admit that I just don't get that. I AM a woman and proud of it. I like to be feminine and alluring ... even sexy, and dress appropriately to show it. If the Woman is supposed to be the ideal, of the highest order as it is and should be, how is it in any way humiliating for a male to be dressed in her clothing. To me that would exalt him and grant him a status that is in no way warranted."

She now sat forward again and her buoyant smile returned.

"As I said before, I like my boy manly and buff." She patted her husband on his head. "... and for the most part in the buff."

"So am I to take all of that to mean that you think that women are inherently superior to men?"

"Not at all. In the outside world we are all equal under the sun, and all should be treated as such . But in our 'real' private world, where we all live the lives that we want to live, we all have our specific roles to play. Some are meant to rule and others to serve. And more and more women are naturally gravitating to the first, while many more men are coming to understand that they are more suited for the latter. This doesn't make one superior and the other inferior, or in any way better or worse as people. But if a couple can come to accept and embrace this as the natural order of their being, that there is no longer a question in their relationship as to primacy, then there will never be any further battles over primacy, with the ongoing contentions, stress and arguments that always accompany it. Instead there is happiness and contentment as both take pride and joy in fulfilling their acknowledged and accepted roles."

Now it was Erica's turn to sit back for a moment. She had to concede that there was a certain internal logic to the ideas that Amy espoused, even as it flew in the face of everything that Erica believed. But she wasn't here to debate. She was here to gather information for her readers. She suspected that as she delved deeper, Amy's self proclaimed utopian vision would begin to show cracks and fall apart. She leaned forward again to continue.

"You certainly present an enticing picture." she admitted, "but let's get on to the nitty gritty of it's everyday existence. If we could move on to another one of your examples. You say that 'you speak and he listens'. You also mentioned before that in public you allow him a certain measure of ... unencumbered speech, if you will. Am I to take it then that at home, in private, he has to remain silent?"

"Of course not." Amy protested with a bit of a snort. "Raef is the most intelligent, interesting, entertaining, and the funniest person I have ever been around. I love listening to him and getting his thoughts and opinions at length, and interacting and debating with him on any number of subjects. But there is something to be said, and greatly desired, to have any of that occur only at times and places of my choosing and with my permission. So no, Raef doesn't speak without my permission, but I give it often and usually enjoy it very much when I do. It's also nice to know that he will stop immediately when I tell him that I've had enough. I want and need him to have freedom of thought and speech, but only at those times that I grant it. And I'm a bit of a chatterbox myself, and there's nothing like being able to go on and on about anything at all on my mind, and having the most important person in my life raptly hanging onto my every word." Amy ended that thought with a soft sigh.

"So I guess that's what you meant when you said that 'he suggests but you decide'."

"Yes of course. As I said, he is the brightest person I know. I'd be a fool not to solicit and value his opinions and advice, and I often follow it, and even at times I find that he can change my mind. But the final decision on everything is mine, and once I make it he knows to toe the line."

"Thus then, 'you order and he obeys'."

"Exactly. Without question."

"And does that also extend to you having complete control over all of the financial aspects of your relationship? You having all the money and assets, and he having none?"

Amy smirked. "I know that might be popular with some Dommes, but that's not at all what our relationship is about. And why should I have to worry about the grunt work of accounting. He's much better suited for that type of thing anyway. I do set the broad parameters, but I also allow him a fair degree of freedom in discretionary spending. He is a very responsible person after all, and he does have a very important position to maintain in the outside world. I do require him to report it all back to me though, in minute detail. And of course he does cede final authority to me for any major expenditures."

"It all sounds so neat and tidy. But I can't believe that there aren't times of disagreement, when he feels put upon and just can't handle everything that you demand."

Amy pursed her lips as she considered her reply.

"Well, nobody's perfect. Naturally there are times when he doesn't quite meet my expectations, when he's tired and cranky and doesn't want to do what's required of him. And he might quietly whine and moan, and, if he thinks he's out of sight and earshot, he might even actually grumble and complain and be a bit laggard in his duties. Those are the times that he has to be firmly reminded that this is all part of the deal, that his submission and service are not just when he feels up to it, but all of the time, under all circumstances, however and for whatever I decree. Those are the times that require discipline. From me, and for him."

"By discipline I take it you mean punishment."

"That may at times be a necessary part of it."

"Well, I'd like to get back to that in a moment, but first I have to ask. If he's out of sight and out of earshot, how do you know when he's complaining or rebelling?"

The smile returned to Amy's lips.

"I think I've come up with a pretty good solution for that. I actually got the idea from an interesting fictional D/s story I once read, and I've made it a regular event and ritual for us. Once a week, Raef comes and kneels before me and confesses all of his transgressions and mistakes of the prior week. Depending on the number and severity I then determine an appropriate penance for him."

"But if many, if not most of these 'transgressions' are committed out of your sight and without your knowledge, how can you know that he's being fully forthcoming?"

"Ah, that's the ingenious part of it, as the story made clear. Raef never can be sure what I do and don't know, and if he ever leaves anything out, however insignificant, well, let's just say that his 'penance' will be more than appropriately amplified. So I think you can see why he always makes every effort to be as comprehensive as possible in detailing his faults to me."

"And by penance I guess you mean punishment. Do you ..." Erica glanced at the kneeling Raef and internally winced but she had to ask,

" ... whip him?"

"Oh Good God, no." Amy responded, truly aghast. She took a second to compose herself. She finally continued. "Look, I realize that many people may think that S&M is part and parcel of every D/s relationship, and maybe for some it is. But even in those cases I think that it's more of a particular kink that they indulge in, rather than the primary focus of the relationship. And I suspect it's the male masochists that are the driving force there. I find it very hard to believe that there are very many people, including most Dommes, who truly like to inflict significant pain just for pain's sake. Oh maybe a little spanking or paddling as a part of foreplay, but that's play, not punishment. Punishment, when administered in this regard is meant purely and simply to ensure proper service. I suppose that with some people this could be corporeal in nature, but I'm not into that kind of thing at all. I don't like or want to ever cause anyone real physical pain, most especially the one whom I love. Discomfort can be part of my discipline process, but I think that the mental, more so than physical discomfort better drives home what needs to be contemplated."

"I have a whole variety of suitable punishments that I use depending on the level and number of transgressions. It can be as simple as forbidding him from watching a sporting event on TV that he had been looking forward to. I also find corner time to be an effective tool. There's nothing like having him kneeling naked in the corner, hands on top of the head, with his nose pressed up against the wall for an hour or two to help him focus on his failures. Revoking other desired privileges can also work very well. As he is my husband and love bunny, I do want and allow him to sleep with me each night, cuddled together. But if I'm particularly perturbed by something some evening there's nothing like having him spend the night on the floor at the foot of my bed, with a thin blanket to keep out the cold, but no pillow. The next morning usually finds him much more compliant than ever."

"For those very rare but more serious lapses, adding a substantial amount of totally useless labor to his already extensive schedule of necessary chores usually does the trick. Our rather large woodpile outside has been moved from one side of our property to the other several times over the years for example."

"These 'disciplines' that you describe seem to involve heavy doses of humiliation." Erica interjected. "Isn't humiliation part of the allure for a submissive, and doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose of the punishment?"

"You're right of course. It is indeed true that humiliation can be quite enjoyable for both Domme and sub when it's part of playtime." Amy responded. "When it comes to punishment though, while the humiliation might initially be somewhat titillating, it doesn't take long in the corner before the knees start to growl, the nose starts to itch, and the crushing boredom begins. Or for the entire body to stiffen when trying to sleep on a hardwood floor. Or the arms, back and legs begin to ache and throb when uselessly toting and stacking logs from one end of the yard to the other. Believe me, any possible excitement fades very rapidly, and the lessons being taught are quickly learned under those circumstances."

"But what you really need to understand though, Erica, is that my husband truly wants to be the best servant to me that he can be. That is what makes him happy and content. He thus relies on such direction and structure from me to help him achieve it . For most men in your 'traditional' marriages the 'Honey Do' list is treated with derision and scorn, and as something to be avoided for as long as possible. For Raef, his daily 'Honey Do' list has become something of a Holy Writ."

Amy now stopped, almost as if to catch her breath, and looked down at her now empty glass of iced tea.

"Well I must say that I'm a bit parched after all of that, and it appears that I could use a refill of my drink." She looked over at Erica's also empty glass. "And it looks as if you could as well. What do you say that we take a short break while Raef attends to that."

Erica nodded assent. She needed some time to digest everything that had transpired so far, and this would allow her to refocus her thoughts for what she was sure would prove to be the thornier issues and questions to come.

And Raef scrambled up to scurry off to see to the ladies' further refreshment.