Just What I Needed

"And you think I wasn't?"

He sat in one of the chairs at the table, and I sat in one across from him. He put his head in his hands and sighed.

"Did that seriously never occur to you?" I asked.

"I don't know, Beck! You always seem so put together to me. Like you know what you're doing. When we were younger, you always seemed like you were on the path you wanted to be on, like you had it all planned from the start."

"Let me tell you a secret, Danny. I rarely know what I'm doing. I just pretend that I do and it makes it easier. You think I'm some goddess of life planning, well I didn't plan for this to happen! I don't think anybody actually goes out looking for what's been happening here."

He was silent for a moment.

"What?" I said.

"That's not entirely true," he said finally, and he stood up and walked across the room. "Sometimes they do."

I stood up and took a few steps toward him before I stopped. "What are you talking about?" But I already knew what he was going to say.

"I've... thought about you. Before." I tried not to react, but I must have made some expression because when he saw my face he started up again and wouldn't stop. "I feel like it's been happening for years, I'd get thoughts about you, I'd have fantasies, and I'd shut them up. How could I let myself look at you that way? I knew I could never, ever let you know about it. I played innocent, trying to just be a brother to you. But it never did really go away, you know? And then... that night."

He looked pale, like he had spent the last of his resources getting that out of his system, and he looked at me timidly. He seemed so vulnerable in that moment, and just then all I wanted to do was give him a hug. But I needed more first.

"The night we drank," I offered.

He nodded. "I thought you were just being playful, like it was all part of a game, talking about the things you were. But then when I was looking up at you when you were on top of me, I saw something in your eyes..." He looked at my eyes, and I could see pain in his. "...and it scared me. It made me suddenly hopeful but it scared me. And then I thought you were going to kiss me, and even as I felt myself wanting to kiss you I wanted to scream and push you away but I was just frozen there, I couldn't think about what was happening. How could I have let it go so far? How could I let myself get so close to something so horrible?"

I was speechless. Horrible?

His Adam's apple bobbed along his neck as he swallowed and cleared his throat. He started pacing around the room and I was following him.

"And I felt so weak to stop it, I even kissed you on your head at the end of the night, I simply couldn't stop myself. I couldn't stop myself, Becky, and that scared me so much. But I thought, maybe it was just the booze, or maybe it was just an accident, or maybe I just imagined everything, the looks... maybe everything could go back to normal. But it bothered me and bothered me... and I knew I couldn't face you. That's the real reason I couldn't come to the party, you know. I felt like I just couldn't see you yet. And then mom sends me over with your stuff, and I tell myself, 'Okay, I'll just be a normal brother, nothing will happen. Things will be back to the way they were.' And at first I thought they were. I saw that movie and remembered how much time we spent together watching it, I just felt like maybe if we could watch that then things would be like they were, before all of this stopped making sense. But then--" He caught himself. His eyes met mine and I saw him look down at my legs, which were bare. "And I touched them. I touched you. And it almost seemed like you wanted it--"

"Danny," I broke in, "Danny, I do."

"But that's ridiculous!" He said. "How could you want this? How could you wantme, I'm your brother! If Mom and Dad found out do you realize how fucked things would be? They'd kill us, Becky. They'd disown us, they'd tell everybody and we'd be ostracized by everyone we know. They'd send us to prison, or maybe even kill us, I don't know! You can see why I could never tell you, never let you see."

"Danny!" I said. "Now who's being ridiculous here? Mom and Dad would never kill us. Do you think I tell them what I've done with Michael? Do you think I'mever going to tell them that sort of thing? Why do you think I'd evendream of telling them that I let my brother feel me up and that Iliked it?"

"There you go again making jokes about this. What do you think this is," he said, his voice getting louder, almost to a shout. "Do you think this is a game? Is this a game to you?"

"No!" I yelled back, fighting back tears. "This isn't a game, Danny! This is real fucking life! We're adults now. This is when we have the power to do what we want to do. We're the only people who can deal with this, Danny, we're the only people who can work this out. It's just you and me. And when I tried to kiss you, even just to show you that I care about you, you pushed me away."

"Becky, listen! I--"

"No, you listen! If we were to kiss, what would be so wrong about that? Huh? Tell me, tell me what's the worst thing that could happen!"

"Is that what you want?!"

"Yes!"

"Is that really what you want??"

"Yes!"

I felt him before I saw him rush me, his hands pinning my shoulders against the wall behind me, his face pressing my head against the wall, his lips attacking mine with unbridled fury. They stung me as they went, his teeth lightly nicking mine as he twisted and twirled his face into me. It was all I could do not fall, my knees completely weakened and unwilling to support my weight.

He must have felt me slip, because I felt his body press up against mine, pinning me into place against the wall, his hands moving to my head, his fingers running through my hair against my scalp, his fingernails scratching as they pressed into me.

Recovering from the shock, my arms reached around his body and held him even closer, squeezing him as his kisses grew softer. My body was on fire. I felt his fingers firmly trace down the sides of my head to my shoulders again, only this time they went lower. I felt one hand slip down my side to my waist, and the other come down to my breast, where he started to knead and squeeze me. It was too hard and it hurt a little, but I didn't care. I was tasting his mouth, exploring his tongue with mine, and I couldn't think. My only thought was that I wanted more.

His lips pulled away from me but his face stayed up against mine. Our eyes closed, our faces touching, his hot breath against my mouth.

I finally regained enough control of my muscles to push myself off of the wall, sending him backwards. We must have tripped over something, because next thing I knew I was on top of him and we were on the floor and he was holding the back of his head, laughing.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

"I have an answer for you," he said cradling my face in his hands. "So far, the worst thing that happened is I hit my head on the floor."

I nuzzled up to his face. "And is that so bad?"

"I think I'll live," he said smiling, and he kissed me again. We kept kissing, softer now, mixing tongues, and when I next pulled away I saw a thin strand of saliva connecting the two of our mouths, my mouth to my brother's. I giggled and went back for more.

I felt his hands reach down to my thighs, pulling them up so I was straddling him, my ass pressing into his crotch. I could feel the start of an erection pressing into me, but the denim was too thick to feel anything but pressure. His hands roamed up to my ass, where they squeezed firmly before continuing up to the bottom of my shirt. I felt his fingertips go under the fabric and touch my bare skin, and it was as if he were conducting electricity. I shivered as his fingers ran higher until I couldn't take it anymore. I sat up on him and pulled my top off, revealing my silky blue bra, and his hands came around to my sides, touching me fully, and went to my stomach.

Danny couldn't stop staring at my face, the bra, his hands on my skin, and I watched his stubbled face as I unclasped my bra and let it fall. It was delightful seeing his expression change as my breasts came into view, and it made me feel warm. His hands moved north until they cupped my breasts, which he squeezed and fondled as I ran my hands over his chest. I started to undo his buttons one at a time, which became harder as he switched his focus to teasing my nipples, but I finally managed to undo the last button and spread his shirt wide.

I hadn't seen his fully bare chest in years, not since we last went swimming together on a family vacation to Oregon after my freshman year of high school. A lot had changed; he had lean and slender muscle definition all along his chest now, including what appeared to be abs, but it didn't look like he had been working out or anything. He had a small tuft of hair on his upper chest, which I ran my fingers through, and a thin, light trail of hair going down to his stomach all the way into his pants. I ran my hands from his shoulders all the way to his stomach and back up to his shoulders, leaning down as I went back up, pressing my bare body against his.

I kissed him again, but he moved his kisses to my cheek, past my jaw and onto my neck. I went weak as my brother kissed and licked my neck, planting tiny nibbles every so often, my head tingling and numb to any coherent thoughts. I just held onto him as he worked.

Soon I felt his pelvis thrusting up against me, and I gyrated my hips in tandem with his movements; I was so beyond horny I could do nothing else. I felt his hands disappear from me and I wondered where they went, when I felt a sharp sting on my ass where he slapped me. I jerked and gasped at impact, a surge of pleasure coursing through me, his soft lips still loving my neck as he spanked me. I tried to say something but it came out as barely a whisper.

"What was that?"

"Harder," I said, my voice coarse and weak.

He spanked me again and again, sometimes squeezing my cheeks betweens slaps. I would have let him go on, but I heard water boiling over onto the stove.

"Fuck!" I said, getting up and dashing over to the stove to move my ramen and turn off the heat completely. It had boiled over while I was distracted.

I turned back toward Danny, my face flush and my body still tingling, when I felt him rush me again. He pushed me against the back counter and I felt his hands under my thighs, picking me up and sitting me down on the counter. I leaned my upper back against the cupboards and shoved away the cutting board and some fruit trying to find a place for my hands. His face kissed my cheek, my chin, my collarbone, between my breasts, making its way down my front. I felt his fingers on the front of my shorts as he unbuttoned them and started to pull them down. As he was kissing past my navel I took one hand and grabbed his hair and made him look up at me.

"Danny," I said pleadingly. I asked him with my eyes if he was sure that he wanted this.

His eyes stayed fixed on mine as his lips slowly met with my tummy and he kept kissing down, eventually reaching the top of my panties. I dropped my hand to the counter and pushed myself up, allowing him to pull my shorts and panties down my legs and off my feet. He threw them to the floor, and returned to my spread legs, staring intensely at my pussy while he wrapped his arms around my legs and pulled himself in.

I tried to take deep breaths and relax, but found it hard to control my breath. I was pulsing down there, and it was hard to focus on anything.

He nuzzled his nose against the small tuft of pubic hair that I kept trim above my slit and inhaled deeply. Feeling my brother's breath exhale onto my slit sent chills up my spine, and when he started to kiss me there I just grabbed his head and pulled him in. I had abandoned all restraint, and it had never felt so good.

He licked and lapped my folds, sucking and nibbling gently on my labia, carefully working his way upward bit by bit. I kept feeling his tongue try to scoop the juices out of my pussy, juices that were mixing with his saliva and spreading all over his face. When I couldn't take it anymore, I grabbed his hair and yanked him to where I really need attention, and he eagerly went to work there.

He sucked and flicked my clit with his tongue and I heard myself moaning louder than I'd ever dared, my vision blurring and my eyes rolling back as he sucked and smacked at my pussy. I was breathing so hard that I was getting lightheaded, and my heart was pounding furiously in my chest. Despite how incredible it felt, despite how much I loved feeling him eat me, I suddenly needed to stop.

"Danny," I tried to get out, but he must have mistook it for a moan, because he just started licking harder. "Danny!" I said louder, forcing my hands to push his head away. He fell backward onto his ass, and his expression was priceless. It looked like he was worried, but was too horny to put his face together fully.

"Was I doing okay?" he said, his face shining with wetness. It made me laugh to myself. I put one hand on my pussy and very gently touched myself, easing myself down from what was happening a moment ago.

"You did fine, I just, I just I need a sec." I slid wetly off the counter while he stood up. I somehow managed to grab a cup and fill it with water at the sink, taking a long drink and passing it to him. He shook his head and knocked it onto the counter, thankfully spilling into the sink, before moving toward me. My face started burning with anticipation of what was coming next, and I backed up against the back counter, his body pressing against mine again his hands on my face pulling me into his, moving my head to his kiss. I could taste myself all over him, and it was intoxicating.

He was grinding up against my pelvis, and I reached down to the front of his jeans and felt his erection pressing against my hand. I kept having worried pangs, alarms going off in my head telling me that I shouldn't be doing this, that I shouldn't be wanting this so much, but then I saw his face when I pulled away from his kiss, and my brother's dopey, blissful expression eased the pangs away. This was what I wanted, and I knew that it was what he wanted too. In that moment, everybody else on the planet could go fuck themselves.

I took both hands and started to undo his belt buckle, and I found it difficult, probably from the distraction of his strong hands roaming over my bare skin. I eventually got it and unbuttoned his jeans. As I slid down his zipper, he pulled his face away slowly and looked at me, still holding me.

"Becky?"

"Present."

"Things can never go back after this."

"I think that line's already been crossed, dummy." I looked longingly over to the wet spot on the counter where he had been eating me out, and he looked too. I took one hand and ran it down over his erection, and even through the fabric of his white boxer-briefs I could feel a surprising amount of definition. My brother was hard as a rock, and it was a nice one. I watched him shudder as I worked from his head to his balls, running the length of my hand over his hard-on. I was incredibly aroused by this, by feeling his cock, by watching his face respond, looking into his eyes. I couldn't help but feel like I was teasing him again, but this time in a most un-sisterly way.

I slid over his body to my knees and yanked his jeans down, leaving my face level with his crotch. He leaned back against the counter on the other side of my narrow kitchenette, and I looked up at him as I ran my hands from his stomach to his thighs and back again. He had an impish grin on his face.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing, just, you're beautiful is all."

"I think your judgment might be a little impaired at the moment," I said, tapping lightly on his shaft.

"No, Beck, I've always thought so, and you know you are. You have to know what you do to guys."

"All I care about right now," I said, "is what I'm doing to you." I squeezed his cock and his mouth opened involuntarily. I shifted my focus down, leaning in and tracing my lips along his length, inhaling his musky scent, gently planting kisses along his underwear. My fingertips were at the band at the top, nestling their way underneath to get a grip. I felt like I couldn't stop myself, my face and chest tingling, and I pulled his underwear down, freeing his cock. It fell out and landed on my face, and I just let it stay there as I finished pulling them down to where his jeans pooled around his ankles.

I brought my hands back up to hold it at the base. I pulled my head back and took a good look. He was circumcised, but I guess I had already figured that somewhere in my mind. He was a good shape and size, not small but still not too big to have fun with. I gently squeezed him as I slowly began to jerk him off, watching as the skin moved along his cock, mesmerized by the tiny bit of precum I saw at his slit. I learned in and licked it off, conscious of but ignoring his shuddering reaction, and kissed the tip of him, feeling him flexing his dick in my hand. I kept jerking him as I went in for more, this time taking just the head of him into my mouth, letting my tongue taste his skin.

"Becky," I heard him moan, his hands gathering my hair and holding it behind my head out of my face. As I let more of him into my mouth, moving my lips down his shaft toward my hand, my tongue left the bottom of my mouth and cradled the underside of his cock, slicking him up. I pulled back to his head, and went back down. I could feel him pulsing inside my mouth, and I could feel the slightest pressure behind my head where his hands were. He wasn't forcing me, but he was definitely guiding my movements, and I didn't mind in the least. I happily kept sucking on him for god knows how long, making love to him with my mouth, enjoying every second of it. From his subtle thrusts into my mouth, I could tell he was loving it too.

"Becky, I'm--"

I quickly, reluctantly, pulled off of him and stopped jerking him off.

"Don't, not yet," I said. He nodded, but looked obviously pained. That made me smile. I stood up, both of us standing in front of each other naked. I felt his hands on my waist, and I put my arms over his shoulders and around his neck. We leaned together, his very wet dick pressed into my tummy, slipping around and causing him to move his hips in a small gyrating motion. I gave him a peck and pulled away a little.

"Come on," I said. "Let's get more comfortable." I grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the kitchen and toward the bedroom. Or at least I tried, since he was hobbled by the jeans still around his ankles.

"Hang on," he said, ripping off his shoes and jumping out of his remaining clothes.

He followed me on my walk to the bedroom. Halfway there, he smacked my ass, and I jumped with surprise and giggled another, "Come on!"

When I got to the bed, I turned around to meet him but he didn't stop moving into me and we fell back onto the bed sideways, bouncing a bit as he pinned me like I had pinned him just months before. It felt like it had been only minutes, the memory was so strong. This time, there was no hesitation, and he went straight in to kiss me. I don't think I'll ever get enough of his lips, and this was no exception. I felt delirious, my head spinning as I soaked in every inch of him I could. His weight above me was wonderful, and he pushed and nudged me further onto the bed so that we were more or less straight on it. I felt him lower himself a bit while he kissed me and held me down by my wrists. My legs spread on their own, and I felt him start to press the length of his shaft against my clitoris in little thrusts. I felt like my whole body was burning, my thighs quivering at the sensation and my heart pumping like crazy.