by DJ55
"Like what you see?"
The most tired and overused line in these types of stories. Be original.
good story; definitely not rubbish. Pay no attention to anonymous1. Yours is better than 80% submitted to Lit. Keep writing.
Was a good story. Wasn't bad as those other people say. They just have different taste or are expecting some over the top fake stuff. I liked it and it kept me reading.
A strange little story, but funny and friendly, and I liked it. Keep writing!
To paraphrase an old saying, "Those who can, do. Those who can't, criticise."
Unfortunately there are a lot of talentless people who visit this site, who are only too eager to rip into people who can do better than they can.
My advice is take on board, and learn from, comments by those who make valid points, and ignore those who criticise simply because they think it makes them look smart.
The only criticism I have about this story, is the abruptness with which Jen asked her brother to lick her cunt, and later to fuck her. This however can be explained if the reader assumes that Jen has had incestuous feelings for her little brother for some time, and used the party as an excuse to act on those feelings.
All in all, quite a pleasant, well written story.
If anyone out there has any issues with a story on here, at least have the balls to put your name to it.
Otherwise burn your computer and shove your typing finger where the sun doesn't shine.
Thanks everyone! I've removed a couple of comments that were just plain rude. Normally I leave them all there, but while criticism is fine and even welcome, to help me write better, plain rudeness is not. We all have our likes and dislikes, and not every story can hit whatever it is someones looking for right then every time. You enjoy it or you don't. Does not call for rudeness. I just wanted you to know I DID delete them, and why, so you won't feel I'm hiding something.
How could one guy be so lucky?, first his hot sister, he eats her out, then he fucks her.Then years later with his now wife ,and his sister pull a threesome . Hot Hot ..We could use a follow up, just to see how they are getting alone......It was a good read. .....LAROC
Great story. I get the point of seeing Jen's request to be eaten as coming kind of abruptly, but this is written from Carl's point of view. Had it been written from Jen's thoughts, it would have seemed to come as more of a logical progression. My only criticism is the portion size is too small! I want to pig out on something this good.
deleting comments even rude ones is cowardly and proves you don't want to improve and that you haven't. if you really want to improve USE A BETTER EDITOR AND LEARN TO WRITE.
not enough background or character development and it was way to rushed and unrealistic. you say they didn't get along growing up so why are we to believe she would ask him to go to the party? and why would he accept? this needs a rewrite by a writer that can make it sound realistic.
Fucking fag. Same person, obviously. Criticism, I can understand. An opinion, a view, a critique, advice, all those are interesting and necessary. But a stroppy whiny attack on an author is both cowardly and just stupid. It ruins the mood for others too.
This was a great story. The background for the characters was great and the details were fine. More than that would have made the story FUCKING BORING. Dunno what fucking world you live in, but the dialogue and character interaction was excellent and quite plausible.
Deleting comments are the AUTHORS' right! But again, I wouldn't expect a fucking loser like you to understand that. Idiot.
like it. A bit fast , but sometimes it develops real fast even in reality.
I have a examples one with my cuisine we couldn't stand to be around, but at a one party I did have sex with her after that everything was good, the relatives and some common friends didn't understand how we could from one day to the other just turn around and be really good friend. No more sex just some friendly fooling around after that..and now aprox 15 years later we are really good friend and keep contact...
the first few lines are so bad the write should be banned for life and kept from ever writing anything again. the best thing you can do is DELETE ALL STORIES AND RUN THEM THROUGH A GOOD EDITOR. NEVER LISTEN TO FAKE RAVE REVIEWS ONLY LISTEN TO THE COMPLAINTS THEY ARE ATLEAST HONEST.
Its funny, he was like 'so this is what all the talk is about, its so much better than they said!' And I remember when I lost my virginity, I was like, '...so this is what all that hype was about? Yeah, it's nice and I'll do it again, but...I kinda feel let down:/'. All the buildup and expectations over the years made the actual sex kind of a disappointment in comparison, lol.