King of the Castle

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The next few days followed a similar pattern. We tried many of the bondage scenarios in the basement, went for long walks around the countryside, and ate took much in the evenings. Our focus was on Friday's wedding. My father had sent me an email. We were invited to a reception at the British Embassy in Ruritania's capital on Monday afternoon. All six of us and the parents we would be flying back home that evening.

Madeleine, Angela, Helen, Petra and Katya went into wedding planning mode as we men went for walks. Apparently the worst problem the women faced was what Madeleine would wear on her head. She'd have a veil topped with a tiara but the tiara would be exchanged for a crown after the marriage as she becomes Queen Madeleine. My role was to crown her.

Our parents arrived midday on Thursday. After greeting us, they changed and disappeared into the basement museum to experiment with the new devices. Both mothers were flushed and excited when they joined us for the evening meal.

The Wedding

The wedding was to start at ten a.m. on Friday morning. Madeleine was five minutes late. I was dressed in the clothes the act had been wearing to impersonate King Oskar. I was wearing his day to day crown. Gary was looking after the basic 9 carat gold wedding ring from the castle's stock for wedding ceremonies. I might have to replace it with something better when we get back to England. Perhaps Madeleine would decide to use it like King Oskar's crown -- to wear on a day to day basis and have another one for formal occasions.

The castle's chapel wasn't really large enough for everyone who wanted to attend. Our friends and parents filled the first line of seats. The locals filled the rest of the chapel with people standing at the back. Someone had set up a video relay to the television room and even that room was overfull. There were four cameras recording and later the video would be edited into a coherent whole.

We all stood up as Madeleine came into the chapel on her father's arm. She was wearing the same wedding dress she had been wearing when I had tried to please the bride. As all brides should, she looked magnificent and very happy. I wondered whether she was naked underneath. She obviously wasn't wearing the slim hooped petticoat because she was striding up the aisle as if she wanted to get to me quickly. Angela and Helen were holding up her train. Petra followed them holding a crown on a velvet cushion. I joined Madeleine at the altar in front of the aged priest.

The ceremony was in the local language and I had to prompt Madeleine sometimes. We said our vows in the local language and in English. After the main ceremony the priest signed for the congregation to sit down. He then started on a long sermon on marriage which the visitors couldn't understand. He had listed ten points that he was going to talk about and was just about to start on number two when he was interrupted.

"Shut up, old man!" A deep voice shouted in the local language from the door of the chapel. "They and we don't want to hear you rambling on. Give them the blessing and we can get on with the important party."

The priest nearly dropped his notes. Striding fiercely towards him was King Duke Oskar wearing the crown that matched mine. The priest stepped backwards crossing himself.

"The blessing, old fool! Give them the blessing!" King Duke Oskar ordered.

The priest stumbled through the blessing for the newly-weds and the congregation before giving the dismissal.

"Thank you," King Duke Oskar said. "You two. Come here!"

He grabbed the crown from Petra's cushion and pushed it into my hands.

"Madeleine, new wife, please kneel before your King."

He pointed to where he wanted her to kneel, sideways on to the congregation. At least he was polite to her. The priest was still worried and had retreated behind the altar.

"Yes, King Oskar," Madeleine replied. She knelt.

"King Stephen? Madeleine? Repeat after me..."

I stood in front of Madeleine. King Duke Oskar was standing between us and the altar. He dictated the civil wedding vows for both of us to repeat. We did.

"Sarah?" King Duke Oskar called Sarah forwards. She stood with her back to the congregation. Her face was very pale. She wasn't sure what to make of a long dead King ordering her around.

"You are the governor of this castle. You have witnessed the marriage of these two. Have I complied with the laws of Ruritania?"

Sarah hesitated.

"Have I, woman? If not, what else should I do?"

Sarah swallowed visibly.

"Join their hands together, please, King Oskar?" she said in a quavery voice.

King Oskar grabbed Madeleine's hand and put it into mine.

"That's it?" He asked. "We're done?"

"Yes, King Oskar," Sarah replied more confidently.

"Then I'll leave you to sort out the marriage paperwork. I have more important things to do. Madeleine? Take off your tiara. King Stephen? Take that crown and put it on your wife's head... Not yet! You need to follow my words."

I lifted the crown above Madeleine's head.

"I, King Stephen..."

"I, King Stephen," I repeated.

"Crown you, my wife Madeleine..."

"Crown you, my wife Madeleine..."

"As Queen."

"As Queen." I repeated.

"Now put the crown on her head and we're done."

I put the crown on Madeleine's head. As I took my hands away there was a sigh from the congregation. King Oskar stage-whispered "Stand up" to Madeleine. She stood. We turned to face the congregation and the musicians played Ruritania's national anthem. When it finished I turned to thank King Duke Oskar but he was no longer there.

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As Queen Madeleine was having the first dance with her father, my father whispered to me:

"Young Stephen? Why the expletive deleted did you meddle in Ruritania's internal politics? You know the family's policy has been to keep a low profile. Now we can't."

I talked longer with my father over the next couple of days. He had been receiving frantic emails from our local manager Jakob. Our factories in the capital had been surrounded by cheering locals thanking 'their' Stephen. My emails had been leaked and because the internet was now open access in Ruritania they had gone viral. Almost everyone in Ruritania had read my emails and knew what had happened as a result of them.

When my father John had landed at the capital's airport they had an almost state reception. He was embarrassed. They had travelled in tourist class, the only seats they could get at short notice, and had been met by a brass band, Ruritania's Foreign Minister and the British Ambassador. Although my father John is a nominal Count in Ruritania, as was my grandfather Alfred, all that had meant so far was a fast passage through customs and immigration, not a formal welcome. They had left the capital in a motorcade preceded by police motorcyclists clearing the way through cheering crowds. About five miles beyond the capital city's outer limits the motorcade had stopped to let them continue driven by Gregori. During the whole journey to the castle Jakob had been talking to my father about the implications in Ruritania.

I had stopped a revolution. The government had put the troops on high alert, cancelling all leave and training. They had been preparing to put tanks on the capital's streets and squares. I had stopped all that and turned the revolution into a farce. WTF was I thinking?

I explained that all I was really thinking about were the women at the castle who had been persuaded to support the revolution. They were OUR people, even MY people. They were unhappy. I had thought if I could show them how unprincipled the revolution's leaders were, they would change their minds. They had accepted that so readily that I thought the rest of Ruritania probably would too, hence my emails recommending open internet access. I had hoped my role would be forgotten as the country's politicians took credit for solving the problem.

"But you forgot that open internet access means open information. It only took a couple of the people who received your email to circulate it, and every one could read every word. You might at least have written it in English, not in the local language, Stephen."

"I wanted to recipients to understand what I was saying very accurately," I retorted.

"They did. So has most of Ruritania. If you were standing for President in next month's election you'd win by a landslide. When we get back to the capital you'll have to be very cautious and careful with every word you say or you'll prejudice the elections."

"Will I be safe in the British Embassy, Dad?"

"Probably, but you'll be facing the great and good of Ruritania. You don't understand yet, do you? In Ruritania you're more popular than The Beatles ever were. So is King Duke Oskar."

"Oskar? How?"

"His appearance at your party was videoed and posted on line. A genuine ghostly King? The castle's website has been crashing hourly as people try to book to stay here. I wouldn't be surprised if his intervention in your wedding and Madeleine's coronation doesn't go viral too. I can see 'Shut up, old man!' becoming a catch phrase for years. Gregori told me that some of phrases in your email already are. Which reminds me. You and Madeleine will have to take your crowns to the Embassy. Not your real one. That's a historic treasure. I've asked the castle's metalworkers to create a replica for you to take with you."

"I can't be a King in the capital," I protested, "I'm only King of this castle."

"If Ruritania still had Kings, Stephen, you'd be their King. I hope the enthusiasm will fade but the government has arranged for an escort into the capital and from the Embassy to the airport. You'll need it or we wouldn't get through the crowds."

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My father was right. The attitude of the people at the castle towards me had changed. They treated me with extreme deference. There were no more sexual games with enthusiastic help from the local women. My wife Madeleine and my friends still behaved as if I was the Stephen they had always known.

Our wedding night was an anti-climax. We were both tired and drunk. We slept peacefully in each others' arms as if we were a long-married instead of just-married couple. We were more energetic during Saturday and Sunday nights to compensate for Friday's quiet. However our parents and friends seemed to be using the dungeon's facilities extensively. Madeleine and I were just happy to be together as a married couple. We had married. It hadn't been the quiet ceremony we had intended but being married by a ghost King Duke was certainly different.

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As we left the castle on Monday morning I insisted on kissing ALL the women especially Sarah, Petra and Katya. Queen Madeleine kissed all the men. It seemed an anticlimax to climb into Gregori's crowded people carrier but that soon changed.

Every village and town we passed through was decked in flags. Madeleine and I had to put our crowns on and wave to the crowds. In the first large town that had part of King Duke Oskar's realm the Mayor and Councillors were standing beside the road. I asked Gregori to stop. Madeleine and I got out and shook hands with the Mayor, his wife and a few other dignitaries. He was about to start on a speech. I cut him short explaining that we had an appointment in the capital that wouldn't wait. But I thanked him for the thought.

Gregori tried to avoid some towns but our progress was being monitored on the internet. If we took a bypass the start of it was lined with people. Whether we went around or through the town they would see us.

Ten miles from the capital our escort was waiting. We were able to move slightly faster, sweeping through red traffic lights as Police motorcyclists held up the traffic. We reached the British Embassy ten minutes before the reception was due to start, just long enough for a rush to the toilets.

Madeleine and I had to stand beside the British Ambassador as a long line of Ruritania's politicians shook our hands. Most said thank you, many of them saying it in English. The last two were the Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition. The Prime Minister asked us to wear our crowns. My father brought mine. Madeleine's mother brought the Queen's crown.

I put my crown on, took Madeleine's crown from her mother and put it on Queen Madeleine's head. Why had they asked us to put our crowns on? They meant nothing in the capital which had never been part of King Oskar's realm.

The British Ambassador called for silence. The Prime Minister stood on his right, the Leader of the Opposition on his left. Behind them were the Union Jack and two Ruritanian flags.

The Prime Minister gave a short speech thanking me for my services to Ruritania. The Leader of the Opposition gave a similar speech. I was about to reply. An aide standing beside the three men but out of the TV coverage shook his head and held a finger to his lips.

The Prime Minister announced that my unanimous vote of Ruritania's Parliament... The Leader of the Opposition nodded... I had been made a Duke of Ruritania and my new wife Madeleine was now a Duchess. But he added that in my own Duchy and Castle we were also the King and Queen so we were King Duke Stephen and Queen Duchess Madeleine.

The aide signalled to a brass band outside in the Embassy's garden. They played Ruritania's National Anthem followed by God Save The Queen. Once those were ended I walked forward, holding Madeleine's hand to stand between the Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition. The British Ambassador stood aside. I could see that he was worried what I might say. I hadn't been briefed.

I spoke in the local language thanking Ruritania's Parliament, people and the two gentlemen beside me for the honour they had given us. We would try to help and support Ruritania and its institutions as my family had already done. But... At this point I thought the Ambassador was going to have a heart attack... I said that the best people to support Ruritania's government and democracy were the people of Ruritania. There was an election due shortly. The people of Ruritania should see it as a national duty to decide who to vote for and vote. It was important that as many people voted as could. Ruritania would remain strong if the people demonstrated support for its democratic institutions. I ended by quoting from their national anthem 'Long live Ruritania'.

Off camera I could see the Ambassador wiping his brow with a clean napkin. I hadn't caused a diplomatic incident.

The gathered dignitaries cheered us. It was a polite cheer unlike the full throated cheers we had received from crowds along the route, but they meant it.

While we drank locally-made champagne substitute and ate nibbles, there were TV screens in various places showing the appearance of King Duke Oskar at our party and our wedding. It was the first time Madeleine and I had seen those recordings. King Duke Oskar appeared almost solid but not quite. When he had held our hands during the wedding his hands had been cold but firm.

We left the embassy, not in Gregori's people carrier but in three Rolls-Royce cars with outriders. Our progress to the airport went through cheering crowds. The British Ambassador had told my father that our booking on a commercial plane had been replaced by a flight in Ruritania's state aircraft. We were to be escorted out of Ruritania's air space by four of their Air Force fighters but we would be in luxury all the way to landing at London City Airport.

Once we disembarked we were back to normal. Several London Black Cab taxis were waiting to take us home.

Outside Ruritania I was no longer King of the Castle, but my wife and Queen Madeleine was beside me.

The End.