Jill, Dan & Their Friend Larry Ch. 11

Dumb and I only read this chapter

Stupid, stupid, stupid ending and again your time line is way off, and Kim only fucked Dan to get even with Larry, why would she drop everything to run into his arms now. As far as Larry goes why would he ever need a

“ Street Ho” makes no sense at all. So you went from a solid 4 to a 2.

OMG ! By far the dumbest, worst written, with no editing, story I’ve ever had the displeasure to read. 10 pages of drivel. I kept thinking it might go somewhere, but it never did. Well actually it did. Straight into the crapper. You just kept writing the same scene over and over, just with a different location. I hate to discourage writers, but this was truly pathetic !! No one with a brain could rate this above a 2. My score was 1, because zero wasn’t an option.

Terrible spelling and grammar problems, but hey that's what an editor is for.

The trap that this story fell into was the 'focus on Jill so everyone can see she's a worthless whore, then blindside the reader with a new partner for the cuck'. It doesn't work, it comes off as a cheap trick, and we're all left wondering how long before Kim starts to cheat on him. Also why would Larry and his magical cock need to use three street whores? He's amazing in bed right, and a silvery tongued lothario, what need does he have for such women when the world is his oyster. And it is right, because Jill was supermodel hot, so he can attract whatever hottie he desires. ... And here's me ignoring the fact that Dan knew that his cheating wife had sex with Larry on every important day in Dan's married life. While I can see Dan holding on for the sake of the child and inevitable divorce costs, once the baby had gone he'd have kicked her to the curb faster than a fart clears an elevator. Many marriages fail due to the trauma of miscarriage alone, so... and then we have the revaluation that Dan got with Jill when she was 18, yeah she's 25?? now and they've been together for 7 years. But we were told that Dan and Larry had been roommates for 3 years, and Dan met Jill when she was 22. So Dan must have already had experience with plenty of women and also lost a few to Larry. Yet he was happy to introduce the love of his life to Larry, well... because there's no precedent for how that was going to work out, lol. The importance of the Jill character is that she has to seem irreplaceable, too good for Dan, so he feels lucky to have her in his life, so either she's got to be so hot and personable or Dan has to be ugly, shit in bed or a social misfit. Doesn't really work if he's a college boy getting all the pussy he needs, if a little overshadowed by his roommate.

The final point is that there is an overly long history of men having mistresses, multiple even over their whole marriage, using prostitutes etc ... so the idea that a person can't 'love' two people at the same time, can't compartmentalise love from sex is a fantasy only believed in by the ignorant and/or the religious right sexually upright hypocritical prudes that like to spin a tale of monogamy. Which as we all know is only important for men in as much as where offspring and loyalty are concerned. What was all that bs filler with Bill the boss? If Jill was a nympho she'd be more than happy spreading for all and sundry. She didn't seem to be really happy with any one but Dan and Larry and then we also have the 'I was going to divorce you anyway' thrown into the mix, which just makes the whole thing seem like a teenage love triangle rather than supposedly successful adults navigating life. I think the author realised that the way he'd written this abortion meant that Jill and Larry were the real thing, while Dan was just an unfortunate mistake that Jill got caught up in because Larry wouldn't commit and Jill was too weak to be on her own. Because without the lame hookers at the end, Jill and Larry would be walking off into the sunset while poot old Dan gets himself caught up with another cheating whore.

Very ordinary story, a cuck story at worst, a shit story at best

Scores 1/5 and l think that score is too high for this trash.