All Comments on 'Late Night Music Ch. 01'

But make it a little longer and if you could add more depth to him, why is he doing what is he is, how did this come about, who is this woman. Dialogue within his head to give us some fast answers makes us go more into the story. Makes him real instead just jumping from his apt to work on less then 1 sentence. I do like it. Ill look forward to next chapter. I do have to say this "IN MY OWN OPINION"lol

Alectra

der is scope for a gud story...but, its too short for us to understand or get involved in d storyline...

This needed a bit more depth, it was too quick to go from him trying to get out of bed to him being at work, there needs to be more internal dialogue from him, so we can get to know what he is thinking and how he got there. So far he has cheated on his girlfriend with a another woman, I fail to see why this is in gay male, maybe like we've said there was more of his own internal thoughts it might be a bit clearer, it was really too short for a first chapter and failed to pull me in and want to read the next chapter.

For a story that had few if any errors, it had so many holes in the plot that it could have been a colander, for all that it was missing. I didn't know what the story was about, even after readIng it twice. If anything it left me wondering if your story was in the right category. Your tags weren't touched upon even remotely, which lead me to believe this was a pathetic ploy to get people directed to your story, and if it was... You have potential if you would grow beyond the juvenile games of bait and switch.

He's secretly gay, has a girlfriend and gets so drunk that he sleeps with someone else. Your chapters need length to flesh out the characters. Cliffies are nice but this was a tease.