All Comments on 'Invitation to Immortality'

i would love to see a second chapter added on to this

Great story be great to see a part two

This is well enough written, if a little clunky in places. My main comment though would be that your story wastes any dramatic tension it seems to be building up. You take the time to introduce the three characters, then in the blink of an eye one is dead and one is mind controlled. There is no struggle for supremacy or survival, no playing off the dynamics between the characters - it felt a wasted opportunity to me.

liked it until the end. I thought the captain was killed before Dracula went up to play and feed on the girl

"Captain von Rothstein lay there in a crumpled heap, unconscious." I never said he was dead. Plot twists make stories more interesting, I think.

While this was without a doubt a five star gem as are your other stories and my personal favorites are The Amazing Randy tales but if you look at the paragraph where she is admiring herself in the mirror and just before she sees Dracula, you said that her husband was dead with his neck snapped. A small flaw but it did confuse me as well while enjoying the story. I still find it to be a five star gem because it is near impossible to catch every mistake while creating such wonderful stories. Thanks again for another winner and as always, I look forward to becoming engrossed in your next creation.

Stay safe and be well.

J.D.

You are correct. I am in error. I messed up.

think this needs to continue as a series through time to where she comes to modern times perhaps running a highly sadistic dungeon with other vampire dommes, just a twisted thought lol