All Comments on 'Katie's Pool Party'

Love the way the background develops. Any chance of adding more chapters to this??

Your opening paragraph should have been broken into five sentences. Run on sentence is boring.

3 stars

I agree with anonymous that the first paragraph has excessively long run on sentences. But I think 5 is too many. I think that 3, or even 4 sentences would be better. My biggest gripe with that paragraph was "layoffs and stress was making". Should have been "layoffs and stress were making".

Enough nit-picking! I agree with wifebanger that this story cries out for at least one more chapter. Probably about the next party. Maybe just about the interaction between Katie and Steve in the aftermath of the party and her continued discovery that she is attractive and desirable. I can even see this as the first of many chapters as Katie continues her adventures. Maybe Katie encourages Ben to loose weight - possibly offering some naughty rewards for success? Lots of ways to expand on what you have started here. I will be watching for it and hoping that you do so.

Captain Ron, congratulations on a great first story! Nice touch on having the main interest understand what is like for a woman to NOT be lusted after and then have her just discovering what it is like for the first time. This explains a lot of her behavior. Also, very clever of you to have a cast on the husband so he was not in the pool and just watching. Another clever move was making him an artist. Maybe Katie can pose for one of his classes in front of several men? I enjoyed your story. I hope you don't turn her into a slut. It is more fun to keep some innocence in my opinion. Good job!

You get perfect marks from me for originality. It was very well written. But once you establish that you are Steve, instead of referring to yourself as me or I, you referred to yourself as Steve. This was a tiny bit misleading. But, seriously, no big deal. The content of the story was fabulous. You might be surprised how many women would love to be admired naked, if both she could pretend she didn't know they were there or that she was so incapacitated that she wasn't aware of her actions... and if the men didn't know she was aware or thought she was incapacitated. That is why so many women love stories about hypnotism and, perhaps why so many women volunteer to go on stage to be hypnotized. If this is truly your first story you will do very well. You just proved that a woman doesn't have to be a total slut for a story to be out-of-the-park erotic. Thumbs up. 5 stars.

I'd like to thank everyone for taking the time to read and for the comments and encouragement. I know I have some areas to work on and will likely look at using an editor at some point.

I have a whole bunch of stories partially written and hope to get at least one of them finished and posted sooner rather than later.

Great follow up with Katie's pool party. I think that you have gotten your reader's curiosity also blindfolded. Keep up with the tease.

A woman who loses 100 pounds and is only five feet tall? That's losing half your body weight. There's NO WAY she would end up with "perky" breasts. That wouldn't happen even if she was 18, and especially not in her 20s or30s. She would have saggy boobs to at least some degree, and probably VERY saggy boobs.So why not use that to your advantage? Even after losing weight, she still is having body issues, because her once firm Double-D-cups are now slender B-cups that hang lower than she is comfortable with. Her husband thinks she looks hotter than ever and loves how soft her breasts are now, and he likes how they move and jiggle more when she walks and how they change shape more in different positions when they have sex. Steve decides to make it his mission to help her feel good about her new figure. He starts by encouraging her to go braless, at least in sundresses now that it's summertime. She mentions that a couple women at work are sometimes going braless, but she couldn't ever do that because she doesn't have the figure for that anymore. He insists she does, but doesn't convince her. A week later, he hatches his plan. He innocently bets her, like they often did. She wants a new sewing machine and he bets her that on a football game they were watching. She's had too much to drink and agrees, saying, "But what if you win?" He pretends to have to think about it and then says, "You know how much I like how you look in a sundress, and especially now. So if I win, I get to pick the sundress and say where you wear it." She says,"Wow, sounds like I can't lose, assuming I only have to do that once -- wear it in front of other people, in case I'm not crazy about how it looks." Steve says, "Sure, just once." She loses the bet and he buys a very skimpy sundress and says they will have a pool party at their house and invite their friends from work, and tells her to make sure to invite those two braless gals. She says sure. He keeps her sundress hidden until just a few minutes before the party ("so she won't get it messy making stuff in the kitchen"). He gives it to her to put on after the first two couples arrive 15 minutes early (including the two braless gals) and she says, "Steve, this is impossible to wear without a bra!" He says, "I guess that makes three braless gals tonight." She says, but I'm so saggy!" He says, "Didn't you see Karen? She's saggier than you. Right? She initially refuses to wear it, which would be the first reneged bet of their marriage. He proposes another bet: If there are any negative comments in the first hour, she is free to go change, but if there are only positive comments, then she will wear the same dress to another party. In the fist hour, she is showered with positive comments by men and women. Two of the three women who came with bras are convinced by their husbands to take theirs off. By 10 PM, people are drunk and one of the original braless gals trips and falls into the pool and is wearing a white shirt. After several dares, including from her husband, she takes off her shirt. Her best friend joins her. Steve takes his wife inside and urges her to join them and come out wearing just a pair of shorts, like her co-workers. She refuses that but after some begging agrees to let him loosen her shoulder straps. Her sundress is backless to her waist, with only two tiny cross straps. Now loosened, the front of her bodice gaps open and shows her entire inner cleavage lines. Steve says he'll put it back like it was if there are any negative comments. When she gets back outside, she sees that now three of the four remaining women are topless. Steve's wife gets only positive comments about her exposure but still won't go topless. The only other non-topless woman offers to do it if she does, but she shakes her head no. Just then, a very drunk topless woman pushes her into the pool. When she gets out her sundress won't keep her breasts covered. Donna apologizes but says, "It is a pool party. Let's all get in and then takes off her shorts and jumps in wearing only panties. The other two topless gals join her. The other woman says, "Oh well, when in Rome," and laughs and strips to her panties. When Steve's wife sees that she is as saggy as she is, she relents and jumps in the pool and then takes off her sundress. She forgot that she was. wearing a thong until she climbed onto a male co-worker's back when they all played horsey. A while later they all get out of the pool and sit around the fire pit and talk and share another bottle of wine. One of the husbands had secretly hid all the gals' tops so they stayed topless. Steve's wife learned that night that she was in the "middle of the pack". Two gals were saggier than her, two were the same, and two were perkier. But she got just as many compliments and appreciative looks as the others. Needless to say, she never wore a bra again to any of their many pool parties. The women brought bikinis to the parties, but only bottoms and they wore them under their shorts or sundresses. Typically by nine PM they were all in the pool topless. Steve's formerly shy wife embraced her saggy boobs, especially after a long discussion one evening when three of her male co-workers confessed that they liked their wives' post childbirth softer breasts more than before and then complimented the hostess and said it was a shame that she hadn't gone braless and topless sooner, because she had "such a perfect figure.". The End

Katie reminds me of my wife while she was still work in progress as regards gaining self confidence.

i was very very supportive of my wife on her road to become comfortable in her own body in general & when interacting with men in particular.

I LIKED THIS STORY RIGHT UP UNTIL THE LAST SENTENCE...

Great story - well written- good introduction tongue characters. More please

To Anonymous "Unrealistic". I guess you think the stories on here are all true. (?)

I can't believe the time and effort you put in trashing this story! Ever think, that maybe, it's a fantasy?

Maybe you should try to write one and see how 'easy' it is, cause it isn't!

Keep writing Captain_Ron. You do it well!

I for one can't wait to see,

how naughty Katie can be!

4 Stars