All Comments on 'Jill, Dan & Their Friend Larry Ch. 11'

GREAT FINISH. EVERYONE GOT THEIR REWARD. HER AND HER BOYFREIND GOT OFF EASY BUT STILL THEY GOT A LITTLE PAYBACK.

Another story by someone who wants to play the victim. There's nothing erotic in this. The plot is so convoluted that it makes me wonder if the author has ever been in a relationship at all.

Oh yeah, learn how to use a spell checker. In the mean time, excuse me while I go to the "dinner" to get something to eat. Sheesh. I believe you spelled "cuckold" correctly though. Figures.

great ending! jill and larry could have had more bad things happen to them. dan redeems his manhood and gets a great girl in the end.

sad part is i can only give you 100. good show. keep em coming

To bad Jill didn't get a beating too! She needs help bad!

What a Whore! Glad Dan finally got some balls and became a real man! Come to think of it Larry didn't get much but a little beating for all this pain. Those fuckers should have shot him dead! or better yet cut his balls off! Now that would be a great prize for Jill & VERY FITTING!

Yes, it's fucking great to read about a white guyu fucking up a black man's marriage and life. I hope this goes on and on and on!!!! Untul the blacks are as sick as we are about cuckold and humiliation! + ETC!

You have the essence of a writer in you - though not a speller. You can push the narrative forward in an exciting manner. What's missing, other than some wild silliness in the last chapter or two, is consistency of character. Larry is consistently a jerk, but think about Dan and Jill. Dan is a terrific lover for Jill but she needs more . . . why? To put it in terms of cock size is too dumbly male. Maybe she had something in her past that warped her, that made her self-destructive or which otherwise created a psychological issue.

And Dan . . . after he catches her, he's incredibly angry and takes revenge, but then he just takes her back without any attempt to understand her, without any real motivation other than she seemed different. Those Dan's don't fit together.

When you're writing, you either have to hide the person or reveal them. But your writing does have the basic juice. Most doesn't.

It was about timr for Dan to act, because Jill had been rubbing his face in a pile of shit. I like the idea where he didn't wimp out and agree to her terms the way many other men on this site, caught in the same predictament would haave agreed to.

Dinner for diner

Looser for loser

Tem for ten

What happens to men who fuck with out men's wives.

Talk for talking

Were for where

And warn them all for and warned them all

and last but not least, "called the ambience to take them to the hospital.

Free at least, free at last. Thank you Higher Power, we are free from this butchery of the english language. (until the next literary masterpiece) from "Need You"

Great story loved the ending. Jil thought she could use Dan, still screw around Larry. She was so dumb, she knew the type of guy larry was she but was into the sex too much. She thought she could have it all because she was so pretty. Dan proved her wrong. FICTION yes but a good story a good example of how a real man should act when this happens and it does happen to real people everyday. Yes some problems with grammer, but we are not publishing books here. Just reading and enjoying good stories

Great story loved the ending. Jil thought she could use Dan, still screw around Larry. She was so dumb, she knew the type of guy larry was she but was into the sex too much. She thought she could have it all because she was so pretty. Dan proved her wrong. FICTION yes but a good story a good example of how a real man should act when this happens and it does happen to real people everyday. Yes some problems with grammer, but we are not publishing books here. Just reading and enjoying good stories

I have been following this story from its first posting. The story has had some great moments. One was the concept is that everyone needs a second chance. However, in the end, you seemed to be in such a hurry to end the story you let the writing of it suffer. Heretofore, while not perfect, but then who is, the writing has not been a distraction. I think you can do better because I have read other stories of yours. If you need it, please get help with editing. I know I can not edit my own writing. I am fortunate to have a very good editor. Thanks for sharing the story… I enjoyed it. Please continue writing.

ACGolf

Great story! Loved it, but you left just one pin left standing (and you set it up). During the Wife's conversation in the bar she said something like- "If you wanted me to stay home with you anytime I would". Dan should have addressed this from the previous chapter when he did ask her repeatedly to stay instead of going to "quilting night".

It's a decent plot, but the writing is horrible. It's as if you don't care enough about your own work to, at the very least, use a spell check. Why put so much effort into dragging out a story for eleven chapters but write it as if you were just dashing off a grocery list?

Jill did not get pregnant from Larry, so you get a zero.

Please consider these constructive observations. I believe you have considerable talent, imagination and the ability to describe sex very tangibly - very sensually and erotically. Obviously you know how to touch readers emotions.

I believe you have great potential and have seen you grow in reaction to your audience and your intent to be more realistic, appreciated and entertaining.

Could you improve - why of course and you will steadily as you have already. The how we have already discussed and while it is your choice, it is puzzling why you haven't taken the next steps to futher growth. But no more on that now.

As you are now, I appreciate your courage, talent, time and theme of consequence and reality. There isn't enough of each here so keep on keeping on. With growing Regard

Great series and follows the great work you usually provide. This one went with all the emotions but in the end I still feel Larry got away to easy. Some how, his dick rotting off was not enough. As far as Jill-she should be put out of her misery. The hooker's pimp should have kidnapped her and she should be a abused and used whore in the red light district where she belongs. Personally, she deserves to be six feet under but it is fiction, of course. Keep up the great work. One of your fans!

The story really had lots of problems. In fact, in places it stank. However, overall it was a good story. 75 is f fair rating for the entire story.

Need you:

I gave your story a "5," the highest rating, because of the satisfaction I felt in the end. As some of the other posters have indicated, you do seem to be submitting first drafts rather than doing any necessary rewriting or editing. You might remember that Hemmingway rewrote his stuff thirty and forty times -- of course he received two noble prizes, LOL.

You are an excellent yarn spinner, and your stories have coherence, action, and emotional appeal. I will be watching

for future posting by you.

Jess Moreau

the Dan character should have been a bit more vindictive... again, the vote was for its pornqualities, not for the story.. his story sucks... but, it is as good as a hard core XXX...

hey, i haven't commented on any of ur stories before.... beacause, i thought i should take time and read ur stories with carefull attention... which i believe i did... first of all, let me say that - u r not a good erotica writer, not even close, erotica is of passions and events which dwell with love and desire ... u haven't showed that sign in any genre... better to suffice, u r a very good pornstory writer, where morals are necessarily absent and lack of human sanity is essential.. ur sex scenes are good, probably great... u have surpassed many in that area... but, emotions and events that led us to those scenes eventually make a reader almost nonplussed and a bit annoyed... i should particularly talk on ur Loving Wives stories... u see, all of these stories have same patterns... big cock, sudden sluttish attitude and heartbreak of a purely gentle and innocent male... don't u think if anyone knows that he or she can't stay true or they are not just of faithful type, then they shouldn't have chosen the path of relationship or marriage? if any one, like female characters, likes just to fuck and get orgasms, then let be it.... why bother with marriage or something? if that's what they want, give them that chance... i just don't understand, why they marry? ur female characters ceratinly have the greatest sexual appetites and they would like to meet that by getting big, bigger and biggest cocks ..... and, the most upsetting fact with ur writing is - u have tried to justified that... well, if u r singly, do whatever u want, go for 15" black cocks... but, why u do that in a marriage? that's why ur characters are insane like u.... never try to justify that.. u r preaching slut behaviour.... that's not just good... however, who am i to tell these? it's just that when i see people are voting quite generously for ur stories, i get a bit hurt that how can people support things like u advocated.... in literotica, i am particularly happy to see that almost 99% readers are against cheating and they are at it very firmly which assures that themes u profess are yet far off to come to reality....

if u r a male, then, ur pattern tells us that u got this treatment urself from someone u loved and now trying to create that vile character with contempt which we feel too to those characters...

and, if u r a female, which is a big possibility, u urself betrayed someone for a bigger dick... and, u, pathetically, tried to justify some of it, the betrayal.... the orgasmic bliss and better sex turned to have priority over a marriage that the female character chose previously... it's again a shame that in ur stories, female characters are nothing but pieces of meats... always wanting to mate and breed with a better specimen of the opposite sex... and that's why, when ur female characters utter the words 'i love u' or 'love', it is pretty evidient to the readers of my like, that she loves bigger cock and more and more intercourse.. the concept of love in ur storeis is quite bizzare to me and frankly unusual... oh, if u mean, physical love, then, i understand... but, otherwise, my head hurts....

and cheated husbands were portrayed poorly... husbands with small dicks and warmth of a good person.... have u done it intentionally to hurt guys? because, no man really is a wimp... a person may have a beautiful wife, if she cheats.. that shows her character... and, who doesn't know, however great a person's physical attraction can be, if u want to be with that person, he or she has to have good and great characteristics too... beauty doesn't always feed...

however, u and another almost insance Loving Wives writer vastiesmith are quite similar.. even ur and her location in ur biographies are identical.... u both have quite evidently shown us that yes there are really beautiful (outwardly women out there who are full of sexual desire and that only.... u two have shown that women are pieces of meat only... with no heartfelt warmth, true feelings... perhaps i am wasting these... u know, from ur writngs, i have come to realize that there are people who relate to the word Love completely in the physical sort of way... and, a whorish sort of way of course...

pls, do read Mused or Bob Clark Jr. or VetigoJ or haremgirl's stories.. then, u may improve some... the first three dealt with incest... but there also lies the greatness of human mind, how much we are capable of loving the people we care for... do read....

i am earnestly hoping a reply... if u feel upto it... but, pls try to feel the fact that sex is just a part of life, not the core... with ur talent, u could produce great stories.... which i hope u would someday.... and, don't degrade woman that much... most of the woman and man for that matter don't love because of cock size or tit size.... love is something u can't explain...

if i have talked too much, pardon me.... but, ur stories do tend to make people believe that u r insane... hopelessly...

and, last but not the least, human beings are vindictive, the way ur female cheaters get away is quite unbelievable... things really don't happen like that.. measures are always taken.... i suppose it has to do with u again... u urself perhaps got away with it....

bye...

thelonewalker@literotica.com

Unreal! I waded through like a bad movie waiting for the plot to mesh and then finally it was over. Spelling and plagiarism were too distracting. (Bud??? Was that supposed to be Dan or Larry?) Needs proofreading and repairing. Then throw it away. Cut and pasting stories needs more effort and focus.

Many of the readers don't know how to treat a story that doesn't have some wimp, wussy assed british ( jolly good, tommy rot and pip pip tally ho stuff) limp cocked dumb ass peice of trash. Like themselves naturally...sorry about that creepo

Any way loved your story. read it all. I suppose that a husband is to busy being a husband to be suspucious of every whimper the wife makes. She didn't suffer enough. humiliation like releasing the films to her family and church and high school and all that would have been good.

jill got what was coming to her, and the cheater was cheated upon. larry deseved something more, but what he did to jill in the end sortof makes up for it.

Yeah, she's not confused or conflicted, she's an eager prostitute with a lover on the side - Larry! Good story. A little rough technically, but worth reading.

you could do beter than that. After what Jill and Larry did to Dan for so many years you should have devoted a whole chapter to Jill and Larry getting theirs and having the consequences be long lasting and ruin both of their lives. Karma's a Bitch and those two should have had to pay while they watched Dan and Kim marry, prosper, raise a family and become well known in the state's high society. I mean you just say that Jill knew then what she had lost but you should have spelled it out so us readers also know (and enjoy it). You spent almost the whole story on Larry and Jill screwing over Dan. I don't think one chapter would have been too much. It was still a good read though. I enjoyed it, Thank you

i read the last and there was suitable retribution. as for jill's things, garbage bags on driveway

Made almost incoherent by the wrong words being used.

A shame.

Choppy sentences; left out words, poor grammar. This has got it all. Your thought process jumps around too much, so the action is hard to follow. A little male-control fantasy here with revenge substituting for control.

I don't care too much that is was a little sloppy. I loved that Dan got rid of the skank and ended up on top. Jill lost it all and has no one to blame but herself.

On most comments of yours I hear your fear of being under some sort of control, it is a shame to have to live with such fears. In this story some sort of control had to be used because of the severity of the womans behavior, she had the opertunity to stop and refused, I'd say she did what she wanted despite of the wrong of it all. R.T. PS. You were right about the grammer, it sucked.

he hasn't been a man in 20 years. he is one of those cuckold unite type of guys............lol

Why don't you lick your balls and fetch??

are sometimes hard to differentiate from. TK U MLJ LV NV

This made my evening. After all these terrible stories with married women succumbing to anyone attached to a large cock and getting away with it.

The typical scenario would have been for Dan to have accepted that offer, which compared to other stories I've come across was a much nicer deal than most.

Thanks for creating a resolution where the bitches and assholes don't win :)

I doubt that there could be anything worse, anywhere !

"1" !!!!!!!!!!

GET A GOOD EDITOR!!! What you don't know about grammar, spelling, punctuation and tense would fill the library of Congress. Do everyone a favor and get some help. Nothing spoils a read more than basic fundamental mistakes that a middle school kid wouldn't make.

RI

back to my original question ... Why did she marry him?

i really want to thank this author for not writing here anymore. this story was so fucking stupid and took far too fucking long to tell. don't get me started on the lack of grammar either. simply atrocious!

you CAN'T WRITE for shit!

The grammar and word usage is really bad. It changes the meaning of the writing and the reader has to figure out what the writer really meant when he/she used the word incorrectly. Sentences without proper structure are annoying, Remember basic English class -- Subject, Verb, and predicate. Missing any of the three parts makes the sentence useless.

... but he was busted with the whores at the motel at the same time?

her lover was supposed to be in the hospital then how come that he was caught with the hookers?

I think the writer wanted to finish the story so he just made a lot of mistakes

His comment of 04/14/05.

Three months ago, (02/11/18) anon showed that you needed to get a calendar and figure out how to count to three days in a hospital, and while somehow escapng to picki up prostitutes and get out in jail AND a hospital at he same time. (Time line for Larry.)

Yu no spella da English sew good! Yu shud tri to spell it gooder.

Pleas stop riting untill yu get a gooder spel chequer and a gooder pruuf reader.

Then the horrible ending of Dan getting Kim! Absurder then yer riting!

I love a BTB, but this was so bad that I hoped for reconciliation. I may have to go to the hospital in the ambience.

But it had a decent ending, except that Larry was able to walk.

so many spelling and grammar mistakes....please for the love of god edit your stuff.

You spend so long building up a betrayal and so little time on the break up.

I could go with Larry and Jill get away with what they did up until caught while out on the boat, then Dan gets told what they have been up to, including them fucking on the day of the wedding.

Then sails over to see them fucking and Dan does nothing, no punch in the mouth for his "best" mate,Larry, no leave them and sail off with all there belongings, instead he lets them back on the boat.

he pretty much lets them get away with all they did, and then is surprised later to find they are back at it.

In that situation you would expect the average husband to either knock Larry on his ass or at least just sail off and leave them at a minimum.

he should have fed them a gut full of booze if he let them back on the boat, sail a few miles off shore and shove them overboard sail on an hour or so then notify authorities they were missing, "I went below with a headache and had a nap, when I came back on deck later they were missing, maybe they fell overboard or something?"

If he didn't open a can of "whoop-ass" after finding out what they did,

including the wedding day, why did he get so upset the second time?

After his reaction I was surprised they stopped at all.

Yes! A cheating whore gets her due!

My first Ex said almost the same thing to Me .. But her Lover was brave with that RO against Me . But after 90 days it went away . Her Soulmate got beat up bad . I was at My Cousins house playing Texas hold em ..

Bad spelling, poor sentence structure. All around bad.

Neither Dan and Dave didn't see him,

Damn, you need a PROOFREADER! This last chapter felt rushed, as if OP was also done with the series. 4/5.

.

Diner = a small roadside café/restaurant specializing in quick, inexpensive and informal meals

Dinner = a meal, usually evening or in some vernacular pockets, the mid-day meal

Needs just a little more

Very ordinary story, a cuck story at worst, a shit story at best

Scores 1/5 and l think that score is too high for this trash.

Terrible spelling and grammar problems, but hey that's what an editor is for.

The trap that this story fell into was the 'focus on Jill so everyone can see she's a worthless whore, then blindside the reader with a new partner for the cuck'. It doesn't work, it comes off as a cheap trick, and we're all left wondering how long before Kim starts to cheat on him. Also why would Larry and his magical cock need to use three street whores? He's amazing in bed right, and a silvery tongued lothario, what need does he have for such women when the world is his oyster. And it is right, because Jill was supermodel hot, so he can attract whatever hottie he desires. ... And here's me ignoring the fact that Dan knew that his cheating wife had sex with Larry on every important day in Dan's married life. While I can see Dan holding on for the sake of the child and inevitable divorce costs, once the baby had gone he'd have kicked her to the curb faster than a fart clears an elevator. Many marriages fail due to the trauma of miscarriage alone, so... and then we have the revaluation that Dan got with Jill when she was 18, yeah she's 25?? now and they've been together for 7 years. But we were told that Dan and Larry had been roommates for 3 years, and Dan met Jill when she was 22. So Dan must have already had experience with plenty of women and also lost a few to Larry. Yet he was happy to introduce the love of his life to Larry, well... because there's no precedent for how that was going to work out, lol. The importance of the Jill character is that she has to seem irreplaceable, too good for Dan, so he feels lucky to have her in his life, so either she's got to be so hot and personable or Dan has to be ugly, shit in bed or a social misfit. Doesn't really work if he's a college boy getting all the pussy he needs, if a little overshadowed by his roommate.

The final point is that there is an overly long history of men having mistresses, multiple even over their whole marriage, using prostitutes etc ... so the idea that a person can't 'love' two people at the same time, can't compartmentalise love from sex is a fantasy only believed in by the ignorant and/or the religious right sexually upright hypocritical prudes that like to spin a tale of monogamy. Which as we all know is only important for men in as much as where offspring and loyalty are concerned. What was all that bs filler with Bill the boss? If Jill was a nympho she'd be more than happy spreading for all and sundry. She didn't seem to be really happy with any one but Dan and Larry and then we also have the 'I was going to divorce you anyway' thrown into the mix, which just makes the whole thing seem like a teenage love triangle rather than supposedly successful adults navigating life. I think the author realised that the way he'd written this abortion meant that Jill and Larry were the real thing, while Dan was just an unfortunate mistake that Jill got caught up in because Larry wouldn't commit and Jill was too weak to be on her own. Because without the lame hookers at the end, Jill and Larry would be walking off into the sunset while poot old Dan gets himself caught up with another cheating whore.

OMG ! By far the dumbest, worst written, with no editing, story I’ve ever had the displeasure to read. 10 pages of drivel. I kept thinking it might go somewhere, but it never did. Well actually it did. Straight into the crapper. You just kept writing the same scene over and over, just with a different location. I hate to discourage writers, but this was truly pathetic !! No one with a brain could rate this above a 2. My score was 1, because zero wasn’t an option.

Stupid, stupid, stupid ending and again your time line is way off, and Kim only fucked Dan to get even with Larry, why would she drop everything to run into his arms now. As far as Larry goes why would he ever need a

“ Street Ho” makes no sense at all. So you went from a solid 4 to a 2.

Dumb and I only read this chapter