It Didn't Happen

"I don't remember any events or non-events in Naples, Hans." I said firmly. "I have forgotten everything about that night."

"So the Assistant Purser tells me. So does one of my Senior Stewardesses. It is a very convenient amnesia."

"If it is amnesia, I prefer to describe it as diplomatic, sir."

"Not 'sir', Hans. Remember?"

"It has to be 'sir' if you are asking me about something that didn't happen, sir."

"Then we are at an impasse, aren't we, Roger?"

"Yes, Hans."

"OK. I will tell you the fairy story that you have forgotten. But this fairy story will never be heard outside this cabin. Is that acceptable?"

"If you say so, Hans."

The Captain's account was fairly accurate except for the transfer of Cissy from the restaurant to the ship, when she was incapable. The Assistant Purser had relayed our conversation almost verbatim, as had the Senior Stewardess.

"An interesting fairy story, don't you agree, Roger?"

"As a fairy story or a fiction, yes."

"And what should I do about this fairy story? Can you advise me?"

"Treat it as a fairy story, an impossible fiction, Hans, surely?"

"But if it were true?"

"Then you would have to have a reliable witness to everything. That you don't have."

"OK. Nothing happened. But assume it had. There are some facts the unreliable witness doesn't know but I do. Cissy isn't just a junior stewardess. She is the granddaughter of the Chairman of the Shipping Line, and her brother..."

"...is the grandson."

"Yes. The brother was an idiot. A drunken idiot and even less sophisticated than his sister. It's true. He had a sheltered life because of childhood illness which was possibly overindulged. He has the makings of a reasonable person but needs to grow up. This is his second voyage, and but for the fairy story, he would have a good record on this one. His sister has done better than he has even though it is her first voyage. But there is this fairy story which causes me to doubt..."

"It shouldn't, Hans," I said firmly. "They were drunk. They have had a real fright - if the fairy story is believable. They have been given an unofficial but severe talking to, as have the other stewards who were with them. Those others should have known better than to take risks with the grandchildren of the Chairman..."

"...They didn't know and don't know. Cissy and her brother are on board apparently as ordinary stewards. You know. I know. No one else, not even the Purser."

"Even so, they were stupid. They should have protected their fellow stewards."

"I agree. They are embarrassed that a passenger, a first class passenger, has done what they should have done."

"No. He hasn't. It is a fairy story, Hans. No passenger was involved."

"If you say so, Roger."

"I do. This is a talk about a fairy story."

"What do you think the grandchildren will tell their grandfather?"

"Probably nothing. They would be too embarrassed. But if they did, he might approve of the officers' reaction to the fairy story - to act unofficially but to protect the reputation of the ship and shipping line."

"One thing I don't understand, Roger. I can see that rescuing a pretty girl was something a young gentleman would do, but I would have expected him to accept the recognition of his act. You don't, and won't. I can appreciate that you didn't want to get Cissy into trouble, but you had never met her before last night, had you?"

"No. I had seen her at a distance when she was at work but no, I had never met her. All I knew was that she was possibly the youngest stewardess."

"Yet you protected her from the repercussions..."

"Apparently not. She and the others have been told off in no uncertain terms."

"Only unofficially. There is no record of what happened nor of the 'telling-off'. That is your doing. Why?"

"Captain. I knew nothing about Cissy. I know a lot about you."

"About me, Roger? What about me?"

"I know your war record, your medal citations, what you did for the Allies while your country was occupied. If I was discreet, it was a small repayment for what you did. Anything that affected your crew would be your responsibility. Ultimately you would get the blame."

"I see. The buck stops with the Captain?"

"You know it does. For every ship, for every Captain. You didn't need or deserve the repercussions of the fairy story - so it didn't happen."

"Thank you, Roger. I hadn't appreciated that you had thought through the consequences of the fairy story that far. What about your friend Marco? Will he be as discreet?"

"Yes."

"You know something about me. That I didn't expect, Roger. But I know something about you and your parents. All three of you are listed on the passenger list as 'Civil Servants'. Your father is shown in the official list as a senior officer in the Admiralty. Your mother is also listed, a slightly less senior position, but still impressive. What surprised me is that you are listed too. Surely only senior civil servants are shown in the published lists?"

"Yes. I am in the list. That list is classified Restricted. I can't tell you why I'm on the list. That would breach the Official Secrets Act."

"Even though I am still a reserve officer in the Navy of a NATO ally?"

"You know better than that, sir. Need to know applies. You don't need to know, so I can't tell you."

"Even though I am aware that all three of you are on a list with a higher classification than Restricted?"

"Yes, Hans. We shouldn't even talk about that list."

"OK, Roger. We won't. But I am grateful, personally and for Cissy. One thing I can do. Our shipping line has a register of passengers who have travelled with us. Like the list we can't talk about, it is confidential. Some of the information is innocuous such as your preference for cold lager. Some isn't such as whether the passenger is an awkward one who complains unnecessarily. But we also record those who are very welcome on board, as friends. You and your parents were already shown as representatives of a NATO ally. But now you will also be shown as friends of the ship's captain and company as well."

"Thank you, Hans. I don't know what that means, but thanks."

"It means that we will do our best to make any voyage with us as comfortable and enjoyable as possible. You will probably get a free upgrade of accommodation as a matter of course."

"Thank you. That might be welcome if we use this ship again."

"But now, Roger, I have to resume my duties as the ship's captain. However the stewardesses want to thank you too. The principal suite wasn't booked for this voyage. I understand that the stewardesses are waiting for you there, to thank you for something that didn't happen..."

"It didn't, Hans."

"The stewardesses' thanks will also be something that didn't happen but..."

"They're waiting for me..."

"Yes."

The Captain stood up. We shook hands and I followed him up the companionway to the bridge. I could have left on the lower deck, but the Captain asked one of the junior officers to show me to the suite. We went down a different route. The principal suite was aft of the Captain's sea cabin. The officer opened the door and stood aside for me to enter. He closed the door behind me.

Two stewardesses hugged me. They kissed me. I knew both of them because they were assigned to the deck my cabin was on. I won't mention their names. One was blonde. The other was brunette.

"We want to show our thanks for looking after Cissy," the brunette said. "We wouldn't let her do it herself."

My lifted eyebrow brought an explanation from the blonde.

"She's still a virgin. We're not, and we are on the pill..."

So it was that sort of thanks. I might have protested but my mouth was stopped by the brunette's kiss. We undressed each other even if I had to take my long socks off discreetly with my trousers.

The large double bed was very comfortable. The blonde kissed me as the brunette started licking and sucking at my fast raised erection. She soon appreciated that if she carried on I would come too soon. She joined the blonde at my head. They presented four breasts for me to suck and nibble. I was lost in enjoyment of so many nipples.

"Do you like eating?" The brunette asked.

I nodded. I had a mouth full of the blonde's breast. That breast moved away and was replaced by a natural blonde bush. It tasted wonderful. The blonde positioned herself carefully so that her bush was above my face. I felt the brunette lower herself to my hips and gently ease my erection inside her. She began to squeeze and I was swamped by the sensation of two attractive young women's bodies. I couldn't hold out and I came into the brunette.

They held me cradled between their breasts as I recovered. They squirmed their tits over my face and torso until I was finally erect again. I had a brunette bush to lick and a blonde impaled on my erection. We lasted longer until the blonde pushed her bush hard against my face as the brunette clamped her muscles around me. I came again.

We rested together. I had a woman's head on each shoulder and a female leg draped across mine. We hadn't spoken during the whole time we were making love.

"We have to go," the blonde announced. "that was the first instalment of our thanks. When you want more, just ring for a stewardess..."

"While she's on duty?" I queried. "Wouldn't she get into trouble?"

"Nothing any of us do for you, Roger, would get us into trouble," the brunette replied."We're not supposed to know, but we are aware who Cissy is related to. It wouldn't matter. We like Cissy. Her brother was a bit of a pain at first but is improving. The Assistant Purser really told him off for abandoning his sister, but the other stewards should have known better. The stewards aren't popular with the stewardesses at present, so fucking Roger could be a popular diversion - if you don't object."

"I'd be honoured, but whether I can..."

My protest was stopped by two kisses.

We dressed. I had to be careful with my long socks. As I opened the door of the suite I saw a man standing at the foot of the companionway to the bridge. I shut the door quietly and turned to the women.

"Something's wrong," I said calmly. "Please wait here for a couple of minutes. I'll be back soon."

They didn't understand but I think they sensed the seriousness of my statement. I opened the door a crack. The man was looking the other way, towards the normal route to the ship's bridge. I left my shoes inside the suite and crept out towards his back.

I pulled a Skean Dhu out of one of my long socks. As I approached I could smell his body odour. He wasn't a member of the crew or a passenger, neither of whom would be carrying a shoulder-slung AK47, nor wearing a cloth covering his head and face.

I clamped my hand over his mouth and cut his throat. The blood spurted forwards as I lowered his body to the deck. I just had managed to catch the AK47 with my knife holding arm. I stripped off his face covering, checked his body for any other weapons or identification. There was none.

I rolled him to the edge of the deck under a lifeboat. Anyone passing might see him but very few were on this deck except crew. I went back to the suite, carrying the AK47 and the head cloth. The women were surprised by my acquisitions.

"Shh!" I hissed. "I think there is an attempt to hijack the ship. Can you get down to the Purser's office without passing the bridge?"

"Yes," the brunette said. "There is a crew access a couple of yards aft. But what..."

I held up the face cloth.

"He's dead. I don't know how many there are or where they might be. I think the bridge and the engine room are their targets. If you can warn the purser, he can act. I'm going to see what's happening on the bridge."

"Roger! That's risking your life!" the blonde spluttered. "We're told if we are hijacked to cooperate and wait them out. That's the company policy."

"But I'm not the company. If these terrorists are who I think they are, they aren't reasonable. They are going to kill people just to make a point. I aim to stop them."

"But..."

"But what? They are killers."

I held up the AK47.

"So am I. They're amateurs. I'm a professional. Off you go - aft. I'm going to the bridge and if they have already killed any of the officers they'll be revenged. Go!"

The two women scurried aft, disappeared through a watertight door that they closed quietly. I put the headdress on, covering my face, slung the AK47 across my back and a held a Skean Dhu in my right hand. I went to the Captain's Sea Cabin and crept up her personal companionway. I poked my head cautiously at the top. As I had hoped, there were only two terrorists on the bridge. One was looking at the port companionway. I had killed the other at bottom of the starboard one.

He was obviously nervous. The ships' officers had their hands up, pressed against the glass, with their backs to him. They couldn't see whether he was pointing his AK47 at them or not. He wasn't. It was pointing down the port companionway as he tried to watch that and the officers at the same time.

Right in front of me was the ship's wheel. Standing at it was the second terrorist, also dressed in a head wrapping. I checked that he wasn't one of the ship's crew disguised as a terrorist. His bare dirty calloused feet confirmed he was an intruder. I put my AK47 carefully on the deck in front of me. Quietly, watching the other one, I crept behind the steersman.

I repeated the kill. He died without a sound. I lowered him to the starboard side of the wheel and took his place. If the remaining terrorist looked at me properly he would see I had taken over, but if he glanced - he would see what he expected to see.

Suddenly he moved forwards, looking through the bridge windows to the port quarter. I dashed across the deck as he turned. He didn't react fast enough, confused by my headdress. My knife pierced his heart. He dropped his AK47 with a clatter and groaned once. I let his body fall and checked there were no other terrorists around. I wiped my bloody knife on his clothing.

"Captain," I said loudly. "The bridge is yours."

Captain Hans turned round. His face briefly whitened as he saw the two dead terrorists. Then his expression turned to anger.

"There are two more in the engine room, Roger. The Chief was forced to speak to me. They told him they have a bomb by the propeller shafts."

"I doubt that," I replied. "But the Purser knows there are terrorists aboard. What will he do?"

"What he should do is keep the passengers safe." The Captain replied. "Whether he will? He's ex-Navy, like me. I think..."

"Can you talk to him without the terrorists knowing?" I asked.

"I can use the ship's telephone. If he answers I'll know whether he has a gun at his head even if we have to use a Dutch dialect."

"Do it, please, Captain."

The Captain rang the Purser's Office. The Assistant Purser answered at first but put the Purser on the line. The Captain and Purser spoke their local dialect. Dutch is hard enough for foreigners. That dialect was almost gibberish.

The Captain put the phone down and addressed his officers and me.

"The Purser has broken out the arms store. All accesses to the engine room are guarded by armed members of the crew. The two terrorists can't get out but they can control the ship from down there. They can override the steering, cut the engines, even the air conditioning and lighting."

"Can you check whether the Chief is in control or not? They might expect course or engine commands."

I pointed out of the window at a rusty freighter about two miles away on the Port quarter.

"That one was looking at that ship. It might hold more terrorists. Could we turn away?"

"Good idea."

The captain took the ship's wheel, turned it to starboard, and rung the engine telegraph to 'Half Speed'.

We could feel the ship respond to the course change. The engine note altered as well.

Over the bridge tannoy came the Chief's voice.

"Ahoy there you bastards! Your mates down here aren't in control anymore. You can swing the wheel as much as you like. Nothing will happen."

The captain lifted the telephone and switched it to the loudspeaker in the engine room.

"Chief! All those up here are out of action. I'm back in command of the bridge."

"How do I know you haven't got a gun to your head?" came the Chief's response.

The Captain retorted with a torrent of Dutch obscenities, damning all disbelieving Engineers to eternal perdition unless they obeyed his commands.

"OK, OK, Captain. I hear you. These two are deceased, dead, battered by large spanners."

"And the three up here are as dead. Be careful if anyone leaves the engine room. There are numerous nervous ship's officers clutching guns they don't know what to do with."

"We're staying put till you call them off, Captain. I wouldn't trust those youngsters with a pea shooter."

"OK, Chief. I'll let you know when it's safe outside the engine room."

The Captain told one of his officers to go to the Purser and call off the armed guards. He turned to me.

"Well, Roger, what do I say?"

"I'd give a few course commands, first, Captain. That freighter is still close..."

"Shit! Quartermaster! Starboard gently and full speed ahead. Get us well clear of that freighter."

"Aye Aye, Captain!"

The ship heeled as we turned and the engines responded. The Captain watched as the freighter receded. The officer returned to inform the Captain that all the guns had been returned. The Captain informed the Chief Engineer that the ship was now safe. He beckoned to me to follow him to his cabin. He poured two stiff gins.

"Roger? What do I do now? You seem more experienced at this than I am."

"My advice, Captain, is simple. After dark you hold five inconspicuous funerals at sea. Lose the bodies and the other evidence. It didn't happen."

"It didn't happen! Five men dead, blood on my decks, the ship hijacked and you say 'It didn't happen'?"

"Think about it, Captain. The passengers know nothing. If you tell the crew to keep quiet, they will. If you tell anyone it should only be your country's security service. If this gets on the news it will damage you, your ship, your owners, and least important, me."

"You, Roger?"

"Who killed three of the terrorists? Me. A passenger. Apparently a lower echelon British Civil Servant, which is what I am supposed to be..."

"When you are actually a Major of Royal Marine Commandos, Roger."

"You're not supposed to know that, Captain. Nor my parents' roles. As Captain of this ship you are a Merchant Navy Officer, not a Dutch Navy Reserve Commodore."

"Can we do it? Keep it a secret, I mean?"

"If you make it clear to your officers and crew that their colleagues in the engine room might face trial in an International Court. They wouldn't want that. They disobeyed Company instructions and a lawyer could tear them to pieces - and you."

"OK, Roger. I'll do it. Or try to do it."

That night five weighted bodies were dropped overboard followed by their weapons. The ship was back on course and on schedule.

I wasn't there for long after the funerals. I was in the principal suite fucking and being fucked by stewardesses. But we won't talk about that. Until we docked in England I wasn't in my cabin any night.

It didn't happen. None of it happened. There is no record of any event in Naples or on board the ship.

It didn't happen. It's fiction. And that's the way it will stay.