All Comments on 'Kissing Cousins Ch. 09'

The beginning was effective. I liked it more than I expected, probably because of the bond between Sarah and Elizabeth. Makes sense, when you have a common enemy. I didn't even mind Elizabeth's decision to stay with Eloise. Of course it was upsetting, but it made sense at that time. Vasily is a nice touch, though unfinished - hopefully he'll play some role in the future.

The detour into dog roleplaying is a bit strange to me, but I ran with it. Elizabeth just seemed to fit that role too easily. It's not like I enjoy suffering, but I think Elizabeth's fall is what this episode is about, so milk it. We get a bit of self reflection here and there, but it's still mostly just a description of events, almost emotionless at times. Instead of the rushed ending I would have preferred more drama in the latter half - what's happening to her is fucked up and we should feel it. Introspection, questioning her humanity, her persona struggling to keep the upper hand as she inevitably slips deeper into her role... maybe this still could happen, a switch into Sarah's point of view if you can manage it, to leave us with asking - is she too late to save Elizabeth?

I really appreciate your analysis of my work. It makes me question my writing sometimes, and that is probably a good thing. There are some explanations. Eloise, is just pure, unadulterated evil. Picture a 'wicked witch of the west' scenario, where her staff do her bidding out of fear, rather than loyalty. Vasily, is a key player. The whole dog thing, that is Eloise at her worst. She is punishing Elizabeth as well as Sarah, at least in her own mind. William, the other 'pet', who is he, why is he there, hmm? The quick passage of time, near the end, may have been better expressed, as you put it, with some introspection. Don't forget, Sarah is at the party covertly. More on this in the next chapter. I like the idea of switching the narration, and as the next chapter is not final, I may indeed incorporate that. Elizabeth is perhaps not as conscious of the changes she is going through as she might, and should be, but the appearance of Sarah may just shine a light on her otherwise, hopeless prognosis. In the whole picture, this chapter is really the first part of a much longer segment.

On another subject, I have started an entirely new series, titled 'Enlightened Descent' and the first chapter is pending here. Entirely new theme, set in the now. Humorous at times, with some ridiculous moments as well. Still with the lesbian theme, overall, but not in this chapter. Imagine an oversexed woman, in a new city, living on her own, working too many hours. No time to date, so what does she do with her pent up sexual appetite? Looking forward to your impression.

Cyb

I especially enjoyed the changing power dynamic with Sarah. Looking forward to the continued descent into debauchery. Perhaps more turning of the tables & reintroduction of old characters.

One may not always like the story as it enrolls but the events are fascinating and your writing is very good.