Kasper's Den Ch. 10

"Kasper's been modeling while he stays with us. He did an ad with your Reza," Mr. Hamad said proudly as if I'd been working on a cure for something.

"I saw! The pictures were stunning. Reza looked so happy posing with him. With Kasper's looks, I'm sure he will have a good career." Mr. Tahir looked me up and down. He made no mention of the girl who'd shot with us.

They went back to their Arabic conversation over my head as Mr. Hamad rubbed his warm hands up and down my arms and over my chest like I was a puppy. I was happy to play his pet. I watched as Amir, Ali, Reza, and Kai went to sit in the living room without a second thought to me. They weren't even talking in English. I guessed Kai was fluent in Arabic too, another ten points for his scoreboard.

"It is good to see the boys getting along again, right Kasper?" Mr. Hamad said and brought me back into the conversation.

"Yes sir... it's great," I mumbled.

"They were like brothers for so long. I miss the days when they were simple children. I hope they find that brotherhood again," Mr. Tahir added.

I don't think Amir and I had ever been in the same room this long without him looking over to check on me. I watched him, but the only eyes that caught mine were Kai's. He nodded a smile at me and waved as if he knew who I was. I raised my hand halfway up to return his greeting and Amir finally turned to look at me. His look told me he'd forgotten I was there, forgotten I existed, an old life crashing into new.

"Kasper! Come meet Kai!" He said with a surprised laugh. He waved his hand towards me and then quickly returned his attention to Kai like he didn't care if I complied with his request or not.

I did though. I went over there. I didn't want to be the pouting lurker hiding in the arms of Mr. Hamad, though he was happy to have me there. I took a deep breath and strolled the few paces to the living room. Reza watched me coming with a curious look.

"Hi Kasper!" Kai said as I arrived next to Amir. He stood up and leaned over Amir to hug me. He wasn't a tight hugger like the Hamad men. He seemed tentative. He didn't know me. He smelled like citrus with a woodsy hint of mild cologne. He wanted me to like him.

I didn't know how to respond. I gave a muted "Nice to meet you," as he pulled away.

"Your eyes are beautiful," Kai said in a gentle, Australian timbre.

"Aren't they? We modeled together... at least until Amir got too jealous," Reza laughed as though he was chiding an old friend.

"I had to rescue him from Reza! He isn't used to being pawed at by a stray dog," Amir smiled like he and Reza hadn't come to blows at the photoshoot. He took my hand and pulled me down into his lap like he suddenly seemed to notice I was there.

Just as I was trying to figure out what to say, Mr. Hamad rescued me by announcing that the dinner was ready.

The adults were filling their plates with food from the counter. Amir stood quickly, nearly pushing me to the floor, and gestured for Kai to go first. I slid off to the side and watched as the two of them went to get plates with Ali closed behind.

"After you," Reza said to me and gave me the hand motion Amir had used on Kai.

I started slowly, but I was watching as Amir and Kai got in line behind Mr. Hamad. Amir must have said something funny because Kai gave that laugh. It's that kind of laugh that comes out around someone you're interested in. Anything they say is suddenly the funniest thing you've ever heard. I felt Reza's hand nudge me forward and I turned to look at him. His eyes read my face and he cocked his head to the side to study me.

"No," he whispered like I'd asked him a question. "Trust me. He's not a threat. I ran into him last month when I was in Sydney. I explained that everything that went down was just a joke that got out of control. I wanted to make it up to Amir. I wanted to tell him at the photo shoot, but he was such an asshole to me and... well... things got out of control. I brought Kai here as an olive branch."

"Thanks," I said with a tinge of sarcasm. I was happy that Amir would make peace with Reza. I was angry that Kai so readily sucked up his attention, his affection.

"It's not like that. He's only here for a few days and Amir is all about you. I've never seen him so protective of anyone. He was ready to fight to the death with me," Reza noted. He sighed and gave me those eyes that begged me to accept it.

"Kasper, everything ok?" Mr. Hamad called as he set his plate on the table. Kai turned to look at me as he was loading his plate with food. I nodded and forced a smile to Mr. Hamad. He accepted it and turned his attention to his guests. The adults were sitting at the family table.

"Kasper," Ali said from the buffet. He paused with his plate in his hand as he looked between me and Reza. "Come get some food." He was looking out for his brother's boy. He picked up a clean plate from the end and held it out for me. I went to him and hid by his side as I watched Amir and Kai fill their plates from the buffet. They talked and laughed about some shared joke then they left through the front door to find the poolside table. He left me.

Ali waited and helped me through the buffet explaining what everything was and what I probably wouldn't like. He pointed out the things his dad had made and said I had to at least get a few bites of each. It almost felt like I was there with Amir, in his protective warmth and glow, but it was his brother. Reza followed behind us.

I finished my selections. I'd let Ali pile my plate high to appease his parents even though we both knew I wouldn't eat half of it. He put his hand in the center of my back and guided me out towards the pool.

We found Amir and Kai sitting under a string of twinkling white lights set up in a zig zag over the metal table with six white chairs. Ali set his food down next to his brother and then pulled out the chair next to his for me. Reza sat across from me and next to Kai. Amir didn't look up from Kai's attention.

They bantered back and forth in Arabic punctuated with loud bursts of laughter. They were rehashing old times, good times, times before I was there and English was necessary.

I picked over the plate of food. I could spot what was Emerson's and what was Mrs. Tahir's. Emerson's food never had a single spot of grease, but always burst with flavor. Mrs. Tahir's was more traditional, heavier, halal (The muslim tradition of acceptable foods and preparation). The four of them carried on between bites, all traces of animosity between Reza and Amir were gone. Reza must have done a good job with Kai. He must have taken full responsibility and begged penance. Amir lit up with a personality I hadn't seen before.

"Oh and I imagine Kasper complains enough about it," Kai said, switching to English to make my ears prick up. I raised my head to meet his gaze and he winked at me with something more than mild interest. He held my eyes and his lips curled up into a smile when he saw I wasn't sure of him.

"Never, he likes my snoring. He finds it comforting," Amir laughed.

"It's not the snoring so much as the gas. You forget we've shared a room. It's like sleeping next to a Mumbai subway!" Reza joked. "I'm sure he's just being polite."

"My boy sleeps like a rock, cradled into my chest," Amir said.

"I have to! The house is freezing!" I interjected, trying to sound light.

"He does the cutest thing though when I find him sleeping alone. He curls up like an egg with my pillow as the yolk," Amir said and looked at me adoringly. He put his hand to my forehead and pushed my hair back behind my ears.

"I can imagine. He's adorable," Reza said and gave me a wink, then added, "At least he doesn't kick!" I didn't know who he was talking about, but then Kai confessed to it.

"Hey, I don't do that anymore... not as much," Kai protested.

"I remember! You got me in the nuts once!" Amir laughed. They went back to Arabic then as the words sank in.

He'd shared a bed with Kai. I wondered what they'd done together and why he hadn't mentioned that. I was surging with jealousy all over again. I set down my fork. I hadn't eaten much, but my stomach couldn't handle anymore. They'd slept together. It pounded over and over in my head. He'd kicked Amir in the nuts once which meant they'd probably done it multiple times. I felt my pulse pounding in my ears and it drowned out their conversation. I looked down at my plate as it swirled around and around in my head.

"Right, Kasper?" Amir said and turned to me. I looked up and saw they were all looking at me.

"Um what?" I asked.

"You ok? You look sad," he said and studied my face.

"I'm good," I lied. He reached his hand to my cheek and cupped it, rubbing a finger near my temple. I felt a little shock of pain on my skin.

"Hey, I think you're starting to get a little zit here," he noted and rubbed his finger over it. I pulled back and everyone laughed. It hit me like a slap.

"Don't embarrass him," Kai laughed as if he pitied me, as if I needed defending, as if I wasn't even a challenge to his affections for Amir, as if I was some meaningless boy he didn't need to take seriously, as if I didn't matter. I felt like the sad little brother who they'd been forced to bring along. I didn't belong here.

"I... be right back," I said and got up without waiting for a reply. I made my way back towards the house, but the adults would be in there and I didn't feel like dealing with that. I went around to the little stone circle around the koi pond and sank down on the cold stone with my back against the wall.

I pulled my knees up into my chest and hugged them, lowering my face into my crossed arms. For the first time there, I wanted to go home. I tried to tell myself that I was just being a baby, that of course Amir had exes and a full life before me... but this felt different.

"Baby," Amir whispered as he came around the corner of the house. "You're mad at me?"

"No," I croaked, trying to not sound so pitiful. "I just need a minute."

But he didn't go away. He came and slid down the wall next to me and leaned over to rest his head on mine.

"Do you know how much my heart twists when I see you sad? I didn't mean to offend you. They weren't laughing at you. They were laughing at me for saying something so stupid... I'm sure it's not a zit, and if it is then dad has some cream that can clear it right up!" Amir said.

I didn't respond or look up. He sighed and kissed my hair.

He rubbed a hand down my back and slid the other under my knees. He lifted me off the stone and brought me over to his lap sideways so my head rested on his shoulder. He slid the hand that was under my knee down my thigh to cup my ass. He squeezed it and wrapped his other arm around my back to pull me close against his chest. He leaned his head down and kissed my knees, one at a time.

"We'll fix you up, you'll be pretty again," he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"It's not a zit!" I smacked a hand against his chest. He looked at me with pouty lips and begging eyes. It just made me angrier.

"What's wrong then? We were having a good time. Reza apologized for things and he did it without spilling the details to Ali. Can you believe it? He begged Kai to realize it was all him and not me. He brought him here after the photoshoot as a peace offering. That's why they put the dinner off for a week. Reza wanted to surprise me and ask forgiveness. Isn't that great?" Amir asked.

"Yes, I'm happy for you... Now Kai likes you again. You can start over with him just like you wanted... You get another shot," I said, realizing how my words sounded.

"Wait, What? Kasper! Baby! I don't want another shot at Kai! Are you serious? Why would I want him when I have you? Is that why you're upset? We were all having a good time... I thought... Right?" Amir sighed.

"You were having a good time with your friends. I wasn't... and I don't speak that language. You all fit together... As soon as Kai walked through the door, you let go of me and..." I said but Amir cut me off.

"No! I didn't mean to do that. It's not like that at all. Oh my love... that was an asshole thing to do and I'm so sorry... I just... It was like seeing a ghost, Kasper. After all this time he just walks through the door like... I was in shock. I didn't mean to cut you out of things. I'd never do that intentionally," Amir offered.

He kissed my forehead then asked, "You will forgive me?"

I nodded against his shoulder then rubbed my nose along his chin. I felt my body filling up with his warmth again, his heartbeat pounding in his neck as I pressed my cheek into him.

"I love you so much. I'd never do anything to hurt you." he assured.

"I love you too. I guess I was just being jealous." I offered a truce.

"Jealous?" Amir said as if that was something he hadn't considered. He mulled it over then laughed. "You were ready to fight for you man?"

"Uh huh," I said and kissed up his jaw. "You think I could take him?"

"Doubtful. Kai wrestled through high school... I'd have to step in and rescue you." Amir laughed.

"You were really jealous of Kai? Why?" Amir said when he stopped. He looked like he couldn't believe it.

"He just fits here. He's from your world. He speaks your language. He brought your worst enemy back to being your friend..." I trailed off. Amir just shook his head in disbelief.

"Kasper! You drive me so crazy. You fit in here from the first minute my parents figured out you were tricked into the bad aspects of the show. They love you and so do I. You're the quintessential California golden boy," Amir said.

"I'm ok... I guess," I laughed uncomfortably.

"You're an international model!" Amir argued.

"I took a few pictures in Africa and here," I dismissed.

"You've been on television!" Amir continued.

"A side part on an awful show," I laughed. I was blushing furiously. I could feel my cheeks burn.

"And that porn site got well over a million clicks just from a few pictures of you in your underwear," Amir pressed on. "Trust me, the lawyers got the records in case we needed to sue."

"That was embarrassing for my whole family, and not something to be proud of," I pointed. I buried my face in his shoulder.

"I'm never embarrassed of you. I'm proud you're mine. I always will be." Amir raised my eyes to look at his. He nodded like he'd just confirmed something to himself.

"Kai isn't your competition," he said. "You are your only competition, Kasper. You're a beautiful boy with a beautiful soul whose family spent 18 years trying to crush. They tried to make you feel bad about who you are because it didn't suit their antiquated narrative. And in spite of all that, you still expect the best of everyone. You still want to give everyone a chance."

"Stop..." I looked down. I couldn't handle his adoration. I felt stupid for being so upset about Kai.

"Ok... You may not see how perfect you are, but I do. You aren't here because we pity you. You're here because we all love you. You belong here," Amir affirmed. "You get that?"

He waited for me to nod and then kissed me and wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"You see how much better you make things? I was so mad at Reza and then when he did this, surprised me with Kai and asking forgiveness... I thought of you. You always look for the best in people and it... it changed me. You make me a better person," Amir finished.

We made out for a few minutes. We were on the edge of doing more and forgetting we had a house full of guests until Ali showed up.

"If you two are done with... whatever this is, we're wanted back inside," he announced.

Amir said something that sounded like a curse in Arabic and Ali just laughed and walked off.

"We better get this over with. I hope they're almost done. I need some time with you... alone," Amir whispered. He kissed me one more time and then pushed up on my bottom to indicate I should stand. He followed me then took my hand and lead me back towards the house.

Everyone was inside and they seemed to be waiting for us. We walked in, hand in hand, and Mr. Hamad gave us a nod of approval. Everyone was gathered around the big kitchen bar. The food had been cleared away and there was a big cake on the counter and a long line of half-filled champagne flutes.

Mr. Hamad started a little speech about how much the Tahirs meant to their family... our family. He announced some new deal Mr. Tahir had made to lure a new corporate headquarters of some company I'd never heard of. He said it would be billions in investments and new jobs and other stuff that sounded exciting. I tried to look interested and smile as Amir stood behind me with his arms wrapped securely across my chest and his chin on my shoulder.

I caught Kai's eyes a few times while Mr. Hamad spoke. I felt a little guilty for instantly judging him and disliking him. I offered him a smile and he winked back at me and returned it. He nodded as his eyes looked at Amir's hold on me. He looked genuinely happy.

Amir leaned around me to take a flute of champagne. His father pointed him to the lighter colored ones which I guessed were non-alcoholic. He got two for us and then whispered that he couldn't wait to get back to his room with me. I needed him too.

Looking around I saw Mr. Hamad look at us as he finished his toast. He gave a nod of approval and a satisfied smile as he watched his son's hold on me. He tipped his glass towards me and gave a wink like we had some private joke. I saw Emerson looking out over his family and friends, the comfort and love he'd created here. I watched Ali looking down at his phone and completely bored with this situation in a way that one can only look within the confines of a safe and happy family. He didn't have a care in the world.

I felt Amir slowly rub his hand up and down my stomach as he pulled me back against his muscled chest and laughed at something his father had said while I was lost in thought. I put my hand over his and our fingers interlaced. He squeezed my hand, letting me know he had me. I turned back to rub my cheek against his shoulder. I was his. I was home.

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Thanks for reading. Comments appreciated.