All Comments on 'Jenna Pays, Boss Stays Ch. 01'

About as pathetic as an author can post.

this is only an abusive rape story not erotic,

Stop now. Please spare us more of your drivel.

id hate to be the guys when hubby trails them down and kills them ..if it was me thts what id do break take everything then torture n kill VERY slowly

Please - no more

not even remotely believable, or clear.

Don't listen to these losers - keep writing. Expand on the original story and add more depth - it has the potential to be a good series.

The plot of this story isn't the problem. The problem is that the plot is not set up in a believable manner. This is a case of telling more than showing. There is virtually no insight provided into any of the characters. The reader should at least get a better sense of what the wife is thinking and feeling, and at least one of the "bad guys" should be better developed. Otherwise, the reader will not care about any of the characters or what ultimately happens to them.

Writer, I suggest you consider this an outline of the story you want to write, and start over with more attention to characters, dialog and setting. You already have the plot, and presumably know how the story will end. Now, work on making your readers care how it ends.

I wanted a little more detail and a bit slower pacing. I also had a problem with Jenna going along so easily. And how about the husband? It seems to me that he would be looking for his wife. Presumably the four are blackmailing him to obtain his silence, but that should have been laid out. Details, details, details.

Can't wait to hear Chapter 2

I've scanned your page of stories, and read quite a few. In general, this plot does not measure up to the others. You tried to cover too much ground; too quickly.

Usually the plot is about coersion, revenge, reluctant wife, humiliation.

How many times does a woman have to be violated; in how many holes to make an entertaining or intriguing story?

In my mind, you have tried to cover too much ground.

"He stuck it in her mouth; he cumed; it ran down her chin.

What was she thinking? How did she feel? How did it affect her?

How did it affect her husband? If it didn't affect him, why is he part of the story?

How was she humiliated?

One of your stories described the heroine as 5'-4" and 155 lb.

A young, trim woman of 5'-4" is closer to 107 to 115lb.

Did you mean for her to be "heavy?" I didn't think that was the intent.

You have decent plots, but the stories need to be more believable.

Brilliant but, I thought it went a little 'over the top'. Was it necessary to this woman over to 'Sal'. I know it is just a story/fantasy but for me, personally, it was really hot until the bit about going to a photographer and then handed to this low-life like she was something they wanted thrown out with the trash. Surely, the boss should have been made to watch his wife get ravished ... make him sort their pay out instead of crashing the company and losing their jobs?

Not a criticism, I hope, just wondering .....

Some readers seem to think they are experts. I bet not all of them even write. If you like a story them who cares about fine detail. there are loads here to read, if you have to criticise then do it nicely, or look like a total twat.

Liked it.

Revenge on an innocent, sick