by grayshade
First, it must be said that the writing itself is very good, showing a real feel for language and character. But the plot is REALLY rushed -- this story would have been a total scorcher if it had been allowed to build gradually, the heat rising through several chapters... still, I did enjoy the final result.
Thank you Greyshade. That was a fantastic story. I loved it. I do hope there will be a second chapter, and a third ....
Just be careful about use of mom/mum and mommy/mummy. The former is American and the later is British. To an American audience the difference is awkward/noticeable if that's what you're going for.
That was an amaizing story i loved every bit of it
Liked this story very much and the way you developed it. Very good however, like a previous commentor, would love to read many more chapters about these two. Seems that more can develop into a real, hot loving relationship with the daughter maybe gradually controlling her mom. Just a thought.
Keep writing.
I agree with that. Your story takes place in the US, and we don't use "mum".
I agree that you could expand this story into many more chapters. Where the daughter slowly gets her mom to accept her as her permanent lover. Maybe even having the daughter dominate mom if she refuses. Maybe even having daughter take control of moms friend. Lot's of possibilities with this story.
Has all the makings of a favourite story, lesbian sex, hot as fuck mother daughter action, and the thing I can never get enough of, french kissing asshole. Keep up the good work, looking forward to reading more!