Jae: Worst Jedi Ever Pt. 03

And the Jedi kept cumming.

***

SPLOOOOORSCH. Jae moaned as he kept shooting spunk, bubbles coming from his mouth—the entire chamber was now flooded. Magnaculus wondered when he'd stop cumming, Gallik'ta wondered when her tits would stop swelling, and Zivarr was hungry so she started sucking down spunk.

So wrapped up in his orgasm was he, the Jedi had no idea how much havoc his vast load and his titanic cock were wreaking.

***

GRRNNNNGH. The Harrower's sleek outer hull was beginning to warp, deform. Durasteel buckled, frames failed, alloys groaned in strain. The starship's armored shell began to bulge outwards, clean lines becoming curved.

Even with millions of liters of semen blasting from its hangars and new hull breaches into Samiya's atmosphere, the Harrower couldn't drain fast enough. The pressure was too great. The ship began to expand, its hull bloating outward, becoming more round and conical than sleek and elongated.

The bright engines winked out. The starship could no longer maintain power because it was full of jizz. Its nose dipped towards Samiya.

The Samiyan people were treated to the sight of the Empire's swollen pride careening through their atmosphere in plain distress. Instead of fire, white liquid blasted from every hole, raining down, leaving a slick of jizz kilometers in length. Entire towns had their roofs and streets blanketed in semen. It was raining sperm.

KRRRMMMMSSSSCHCHHH. The ground shook as the starship impacted. Mountains quaked, forests rattled, the pieces in a game of holochess fell over.

It left a swath of destruction across a broad, rolling plain, crops bursting into flame, kilometers of fields plowed to oblivion. And, of course, semen was now flooding those fields, spreading out from the crashed dreadnought.

Out of the hangar, dozens and dozens of swollen women rolled out, spilling across the plain, the sun lighting their sticky bodies.

The smoldering ship rose high above them, leaking semen from its gaping, blown-out holes, the hulk's metallic groaning echoing off the nearby mountains.

And in front of the ship, a red blob bigger than a house sat. A Sith with a ludicrous ass was attached to it, gushing white from her stretched-out cunt, groaning loudly.

Next to her, a twi'lek whose quivering tits were several stories high and gushing milk laid moaning. And resting against her tits was a Jedi, his flaccid two-meters-plus flopped over one leg, lying in the dirt. His legs were propped up on his meter-wide nuts. He let out a long groan, staring at nothing, eyes glassy. On top of him, a petite Sith cradled a massively swollen belly.

***

The pointlessly enormous doors of the council chamber swung open, and in came a togruta with white markings on her red face. She approached the pointlessly enormous table.

Grand Master Shan looked up and nodded. "Master Kiwiiks," she said, putting her datapad down.

"Grand Master. I see that Jae came back from investigating the dreadnought," commented the togruta. "Or is it a 'dreadnaught'? Oh well, I doubt anyone will notice one different vowel. So what did he find?"

"He came back?" asked Shan. She sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of her nose. "He was supposed to debrief me. I didn't even know he was back on Tython. I sent him a message specifically telling him to clean up and come to me before he did anything else."

"I see." Kiwiiks smiled warmly as she sat down in one of the bizarre chairs the Jedi Council insisted on sitting in. "I know he frustrates you, Satele, but he has nothing but respect and admiration for you and the other masters."

"Yes, but he never does what he's supposed to." She stood up.

"He may be ... less than traditional ... but we're getting reports of a crashed Harrower on Samiya," said Kiwiiks.

Satele squinted at her. "A crashed ... he crashed a dreadnought? What does that mean?"

Kiwiiks took out her own datapad and began tapping. The table's central holo-display showed the deformed wreck of an Imperial Harrower-class dreadnought smoking in the middle of one of Samiya's vast grain farms. The ship was barely recognizable. It was so warped and swollen that it looked more like an over-stuffed samosa than an arrowhead. It also appeared that the ship was gushing white waterfalls from its hangar bays. The engines were leaking the fluid. More rolled over its hull from dozens of breaches. And then, of course, were the hundreds of swollen Imperials rolling majestically across the plains near it.

A reporter held a microphone up to a rodian, who said, "I've never seen anything like it! I tell you what, boy, the Empire'd better pay for all the crops it just destroyed. That funny-smelling white stuff coming out of the ship, though, it's making the plants grow like crazy."

As the two spoke, a gold-plated droid flopped across the ground behind them, doing the worm, its head spinning.

Satele looked at Kiwiiks. "Where is he?"

"Go outside, he'll be easy to find."

***

Master Shan strode across the Gnarls. Several padawans were sparring with training sabers. A nice breeze came off the river, rustling the trees and grass.

But the breeze didn't negate the smell. It was the unmistakable odor of fresh sex.

Shan frowned. After walking a bit farther, she noticed what Kiwiiks was talking about. Dotting the landscape were what appeared to be fleshy boulders with padawans lying on top. Except those were their bellies. Shan had seen this before.

A togruta laid upon her stomach, groaning, eyes staring blankly at the sky as semen gushed out of her gaping entrance. Her belly was so bloated she was a bit higher in the air than Shan's head. A fresh-faced human girl's tongue lolled out, and she waved lazily to Shan as she walked by.

She passed an area where the trees were coated in thick whiteness, dripping from their branches. A creaky bridge over a small creek let her see that the water was running cloudy white.

The Grand Master passed several dozen bloated padawans, frowning deepening with each. Then she found another odd sight. A group of hammer-headed flesh raiders surrounded something deep in the trees. Red dripped from their jaws, and they appeared to be tearing into an unseen body with much gusto. Shan reached for her saber.

One of the flesh raiders looked up at her. It was holding ... a piece of pizza? Shan squinted.

As she continued walking, a large droid scuttled towards a group of flesh raiders chasing another padawan. Its chest unfolded, SCHLOOMP! A circular object went flying—a pizza?! The droid shot a pizza out of its chest!

The pizza slapped into the lead raider's face. He stopped, peeled it off, and stared at it. One of the other raiders tore a piece away and took a tentative bite. Then another droid showed up and they began to shoot more pizzas at the flesh raiders. SCHLOOMP-SCHLOOMP-SCHLOOMP. The ravenous aliens were quickly buried in a pile of pizzas.

"What in the name of the Force...?" asked Shan.

Finally, she found him. In a clearing, legs crossed as he sat atop his gigantic balls, his ludicrous member hanging down and lying in the grass. It was thickly caked in blankets of semen, padawan-juice, and who knew what else.

"Hello, Jae," she said.

He opened his eyes and smiled. "Master Shan!" he slid down off his balls, putting them behind him, and walked up to her, dragging the monstrous nuts and wrapping his arms around her.

"Oh! Jae! Yes, hello!" she gave an uneasy smile and gently pushed him away. Looking down, she saw his spunk smeared all over her legs and tunic. She flicked it off her fingers and inhaled sharply, collecting her thoughts. "I thought I asked you to clean up and report to me?"

Jae bowed. "I'm sorry, Master Shan. I was offloading the Imperial droids I captured. We reprogrammed them, and I sent them to fight the flesh raiders. And then some of the padawans asked me for my guidance, and I got distracted."

Shan frowned. His "guidance?" She said, "So there were experimental droids!" She paused. "Wait, are you referring to the pizza-droids I passed?" She shook her head. "Pizza? Seriously? Korriban is not even known for it!"

"Yeah, I was confused about that, too, but according to the Sith, some guy named Darth Baras ordered them to be developed," explained Jae. "Do you know who that is?"

***

Vowrawn blew smoke from his nose as he passed the spliff to Marr. "Hey, remember those pizza droids we lost?"

Marr stared at his hands, ignoring it. "The ones. The ones on that. Oh, wow, where did you get this?" He looked up and nodded. He reached up and pulled one of the donuts off his gigantic pauldron-spikes. "Yes, I remember."

"Now the Dark CPAs won't question our spending!" cackled Vowrawn. "I pinned all of that budget on Baras!"

Marr began giggling like mad, doubling over and slapping the table. "Good work, Vowrawn! And when he denies it, he'll only appear more guilty!"

A tremor shook the table as a voice down the hall yelled with incredible vociferousness. "I cannot find him!"

"He's coming!" hissed Vowrawn. "That is the loudest man I have ever met."

"Get down!" whispered Marr. He and Vowrawn slid out of their chairs and got on the floor behind the table.

A hefty, silver-armored Sith stomped into the room and yelled, "Vowrawn, I know it was you! Marr, get out from behind that table!"

They stayed behind it so that they could start giggling again.

"I know you're there, Marr!"

"No I'm not!" yelled Marr.

"I can see your spikes sticking up above the table!" countered Baras. "What sort of an imbecile are you mistaking me for?!"

"I'm not Marr, I'm Vowrawn," said Darth Marr, giving Vowrawn a donut. "I'm testing Marr's armor."

"Oh, yes, and I'm Darth Marr," called Vowrawn. "I'm in the next room. Would you like a donut?"

Both of them started cackling. Baras sighed.

***

"Baras? I see, that make sense," said Shan. "And the genetic program?"

"Turned out it was basically a few dozen purebloods that were going to get knocked up by some dark lords, or that's how it sounded, anyway," Jae said, shrugging. "But they're already pregnant."

Shan squinted at him. "How would—Jae. Did you impregnate a bunch of Sith?!"

"Well, better me than them," he said. "Besides, I think they want to defect now."

"What about the rest of the crew?"

Jae shrugged. "They're probably pregnant now, too. I said it would be okay if they wanted to defect to us. Is that ... is that okay, Master Shan? They might need our help. And that's a whole lot of new Jedi!"

"You impregnated over nine-thousand women?" Shan asked. There was a long silence. She pursed her lips, considered his words, and finally nodded. "Yes, we must help those in need, even if we created the need." She poked his chest. "But you're right, we need new recruits, and ... well ... you are a gifted Force-user," she begrudgingly admitted. "But that's assuming they even want to defect."

Jae nodded. "That's true, but it's worth a try."

"And you did destroy an entire dreadnought. It looks like you did well, Jae," Shan sighed. Perhaps he was exasperating, but he did accomplish something. Even if it was using complete phallic insanity.

Jae bowed. "Wow, thanks, Master Shan!" he caught her up in another slick hug.

Shan grunted and hugged him back, though it resulted in her arms becoming coated in more semen. "Yes, you're welcome, Jae. Are you sure the ... ah ... padawans won't disturb your meditation?"

"No, I like teaching them, and they like me." He shrugged. "Don't worry."

Shan nodded, looking up as a cluster of giggling padawans came down the path.

"If you want, I could teach them at the temple?" he asked.

Shan looked at him. Not after the last time! "This is better. Field training is more conducive to learning than the environment of the temple," she said.

Jae nodded. "I agree."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a shower," said the Grand Master. Jae bowed. She nodded and turned around to head back to the temple.

***

Sarkopheros keeps talking:

Why yes, I do enjoy rambling and talking about my story and process. Yes, you can skip this if you prefer to focus on the story rather than what I did to create it. Think of this as one of those DVD special features.

You people don't read my stories for subtlety, do you? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love hearing from you and knowing why my stories draw you in. Humor? Sexiness? Something else? Some combination? But I really doubt you come to me for subtle, tasteful sex. That's largely why I went nuts with this story. Because fuck it, let's try it out. And it seems you guys liked it!

Some of you wonder why I didn't have Jae fuck the canons. Well, I thought that would get a bit too fanfic-y / Mary-Sueish.

Granted, Jae is sort of a Sue in this story, but it's all in jest. I'm not 100% sure why, but my gut told me not to have him fuck the canons. That, and I thought it was way funnier if Satele was just there to facepalm the entire time rather than riding Jae's cock. What do you think of what I did with the canons?

I set a record during this story—5,489 words in one day. That is not normal. It also involved a degree of writer's block and a little planning, which I don't usually do for these stories.

As always, yes, I am fishing for comments because I'm a comment-slut. Compliments, criticism, canon correction, general commentary, I welcome it all.

***

Written by Sarkopheros

Copyright © Sarkopheros 2015. All rights reserved.

This story is a work of fiction and is intended solely for the entertainment of adults.