All Comments on 'Intimate Blackout'

You had me going for a little while, what with the preamble and all, but then I realised it was a parody. Good trick.

what a s..... 1*

I liked it Arch, I lost my wife of 30 years to cancer last year, and no I didnt share her, Not even once. But reading this brought back painful memories of watch her die , in my arms. I will never forget her , Thanks to stories like yours when he has cancer. Painful but loving memories

I'll give you this, you really know how to write a story with characters will little or no redeeming moral value. Didn't care for any of them. Hard for you to understand I'm sure but not a one was worth a damn.

None of the characters are anything to care about.

Makes you wonder about the pain some people must carry in their hearts. I could not have predicted any part of your story. Far fetched as it may be, the puzzle pieces fit and you wove a great story. Thank you and i look forward to your next stroy. And to the negative readers, there will be other btb stories.

That anyone would find the same old tired cuckold crap wrapped in different paper entertaining.

Just more of the same old, same old--the inadequate cuck, the amazingly hung lover and the the soulless wife. As an added bonus... an improbable and idiotic ending only an angry lesbian would enjoy.

ZZZZZZZZ.

but entertaining read. Definitely different and therefor a 5.

and you are known as the asshole of the neighborhood. get a life and leave the writers alone on Lit. I gave this a 5

love how you made the annony assholes all upset!!

Thank you, I enjoyed your story immensely.

You are a great writer. You got a bit too flowery at the beginning but straightened out early on.

You did a good job editing but got caught when the computer corrected a homonym or two. But that happens to all of us.

Congratulations on your work. Well done.

yes a 5 dear annony

None of the characters in your story are remotely likeable, sorry but when it comes to morals, honesty, love, friendship, all the things that make life worth living, you don't have a clue. Glad I don't know you.

Black outs are trite. TV writers use them for commercial breaks. They are an overused and lazy writers crutch. Also leaving pronouns unidentified to confuse your readers may so appear as artsy as Faulkner or Joyce, but you are not them. Try communicating your ideas thoughtfully. You do have some talent as a writer, and I did get something from it.

I have seen many writers try to use an allegory to try to rationalize cuckoldry. This story used excesses of life (wealth and good looks) versus the mundanity of modern life (drug abuse and averageness). The problem with the allegory is- who cares. The husband is flat, you need to explain why he is lovable. He makes money and is brilliant. How is he this way? The wife is detestable. Why does she love him? Just because? You give her no real reason. It's a mystery. Lazy writing. The best friend and Angel are actually interesting, conflicted people. But not one of your characters actually do anything regarding their guilt. They all wallow. Nobody moves on. Allegories only work if there is a moral. Nobody really learns a thing. They just keep fucking things till they have kids that keep fucking things till they keep fucking things...,

It was original, I'll give you that. It was filled with emotion and love. You accomplished that task well.

But it was so far fetched and unbelievable that I couldn't relate to it. It was just words on a paper. It didn't move me either way. I didn't feel the pain. I didn't feel the love. I know that it was there, but it didn't resonate with me. It just wasn't real.

I think the reason is because everything was TOO perfect. No one acted like real human beings. Everyone was just so gosh darn loving! I think that there was so much "love" that it saturated this story. The problem was, it wasn't real love. So everything just felt forced and fake.

She loved him, yet she cheated on him with his best friend. Carl loved him, yet he pursued his wife and fucked her repeatedly. He goes into a coma, wakes up, and Carl and his wife are "in love", yet they still "love" him. He "loves" them so much that he allows them to openly display their "love". Somehow though, it doesn't effect how they "love" him, even though they are the real couple and he is the...Uncle? He doesn't have sex with his wife. They don't spend anytime together because she is always with Carl and he is always with Angel. Yet they claim that their "love" hasn't changed?

Everyone lives in this happy bubble of perfection. Everyone loves everyone equally. Gold digging wife happily accepts that she could be left with nothing. Nurse falls in love with a comatose vegetable because he is her knight. Wife and best friend cheat behind the husbands back which actually is the reason he is in the coma in the first place, yet he has no hurt feelings over that. He loves his wife's children and has no feelings of remorse, despite the fact that he can't have kids of his own. His wife has no feelings about him getting it on with Angel even after it produced a miracle baby that should have been hers. More to that point, this baby could leave her and her kids out in the cold. Yet, she is peachy with it. So much love! But, none of it real or believable.

This was an excellent, believable story until he woke up from the coma. Then it became a mannequin.

Nice attempt, but this story appears to be written by an author who knows what love is supposed to be like, but has never experienced it firsthand. Kind of like an erotic story written by a virgin.

I have been reading stories on this site for nearly 10 years and never give stories 1*.

if i dont like a story i do not comment or rate, but this collection of words demands a comment and my very first 1* vote.

Just terrible in every aspect.

since I haven't read the story but I will comment any way. I will not read the story since I believe I can get the gist of it from the comments and am not interested in another cuck story. Author, I did read most of your first series and believe you have the technical skills. Consider mixing up your offerings with something other than pure cuck. Read Ohio, Rehnquest, danielqsteele, Joesuphus and even Matt Moreau, Britease and UKResearcher for some other models. There are many others. This site has turned into cuck central and the good balanced writers have seemed to have abandoned it. Don't get me wrong: I have nothing against cuck stories but I would like to see this site offer more balanced stories like it used to.

anon.1

you are a sick man next2ArchStanton. You obviously know nothing about love.

Just saying "i love you" doesn't make it fucking true.

None of your characters even have an inkling about what it means...

Just stop posting anymore shit like this.

Thank You, Javmor79. Your comments are perfect! I could maybe add to or elaborate on my own perspective, but you nailed it.

This was pure fantasy, with Snow White fucking the seven dwarves behind Prince Charming's back, except Prince Charming is a dickless cuck and likes it! Its all so lovey dovey kumbaya-ish group fuck, with Jack taking the lion's dick, up his first wife's ass, then after he's dead, up his second wife's ass, all with his encouragement. Maybe just a tinsy winsy bit unrealistic?

I will give the author this: you have a unique and endless talent for insulting your readers' intelligence. As already said, better, love is an action, not a word. Jack was pitied, deceived, scorned, and betrayed, by the people you tell us loved him. Just too bad Angel had to fall in love with this dickless cuck, who's shows his true "love" for her by turning her over to the man who stabbed him in the back, even if he enjoyed the penetration of the knife. Probably Jack's only regret is that he never got to swallow Carl's cum, either straight from the source, or sucked out of his whore wife's cunt. Angel was the only character who was not acting during the entire story out of selfish lust and contempt for Jack.

What a con job this story is. Congratulations, if that was your goal.

This story makes no sense. She claims she loves him but has been cheating on him since the very beginning. It's her fault that he was injured and then she continued to sleep with the man who claimed to be his best friend but was willing to sleep with his wife and even drug him. That's horrible. She is just a gold digging woman who he should have divorced immediately.

Ok I fell for it. I believed you when you said you were going to write something living with a happy ending.

If that's your idea of a loving story with a happy ending you are a pretty sick individual.

This is well written cuckold fiction not a balanced loving wives story like you claimed.

Nothing wrong with it ... But false advertising!

are you Matt Moreau's younger brother? If you are, then you left out the part about the husband's 4" penis or that the boyfriend's dick is so long it drags the ground. ya-da, ya-da...same ol' song and dance.

I do think that this author has talent. He wrote a story that could have been very good. His skill alone made this story even passable. With a little practice, he could be very good.

To the author: In my humble opinion, you should write things that you know about. All of the emotions in this story felt fake, but I feel that is because you have never been in or observed the situation that you are writing about. Other authors who follow the cuckold theme usually have a wife that they wish would cuckold them, a person who was in that situation that they are writing about, or has lived it themselves. They are the ones who can make that story as believable as possible. The vast majority of people on this site aren't going to like it though, no matter how good it is. You have to be prepared for that reaction when you post it. If they don't enjoy it, it is because it wasn't for them. It was for you and the people you actually write for. But you have to find your target audience and have them relate to your story. In order to do that, it has to seem real TO THEM.

I may have trashed your story in my previous comment, but it was because I think that you will be good. If I didn't, I wouldn't have left any comment. There are plenty of authors who fall into the "not worth the comment" category. Those authors are put in a file in my brain called "don't waste time reading". If I gave my time to write a post, especially a lengthy one, it is because I feel that you can be better. Don't let the criticism discourage you. Don't let anyone else tell you what to write or where to post. Take the critiques that make you better and ignore the rest.

I hope to read more of your work.

A great author again wastes his talent on the cuckold theme. The characters do not seem real because the author cannot really identify with their morals and actions.

In contrast to "What the hell is happening" I was even able to read it through and I rated it 3* despite the facts that Javmor decribed in his two comments.

Appreciate the effort though, perhaps this would be passable in a different category. Few readers will be happy with cuckold tale.

Had me gripped to the end. Niced see some different ways of working familiar themes.

10 pages of cluck shit...

Should have had Jack kill Carl,

Then you might have scored over a -10

the story was really crap. Reminds me of some cheap C-movie from Hollywood.

Next time some more real life, please - and not such a waste like this.

Carl should have paid a far steeper price than he did. And Jill got a 2nd chance she didn't deserve.

And having jack die at the end...

LAME!!!

Well written but...The 1st wife saying to him, after all she did, even before his accident: "I love you so much it hurts..."...Only in dreams...1*

Seriously, you write well but the plots and turns of this are total drivel.

Karma means everyone gets what should be coming to them. No one in this story does. The only person who deserves anything good gets cheated on, beaten, loses 6 years of his life and then get cancer and dies.

How, exactly, is that "karma"? You seriously need to be thinking about your plots here, because all your stories appear to be people who don't deserve it getting shit on, with any backbone.

What IS the matter with you?

very well written story. loved how everything worked out in the end and how everyone came together because of him. keep writing

Entertaining but no friend would fuck my girlfriend than both of them drug me on my wedding night so they can fuck and than continue to fuck each other as much as they could. She claims to love him but fucked him repeadally making a fool of her husband with his best friend right with him there , that's disgusting . No one who loves you , him or her would do that to anyone they loved . They both deserved shit , they have no loyalty love or commitment in their bodies. They came clean about the night he got hurt but left out how they were humiliating him from before they were married even on their wedding night. If he knew it all he might not of felt the same way as he did when he thought they just started after he was hurt. It was love less on their part he might of loved her but she was a no good sneaky dirty cunt who should of wound up with zero . It sickens me to think that a wife and best friend could do that over and over again and still claim to love the guy. When he came home she showed him no real affection she just kept fucking his best friend while he listened on what a shame. He should of killed them both

All the ingredients are there, but the cook is just incompetent.

so i guess that means i like it? that sure was a happy ending! everything came up roses for everybody (except the black guy, of course). left me kinda unsatisfied in the fairy tale justice department, though. maybe if carl had three or four inches of his dick shot off...

...and she drugged him on their wedding night. This bitch should be in jail.

... there quite possibly might have been a decent story in this mish-mash. Unfortunately, you didn't find it.

On the first page I saw this gem: " lets not waist anymore of each other's time."

So I didn't read any further.

For everybody but Jack?

Testicular cancer

Abused by his loving wife

Abused by his loyal friend

Suffers traumatic head injury

In a coma for 6 years

Paralyzed from the waist down

His very self image and self worth destroyed

Then killed off with cancer

Cheaters win everything

Yea, happy ending

Actually a few tips. Your right this is only fiction so it just a story and none of it is true. The part that you miss is the closer you get your characters to reality the better the story. We as readers cannot relate to your characters because we have never met people like this nor do many share their particular enjoyment of cuckholdness.

1: Write characters that are real. Not characters that will push the story the way you want but real people. Neither villains or heros just people doing their best.

2: Stay away from over the top stuff. I mean really drugging him on his wedding day so she could fuck Carl? Over the top with no real point. You had established she had cheated anymore than that was just overkill and damaged your ability to use that character as anything but a villain that people would hate.

3: Stop doing cuckhold stuff. Sorry not my thing if you want to do it then do it but leave a disclaimer. Also if you want honest feedback don't use such a highly charged issue. It's like asking who someone wants to vote for on first date or if they like anal. After you do that no one cares all they are doing is feeling.

4: Keep it real. This is simple don't go over the top with your stories. Life is drama. Relationships are drama.You don't need to throw is the wacky illnesses, unbelivable families over millions of dollars to write. You just need to write about real life.

Good luck.

So Carl tries to confess his disgraceful piece of shit behavior to his 'friend' on his deathbed? That's the most selfish thing I've ever heard. "Hey you've got a few hours left on earth, let me tell you how I fucked your bride on your wedding night while you were drugged on the floor and oh yeah, I rushed you the night of your accident because you had the temerity to find us fucking in your bed and as a result you lost six years of life and were confined to a wheelchair. Are we cool?"

No one on Earth, besides Jesus Christ, could possibly forgive such a thing right off the bat, going so far as to stop Carl from even confessing. He lost six years of his life. Any person who be upset with that. Jack makes Matt Moreau characters look like super Alpha males.

And lastly, he says his wife's love for him never changed? On what planet did she love him? She criminally assaulted him on his wedding night, carried on an affair with his friend, eventually cutting him off of intercourse, but she loves him???? And if her love didn't change, then she would lived with him as a wife when he came home. Of course she didn't because she's a truly disgusting person.

I never gave a story two stars before. If it's something truly disgusting, like one of edriders stories, I just won't vote, but this is just bad, the only thing saving it is decent grammar.

you don't need to tell the readers "this is only a fictional story." We KNOW it is only a fictional story.

a writer's objective for writing should be to "bring to life" characters from purely his imagination. or from a mixture of reality and fictional situations...

you've written close to 20 stories... and you haven't been rated at a "4.0" or above, so that should tell you something about those who READ YOUR STORIES.

I don't think getting a 4 or above in rating is that terribly difficult; many rather mediocre stories have been rated 4 or higher. Now, I admit, getting a 4.8 to a 4.95 or so is very hard to do... but getting a 4.35 to a 4.5 or so should be relatively easy, after a few tries...

on the other hand, if reader feedback is not something relevant to you at all --- and there are writers who are like that --- turn off the rating: THAT, if you did it, would tell us you don't give a fuck what the readers say... so long as you keep getting them to read your writing...

lastly, to repeat what others have noted above: TRY to keep a story as realistic as possible, even if many or all of your characters are psychopaths or garden variety characters who are just not at all likeable.

Indeed, it is extremely difficult to write a really good stories filled with psychopaths WHO ARE TOTALLY BELIEVABLE... but you're not shooting for that, here, did you?

you've been trying to write about conflicts, love, loss, redemption, family life, kids, etc... again, TRY to make the stories believable... a 10-Lit page story is a lot of work FOR YOU... you should want to HONESTLY GAUGE your readers (& other authors you like here on Lit.) and see what kind of feedback --- good and bad --- they give you... and try to polish your story plot and character development in ways that'd get you better rating as a writer...

or, AGAIN, you should turn-off the reader-rating protocol...

The characters were too extreme to be plausible, but the underlying concept was great. Now if the story could just be redone with believable characters who had some human failings also....

As some other commentators have said, too extreme to be able to connect with the characters.

Of some the most revolting characters ever to pollute the pages of this website performing some of the most reprehensible deeds. No repercussions, no enlightenment, no possible way to represent this as a "Happy Ending" as you claim.

I take no issue with your choice of narrative or your characters although they disgust me. You have written them well if completely unrealistically so no issue there.

I do have issue with your dishonest lies in your preamble.

If you going to write these puerile storylines at least dignify your readers with a honest warning first.

My brain actually feels raped and dirty after reading this vile crap.

So you have lots of stories in 'the vault'. If they're anything like your first two, we can only hope someone clubs you in the head and you forget the vault's combination. You are supreme at writing despicable characters poorly.

If I were You!!!, I would keep my day job...

1 star.

"You have more in the vault".... Please, let them stay there.

Really like some parts of this, didnt like the overall cuckiness. Kept excpecting the son to have the same kink as the father.

I enjoyed your story. I won't try to offer a critique beyond saying that your characters all seem to speak with the same voice. I mean you've tried to tell the story through their respective eyes, but they all seem to speak/think in, probably, your voice. I hope the ridiculously obnoxious comments I've read here don't bother you.

It puts a lie to writers who claim they can't come up with new, unique stories. (as I've been informed in the forum)

The true love to give drug to the groom on wedding night...............

Never read a stupider story.

I really didn’t care for this story. The at first, unwitting cuckold by his wife and “best” friend then later the willing cuckold. And he condoned that from his two “friends”. Pathetic! The acceptance of the situation and furthermore the acceptance of his condition – a result of their betrayal – utter bull shit. They all deserve to be nuked.

This story deserves to be buried in that unknown grave next to Arch Stanton!

and to say fuck you dear annony you asshole

sad story about his 6 year unconscious state but she started fucking Carl only 6 months after the tragedy. The rest of the story was a pure cuck tale. He certainly had grounds for divorce and even some who loved him.

for the "loving wife who adores her husband." She never showed up. If what Jill did to Jack is "love" and "adoration," please give me the opposite. Drugging your groom so you can have hot monkey sex with his best friend [sic] on your wedding night? No, thanks. Kathy is the only person in this whole dreary mess who shows love.

Jill and Carl's "confession" (what there was of it) was totally selfish, intended to ambush Jack into forgiving them on the point of his death, so they wouldn't feel so guilty. It certainly did nothing for him.

After Jack woke up, Jill had a chance to truly love him, for once in her life. She could have divorced him to let him marry Kathy right after he came home. Instead, she waited until he was about to die, depriving Jack and Kathy of the chance to actually live as husband and wife.

Jill tells herself and us several times that Jack should be OK with what she's doing with Carl, because he likes watching her flirt with other men. Later, she and Carl both talk about her loving two men equally. It's all bullshit and she knows it: if she had actually believed that crap, she'd have told Jack.

Selfishness is the opposite of love, and Jill and Carl are both completely selfish, even with each other. Kathy, on the other hand, devotes her time and her heart to Jack and fights for his life when he can do absolutely nothing for her. That's love.

No loving wife here,just another cumsucker hubby

Is the reason I quit writing for this site several months ago. Plus I am posting anonymous or the IDIOT goes over and posts their shit about bonnie what ever and Vastie all over mine.

So? Had it, no more tales from me.

The meat of this story could have been told in about 3 pages. All the rest was just

blather. That said, I wish I could get the hour back I wasted reading it.

Vote 1* for 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄™ (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka NEEDYOU200 aka 5+ANNONY!

Arch, do you understand that Jill and Carl didn't love Jack?

This was a true horror story.

That poor guy. Jill and Carl hated him.that was t love on the wedding note.

True its a horror story.

ugly stupid story about ugly and stupid people, I hope there is a special place in hell for people who treat others with such contempt. One minute Jack is throwing up in disgust and anger at his wife and so call friend the next he is turned on by their affair, this in just sick and shows a complete lack of reality by the author. TK #1

lolololol haahahhhaaahhhhsaaaa...Dude(wink lesbian) stop, its like Hitler writing about what it means to suffer for being a Jew.

A monkey throwing shit at a keypad and hoping someone believes you know what being a man is, just stop.

You are standing on a soapbox scream nigger and pointing, and expecting people not to think you are a freak.

Hopefully you are not allowed around children.

Quite sure Jack was a cartoon stooge cucky-boy. Guess you know exactly how he feels.

What a fucking waste of electrons.

I liked the story, but disagree with how he handled the cheating. Once he woke up from the coma and found out about the affair, I would have done the following:

1) collected DNA samples from carl, Jill, and their 2 kids

2) then I would have arranged to contact organized crime and put a multi-million dollar contract out on carl that would go into effect if certain conditions were met regardless if I was alive or dead at the time

3) then I would have arranged for both blood work and polygraph test (lie detector) to be done to both carl and jill on a certain day

4) I would then confront them (in the presence of th security) and advise them that I was insisting on them taking blood work (to make sure they weren't on drugs) and the lie detector test to find out 1) if he set out to steal my wife, 2) when their relationship had started, and 3) if they had intentionally damaged my marriage. I would tell carl his choice was 1) take the test and if he failed accept that a contract on his life would become active (he penis would be cut off, shoved down his throat while a large blunt object was forced up his rear - yes, this would be to the death) or he could run and not only would the contract be on his life, but also on his kids. As for jill, if she cheated there would be a divorce and she would leave with nothing but her girls and a highly tarnished reputation as a cheating wife.

2 for this story.

It was just way to much FANTASY and really hard to get past the first page.

That is why I just skipped to the end and avoided all that stuff in the middle.

Started out decent, became pretty bad. I'd hoped he'd leave Jill for Kathy.

After 10 pages of this disgusting story, I wonder why I ever read past the point where jack woke up to find that his wife and Carl had two children. The bottom-line was that Jill was always cheating with Carl from the very beginning and when Jack awoke and found out what had happened, he should have divorced her and threw her out. After that the storyline just went downhill and just became sick. I give it a 1 for content.

A lot of beautiful, prosaic writing weighed down by their inclusion in long, hard-to-read sentences, ambiguous allusions and too much passive voice. There were too many diversions from whatever the plot really was... 3/5.

No just a really flash cuck story.trying to be a novel. Husband supposed to accept wife's affair and prove how caring and understanding he is rubbish she got the cake and the steak meal. Just another tired cuck story

One of the most disgusting story i've ever read

This is a too-long, meandering, over-written mess with characters who don’t act like real people and situations too bogus to read credibly.

This is, without a doubt, one of the most stupid stories about the most pathetic pieces of shit characters I've come across on this site. It's absolute trash.

This just.. wasn't good? Nothing about this is happy or even remotely close to good.

This whole story boils down to "lying Gold diggers win because smart guys are naive cucks"

She's borderline evil and gets a pat on the back and a good job. Was actually a miserable read.

Isn’t Angel the boss? She the one who owns everything well until her kid turns 21?

⭐⭐ What a fucked up shit show story.

Nothing about this was happy ending for anyone the 2 women characters wasn't likable the husband who died from cancer died a cuck little wimp so you took his man hood away and what's up with the pet and owner bullshit that made it even worse I mean seriously are you thinking you live in the days when slavery was around cause you made it sound like 1 of the women was a slave to everyone and you made it sound like jack Jr was a slave and a cuck bitch like you made his father before he died

No likable characters you made it sound like a couple of them were slaves like you are living in the days slavery was a thing you Made the dying man a cuck bitch as well as well as making it sound like the son was you also made it sound like the son was gay by saying the three of them bounced their bums up the path only women and gay guys do that shit honestly this was just pathetic and shouldn't even be allowed on this site