All Comments on 'Jungle Fever'

bore ing

I like it - it is not like the other stories which are all about sex and lust.

This one has tenderness and love as well. I just knew they were going to be married.

I hope they live happily ever after.

It's an impossible, jumbled mess of a good story.

You've got talent and passion for your story, but it doesn't flow. The business with the prostitute doesn't fit, anywhere. You could skip or shorten the historical intro, those of us who lived through tthose times know and nobody else cares. The ending is rather abrupt. Keep writing. I like it, but it could have been great.

Thanks for the critique. The reason I have the prostitute part is because there was the problem with American soldiers visiting prostitutes. The reason for the abrupt end is, that I wasn't sure how to continue the story so I ended it with...they fell in love and they got married. THE END

Lovely story. The ending seemed a bit abrupt. Although I liked all of the historical details, it seems like they could be better integrated into the story.

#1 The concise summation of the history of a country and people traumatized set the stage for a time and place often hard to understand! #2 The traumas and fear of ANYONE finding them that each of these two people had before their paths crossed. #3 Recognition of that sense of emotional and physical isolation they each believed necessary for survival in the circumstances they found themselves in. #4 The feeling of intimacy and trust their circumstances built between them into mutually fulfilling desire, need, & love. A well told story!

This is a great example of how not all Americans in Viet Nam were inhumane, and also how brutal the VC could be. I worry all the time about all the people we left behind, and what happened to them.

I rated it 5, although I agree some problems should be remedied, such as shortening the historical introduction: I loved the detail, but not all of that was needed to introduce Mai Li to us; it would have been better to be 1/2 shorter on history and use the remaining 1/2 elsewhere in the story to add more detail about Mai Li or details pertinent to her. Otherwise, her attempt to evade capture felt real, and you drew her bear encounter very vividly. How you detailed her pain while in Daniel's initial care was well done, as well as his reaction to her injury. However, the ending felt rushed and could have used more detail: I could have even seen you writing another chapter to detail their struggle to leave Vietnam--especially showing them getting married there before trying to escape.

The biggest issue I have with the story is how Daniel can square himself with the Army. I suppose it is possible that after he married Mei Li he was able to connect with an American unit and spin a cock and bull story about becoming separated from his unit, getting lost, finding this injured girl in the bush and not being able to try and return to USA military control until she could travel. In the aftermath of My Lai, if Daniel had a good prior record the Army might have accepted his story. (Notice I don't say "believed it," just accepted it.) He'd also have to answer for marrying without permission in a war zone, which historically the military has had problems with, but might have been able to parley his knowledge of what happened at My Lai into a discharge for the convenience of the government, including official acknowledgment of the marriage and transportation back to the Land of the Big PX.

But the abrupt "They got married and lived happily ever after" ending is unrealistic and ruins an otherwise intriguing tale. Pity.

Mai Li is simply a dream that must have another chapter. I enjoyed the history. I was always interested in how well her leg healed, but that didn't get shared. I'll leave it to you what happens after she arrived in the States, but we all hope to find an exotic Mai Li and we can't help but wish for more!

All of that preparation at the beginning, all the unfolding of the delicious tale, the angst of the relationship and then BOOM. Done. This story deserves a better ending!

The story ends just like my year in Vietnam. One afternoon, I was walking out of my hootch, riding my gun jeep to the airstrip, loading my duffle bag on the Freedom Bird, and several hours later, walking back out at LAX, another day, another country, back into the life I left behind, and on my way to graduate school.