All Comments on 'Jolene'

There's a semblence of story here ... somewhere. Definitely could have used some humor. This hearkened back to ' The Imprtance of Being Earnest' Earnest' but without the laughs.This was written in good faith and avoided graphic, tummy twisting scenarios of cuckoldry. That's enough for some readers.

If this story does not move you are stone cold dead. I only wish there was a higher number then 5.

Enjoyable tale about the problems that fester a when couple has difficulty communicating. I thought the compressed time frame of the story made it powerful and, although not a 5-star gem, it is a very acceptable effort.

From the get go, the character development, the story playing out from multiple points of view and the all too typical lack of communication between spouses, created a wonderfully written story! Congratulations!!

I give you high marks for good use of flashback: with every scene we learn more details that help bring the story together. The ultimate moral being the value of communication. It is an interesting case study of low self-esteem contrasted against ego and prideful denial. Frank couldn't imagine he had done anything wrong, oblivious to the fact that his growing obsession with Jolene was the catalyst slowly destroying his marriage. However, Becky was just as guilty. Her inability to verbalize her fears, and fully explain to Frank what his behaviors were doing to her, helped to manifest the separation.

I absolutely agree to the reconciliation between these two, but fear that they won't make it without the aid of professional counseling. One detail that wasn't clear, was the status of the divorce at the time of this company party. Had she been served, and they were still waiting for the divorce to be finalized? Or, were they merely separated, and divorce action hadn't begun? If you mentioned, I missed it. If they were only separated, and the divorce action NOT begun, Frank's dating Jolene would be that much more inappropriate. But you do manage to make Frank pretty clueless and in denial about his actions.

It is very difficult to build this level of character development within the framework of flashback, and I think you did a great job. It is obvious that this effort represents carefully crafted hard work, and the results speak for themselves. Just recently, I read your other story, as it came up in the random story spinner. You have real talent as a writer, and I eagerly look forward to more contributions from you in the future. Thanks so much!

Although I would have liked a better ending where the truths were told to each other. Not a biggy though cuz I'm not the author! And really was a happy ending!

My only complaint is that you haven't written more stories. This was both interesting and entertaining. Cleverly layered look at a marriage almost trashed by a lack of communication. Well done. Write more!

Terrific tale - realistic and complete. First class

-V

Why didn't Becky tell Frank that he often called out Jolene's name when in the throes of passion? And two hours in a canoe with her when Becky was in plain view?? JTJ had me convinced Becky was having an affair. I know we'll have some commenters screaming that Becky really was cheating, but there is no proof of that. Additionally, Frank is a pretty bright guy and he no longer believes she was cheating.

Which is what ever story should be. 5* from me!

What more can I say; worth 5 stars!

You have plundered every Soap on TV to come up with a mis-mash of cliches. Flash backs that grate, psychobabble, the works. I kept expecting to see commercial breaks thrown in. One star gratis.

Great job!!!

Thank you

M1•••••

Lack Of Communication

Well done and 5*

Thx

All around. Not sure Becky should have been so quick to take him back, but...love conquers so that's nice.

Terrific references to the Dolly Parton song.

Should have guessed what was happening simply from the title. Lack of communication to blame again.

Enjoyed the story.

Cool! Cheers!

Come on! Man Up and at least give Dolly the credit!

Let's see if this sounds familiar: ))))

"....Your beauty is beyond compare

With FLAMING locks of auburn hair

With ivory skin and eyes of emerald GREEN

Your smile is like a breath of spring

Your voice is soft like summer rain

And I cannot compete with you, Jolene

He talks about you in his sleep

There's nothing I can do to keep

FROM CRYING WHEN HE CALLS YOUR NAME, JOLENE

And I can easily understand

How you could easily take my man

But you don't know what he means to me, Jolene

Jolene, Jolene

Jolene, Jolene

I'm begging of you please don't take my man

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

Please don't take him just because you can

You could have your choice of men

BUT I COULD NEVER LOVE AGAIN

He's the only one for me, Jolene

I HAD TO HAVE THIS TALK WITH YOU

My happiness depends on you

And whatever you decide to do, Jolene"

Hmmm. Seems like I heard these words, or very similar ones in this story....

Plagerism got an "F" grade (if you were lucky) when I was in school.... So, my score could not be very high even though I liked the story OK.

Magnificent twist. Brilliant,

My own story fits in nicely with this one. Before I was married I worked with a sad old hippie. A really nice guy and a hard worker. Then I asked a girl to marry me and she said yes. I was 18 the was 17. We were married a few days after my 19th birthday and my wife graduating from high school.

Before my marriage this old hippie took me aside one day after work. I was to be married the next day. He told me that he didn't have any money to buy us a wedding gift but that he had advice that he thought would be priceless. His advice?

TALK.

Never ever stop communicating. No matter what, talk. Go to bed mad, be pissed off, but talk. If I wanted my marriage to succeed my wife and I would have to talk. He went on to tell me his own marriage ended in disastrous divorce simply because they stopped communicating and if they had continued to talk, he believed he would have never divorced.

Now 40 years later, my wife and I have never stopped communicating. We seldom even listen to the radio if we are traveling, we talk instead. And do you know what my wife forces me to do with every groom of every marriage we go to? She makes me, whether I know them or not, to tell this story and give them the greatest gift ever, the secret of having a great marriage. It is spelled out in one word. TALK.

First Gold for Plastic, and now Jolene! Man, you have a great writing talent and the ability to make your characters jump off the page at the reader. Keep it up!!!

I included the Dolly Parton lyrics at the end with a full credit to her. I took them out so that it could be posted.

Very well written. And I love the reference to the song, but most importantly... I love how the story ends with Jolene wanting what Becky and Frank have, though everyone seems to "want" Jolene.

Kudos.

Then for Rebecca to not talk to her husband, to ignore the elephant in the room, to not even be willing to talk to him when she could have???? After 12 fucking years? That is so cowardly that I would divorce her on the fucking spot. I don't want a coward for a wife. I want a woman who can call me on my bullshit and who can trust me when I call her on her crap.

Super story from a super writer. What a twist at the end. I just cannot get over the way you got me and others into this gem. Thank you and I hope you can keep them coming.

A few holes. He says Jolene's name while they are making love? That's a little strange, unbelievable, and unnecessary. Miscommunication has been the end of many relationships, both personal and in business. I guess that she got the poison ivy when she was watching them in the canoe. Her fears became reality to her, and neither she nor he would communicate about it.

Graet piece of writing very entertaining and something different. Thanks for sharing this GEM of a story.

other than the confusing relationships of who was actually who at the beginning, this lacked any substance and continuity. sorry, but it was a struggle to keep up with the soap opera twists of the drama.

Totally unexpected. And no physical cheating. In the end love wins out. As long as he stops talking during lovemaking. Yeah

Five Stars

Very well written and enjoyed the twists.

... definitely not a normal run of the mill "Loving Wives" submission.

Very good plot. Nice surprise ! You got sympathetic characters that drew the reader

into the story.

Well I am definitely looking forward to seeing your next story.

AMerryMan

Thank you so much for writing this story. You did a fine job of hiding the final twist and I find that it was very satisfying.

Your writing has the ability to draw out the emotion of your reader and at first I hated Becky and then pitied and then finally, so glad for her.

Superb writing. 5*

Best regards,

-Pultoy

5 stars and a teary eyed me off to beddy byes soon.

5 *'s good plot, and the twists that kept us reading until the end. Truly, Becky was a Loving Wife

Good story with quite the nice plot change: didn't see that one coming!

I am a sucker for these type stories. No cheating, just misunderstandings. Though Becky's handling of the situation leaves something to be desired, the total devastation of a loss of the affections from the one you love may cause a strange reaction. Wonderful story.

I found the story kind of hard to get into. You have talent and are trying new things. I found the jumping around distracting at first. I like the happy ending but you made Frank and Becky a couple of the worst communicators ever. Frank didn't know he uttered Jolene's name every time they had sex? Thanks for your work. 4 Stars

Reasonable man

He made his nightmare so overwhelming that the possibility of alternate interpretation completely escaped me. Normally one faux pas is all you get!

That's some good stuff.

And that says it all.

...and while the end became apparent to me, it is obvious how it escaped Frank's perception... human emotions can cause all sorts of trouble.

I am glad to see that he ended up being a stand-up guy though: the second it became clear to him the assumptions he had made were wrong, he changed the outcome, and supported his truly virtuous wife... and I hope that Bobby ended up on their christmas card list forever. Early on I expected him to be a bad guy... you got me there.

Well done. 5 stars. And to those readers who couldn't follow the back-and-forward nature of the story.... really? It's not that hard to do.

Just the janitor? The nom de plume does NOT do you justice. One of the very best stories I have read. The ending was completely unexpected. You are on my favorites list. If you are just getting started with your writings, this is going to be a very hard act to follow. Please continue. I look forward to all your efforts. 10 stars. Thank you!

Outstanding plot - the way everything turned round 180 degrees on the last page is classic. Nice church wedding symbolism. A pity that the author was not allowed to include the lyrics of the song.

Great story.awesome twist and outstanding writing.

Plz keep it coming.

The story itself was confusing and I had to go back and read it again. It was a very good twist of assumed facts.It brought tears to my eyes with the emotion of the character Frank. Both of your stories made me very emotional,and I like that in a story. Looking forward for more writing, your are now one of my favorites, and even with the confustion this gets a 5!

A sweet enduring story with a pleasantly surprising twist of an ending. Well done.

Ok, I have read many stories on this site over the years. Many have had supposed 'twist' endings, but they have been obvious before half of the story was read. Yours is the only one to date that surprised me with how everything got turned around. In hindsight, everything made sense. I wonder how the relationship between Becky and Frank turn out from the end, since there would be some serious scarring due to lack of trust and the emotional attachment that Frank had formed with Jolene.

I want to imagine that everything works out well for the main 2, and Jolene finds a relationship(not with Bobby or Paul since that would keep the memory alive for Becky and not let her heal the damage this would have undoubtedly caused).

You have done a good job of creating a Loving Wives story with no villains other than supposition.

Great, great story, even if it's spoiled by the reference to the Dolly Parton song. I figured out how it would end, and still think it's wonderful.

Very little, if any writing skills present! No story,no character development, this writer should just go back to his plumbing job as a hobby. "1*" !!

Please pay no mind to commentators with reading and comprehension disabilities. It took little effort to follow the time changes, and the reward was great. What a surprise! I didn't doubt her infidelity at all. I was sure Paul was stabbing him in the back. I was trying to figure out how Bobby was involved in all this; and then Jolene drops the bomb! I felt nearly as guilty as Frank did. This has been the most graphic demonstration of the importance of communication I've ever read, and I'll try to understand my wife better in the inevitable disagreements we'll have in the future. Thanks for a brilliant plot. I look forward to reading more of your work.

beginning to end. thanks

yuk star

I loved it and, for me, the twist at the end was completely unexpected

Nice piece on human frailty and insecurities. A little courage and communication would have gone a long way to nipping this in the bud. She should have bitched her husband out for being alone in a canoe for 2 hours with a beautiful woman at a picnic! He degraded his wife by doing that!

You got a little lost at times, but you really nailed the ending, something that many writers here have serious problems handling well. A tale of true love very nearly spoilt by the almost complete lack of communication at the right times. You really had me believing that Becky was a cheater, so kudos to you. 5 *****

Just...WOW!

Okay, I'm reading this and reading this and the jumps back and forth are getting annoying. Now, I am a good reader. I can follow multiple plot points and can do the 'back and forth' retrospective in a story. But unless it adds something to the story (and all the way to page three, it didn't), I find it a bit tedious, like dealing with my kids while messing about with a business deal on the phone: distracting and annoying.

But the pay off was JUST SO WORTH IT! Nice little trick if you can pull it off and you did in spades! Mr. Upright made perfect sense. His sense of self worth and virtue making him unwilling to gloam in. The femme fatale who wants what she's got...in a reasonably ethical way...the quiet wife who feels she is out of her league.

If I HAD to find something to quibble about, it was I can't believe his wife didn't say anything about that emotional affair. But...I am willing to overlook that. People are strange. Hubby has some fucking crawling to do...but you know what? He should! She had her quotient of pain...but you know what? She deserves it too. If you don't talk, you deserve the tragedy of errors that ensues.

This is, to me, your finest of the four stories and I hope you continue to write.

Looks like we have another excellent author to share top 5 places on Lit.

BTW fd45, I wouldn't fuck you with a dogs dick.

You amazed me......

Thank you

Well I guess I liked this story aaaaa LOT. I'll give you a 5.999....?. How about an A+, (A+ = 4.5), not all the time ? What is a Perfect Score for a great idea. Humm. I know 'An absolute 100%' for your crazy idea.......

Good One,

bill.....

P.S. the absolute math symbol is not on my machine....lol

not a way to save relationships or marriages. TK U MLJ LV NV

I'm sorry, I know he said don't talk to Jolene, but to not tell him when it's costing her the marriage?!

And he can't even go over to Jolene and apologize/explain?

BITCH and BASTARD.....which ever one has the shoe that fits. TK U MLJ LV NV

This was one awesome story. Keep writing.

Just superbly conceived and written. Beautifully done, sir!

What a simply wonderful writer you are. Thank you.

another impressive tale. An instant favorite. Five stars. This was an incredible tale. Loved the way you went back and forth from past to present.

Been reading justajanitor stories (most recent first), and this is another very, very impressive story. Closer to 4 stars than 5 for me...calling Jolene's name while having sex with Becky was a bit much for me. If he had actually had sex with Jolene then perhaps I could see it. But he obviously had not, so it was a bit of reach in my mind.

Please write more! Everyone of your stories have been good.

I'm thinking Jolene is wishing she'd kept her mouth shut.

Would the story have the same score? Would it have a red 'H' besides it? Would the comments be the same? Would there be any happy readers,at all?

Talking about fucking double standards.

I really feel sorry for Becky that she is so deeply in love with an Asshole named Frank.

One little change does not stop all the other stuff she put him through. If she had said one thing, nothing would have happened. Ending sucks 2*

Kind of lowlife fuckwit village idiot piece of shit does someone have to be to call out another persons name to their spouse when they are in bed together.

The Frank character was not believable at all, someone that fucking stupid could never work in any kind of office due to the simple fact that they would have serious difficulty turning on a pc let alone working on one.

Unfortunately the monstrous level of stupidity required by the character to act the way he did ruins the whole premise of the story.

It was a little hard to read with the mix of jumping back and forth between current and past events.

Congrats. A clever, sneaky and entertaining little story. Five out of five. This writer is very good with dialogue. And I like a happy ending. But I had to think carefully on how to rate this story because it isn't the husband or the wife who is cheating here - it is the author.

He cleverly makes the reader think one of the spouses is cheating. But really it is the author who is withholding some key information from the reader. This is a dangerous tactic which risks upsetting the reader.

That is why I had to think carefully about how to rate this story. I decided it is acceptable over a relatively short story to get the desired affect. But there would be a real risk of offending a reader who invests in a longer story only to find the author has been tricking him all along.

Cheers Steve

Just found this writer and man !!!

Beautiful story,please write some more.

All 5s

You seem to have it 'backwards.

What about all the crap that Franky-boy put Becky through? 2 hours in a canoe; saying Jolene's name when he was screwing Becky?

Sure it's a RAAC, but, it's also the pot calling the kettle black. Just sayin'

Still five stars. Still a favorite. Love this story line.

One of the best i have read on this site. Really surprised me in a most pleasant way. He needs to eat some real humble pie but his heart is in the right place, he's just a bit stupid!

pretty stupid premise after you read the twist at the end.

Quite the tale. Well spun.

The story is entertaining but, in real life, it's totally illogical.

Even if he DID call out another woman's name, HE'D CATCH IT HIMSELF AND REALIZE THAT HE'D FUCKED UP, BIG TIME!!!! He'd bend over backward to make it up to his wife and, for DAMNED sure, he'd never do it again.

Really good story with a nice twist at the end. Enjoyed it!

"She had plenty of chances before I left to talk and she wouldn't and now, honestly, I just don't want to hear it" - Why do all these women who refuse to talk BEFORE the end, find it impossible to let go after?

And I agree with KarenE that for her to not talk to him when their marriage is circling the drain, even if it means admitting that she ignored his instruction not to talk to Jolene is ridiculous!

Feel good story. Thanks for writing it and sharing it.

Really good story with a great twist end. Good well developed characters and a great plot and conclusion!

Thank you for sharing and please keep writing!

The genius of this Author is beyond question. Sadly, he is just about the only one.

Newer have I enjoyed reading a story more ! Giving it a 5* seems to be so inadequate. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Big twist at the end; it was great for us (the readers) because we figured out what was going on at the same time Frank does. Ingenious really. Very nice, very well written.

Calling out another girls name while making love? Yeah, that happens - I've done it. I wasn't married and I'd had too much to drink, but I called out my old girlfriend's name while with another. Out of habit I suppose. The girl I was with at the time thought it was cute, thank goodness, but that's probably because both of us knew this relationship, while fun, wasn't really headed anywhere. It only happened that once though, so it's tougher to believe that Frank did it rather often.

The story is believable because the characters are believable. Every person is different and when you've lived 58 years, like I have, you've seen a lot folks. They all respond differently to the same stimuli, so the comments made earlier about how that's not what someone would do - just isn't true. Anything's possible when it comes to how people react.

This is a reconciliation I was quite happy to see, would have been upset with anything else. Great story, 5 stars. Great to see you're writing again, please keep it up! Thanks.

Still one of my favorites. Five stars and very well developed. Now this is the kind of new author this site should be applauding. More!

to each other's like intelligent being we would not have stories such as this. Thank you for a good read.

Loved it.

Well thought out and put together.

As Frank comes to realise, so do we.

You have a talent, thanks for sharing.

Damn, that was a great story!!

Second time reading one of the best

The best story I have read in a long time. I did not see that coming, and that always impresses me.

Not bad however I felt a yawn coming on as I read this. Never did explain what the written paper meant. The "Oops. Let stay together" thing seemed emotionless. Still didn't explain the long term change in behavior.

I kept waiting for that scene too tie it all together. Still waiting.

. . . really good. Very enjoyable and sensitive read with a very pleasurable and satisfying outcome, without being too schmaltzy. Thank you.

Really great story. Thank you.

The ending hit me like a truck..Loved it...

Great misdirection. I think you fooled everyone. Great lesson about listening to the other party before cutting loose. A "5" from me. BK