All Comments on 'James and Zilpha'

Great story, the imagination is just sublime.

You have a very good way of writing, i loved it.

Thankyou ...

Great work, I didn't read the whole thing (sorry) because it's just not my style of writing that I like, but I know it's a good one. Keep up the good work! :)

Well written. Thought Provoking.

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The writing was odd but I loved the detail in their tryst. Good job.

I am sorry, but those saying 'good writing' aren't helping you much. The story isn't TOO bad, but the writing wasn't very good at all. Just keep trying, and get some help.

First, your story wasn't all bad.

Second, you didn't tell it well. Your style is pretentious by intent and obviously so. If you want to impress, learn basic grammar. Find out when to use 'which' and when to use 'that'. Please drop the overuse of 'thus'.

Third, a brother and sister at the age you describe would not be sleeping in the same bed. Your premise is not believable and 'thus' neither is your story.

Fourth, the dialogue between brother and sister is stiff and formal. Try thinking of how you speak to those with whom you're in close contact.

I don't mean to discourage you from writing because I think you may have hidden talent. I encourage you to investigate some books or online sites on writing.

Sorry I can't be as positive as the others who commented but the praise of unsophisticated readers doesn't benefit one who wants to write well. If you think I'm full of crap then I suppose I've wasted my time writing this. Good luck!

It looks like you put some effort into this, but you fell short of the mark.

You tried to give the impression that you are very intelligent, but it is obvious that you don't have a strong grasp on the words and phrases you used. This had the exact opposite effect, which is to make you seem very unintelligent. I don't think you are, but that's the impression your writing gives. If you would have stuck with what you know, you would have been much more successful in your storytelling.

You should probably know the names of your characters. At one point you referred to the sister as Zelda. Personally, I like this name more than Zilpha, but that's not the point.

Your sex scenes were not believable. I get that it was all a dream, but if I'm not mistaken, we were supposed to believe it was real until you revealed the plot twist. That being said, your transition from dream to awake needed work.

Get an editor. Many of your mistakes could have been caught prior to posting, including the spelling and grammar errors.

Keep working on your writing. Like Robinius1 said, I think you might have a hidden talent, but your going to have to try harder to bring it out.

Best wishes

Mike

I can’t tell weather you’ve come from the 1800s or if English isn’t your first language but lots of he terminology and wording you use make it seem like one of the two