All Comments on 'Kinland 01: The Voyeurs'

As previous commenters have alluded to, in one page, you've managed to stretch the limits of credibility to the point where you will lose readers in mid-stream. Okay. No big deal. There'll be lots of readers who stick with it, too. Believability factors aside, my question is this: Where are you going to take this story? The captures at the end create a nice hook and most readers will be curious to see Ch 2. Good strategy! But your choice of setting is going to turn out to be extremely restrictive and I can see very little going forward except for beating to death the sex that will occur between mom, son and the native inhabitants, whoever the hell they turn out to be! True, there was some ambiguous mention of a company and jobs but you'll really have to do some fantasy stretching to get them on that course again. Finally, stranded-on-an-island stories have been done ad nauseum. If you're planning to expand this series, get them off the island quick or get them to whatever modern civilization exists on the island so that there are more possibilities for writing a story with depth and interest. All I see here is one big smorgasbord of sex with the natives and that will eventually become tedious and boring! ***

Write your story, you will have readers. I realize many people come here to read literature, but, many of us just want a good old fashioned dirty story. This is a good dirty story, tell it the way you want. Let those who need something deeper move on to another story.

Looking forward to the next part. Possibly more detail.

Mom and son in plane crash, and instead of being sick with worry decide to rub one off? Big plot problem. Otherwise, well written.