Just Drive

We ended up going back to Jay's house. His parents were asleep, or at least they weren't up to see us come in, and we went quickly to his room. Jay helped unzip my dress and I took it off, careful not to let it get crumpled. My mom could spot an unjustified wrinkle a mile away.

For a minute I just stood there, self consciously, in a strapless bra, black panties, nylons and heels. For all that I'd worried about my lack of curves, the look on Jay's face told me that he appreciated the view. I felt pleased with myself and stepped forward to unbutton his shirt, his jacket having been thrown over his desk chair earlier.

"M, Jesus, you're so beautiful. Seriously. I can't believe this is real. I've thought about you here, in my room, so many times," he confessed, as I slid his shirt off of his shoulders.

"Seriously? You've only ever talked about Channing. I didn't think you even really noticed me, except you know, as someone smarter than you." I replied, falling back on smart assery to cover my nerves.

He started to make a smartass comeback, but thought better of it and pushed me back on his bed instead. He kissed me again and pulled me up a bit so he could undo my bra, cursing when he had to use two hands to get the clasp.

The air on my naked breasts brought on a mild amount of panic. No guy had ever seen me naked before. Sure, I'd thought about it, but being here in the moment was something different. I was suddenly really unsure that I could go through with it, even with Jay, who I'd been so close to. I hugged him close to me, my nipples pressing into his bare chest. Apparently they hadn't gotten the memo that I was losing my shit because they were hard and begging to be touched.

"M, it's ok. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do," Jay said quietly, feeling the tension in the rest of my body. His hands stilled, though I could see in his eyes that he was dying to touch me.

"Ummm, why don't we both just get naked and I'll see how I feel about it," I proposed, just to put distance between us. On the one hand, I was scared, but on the other, I was this far in with someone I trusted. I figured that I might as well see how far I could go.

Jay chuckled and stood up, unbuckling his belt as I kicked off my heels and peeled off my nylons. We both just had on underwear and Jay looked up at me to see if we were going to continue. I took a deep breath and pulled my panties down, watching as his boxer briefs inched lower.

Since Jay's cock was the first I'd ever seen in person, I didn't realize then how nice it was. I mean, sure, I knew that it looked sort of big, hard and he'd done a good job of manscaping, but I really didn't have any basis for comparison. I tentatively reached out to touch it, looking up at him to be sure that he liked what I was doing. I took his closed eyes and deep sigh as good signs.

Slowly, I lightly trailed my fingers up and down the length of him. His skin felt super hot to the touch and silky smooth. The knowledge that I turned him on so much made me bolder and I let one hand trail to cup his balls while my other hand moved up his flat stomach and over his chest, suddenly possessed with the desire to touch him everywhere. To his credit, he let me, even though I know he was dying for me to return my attention to his cock.

When I finally did, it was with my lips. Channing had explained to me many times over how much guys loved getting head. Though the idea of it was more than a little intimidating, I also really wanted to make Jay feel good. Pulling up pictures in my mind of Cosmo articles and one horrible porn flick that she'd made me view, I took a deep breath and then kissed the head of his cock, licking the precum leaking from the tip. He threaded his fingers through my hair as he moaned. Smiling, I bravely licked him from the tip to the base in long strokes until his entire cock was covered in my saliva, warming up to feeling like I could take him in my mouth.

At first, the feeling of him in my mouth was overwhelming, like I couldn't breathe. I actually gagged and choked a little and he stopped me, asking if I was ok. Looking back, I'm super crazy impressed that an 18-year-old virgin had that much control. I tried again, only to hear him groan... not moan in a good way, and remind me to watch my teeth. Embarrassed, I pulled back but he asked me to keep going, so I gave it my best shot.

On a scale of one to ten, I know it was not a good blowjob, but seeing as it was both of our firsts, it wasn't long before he came. I wasn't experienced enough to try to swallow, so when he said he was going to cum, I pulled completely away from him and watched as cum splashed across the comforter. I was sort of fascinated by the process of watching him climax, his body tensing and then releasing in such a magnificent fashion.

When he recovered, he smiled at me and told me it was my turn, but my anxiety had returned as I sat there staring at the milky load he'd just blown. I could hardly believe I'd been brave enough to blow him, lack of talent notwithstanding.

"I'm... I'm not sure I can let you... lick me... there. I just, yeah... I'm scared shitless in this moment," I admitted. It was, by far, the most honest I'd ever been with him.

"Well we don't have to start there, M. You said you've never even let anyone feel you up... and I'm dying to feel you up." He whispered against my neck, kissing me and driving me crazy. I arched into him as his hands covered my breasts. He played with my nipples, first with his fingers and then with his tongue. I was so turned on, I could feel wetness literally dripping down my thighs. His hands trailed down my body, skipping over my pussy, presumably in case I wasn't ready yet. He trailed his big hands up my calves, tickling the backs of my knees and stopping as he felt the wetness on my thighs.

"Jesus, M. You're so fucking wet."

The look in my eyes must have conveyed that I was super nervous, because instead of bending his head down to lick me, he rubbed his fingers repeatedly over my inner thighs and then licked them. When he didn't appear grossed out by the taste, I let him return his hands. He slowly inched them closer to my glistening pussy and slid a finger inside me when I didn't object. The look on his face was comically blissful, perhaps even more so than when I'd first wrapped my lips around his cock.

"You feel amazing," he murmured, and I could see that his cock was already getting hard again. He slowly slid his finger in and out, granted without a lot of finesse, but neither one of us really knew any differently. I knew that the next logical step was to let him fuck me but I just couldn't do it. Hell, earlier in the day I'd still thought of him as "just a friend", I wasn't sure I could handle losing my virginity, even if I was aching a little for him.

I started to tear up and apologize, but he just waved away my words.

"You can't apologize. Tonight was seriously the best night of my life. If you're not ready, I can handle that," he said, spooning me, his hard cock, pressing into my back.

As much as I wanted to stay there and fall asleep in his arms, and maybe wake up and feel braver, I knew that I had to get home or my parents would know what we'd been up to and probably kill us both. We washed up a little and got re-dressed and then he drove me home.

After walking me to my door, he kissed me again, already light years better at it than he had been in the park just an hour before. The height difference was more noticeable than when we'd both been sitting on the picnic table, but somehow we still managed.

We said goodnight and I went inside only to hear my mom from the living room.

"That boy is so respectful, Ming-Na. He likes you," my mother teased, and I was filled with mortification that they had undoubtedly been watching us kiss... well, that and the fact that she wouldn't think he was so respectful if she'd seen my lips wrapped around his cock.

"He's just my friend, mom." I muttered as I had a thousand times before, only this time I knew I didn't mean it.

"As you keep saying," my father chimed in with a smile, "I'm glad you're just friends though. You have more important things to focus on right now than boys. UCLA in the fall and then med school... perhaps you can date after you finish your residency."

I just shook my head. I'd heard the speech many times. Mentally I just thanked my lucky everything that UCLA was in California, thousands of miles away from Indiana and mere minutes away from USC.

Despite our best efforts, Jay and I did not end up having sex before we went off to college. For some reason, I just couldn't bring myself to lose my virginity, even though we were routinely polishing up on our oral skills... well, when I could escape the watchful eyes of my parents, which was nowhere near frequent enough.

At first I didn't tell Channing about our hookups. I felt a little embarrassed that she had been right about the two of us getting together and then she was gone over the summer on a backpacking trip in Yosemite.

She was back home for a week just before we were headed in completely different directions for college. She'd been accepted to Rice University in Texas. We were going to be thousands of miles apart. I did confess to her then and she threw a pillow at my head for my not having told her sooner.

"So are you guys, like, together then? You're both going to be in LA. You could make it work," she mused out loud. She and Willis had decided to break up rather than try to do a long distance relationship, since he was going to be in Chicago. She didn't seem overly saddened by it and I guessed that she'd met someone on her trip.

"Guilty. I didn't cheat on Will, though. I was just the asshole girlfriend that broke up with him by phone."

"You did not. You bitch! So who's the new guy?"

"Oh he was just a fling on my trip. I don't want to start college in a relationship. I want to be free to meet new people and do whatever I want, not be tied down."

The logic of this seemed pretty sound to me. I mentioned it to Jay and he looked relieved. I felt a pang in my stomach that he clearly hadn't wanted a real relationship with me. Then again, the whole thing had started because we were helping each other gain experience. It was hardly romance novel worthy.

"I think you're right. We're not even going to be at the same school and we're going to be meeting a ton of people. I was thinking that we should probably cool it, but I wasn't really sure how to say it. Well, that and I like getting head." He dodged as I threw a punch towards his arm. I didn't hit hard, but he still never let me actually punch him. Jerk.

Jay and I drove across the country together, out to our respective campuses. In the hotel rooms along the way, we hooked up again because, well, we were in a hotel room... alone.

"So we're still not, like, together or anything right? Last night doesn't change anything, does it?" I asked.

"Wu, just drive." Jay answered, turning his head and putting headphones in, effectively ending our conversation. Apparently he didn't have patience for a girly state of the relationship discussion. I didn't even ask the following morning, though I'd given him the blowjob of a lifetime the night before. I was a little saddened by the fact that he was completely unwilling to revisit the idea of an "us", but at the same time, super excited about the idea of starting a whole new life.

My first semester of college was a bit of a blur. I studied, ate crappy food my parents would never have allowed within 100 feet of our home, and I pledged an Asian sorority on campus. The experience of being surrounded by a whole sisterhood of beautiful girls, not one of which was (naturally) blond haired or blue eyed was amazing for me after being the only Chinese girl in my whole school.

Despite doing my best to keep my head down and maintain a perfect GPA, I still got asked out frequently. I just didn't always feel like I knew what to do with the guys suddenly lining up to ask for my time. Having passed on dating in high school (I could hardly count my naked time hooking up with Jay as a date), I felt like I missed out on the chance to learn how to conduct myself. I rarely accepted second dates, when they were actually offered, because I just felt so out of touch with how a 19-year-old girl was supposed to conduct herself, despite Channing's coaching via Skype.

Jay kept in touch as well, mostly through 2am instant messages. We'd moved beyond our brief physical phase and maintained a rather competitive friendship, spurred on by the fact that we were intellectual rivals attending rival universities. Most of our conversations centered on endless shit talking about each other's schools.

When I finally did lose my virginity, to an incredibly hot brother of an Asian fraternity that my big sister introduced me to, it was under the influence of a lot of alcohol. He was infinitely more experienced than I was, and while it felt nice to be able to turn myself over to his instruction, he was much rougher than Jay had ever been with me. We hooked up for about a month before I finally called it off, because we just weren't into the same things sexually. Call me crazy, but out of the gate, I just wasn't ready for being tied up or nipple clamps that felt like they were going to cause my poor nips to fall off.

Once the ice was broken though, I had a lot easier time with guys. I often wondered what had kept me from being able to say yes to Jay when it became so easy to say yes to anyone who smiled at me just right. I definitely made up for my chaste ways in high school by having a bit of a whore phase in college.

One rare night, Jay and I actually hung out in person. He was telling me about the girl he was dating and I was sharing censored details about my activities. It was clear that he was really into Jenna though, so eventually the conversation was purely about her.

From what I could tell, Jenna was a self absorbed, poor little rich girl. She frequently talked Jay into doing things for her, but then wasn't available when he wanted something from her... unless it was sex. Apparently the sex was good. Though the number of people I had slept with had gone up quite a bit, I still couldn't say that I was having good sex. I was actually a little jealous. I didn't even let myself contemplate if I was jealous of Jay's sex life or his partners. I steered right around that one.

The one thing we both agreed on was that she was out of his league. She was a lot like Channing, though clearly without as much heart. On the plus side, she had a thing for nerdy guys and Jay had filled out just a little bit since starting college. He no longer looked skinny and stretched out, though he was still thin.

I merely tried to suggest that he stop trying so hard to keep her, that perhaps if he was a little bit more of a jerk, she'd stop jerking him around and he bit my head off.

"Jesus, Wu, not that nice guys finish last BS. Not from you. She's a cool girl, she makes me happy," he said with a smirk, "and I want to keep her happy."

Jay still never called me Tatum. He thought the whole idea was stupid and even though I'd stuck with Tatum at UCLA, he adamantly refused.

"Fine. She's heaven on earth, has beer-flavored nipples, and you're going to ride off into the USC sunset together. Let me know how the white picket fence and 2.5 kids work out when I'm curing cancer, slacker," I said, trying to bow out of the discussion with our usual schnark. The truth was, I was fairly sure Jenna was going to chew him up and spit him out but it was clear there was no making him see that.

Our friendship was silent for a little while after that. It seemed I had a tendency to speak my mind too much and lose Jay. I was sort of used to it by then, and truthfully I was so buried in honors coursework and sorority events, I didn't have much time to fret over it.

A few months later I got a single i.m. from him at our traditional 2am chat time.

"All women are evil fucking cheating whores... present company excluded."

Chewed him up and spit him out, indeed. Jay became much quieter after that, much more focused on his work. I actually really missed our shit talking, but it was clear that he had retreated into his shell and no amount of dissing the Trojans was going to pull him out of it.

******

My junior year of college I met Brad. He was the TA in my biochem class, working on a master's degree in chemistry. He was totally hot and all of the girls in my class flirted with him shamelessly, but once the course was over, he asked me out. We dated the following semester before deciding to move in together to save on rent and have easier access to each other naked. I found having roommates in the sorority house the slightest bit tiresome, trying to be discreet and worse, quiet.

Our relationship was really just a convenient way to have someone to fuck who knew what the other person liked. I definitely couldn't claim to be in love with him and I was under no illusions that he had deep feelings for me. We stayed together my entire senior year, but when I finished undergrad and he completed his master's, we agreed that our relationship had run its natural course. The proof that it had really only been a physical thing came in the fact that the only time I ever missed him was when I was horny.

After undergrad, I went to Berkeley for med school. My parents were beyond proud of me, especially since they'd worried that being in a sorority would affect my grades. The summa cum laude distinction on my diploma proved that I was an effective multitasker and certainly helped with my grad school applications.

I promised myself that I would be more focused in med school, though. I'd been lucky to be surrounded by sorority sisters that understood the importance of great academics, but as a grad student, I wouldn't be in a sorority anymore. I also didn't know anyone in the bay area, which meant I'd have to start all over making friends, with the exception of the fact that Channing was doing a graduate film program in San Fransisco and Jay had taken a job as a software engineer in Silicon Valley. He was an hour south of me and Channing was a half hour across the bay. At least my two closest friends were within driving distance whenever I needed to blow off a little steam.

The three of us usually got together every other month or so, since our schedules were all pretty packed. Channing would tell stories about her fairy tale life, Jay would bemoan working in a "sausage factory", and I would be constantly stressed about what I wasn't studying for, taking time out of my schedule to have the most pathetic social life ever.

"Seriously, you two are awful," Channing said, putting her beer down on the table a little more forcefully than was really necessary, "You whine about not meeting girls and you can't get your head out of your books for 5 minutes. Tay, our entire friendship is over unless you get up and go talk to that guy across the bar, who has been checking you out. And you, you fucking idiot... You're at a table with two beautiful women moaning about never spending time with women. Go ahead; hit me with your best shot. I'm listening."

I could hear Channing coaching Jay on confidence and who knows what else as I left the table. The guy Channing directed me to, Clark, was actually pretty cute, she had a great eye for such things.

Even though the night was going well with Clark, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when I saw Channing and Jay leave the bar together. She texted me that she was taking him back to her place to "teach him a few things." I could just imagine Jay, finally getting a chance with the girl of his high school dreams and while I kept telling myself to feel happy for him, all I could feel was an intense, seething jealousy.