All Comments on 'Jeurridam Ch. 09: Primm Road'

Putting Julio and heaven together is wonderful. Everyone needs someone special and for them to get together like they are is heavenly. You are on the right track and I can not wait for more to come. Will be looking and waiting.

You have a good story here - with some problems.

Far too many points of view. I find myself losing track of which character I'm reading, and after a while, not caring which character I'm reading. All the characters are the same, essentially. You'd do much better to limit your narrator to one or two.

Also, you need to expand on the world these people inhabit - there's some interesting history here - you need to fill us in on that.

Far too many characters. For a quick read, it's just confusing.