All Comments on 'Just Jump'

I loved this story so much. The characters, the plot, the romance and the ending. Everything just fit together perfectly and made this one of the best stories iv read so far (and iv read alot of the stories on this site lol). I did find it confusing though jumping from present to past and back but by the end if the story it made sense and made the story better.

Absolutely amazing.

I love hapopy endings of all types.

I love the subject and the story is a good one....but all the time jumping became hurdles to the flow of the story.

Your writing style is very, very tough to follow which detracts from the story line. This slows down the thread of the story very much. It makes the reader have to think about where you were a moment ago, or a paragraph ago, before continuing on with the story. After you get by that hurdle, the story is very, very good. The characters are very interesting. You spend more time making us think about sex, then there is sex in the story, which is an excellent ploy. I was going to rate this story as a 3 because of its'initial deficiencies, but the story itself deserves a 4, so that is what I gave you.

I can see the complaints about the shifting time every once in a while, but it *is* well-marked. And it's a well-used, common storytelling style. It lets the author weave a story and build to a conclusion without having to be completely linear and predictable. I enjoyed this story a lot. The interesting, believable characters meant a lot. The non-linear storytelling means that you might guess at what's going to happen in the "Now", but you don't have the whole past to *know* until the very end. And great descriptions, as always. :)

I think the story is wonderful.

I did not mind the `jumping` timeline at all.

I really enjoyed it.

My compliments.

A great storyline, and the theme of brother and sister finally getting together to live their lives being in love, was fantastic.

It may be a lack of concentration on my part, that made reading the story a little hard, by the way it was continually flashing back to the past and then to the present.

I did enjoy the happy ending, thanks for the read.

This is a well written short story that happens to have overt sex in it. Well done!

I'm not sure if it was intentional, but throughout the story there were many Flowers in the Attic-esque references, which made it even more lovely.

Good story, and your timeline made it more interesting for me to read. People tell me they can't follow my stories all the time - maybe my brain's too scattered, but it's nice to see someone else with similar ideas! Keep on writing :)

Thank You for your time and effort, KEEP IT UP

Did you ever stop to think, thats just what he wanted you to do?

Great story. Nice work! ^__^

I loved the story and everything about and in it was perfect. Please keep'em comin.

That was excellent, I so want them to be married . I was hoping it was his child. I hope she has another by him. They are so meant for each other. Las Vegas does marriages without asking who they are. I hope they get married to each other.

I have to say it made me cry. But I enjoyed the story a lot. Keep em coming.

The uncertainty of their relationship was echoed in the closing of your story. The story was dynamic and a little tough to read. An odd combination...I know. The way the timeline changed was disconcerting at first, then as a reader I became accustomed to it. Write On!

Teasing, dramatic, funny, sexy, romantic all describe the story, but one word sums it up better: amazing.

The story felt realistic and well developed. The way you shift timelines to slowly reveal the story was expertly done. You are a seriously talented writer. Please keep writing!

You're probably the best writer on this site.

I'm not usually turned on by brother/sister stories but this was just amazing! keep up the good work, hope you win the contest... this story deserves it

That was just another awesome story full of deep feelings, love, lust, hot sex, and realistic considerations of the challenges they are facing. But courageous and stubborn enough and still willing to go after what they want. Hot, steamy, and romantic! Keep the amazing works coming!

You are an exceptionally gifted writer with a keen sense of emotional and psychological development in your very realistic characters, and a way with words that draws us into your world from the start. I love it that your stories never take long to "get good" even with no sex involved in the beginning. It's ALL good!

*mmwwuaahh!!* and Thank you for sharing !

Im now running very late because I couldn't leave your story unread. Just Wonderful if there were a 6th star you would deffinatly get one from me!

Sorry. I'm worried about birth defects with the kid. And the other kids they want to have. I don't usually go for brother/sister stories, but I enjoyed this one ... until I found out the baby is his. Love who you love, but don't do the genetic gamble with children, you know? Just my opinion.

loved it

This is without doubt one of the best stories I have read on this site the depth of feeling that you have managed to convey was amazing

I tried to read, but found the jumping around too confusing...thought it was interesting but had to give up

Phenomenally good. One of the very best stories I've read on this site. Not just a sex story but, truly, a love story.

I think you've managed to cram all of the conflict and love and confusion and passion of MOUSE into a smaller and even more intense package. I look forward to reading whatever comes next.

This was a superb story. Once I got the time jumps figured out, it made a lot of sense in how you executed the story. A super love story that keeps you on the edge on how it will turn out until the very end. I wish I were as good a writer!

This is a wonderful story! It conveys all the warmth (and heat!) of the love you felt when writing it.

I've been reading Literotica for something like three years and have probably read upwards of 3 or 4 thousand stories by now. I find it impossible to pick a single favorite, but among the 25 or 50 submissions that vie for that honor is Mouse, the story that introduced me to your writing early in my Literotica exploration. It combines love, excitement, creativity (both yours and Mouse's!), and romantic passion into a tale of forbidden romantic adventure, and I enjoyed it tremendously the first time and the 2 or 3 subsequent times I have read it. Thank you so much for writing it.

The appearance of this new story confirms my high opinion of your writing. Like some of your other readers, I too was a little confused by your rapidly shifting timeline at first. But then I remembered that I was dealing with a class A author here and began paying the higher level of attention that really good writing requires. What resulted was increased appreciation, and enjoyment, of your creation. Your telling the same story in a rigidly forward sequential fashion would not have been as effective.

I continue to appreciate your writing efforts, and I vigorously encourage you to continue writing stories for Literotica!

like most readers i couldn't finish the jumping around was to confusing. do us all a favor and delete the story then rewrite it start at the begining and work forward NO JUMPING AROUND PLEASE. stories like this just drive readers away and keep them from trying your other stories.

I found your writing style to be very enjoyable, and your story even more so. I could actually feel the love jump off the page and make me smile! Bravo, this is now one of my favorites.

I love how you jumped between time periods. It took me a good portion of the story to figure things out. Brilliantly done!

this was such a good story.

You just made my favorite list. Probably my most memorable favorite. You have a fantastic talent.

It takes a lot of forethought, patience, and care to effectively write a story like this that is still coherent by the end of it. A masterwork, through and through.

The leap frogging fore and back is only a problem if the reader isn't as good as the writer. Well done and entertaining. My only wish is that you would have been able to pack more story into nine pages... perhaps by reducing a little of the "fluff".

I really enjoyed this story. Reminds me of a Jonathon Tropper novel.

the jumping back and forth killed the story it was just too hard to follow. if you deleted it and rewrote it IN CHAPTERS starting at the beginning and working forward it could have been good but most readers will never take the time to find out.

My compliments. Very good.

I really enjoyed your story. The jumping back and forth was not a bad way to fill in the whole story. You did a great job of showing where the brother and sister were and then showing how they got there. It seems to sometimes be a story telling staple shows use on special episodes and hard to pull off in written form, but this was written wonderfully and narrated flawlessly. I also appreciated hearing both sides of the thoughts. Again this was a wonderful piece, thank you for this gift!

This is a fantastic story. I love the way you established the relationship, jumping back and forth through time to build this relationship. I also enjoyed the recurrence of the "just jump" motif, how these characters grow into the kind of people that can take a risk and put everything on the line. Absolutely beautiful, probably my favorite story on the site. Look forward to seeing more from you.

There ought to be six stars, or perhaps I should give lower scores to all the other stories I've given marks to. It's a beautiful love story. And whoever claims that the jumping back and forth is confusing: tough luck. It's an ESSENTIAL part of the story. Hints are being dropped all over the place, and although I knew from the outset that the baby was Andy's (or, at least, I had a very strong suspicion), if you place the story in chronological order, the hints are in the wrong order. Then you'll find out halfway through the story that the baby is his.

So if you have a problem with the time jumps, quite frankly it's a problem of the reader to comprehend, rather than how the author fashions the story.

Could it have been done better? I'd like to think so. Instead of 'way back then', 'then' and 'now', just use actual dates. There are scattered episodes from their youth, there's Thanksgiving, there's Christmas, there's Valentine's Day, there's Kate's wedding, there's the arrival at their 'matrimonial' home. If those episodes had actually been named, it would perhaps have been easier to grasp, also because the perspective tends to change between Andy and Taylor. Not everybody is able to cope with that equally well, but on the other hand, unless you're in it for the money, I think an author writes primarily for him/herself.

Just one final remark: because of the structure of the story, all sex scenes ended up on two consecutive pages. That was perhaps a little bit much, in my opinion.

@geemeedee:

There's simply not enough scientific data available to reasonably say how much higher your chances of birth defects are if siblings have offspring. Recently, a study was published that showed that offspring of first cousins does indeed have a higher chance of birth defects, but it's still small enough that banning cousin marriage by law doesn't make an awful lot of sense.

In the case of Patrick Stübing and Susan Karolewski, who are siblings, two of their four children have severe physical and mental disabilities, whereas the third needed a heart transplant because of a congenital heart condition. The fourth child is healthy.

The taboo is there for a reason, of course. It's a taboo because of the higher chance of birth defects. On the other hand, perhaps the German siblings didn't have a particular good set of genes to begin with. It's hard to say.

But in the end, this is a story. Most siblings aren't sexually interested in one another. The attraction of incest stories is partly the taboo, but also because it's an already existing relationship. You don't have to go out into the big, scary world to find your soul mate and, during your search, inevitably get hurt. Your sibling already loves you: he or she just starts loving you a bit more. That's why we read these stories, because it's the ultimate escapism.

Pregnancy is another fetish, and an even greater taboo when it comes to siblings. But it's also the ultimate commitment that a couple in a romantic relationship can make. And because this is a story, there are no birth defects.

I have commented on very few stories I've read on Literotica, but I could not leave this page without telling you how utterly beautiful this story is. Thank you for sharing your gift with us.

"Where Andy was a raging, aimless ocean storm, Brian was a powerful, disciplined, unyielding battleship." Well, ocean storms wreck battleships all the time so...

I enjoyed this story very much, precisely because it isn't a "oh my god, I never noticed how hot my little sister is, I want to fuck her" "oh, my big brother wants me, it's so wrong, but I'll do it anyway" AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER, story like so many others here. It's about emotions, and damaged characters from an imperfect family.

It's REAL, and powerful!

Thanks for writing it!

Fantastic story I just loved it. I would love to read some more about this couple. What happens when the baby is born? What do they tell the parents and the neighbours and all their friends?

Please write some more of this one.

For me it's taken nine pages for half a story.. You have left sooooo many unanswered questions it's not funny eg. Or do we use our imagination..What was the family reaction when they eventually found out and when they did what their response, did they move interstate to escape or what? What did she have a girl or boy? These are just some of the glaring questions I and possibly others would have liked answered.Everyone commenting what a great ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ story this is. Yes it's good up until then. I must be the odd one out here, but for me ⭐⭐⭐⭐ and finish the bloody story.

What an amazing story and with all the feelings over the years that had probably been worked out if she had originally "just jumped"

and affection, emotions, thoughts. I agree with kookaburra8 you really do need to tell us the rest of this story.

This is superb writing! Great story!

Great story

There's nothing better than a sibling romance story with hot sex.

Sure, the jumping around was a bit confusing but I don't mind it.

Well worth 5 stars.

We liked how this story jumped around in time although the titles of those delineations could have been better. That time jumping matches the 'Just Jump' title and makes the story work very well. Nicely done.

-MM

It was good writing with with an interesting time jump format.... The romance was fine really well..... The call me a "slut" kink threatened to overshadow it...... It bordered on going somewhere different.... Into a frightened kind of story. Probably a kink of the author.... They might have belonged better in another story..... Or at least have been tempered here... With more vulnerability and sensitivity... Something felt a little rough in those parts of the story.

There are lots of brother & sister stories out there, lots of good & sexy ones, but not many of then are love stories. This story of yours, "Just Jump" is a super good one. Thank you so much for writing it.

Bill (b757flyr at america on the line period calm.)

This is as romantic as they come... well done!!! Thank your for this loving story.

This was quite the unique story and I really enjoyed it. Great job!

Good plot, excellent delivery 5

♥️

EH? 9 pages that was only worth 5 or 6 to get the message across. never heard 2 people with PHD's use such coarse language, especially at the very expensive restaurant.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Excellent

How the sister tries to deal with what she wants and loves but thinks is wrong, by calling herself a slut, or letting herself out to jump occasionally, how she has tried to deal all her adult life with REALLY wanting no one but her brother, it's all very human, and difficult, and a process....

Interesting structure, it works

More eroticism, more story, please

Five for you

Very dificult to read with all the jumping back and forth.