by HugMeLover
Your preamble says first story here; does that mean you have written elsewhere? Because for a first (?) effort this is well written and shows plenty of promise. Watch the small points such as "Dani" turning to "Danny"---not a terrible error but of the kind that can jump out of the page at the reader.
Can I make a suggestion? Try writing something longer, developing plot and character and making the sex secondary to these. On the basis of this story, I think you have the ability to do this.